Did Santa Bring Your Toys?, and ?...

So I made the fleshlight reference yesterday and told you guys that I would explain later...here's later.  So the other night I fell off to sleep while watching a movie on a cable channel.  Around 3 a.m. I woke up groggy and incoherent.  I thought I was dreaming because I heard, "There's only 3 more minutes to get your Grand Prix Stroker Pump for $79.99."  I sat straight up in the bed and saw two homely white women old enough to be my mother saying words like cock and pussy.  I got life watched for almost an hour.  It was like an HSN for sex toys.  I never knew there was so many things one could use to "get off". 

 Well let me just go on record to say that I don't use sex toys, It's just not my thing.  Besides, where do you store them, they take up so much room.  I'd rather use that extra money and storage space for shoes.  They want me to pay $89.99 for an 8" "Mulatto" dong?  Fuck that!  I know at least 3 mulattos with well over 8 inches that would gladly come over and fuck me now and GIVE me $89.99.  Hmmmm I don't know, we'll see...

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Who told Madonna to turn this Louis Vuitton Spring Ad Campaign like this?  I mean, I want names...

Who told Diesel to make this shoe?  I think its cute for them.  It's new Spring '09.  Get in...

Who taught Victoria and J. Lo to act like faggies?  WHO?

Who told artist Terrence Koh that he could wear the $100,000 Balenciaga pants?  The shade is that I believe he battled Beyonce in them...

Who is sicker than Alexander McQueen?  

Who was supposed to tell Ashanti that she was voted off like 8 years ago?  Also why hasn't anyone told her that she still can't sing?  Damn!

Spill The O.J., Whoa Nelly part deux, and Is Sarah Palin Serious?

O.K., so let me get this right?  This dumb black ass mutha-fucker slashed a poor little white lady and her trade and got off on the "reasonable doubt" thing.  Then he years later puts a middle finger up to the judicial system and the victims families and writes a book entitled "If I did it".  THEN he decides to go all 007 and break into a building to retrieve O.J. memorabilia?  Now he has been charged with numerous felonies. including (you ready--deep inhale) robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon, first-degree kidnapping with use of a firearm, coercion with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime (exhale).  They should put this asshole underneath 2 jails. 

 I'll have to admit that initially when he was acquitted of the murders, I was ecstatic as many African-Americans were.  O.K. O.J., go somewhere and sit down, but noooo he couldn't.  They were just waiting for his ass to steal a stick of gum so they could give him life in prison.  If I slashed a white lady and got off, I would be sitting in a corner knitting blankets and eating canned meat in the Dominican Republic.  

We were behind you O.J., but enough is enough.  Does he thinks he's invisible?  You know we can see you right? Throw his ass in jail.  Get the fuck outta here O.J.!

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As you all know, I want to make "the sex" with Nelly.  Here is a recent picture of him at one of his performances.  I swear that's the only thing Ashanti has going for her.  When Nelly dumps her, I'm calling someone to see if she can be exiled.  I'm as serious as a heart attack.  We have no more use for her after the Baby, baby, baby song.  Off with her head!

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I really want to know is this woman serious? I'm just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to run out and tell the American public that they have been punked. She is hands down the worst Vice-Presidential candidate in all of American history. And one more thing, Is it me, or shouldn't she cut that damn bang? Every time this bitch blinks, it moves! Why doesn't she just take her knocked-up daughter, her handicapped baby, and her drunk husband back to hell where they came from. 

I'm not even claiming that Barrack will loose, because he's not going to. I'm just waiting for the Inauguration when Jay-z and Young Jeezy perform. I want Barrack to turn real hood when he is elected and only wear Phat Farm and Sean Jean, and say things like, "Oh yall in trouble now!". I want Michelle to get finger waves and shop at Forever 21, and say "Chile Pleeeze" in response to every question the media asks her. I would get so much life, and re-elect them back to office.

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Oh, Go Skins!