I Am Not My Hair, Drunkguilera?, Hitler for Christian Dior, and I'm So Confused...

Morning lovelies, It seems that we know know the day that God will descend down from heaven onto earth--May 25, 2011...

It's Oprah's last show. I can't wait to see what she's gonna give away, how many lambs she'll sacrifice live on air, and what Andre will do to her hair for the final wahoo! I've grown up with Oprah. She's been on air for 25, so by me being 21 (coughs), I've only missed 4 years of programming. I'll just Youtube it. Congrats to God, I mean Oprah on her future endeavors.

Justin Beiber cut his mop.

But in BIGGER news my husband Chris Brown dyed his hair blonde. I love it. It's conjuring a little Sisqo tea, but I still love it. He can do no wrong in my eyes. He even looked good in his community service uniform, only a fine man can do that. He's supposedly dating some whore, but if that bitch knows what's good for her, she'll stay away from my man. If you know that bitch, tell her I'm looking for her...lol.

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Drunkguilera?

Ms. Christina "Come on over baby genie in a bottle" Aguilera was arrested the other day for being drunk in public. It was said that she was completely disoriented, and had no clue where she was or what was going on. So I get it now. This totally explain the Superbowl blunder. We learned that shit in kindergarten son. Who messes up The Star Spangled Banner? That's kind of like fucking up your ABC's, because you did learn all that shit around the same time.

Anyway, I not knocking her for her drunken nights out in LA, because I've had many myself. Next time Drunkguilera don't drink before you perform in front of millions of people. Probably not a swell idea eh?

Christina: (singing and rocking back and forth) Ooooooh say can you seeeeee by the Dawn dish detergent and the genie in the bottle of my Ja-ack Daniels. And the rockets red soles gave overproof liquor through the night...(falls over)

smh.

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Hitler for Christian Dior

It seems that someone (looks above) is a little bit racist. They say your true self comes out when you drink, but damn. Fashion designer John Galliano has been fired as Chief Designer of Christain Dior because of alleged grunken racist comments. He was in a Paris cafe where he said hateful things like, "I love Hitler", and "If Hitler were alive you'd be burned". Ummm, of course he loves Hitler, look at that moustache!

With all of the power jews buying Dior, they pulled his ass immediately. Sometimes people get a little too big for their designer britches. I'm sure he's not the only racist designer in the fashion industry. Let's get Karl Lagerfeld drunk, and see what he says. I wouldn't even care though, he's to amazing to be offended.

Karl Lagerfeld: In zee Sprwing niggerz aw out! White iz zee new Black! Zee Black peepul aw no longer relevhant. Ship all of zee Blacks back to Avfrika. They may be bhack in for zee Fall, but I can not promize anyzing! (fans himself with fan, and walks out of room)

I'd go get my skin bleached for blood! No bull.

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I'm So Confused...

I know I stay coming for Jennifer Hudson on my blog, but I though her dress that she wore to the Oscar's on Sunday was amazing. One small thing though. I understand that she lost weight and all, but could she do something with those saggy breast? They looked like two half emptied water balloons. I know there's a lot of access skin left from her recent shedding of the pounds, but damn. Maybe some cutlet inserts, or a quick express boob job? I blame her stylist. Stevie Wonder could have seen that it was wrong. All my attention went to her saggy baggies, and I forgot how pretty the dress was. She should have just worn a Jessica McClintock, because her breast fucked it up. Sorry Jen.

I'm so confused why Flo from 'The Bad Girls Club' has a show about her getting married. Do we care? I know I don't.

Who's the douche lord that married her anyway? Good luck because it looks like Flo's crotch smells like gasoline and corn chips. Ugh.

I'm so confused why Johnny Gill and Whitney Houston were singing like they were on 'BET Celebration of Gospel' at Bobby Brown's mothers funeral? Secondly, I'm mad at the person who tapped it and uploaded it to You Tube. Johnny hasn't had a hit since "My, My, My", but he tries to revive his career at a funeral? And we all know that Auntie Whitney's mind is deteriorated from all the weed laced with coke.

Any opportunity for me to play this clip...

Damn Whit!

