So last week Jim Jones debuted an off broadway show about his life in New York. Off course his right hand man Juelz Santana was there. Now you know I live for both Juelz and JIm, but something just doesn't sit right with me and this picture. I'll be damned if my trade is gonna be touching all up on another trade's head. What in the gay...? Also, can somebody get into Juelz Santana's expression? His face is kind of saying, "Oooh Boy stop. You so crazy." Right? All I have to say is this picture looks suspect as hell. I mean if they did ever have, I would watch boot! That is one celebrity sex tape that I would buy like 8 copies of. I need one for the bathroom, one for the kitchen, one for work, one for church (I'm sorry, but it's true. Me and the Lord have our own personal relationship. Don't judge!), one to leave at Ruth's Chris, one for the train, one spare, and then one copy to never open as a souvenir. Wow...
Jim Jones: N*gg@ I'm sayin' though, this hat really brings out your eyes...
Juelz Santana: For real Son? Well, what do they jeans do for me figure ( as he turns around, looks back at Jim and arches his back). I mean just like straight man to straight man off the opinion tip.
Jim Jones: Yo Son, What til' we get home. I'm bout to tear that...
I swear that's what they probably said...
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So last night was the Maxwell show here in D.C. We arrived at Constitution Hall at tad late, and just missed Jazmine Sullivan's performance. I heard she screamed for blood, so it was ok. We found our seats after walking through a sea of black people. It looked like all of the women smuggled fried chicken into the the arena. They all wore really bad synthetic fiber two piece garbs and had roller sets. The men reeked of weed and cognac, and premiered the finest in squared-toed shoe fashions. I love my people.
Anyways, Ms. Maxwell did a great job. She must have eaten a can of jumping beans, because she was twirling all about that stage. I didn't know she was gonna do all of those dance moves. I pictured her standing there singing in a Badgley Mischka gown kinda like a Natalie Cole. At one point (and I'm not lying) she even started to vogue and did a ball dip (one leg extended out, and the other bent behind her back). At another point in the show, she had a queen fit and read the security people. He literally stopped the song, read, and went back into the number. You tell me that's not a queen!
Of course Ms. Maxwell performed my favorite "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever". You know how many times I've had to that song? If I were a girl, I would have been at planned parent hood giving "I'm sorry it won't happen again" teas.
She did a good job overall. She just better get back in that studio because she's not gonna be able to sing the extended 45 minute remix of "This Woman's Work" forever and sell out arenas.
I'm not fuckin wit yall anymore. I'm late!
