I Am Not My Hair, Drunkguilera?, Hitler for Christian Dior, and I'm So Confused...

Morning lovelies, It seems that we know know the day that God will descend down from heaven onto earth--May 25, 2011...

It's Oprah's last show. I can't wait to see what she's gonna give away, how many lambs she'll sacrifice live on air, and what Andre will do to her hair for the final wahoo! I've grown up with Oprah. She's been on air for 25, so by me being 21 (coughs), I've only missed 4 years of programming. I'll just Youtube it. Congrats to God, I mean Oprah on her future endeavors.

Justin Beiber cut his mop.

But in BIGGER news my husband Chris Brown dyed his hair blonde. I love it. It's conjuring a little Sisqo tea, but I still love it. He can do no wrong in my eyes. He even looked good in his community service uniform, only a fine man can do that. He's supposedly dating some whore, but if that bitch knows what's good for her, she'll stay away from my man. If you know that bitch, tell her I'm looking for her...lol.

________________________________________________

Drunkguilera?

Ms. Christina "Come on over baby genie in a bottle" Aguilera was arrested the other day for being drunk in public. It was said that she was completely disoriented, and had no clue where she was or what was going on. So I get it now. This totally explain the Superbowl blunder. We learned that shit in kindergarten son. Who messes up The Star Spangled Banner? That's kind of like fucking up your ABC's, because you did learn all that shit around the same time.

Anyway, I not knocking her for her drunken nights out in LA, because I've had many myself. Next time Drunkguilera don't drink before you perform in front of millions of people. Probably not a swell idea eh?

Christina: (singing and rocking back and forth) Ooooooh say can you seeeeee by the Dawn dish detergent and the genie in the bottle of my Ja-ack Daniels. And the rockets red soles gave overproof liquor through the night...(falls over)

smh.

___________________________________________________

Hitler for Christian Dior

It seems that someone (looks above) is a little bit racist. They say your true self comes out when you drink, but damn. Fashion designer John Galliano has been fired as Chief Designer of Christain Dior because of alleged grunken racist comments. He was in a Paris cafe where he said hateful things like, "I love Hitler", and "If Hitler were alive you'd be burned". Ummm, of course he loves Hitler, look at that moustache!

With all of the power jews buying Dior, they pulled his ass immediately. Sometimes people get a little too big for their designer britches. I'm sure he's not the only racist designer in the fashion industry. Let's get Karl Lagerfeld drunk, and see what he says. I wouldn't even care though, he's to amazing to be offended.

Karl Lagerfeld: In zee Sprwing niggerz aw out! White iz zee new Black! Zee Black peepul aw no longer relevhant. Ship all of zee Blacks back to Avfrika. They may be bhack in for zee Fall, but I can not promize anyzing! (fans himself with fan, and walks out of room)

I'd go get my skin bleached for blood! No bull.

____________________________________________________________

I'm So Confused...

I know I stay coming for Jennifer Hudson on my blog, but I though her dress that she wore to the Oscar's on Sunday was amazing. One small thing though. I understand that she lost weight and all, but could she do something with those saggy breast? They looked like two half emptied water balloons. I know there's a lot of access skin left from her recent shedding of the pounds, but damn. Maybe some cutlet inserts, or a quick express boob job? I blame her stylist. Stevie Wonder could have seen that it was wrong. All my attention went to her saggy baggies, and I forgot how pretty the dress was. She should have just worn a Jessica McClintock, because her breast fucked it up. Sorry Jen.

I'm so confused why Flo from 'The Bad Girls Club' has a show about her getting married. Do we care? I know I don't.

Who's the douche lord that married her anyway? Good luck because it looks like Flo's crotch smells like gasoline and corn chips. Ugh.

I'm so confused why Johnny Gill and Whitney Houston were singing like they were on 'BET Celebration of Gospel' at Bobby Brown's mothers funeral? Secondly, I'm mad at the person who tapped it and uploaded it to You Tube. Johnny hasn't had a hit since "My, My, My", but he tries to revive his career at a funeral? And we all know that Auntie Whitney's mind is deteriorated from all the weed laced with coke.

