Sunday, August 29, 2010

School Is Back In Session: "QUINCYOLOGY: 101"

Being that school is back in session, I figured I'd start out with a bit of advice for you kids...

Great. Now scan over the QUINCYOLOGY Summer Session cliffs notes, and I'll join you in a bit...

While you guys are finishing up, looks like someone (points down) needs a trip to the principal's office...

I couldn't begin "Quincyology: 101" without my song of the week...

Looks like everything is in order now, we shall begin (puts on reading glasses). Being that you all missed Summer Session, I provided a very quick pictorial of the whirlwind that is my life. In the last blog entry a couple of months ago, I shared with you all that I was "re-branding". I also charged you all to tackle things in your own lives that were going wrong, and try to remedy them. I received tons of emails saying how inspirational my last posting was. It obviously encouraged some to change jobs, some got that haircut they've been anticipating, and some explored possibilities that have been right in front of their fucking faces ALL along, but never took the time or energy to pursue them.

Boy, did I "re-brand" or what? As I neared another year landmark, (you all can say happy birthday now) I started to evaluate EVERYTHING that meant ANYTHING to me. I made note of things that were holding me back emotionally, financially, and socially, and tried to slowly rearrange my life. I felt like my soul was sinking. Yes, Quincy fucking Jones felt like his soul was sinking. I always had to keep it together for you!

I was caught in a dead end job for over 5 years, that after the first year and a half I had to trick myself into going everyday. Some mornings I would imagine I was going out with friends, other mornings I fantasized about going on a hot breakfast date with Pharrell, and the days when my imagination wasn't on full blast, my ass called out "sick" and stayed home with those cunts from 'The View". Yeah, so needless to say I canceled that bitch like Nino. My Events Planning company is official now, and I'm exploring other career possibilities. So if you have a job for me, (preferably with a corner office, an assistant, a clothing allowance, paid lunches, an on site state of the art gym, all Apple computers, laundry pick up/drop off, and 4 months paid vacation) please let me know.

Quit job (check). After deciding to quit my job, I challenged other areas of my life. I realized I was ignoring clues that bitches were trying to take my spot. "My spot" is a big area to fill, so it would have to require at least 6-7 people. I'm a superhero, not too many mother fuckers can do the shit I do. NO ONE is a "total package", but dammit I sure as hell am close. Who else can work a full day, cook a full meal, entertain friends, privy themselves to ALL things current, cap the oil spill, plan show stopping events, end world hunger, and deep throat like Karrine Steffans all while wearing a bow tie? Not too many bitches out there can compare. I'm part of the Billionaire's Boys Club, no one should even consider treating me like a begging welfare recipient. It happens. Sometimes friends and acquaintances forget your worth. Feel privileged if you've gotten ANYWHERE near my inner circle. Every once in a while a mole sneaks in, but that's alright, I got something for that ass!

Now, like any good businessman you protect your assets. If you foresee a stock you hold huge shares in about to plummet, my advice to you is to move some of that shit around. You may loose a some of it, but at least you didn't lose it all. I'm protecting my asset now--my heart (yes, i have one). Before there were guards outside the gates of my heart like at Buckingham Palace, now it looks like Iraq out that bitch! Dudes dress in camo have guns and shit pointing it to ANY mother fucker that even gets close. Who wants some of this...?

Quit my job (check), friendship reevaluation (check). Now it's time to decide to move! I've been in this apartment for going on 8 years. It's become my security blanket. I love my neighborhood, and how convenient it is, but my ass outgrew it 4 years ago. I have shoes stacked to the ceiling in my bloset (bloset=bedroom/closet). Besides, I need to live on my own sans roommate now. This ain't the Jersey Shore! I'm thirty(coughs) years old now, and I need my own space to think and grow. So yeah, after you find me that job, I also need an apartment too. Time's a wastin', I need to be out by December!

So now we have quit job (check), friendship reevaluation (check), new apartment (check). That's pretty much all I can grasp for now. As you can see it's been a pretty busy Summer. Just imagine doing that with hundreds of outfit changes, it's been pretty damn exhausting.

All of the parts of my blog that you guys know and love will return, just tweaked a bit. Oh, and please bear with me while my life is under construction. I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Before I leave you check out this fucking queen Brandon Jennings (NBA Point Guard For The Milkwaukee Bucks) getting his life from Lady Gaga.

That was more than mocking a "gay person", that looked real. I felt like I was watching a category at The Latex Ball. If that gay shit is in the NBA, my ass is going to the drafts to try to get picked up by a team. My belief is that anywhere there's a whole lotta men in one place, that it breeds homosexual activity. You know like, sports, frats...and Atlanta! You can't tell me that his teammates aren't poking him in the butt! I'm not saying that I wouldn't watch, I'm just saying you can't tell me they aren't poking him in the butt! What in the Cocodorm NBA locker room DC gay Pride glory hole bukkake gang bang scene is going on here? Sounds intriguing huh? (rubs chin)


Anonymous said...

Oh how I have missed you! You are so my BFF in my mind :-) Welcome back

Mike Fourth said...

I have missed you also. So glad that you are back.

@slimfitrhetoric said...

It is a pleasure to have you back! I vaguest memory of how I stumbled across your blog but it has been bookmarked since. Much success in your future endeavors!

Now that we have salutations out of the way, this NBA baller has seen a few of the POCC face categories and if I'm not mistaken his cheeks look a little contoured. *holds up paddle with 10*

You should open a charm school. The girls need it!