Thursday, February 26, 2009

Celebrity Apprentice?, The Dream, and A Nightmare...

So Celebrity Apprentice comes back to us on Sunday.  The most over drag queen will be on this season.  Yes Dennis Rodman is on this season, but not her.  I'm talking about Mr. Joan Rivers.  Joan Rivers is the fucking ruler.  That bitch is at least 113, and looks beat.  When I was young, she was at least 80 or 90...lol?  She has been stretched and pulled more than dough at a pizza parlor.  She couldn't see growing old gracefully.  Also on this season, Brian McKnight and T-Boz (crickets)...  Can we rename the show to "Celebrity Food Stamps"?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You know, I'm really feeling The Dream these days.  It's not like he is a musical genius or anything, he just makes songs that have catchy hooks and cute beats.  His newest single "Rockin That Thang" is the ruler.  It's one of those songs that they play near the end of the night at the club.  You guys know when it's 2:54, and the damn club closes at 3:00 a.m., but you don't wanna go home.  You know why you don't wanna go home?  Your ass just met the beatest trade in the room 5 minutes ago.  You guys were locking eyes all night, but you needed more nerve to go speak (nerve=patron).  You can't really make out his name, because you're standing right near the speaker, so you hand him your phone and tell him to put his contact information in.  While he has your phone in hand, this song comes on.  You tuck your loose tendril of hair behind your ear and turn your back to him.  This is the part where you start slow grinding on his dick like you're a new hire at Magic City (you have to put down "I want him to call insurance").  He hands your phone back, and puts his hands around your waist.  When the mother fucking lights come on you better fleece like hell.  Nobody but Beyonce can dance full out for two hours and still have a beat face.  I'm sure the trade is twisted, and won't recognize that it looks like you powdered your nose with a chicken grease towel, but don't take your chances.

Awww, that was the song you guys met to, but it's not appropriate for a first dance at a wedding.  You may wanna go with "At Last".  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo Son, the recession is real.  They are knocking over mother-fuckers at my job like dominos.  Some of my homies got the axe on Monday, but I couldn't see pouring out any liquor for them.  I'm still there, I'm gonna need it.  So to my number on homie, things will be alright...  Happy Hour tonight on me?

Peace Fuckers...! 

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Leave the pouring out of liquor to me Ha ha ha, cuz I’m the beatest designated drive ha ha ha.

Dusty Boot said...

"... loose tendril of hair behind your ear..." I love that line. lol.

fuzzy said...

I couldn't even finish reading past the Joan Rivers piece! Hilarious!

Promiscuous X said...

This is such a normal routine for me lol I was cracking my ass up...

You guys know when it's 2:54, and the damn club closes at 3:00 a.m., but you don't wanna go home. You know why you don't wanna go home? Your ass just met the beatest trade in the room 5 minutes ago. You guys were locking eyes all night, but you needed more nerve to go speak (nerve=patron). You can't really make out his name, because you're standing right near the speaker, so you hand him your phone and tell him to put his contact information in.

**** I hate when this happens ***** I hate when they turn them lights on then dude be look crazy...chicken grease galore..yessir

thegayte-keeper said...

oh Joan...

Acoustic Soul said...

I am so upset with you about this post. You are too much Q!

Joey Bahamas said...

"I'm sure the trade is twisted, and won't recognize that it looks like you powdered your nose with a chicken grease towel, but don't take your chances."- How dreadful!


JB