Any opportunity for me to play this clip...

Damn Whit!

Wow, I've done some nasty freaky filthy ass shit in the bedroom, but I ain't nevvvva started no fires. The news clip below explains how a New York woman paid a voodoo priest $300 to have sex with her to bring her good luck. I guess candles and shit were around the bed, and a fire started. Sadly enough, the fire took a woman's life and displaced many form their homes.

That's some good dick. If a shot of dick can give you good luck? AND she paid HIM? Wow. smh.

Oh, and vote for my blog on City Paper here...under "people and places" Do it!

Superman That Ho, Caught By Q, I'm Oprah Bitch!, and Where's The Beef?

Soulja Boy (Travis Barker Remix) - Crank Dat Soulja Boy by AlienigenasNaAmerica

Good Day Bitches. You know I couldn't let a full week go by without a single mention of my guilty pleasure Soulja Boy. He was recently in the news with allegations from Kat Stacks(resident ho and dick sucker to the stars) that he was a coke head. She went on to that he couldn't "get it up", and took video of his hotel room where there was a substance that appeared to be cocaine. Is this supposed to be breaking news that stars do coke? It really doesn't phase me much, but then again, Soulja Boy could proabably slap my mother and get away with it.

I just have no clue why guys keep dealing with that dumb broad Kat Stacks. Even after they've seen how she's blown up spots, they continue to fuck with her. The power of the p-u-s-s-y! No matter what the brain may say, the penis always trumps logic. And what kind of a name is Kat Stacks? I'm gonna have to see a birth certificate or a government issued id, her mama couldn't have named her that. If that is her real name, she was destined to be a ball sack licking whore. Check out her video here...

Here's a video where Soulja Boy is being interviewed, and actually handles the situation pretty well. It was his fans in the background that popped off. Around 1:30 seconds, the video goes to a very urban land far far away. Somehow a stripper is yelling at Kat Stacks on camera, and then claps her ass on film? I'm just gonna take one guess and say that I'm sure she didn't go to Sidwell Friends? Also, catch her friend with the gap that could bite an apple through a picket fence. Black people rock!

Speaking of Blacks...

This morning I was taking the bus ride of shame home, and saw this chick. She had an orange and red mohawk thing. If that wasn't scary enough, she was BLASTING rap music that was even too hard core for me! When she stood up to get off at her stop, I was blessed enough to see her fat rolls billow over her jeans as she grabbed onto the overhead bars. Oh, and what jeans they were. It was some kind of denim with waaaaaayyy too much lycra, and really bad contrast stitching. I'm dead!

...and if the orange mohawk bitch didn't kill me, Oprah certainly did!

Monday began Oprah's last season on air. She started the show by saying that she had a huge surprise for her guest. I was thinking to myself, "How could she top giving everyone in the audience a car?". She did top it! Everyone in the audience is going to Australia! You don't ever see that shit happen on 'The Wendy Williams Show'.

Oprah is seriously the queen bitch! She has conquered television, and has changed broadcasting as we know it! One thing though...with all that money, why doesn't she get her bunions fixed?

That's some nasty shit right there. But who cares, she's Oprah. Looks like wearing Louboutins everyday on set has ruined her dogs! (shivers)

So the diss tracks continue! Nick Cannon recently released a track "dissing" Eminem. I just can't take Nick Cannon seriously. He was in 'Drumline' for heaven's sake! Anyone that's been on Nickelodeon, I don't really see as a threat for some reason. I'm probably more scared of Justin Beiber?

Anyway listen to his wack attempt to "diss" Eminem...

Even though I loathe Eminem and his "angry white boy act", Nick couldn't come close to this...

And My Weekend Went A Lil Sumthin' Like This..., Oprah vs. Sarah, 'Take Me Down', and Gaga vs. B...