Wow, I've done some nasty freaky filthy ass shit in the bedroom, but I ain't nevvvva started no fires. The news clip below explains how a New York woman paid a voodoo priest $300 to have sex with her to bring her good luck. I guess candles and shit were around the bed, and a fire started. Sadly enough, the fire took a woman's life and displaced many form their homes.

That's some good dick. If a shot of dick can give you good luck? AND she paid HIM? Wow. smh.

Oh, and vote for my blog on City Paper here...under "people and places" Do it!

Ugg-ly, Censored Sir Elton?, Grrrrrr.....

Ummm yeah, so you guys know I love you right? You know how much I love you guys? I had computer problems, so I'm at the Mac store. I'm actually blogging here on one of the computers while I wait. People are looking at me weird, but I could care less. It's kind of comfortable here. I've set up my own make shift office and everything. If you need me call me at the Georgetown Apple Store. Tell them to connect you to the guy in Moncler. Anywho...

On my way to this bitch I took the bus and saw these. It damn near sent me over the edge. Uggs with side pockets? Just when I thought the things couldn't get any uglier.

Ugg Exec #1 in meeting: So guys, we have to think of a way to make these things even more hideous than they are now. Suggestions? (someone raises hand in back) Yes, you in the back...

Ugg Exec #2: How about we make them bulkier, and add crazy looking pockets to the sides of them?

Ugg Exec 1: (rubs chin) Pockets? That could work.

Ugggghhhh! Someone help me!

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Sir Elton

If you guys didn't know by now, Ms. Elton John and her wife (husband) had a baby on Christmas day. The baby was of course born through a surrogate, and is adorable. However, if you live in Arkansas and shop at a redneck store called Harps you'd probably never know.

The couples US magazine cover was censored with a block that reads, "Family Shield to protect young Harps shoppers"? I'm so confused. What's wrong with this?

They're not holding the baby dressed in gay bondage leather gear? The baby isn't using a mini butt plug as a pacifier? There's no anal beads in the shot? Which if I had a baby ALL of those things would be incorporated. It looks pretty wholesome to me besides the fact that they're both pickle eaters? What's wrong with that? What are they protecting kids from? So strange.

Obviously they didn't watch yesterdays Oprah! So rude!

Congrats To Ms. Elton and her new addition. Go on Girl! lol...

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Grrrrrr......

If you really wanna get my temperature boiling, nothing makes me more upset than Jennifer Hudson's Weight Watcher commercial. When she hits that high note a million tiny hairs on my back stand at attention, I become tense, and one time I could have sworn I blacked out. Remember years ago that woman who went into seizures every time she heard Mary Hart's voice? Yeah, I have have a similar experience when I hear this commercial.

Some people should just stay fat, and she is one of them. Well, history has shown us what Weight Watchers does to those in Hollywood anyways. I giver her 6 months for her and Kirstie Ally to be eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts together back at her initial weight.

Freedom is mine, and I know how I feel shit!

Big Willie, Rope Burn, and J. Hog...

Oooh Ladies, Will Demps has nothing to do with anything today, he is just fine as hell.  I thought I'd post a pic to make your "lady lumps" jump at work...lol

...Speaking of "lady lumps", have we heard about Janet's new lingerie line?  It should be hitting stores right around the time of her World Tour.  Reps say that it's made from some of the best silks in the world.  Hell, trade don't give a fuck about the "best fabrics in the world".  All they want to do is rip those mother-fuckers off and give you the business.  If she, I mean he is worried about the silk, maybe you should reconsider your relationship and just become good good girlfriends.  Let me find out you all are in the bedroom feeling all sexy, the candles are lit, and Keith Sweat is whining on the radio and the trade looks at you and says, "Hey baby, where is that silk from?"  I would lose it!  I wouldn't want any.  It would be a "self-love" night...OKAY!

Jennifer Hudson was pictured at the 2000th episode of 106 and Park yesterday.  She performed "Spotlight", and sounded amazing.  I'm just wishing she looked as amazing as she sounded.  Her stylist should be stoned in the middle of Times Square.  This dress isn't flattering at all.  She looks 7 months preggers with that belt riding her belly.  I'm not talking about her because she is a "big girl", I'm just saying there are things you wear when you are that size--we have talked about this before.  My skinny ass can't wear certain things because it doesn't look right on me, that's all I'm getting at.  Let me stop before Monique hunts me down and eats me or something.