I swear you all are so fucking stupid! You all will never amount to ANYTHING! You are all big huge sacks of shit, and will never ever be anything in life! You will (shakes head)... Oh my God, I'm so sorry guys. I guess going to see 'Precious' has affected me in some way? Ever since Thursday night/Friday morning (12:o1 am show), I have been channeling Monique's character. It's fun, you guys should try it! Maybe while the cashier is checking out your groceries at the grocery store get really close into the cashier's face and say, "You worthless piece of shit, you will never be anything but a low class grocery cashier!", and see what happens. Either you'll get your ass kicked or the cashier will get life and invite you out later for a drink. I know I wouldn't be mad.

Anyways, the movie was amazing. If you're any type of an emotional person, you're gonna want to bring some tissues and maybe a Xanax to the theatre. It's a lot to deal with. I have a heart of steal, and I even felt for the main character Precious who was played by new actress Gabourey Sidibe. If anything, I would pay another $10 to see Monique's fat ass run that flight of stairs.

On Friday I was exhausted at work, and I didn't get off until 9. After work I went to meet my friends (aka 'The Real Housecunts of DC') for drinks and a bite to eat at Oceanaire.

It started out really cute and calm at the bar...

...and then a little more rowdy at the table, but still PG-13

...and then it got all sorts of crazy! Somehow myself and Jonathan ended up in the bathroom to participate in our infamous editorial bathroom photoshoot? This is a picture of us throwing up gang signs. The rest of the pictures are not to be published online, because I may want to run for public office one day (blank stare). Long story short, our little photoshoot was put to an end by a really grumpy old man that looked like Santa Claus' cousin. He pushes open the door to the bathroom and says in a stern voice, "Hey, this is not a club! You guys have to pay your bill! Anymore guys in here?" He only saw Jonathan, because Nikki and I were skinny enough to hide behind the door. I couldn't see going back there. We go there all the time! He owes us all separate apologies, gift cards for free meals, a weekend's stay in New York at the Waldorf Astoria, a pair each of those feather Louboutins that Kim from RHOA wore to her birthday party (Hi Kim), something special from Van Cleef, and perhaps something from one of my favorite Milanese goldsmiths Buccellati. I'm not kidding! If all of those demands aren't met, I couldn't see going there again!

After dinner, I wanted to go home. I had to work the next morning at 9, and it was already past midnite. Once again, somehow someway I was conjured into going here...

Yes, again, fuckin' around with that goddamn queen Jonathan. It's all his fault J! We had never taken the girls there so why not? There were a couple of new "dancers", and the girls got their life. At one point, we didn't know which way to go. It's like we were playing dick tennis. Our heads kept swaying from side to side in hopes that we didn't miss anything. After seeing more swinging nuts than I'd ever seen in my life we headed home.

My ass was dead tired at work the next day, but it seemed to go by quickly. I rushed home and snuggled into bed. After a disco nap, I decided that I need some alcohol. Normie and I met Joey at EFN lounge which is right round the corner from my house--how convenient! The club was crowded, but not overly packed. Upon arrival I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a while. I honestly didn't recognize him, because his ass has gained some major weight SON! That motherfucker needs to call 'The Biggest Loser' and see if he can get on. He has never really had a wonderful figure like mine (gag), but he was never borderline obese? I immediately told Norman that if I ever got that big to lethally inject me. I just wanna be dead, I'm not kidding. I've had this waist line ever since my pre-teen years, and by dammit if I ever lose it! I work hard by eating ALL of the wrong foods and never exercising to maintain my 26 inch waist!

After I saw that atrocity, I needed to head to the restroom to freshen up (even though I had just walked in)...

I had a photo shoot of my own in the bathroom. I guess I was in there for a while, because people were pounding on the door. I couldn't see answering it, I was practicing smiling with my eyes, and I was getting into my hair--it looked good on Saturday.

After my bathroom time, I drank a lil bit, danced a lil bit, laughed at late queens a lotta bit, and enjoyed the company of my friends. I looked at the time on my phone and realized that the lights would come up in minutes. I literally ran for the door, I'm not kidding. I couldn't see being in a club when the lights come up, it makes you look so thirsty (thirsty=pressed=lame).

After my quick exit, I hit it home. I got to say good night to my sweet BF, and all was right with the world.

Yesterday work wasn't so dreadful. I mean don't get me wrong I still hate it, and one of you guys out there needs to offer me an amazing position or else I'm gonna start robbing people. I come from a privileged family, have had a Christian upbringing, and I've attended great schools, but I swear I'm about to get hood on all of yall's asses. I'm ready to make some A-Rab money bitches! Now who's in with me? (in Diddy voice) Let's go...

_______________________________________________________

Oprah vs. Sarah

So, I hope you guys set the DVR to record Oprah today. The interview with Sarah "I have no fucking clue what I'm ever talking about" Palin is on today. I just want Oprah to slay her and call her all types of "dumb bitches". Maybe they will even resort to hair pulling and throw Louboutins at each other (Well, Oprah throw Louboutins at her, and Sarah throwing BCBG girls at her). I have no idea how I will put up with listening to a whole hour of Palin's voice, but I'll try. I'm sure this will probably be a better than the Pacquiao vs. Cotto fight. We all know that Oprah will keep it classy, but I just want her to roll her eyes at least one time and say, "Bitch Please!" I'd die!

_______________________________________________

Mr. Chris "I beat the shit out of Rihanna, and now I'm back with a new CD coming out called 'Graffiti'" Brown was on Wendy Williams last week. I'm so sorry, but he looked really good. No bull, I can see why Rihanna kept going back and boxing with Chris Brown. Just merely based on how he looked on Wendy Williams on Friday, I would go a couple of Ultimate Fighting Championship rounds with him.

I'm glad to see he's easing his way back into the media by doing the "chitterling circuit" talk shows like Wendy Williams and Monique before he tackles the big ones like Oprah (even though she won't have him on). He's gauging his audience to see where he fits. Just as long as he realizes what he did, and is remorseful, he's alright with me. We all make mistakes, his were just publicly blasted all over the media. Support my boy Chris, he is still an amazing entertainer...and Fiiiiinnnneee!

_________________________________________________

Here are a couple of still shots from those two fags Beyonce and Lady Gaga's new video 'Video Phone' remix. It looks like it'll be pretty hot. I'm sure they will turn it! I'm on pins and needles, but until then I have Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' video to tide me over. Did anyone see here walking for blood in those 10 inch McQueen booties? OMG, call the nurse in because I DIE!!!!!!!

Happy Monday Fuckers!

She-Male, She's Got Legs, and Crack is Cheap!

South Africa's Caster Semenya won the 800 meter yesterday in Berlin during the World Athletics Championship. Now revelations have surfaced that she was undergoing a gender verification test to see if she could compete as a woman. No lie son, she does look a little hard. She kinda reminds me of a trade I used to date, but she's a tad more masculine. Her Juwana Man, Vera Di Milo, Wanda Wayne, Sheneneh, penis tucking, adam's apple hiding, bull dyke ass does look like a man. She's more man than I'll ever be. She's light years pass a make over! In life we have callings, and wearing Louboutins is not hers--it's being a runner.

Now this bitch thinks she's a Q-Dog! Help her Lord! Congrats on the win man...I mean girl!

__________________________________________

Why are the people going off about Michelle's legs? It was the number 1 twittered thing yesterday. It's fuckin' 2009, and she was on vacation with her daughters in 100 degree weather. What the fuck was she gonna wear, a shift dress and pearls? The tea is that her shorts aren't even short, they're "mom shorts". I can get Michelle in some coochie cutters if you want? Wouldn't it be so beat to see her in these...

...but at a press conference, with pearls and her sensible heeled Jimmy Choos? I would get life, and so would Obama. He wouldn't even flinch, he would give "WHAT"? You gotta love the new face of The White House!

____________________________________________

(wiping top lip with handkerchief) So, Whitney Houston has been confirmed as the first guest of Oprah's new season. I would get so much life if Whitney went off on Oprah like she did on Wendy Williams. I swear I would DVR that shit and watch it on loop. They must talk about her drug use, and you know Whitney gets antsy when that happens. All I want out of the show is a full out 80's Dynasty cat fight complete with puffy-sleeved gowns, diamonds, and someone getting shoved in a pool. I DIE!

For those of you who read from Facebook, visit my real blogsite at www.quincyjones66.blogspot.com

Happy Thursday Fuckers!

Weekend wrap-Up,The Return of Awww Skeet Skeet, Oooooh Rih-Rih, and King Oprah...

Hello all, I', hoping that everyone had a safe and most glorious weekend.  It was absolutely gorgeous here yesterday, but I felt like crap.  My allergies twirled my ass like shit.  I could hardly breathe.  

Anyways, Saturday night was the only night I went out this weekend.  Remember that I'm putting myself on the "B" word?  Myself, Leata, Yaneek, and sister Joey all went to show Mr. Billy Bradshaw some love at Policy.  It was his birthday.  Horace, from the looks of things, I'm not even sure if you remember that I was there?  It's ok though, it was your birthday.  Horace wasn't the only birthday at Policy on Saturday.  It was some queen's birthday there, that brought the boys to the yard.  I saw a couple of ex-conjures and things.  Yaneek, why couldn't I see talking to that cute boy in the stripe shirt again?  You have to stop me next time and have me focus.  Now, in my sober state, from what I remember he was kinda cute.  I don't need to pass up any potential husband's these days, I'm not getting any younger.  My toes are right in the fucking edge of 31, FUCK!  

So after Policy, we wanted to keep the party going.  The four of us decided to head over to FLY lounge.  Despite the busy Dupont Circle location, we parked with ease and began to walk up to the door.  We walked up on this...   

The picture is kinda dark, but you can kinda make it out.  Some trade had passed out from drinking too much.  He was a little cutie too, despite his bad square toed shoe.  My theory is that he had stopped to pee on the street (his fly was open), and he passed out.  He was sleeping like he was on a mother fuckin' Beauty Rest or Serta commercial.  Some bad person stole his cell phone (the clip was empty), and even took off with his wallet.  We called 911, and tried to wake him up as much as possible.  Our asses went into the club, got it in, and came out an hour and a half later, and he was still there.  This time there were 3 beat ass trade there trying to help him out.  We left feeling better about the situation, and headed over to Layla for the let-out.  Yaneek walked on her "Honey" looking extra delicious in those damn near 6 inch Louboutin's.  While we were outside of the club I saw this mami with the beat ass shape.  Joey and I immediately started to show her grace, and she got life from "the girls".  Girl, you got a body like a Maserati, I loved those Gucci mules Eva, we must hang soon.  

After Layla we went to LOVE to see Yaneek's cousin who works the door there.  They had a ghetto ass concession stand outside that sold chicken tenders and french fries.  Those goddamn 10 dollar chicken fingers were beat as hell.  You know you'll eat anything when you're drunk at 4 in the morning, but I swear I felt like I was at Ruth's Chris.  

After that conjure, we took it in.  I woke up yesterday with the worst allergy symptoms ever.  I called out of work, and layed it back down. 

Around 2:30 I woke up and decided to go see my Mama for mother's day.  My brother came to pick me up, and we started the long journey to Stafford.  

This is what I got Mama.  Marc Jacobs is one of her favorites for an "everyday" bag.  She says, "I don't like to carry my Chanel bags during the week, they are for Sundays!"  Work!  

We had a seafood feast at my parents house.  It was amazing.  Crabs, lobster tails, shrimp, fish, scallops, chicken breast, ribs, pulled pork, and a host of sides topped the menu.  I'm definitely eating the leftovers for lunch today.  

I was also happy to finally meet my new Great Nephew Aaden.

He is 3 weeks old.  I can't believe that my nephew has a baby?  Ummm, ummm, ummm...  I just don't wanna think that my neices and nephews are fucking, but I guess they are?  Dammit!  Anyways Aaden and I had some Great Uncle/Great Nephew time.  I dressed him up in his baby drag.  I changed his outfit 3 times, I'm talking shoes and all.  He loved it!  

I got back home prety lte last night.  I was zonked from the day.  I took a shower and hit the sack.  Hope your Monday isn't sucking?  Peace...

______________________________________________

I'm guessing since the weather is breaking, there will be more and more nasty mother fuckers fucking outside.  Remember last summer how I couldn't walk around the city without nearly stepping on a condom?  Now it's just gone too far.  Not only are they fucking outside, but they are also doing this outside as well...

For real? Is this what it's come too?  The bad thing about it is that this wasn't even in the city, this was found in a residential area near Tysons II Galleria Mall.  The pissy cup and all just left on the side of the street.  I have a clue as to just how "k"lassy  the chick is who did this.  Nasty bitch!  I'm hoping tht she did't end up pregnant, if she did I'm putting the Child Services number on speed dial so they can come take that poor little child from her.  Ewwwww...

___________________________________________________

I'm sure by now yo guys have seen the alleged nude Rihanna pictures.  That is someone who looks very much to be Ms. brown with a pink thong on his head.  The other pics, which are not safe for work are all over the net, so get your goo

gle on when you get home. 

I'm sure it is Rihanna, she looks like a nasty freaky ass dick taking cunt.  That's why I live for her, she doesn't give a fuck...

Get into her shape.....Oooowwwww...

__________________________________________

This photo was taken at a recent event.  Can you guys get into Oprah's carter?  She has a look on her grill that gives, "Get this crazy bitch away from me...!"  Her teeth are clinched for filth.  I wouldn't be surprised if M.I.A. turned up M.I.A.  Oprah has made many people disappear off the face of this earth, never to be seen or heard from again.  Phil Donahue?  

Hairy Pits...?, and Inauguration Countdown...

O.K., I was trying to avoid writing about this on the blog, but I'm being forced.  You guys know that I'm a Beyonce fan.  It would be go against my genetic make up if I didn't like her, as my little sister Joey said last night at dinner.  This bitch dances full out for hours at a time, in drag mind you and doesn't miss a beat.  Did anyone mention that she is one of the most beautiful women in the world?  Oh, also her ass landed the Jigga man, and got him to "Put a Ring on It".  Why are ya'll tripping over her missing a waxing.  This bitch gotta do promo for her album, perform, change hair and make-up a good 5-6 times a day, and perform her wifely duties--the bitch is probably exhausted. I would have more than a hairy pit! 

O.K. fine we can talk about it for a day, and have a ke-ke, but it seems that the media won't let it die.  Americans are so judgemental.  Add to that an American faggy, they will read you for filth.  Did anyone care to mention that her dress was amazing, or that her face was beat?  Nooooooo......This is the last I wanna hear of this foolishness.

LEAVE MY SWEET CHILD ALONE!!!!!!!!!!  

Hairy pits at the 'Cadillac Records' premiere in New York.  So what!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Inauguration time is quickly approaching.  Yesterday it was announced that restaurants will have the right to be open for 24 during the whole week during the Inauguration.  Clubs and bars are allowed to be open until 5 a.m.  There are going to be so many drunk asses stumbling through my neighborhood.  What do I do?  Should I stay and get life, or should I get a white Bronco and fleece like O.J.? 

 Last night at dinner, "The Fam" was discussing our plans for next months events.  My "sister" Nikki tells us that close to 6 million people are expected to come into town.  I know how claustrophobic I feel on Fourth of July when millions of people come into D.C. and crowd me out, and that's nothing in comparison to what I'm in store for.  I literally live right in the epi center of the storm, I don't know if I...(handed a piece of paper).  Excuse me guys, let me read this...  (reading aloud)Media Mogul Oprah Winfrey has just confirmed that she will be broadcasting her show live from the Kennedy Center during Inauguration Week.  It seems that Oprah told Access Hollywood that D.C. is "the place to be" in January (finishes reading, places paper down).  

Oh fuck that, I ain't going nowhere.  If mama Oprah is coming to D.C., I couldn't see leaving.  She might start feeling really fierce, and just throwing coins to the people.  I would get life and then die!