And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This--The Tuesday Edition, "Dirty Money", Dirty Old Man, "You Be Killin' Em!, and Just Say No!

Hey guys, sorry I missed the Weekend Wrap Up yesterday. I haven't really been feeling so fresh. I've been super bitchy (more than normal), and I haven't even been wanting to leave the house. Then to drive a stake through my heart, I find out that Chilli from TLC is getting another season of 'What Chilli Wants'? I just can't take another season of her baby hair. It may drive me into insanity.

On Friday I had family dinner with my play brother Borzou, his cousin, my play sister Nikki, and Normie. It's a tradition that we have kept going for well over a couple years now. We try to get together and catch up over what normally is an Outback dinner. This week it was Kushi, one of my favorites here in DC. The food was amazing as usual. It was their first time there, so we had to try EVERYTHING!

After the 5 of us devoured the equivalent of Gabourey Sidibe's snack, we decided to see 'Black Swan'.

I had already seen it, but it was worth a second run. The imagery in the film is amazing. If you haven't checked it out, go see it now. Go ahead, get up from your desk and go now. You can read this later!

(2 1/5 hours elapse)

So, you're back from watching 'Black Swan'? Great, I hope you enjoyed it.

After my movie on Friday, I decided to go home and rest. I had an early yoga class the next day. We said our quick goodbyes in the frigid cold, and scurried to our car.

The next morning I woke Normie up early so that he could come to yoga with me. I told him how fun it was, and he couldn't see me being the only one with the lean yoga body next summer. Our class started at 9 am, and we arrived shortly after. The teacher started right in doing some pretty difficult poses. I'm a little rusty, but I still remember most of the poses. Norman was a first timer--a first timer who has vertigo. After about 40 minutes of class, his head started to spin, and had to sit the rest of the class out. See I'm used to weird positions, so it doesn't bother me at all. (side eye)

After yoga, I came home and vegged out. I couldn't peel myself off the couch. Next thing I knew, it was dusk. I had a Christmas party to attend, but I just couldn't get it together. I was 2 seconds away from dousing my whole closet with lighter fluid, and then striking a match. I couldn't figure out a single outfit. Things would be so much simpler if I'd wear moo moo's like Andre Leon Talley.

On Sunday I met friends at Lauriol Plaza for brunch. I was still in a funk, but I couldn't see passing on Lauriol. The frozen margarita swirls made me feel much better.

There's Housecunt Nikki aka Big Meech. She's a fool!

Pretty Jilly on deck trying to steal Barrack away from Michelle. I bet Michelle would whoop that ass if she ever thought Jill would try it...lol.

After brunch I had "the itis". I napped until I had to go to a Christmas party later that night. The party was in Largo, MD. I had no clue where that was. If when you mention the name of where you're going to a cabdriver, and he speeds off, chances are it's a tad far. I'm just spoiled to being directly in the city. I couldn't ever see leaving for the burbs!

We arrived at the party at Holiday soiree around 8. The home where the party was held was gorgeous. It was well decorated, and the host was gracious.

Norman found his way to the table with the baked goods of course.

The only table that he DIDN'T find his way to, was the table with the fake Tiffany's jewelry.

For some reason someone thought that this was legal? I'm quite sure a home in the suburbs of Largo Maryland isn't an authorized dealer to sell Tiffany's jewelry? I'm so confused. Oh, and then they had Tiffany's shopping bags. Someone is going to jail, and it won't be me...lol.

There were also sunglasses there for 5 dollars a piece as well. We should all know my major pet peeve by now. Quincy hates cheap sunglasses. There is just no excuse! People who wear cheap sunglasses should be put in front of a firing squad. The devil on my right shoulder told me to pay for all of them, and destroy them publicly in front of the whole party. The angel on my left calmed me down though.

After the Canal Street scare, we headed home to watch Atlanta Housewives. That show gives me everything I need. The only thing that's missing from this season is Apollo dancing nude in a shower. If that happens, I'll jump from my balcony. I would have reached the pinnacle in life, why live anymore?

Did anyone catch Mariah's Christmas special last night? That girl was stuffed like a teddy bear in that dress.

It's not because she's pregnant, she ALWAYS wears her clothes too tight!

She just may be THE worst dressed female in Hollywood. After she drops this baby, if she's still wearing butterfly rings, platform mules, sweatpants rolled down at the waist, and baby tees still, I'm gonna have to do something about it! So tacky. Her stylists should have their anuses sewn up with burlap thread. So bad!

Oh, Happy Tuesday...

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I know, I know you guys think Diddy is so corny. I do too, but you know I love him. He's been "Diddy Boppin" around my heart ever since I was just a mere lad. No one does ghetto fab better than my man. In the video above, he gives us a couple of fashion tips--Diddy style. "Get you some accoutrements!" So sexy! (fans myself with 'Dirty Money' cd)

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When my roomie told me this story originally, I didn't believe it. We did a bit of research, and apparently it's true.

A 73 year old horny ass man from Zimbabwe stuck his wrinkly antique viagra needing dick inside of a chicken. Yes, I said a chicken! While he was fucking the chicken, his wife walked in on him. He was so embarrassed that he committed suicide by hanging himself from a true. It brings a whole new meaning to "I was embarrassed to death!".

What ever happened to the good old fashion way of getting yourself off? Hands maybe? Who would grab a chicken and start fucking it? I bet that chicken was clucking for filth!

I don't see a damn thing sexy about that. So gross! May his chicken fucking soul rest in peace though...

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I love Fabolous, and I love his new song, " You Be Killin' Em'. The video features video vixen turned Kanye's girlfriend turned back to video vixen Amber Rose. She looks great in the video, but I'm over the whole bald head shit. This bitch need to grow some hair, or borrow a lace front from Beyonce or something? Damn.

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Nancy Reagan just unveiled a new stamp with her late husband's image on it. The stamp commemorates what would have been Reagan's 1ooth birthday next year.

Is it me, or does this picture look like some 'Weekend At Bernie's' shit? I swear she died alongside Ronald, and they're just not telling us. If you look closely at the picture, there appears to be invisible string holding up her head and arms.

Nancy was at least 150 years old during the 'Just Say No' campaign in the 80's. I swear she has to be at least 200 now. If in fact she IS still alive, kudos to her. She may look like an old leather Chanel bag, but she's still here (maybe)?

Nancy to Obama: "Sign that bill you coon!"

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Oscar Myer Weener, How Does It Feel?, Caught by Q, and Run Forrest Run!

Today my mood may be best expressed through an excerpt from Lil Kim's song 'Shut Up' from the highly acclaimed 2005 "Naked Truth" Album. You ready? "I wish they'd shut the fuck up, damn good grief! You know your mouth's a cage for your tongue if you just close your teeth..." Why the fuck do people talk so fucking much? It seems like some motherfuckers bump gums from sun up to sun down. I would have had this blog posting done yesterday if it weren't for this lonely bitch sitting at the bar at OYA, next to me. This cunt kept talking, and about some shit that I could care less about. Could she that I was trying to blog? I gave her every body language cue I could to let her know to shut up, but it wasn't working. The only thing left was a stern Chris Brown slap up side her head. Maybe Rihanna was talking to much the night of the attack? Maybe that's why he went off? I can see how it could drive a sane man crazy. Shut up bitch! Uggghhhh.. Anyways, I left and when I go t home I wasn't motivated to blog. So here I am now...

I had a pretty quiet weekend. Well, quiet for me dammit. I really didn't do much? On Friday I was off. I met up with my sweets Aureta (who is one of Washington Life's 'Young and Guestlist' by the way) for an amazing lunch at Bourbon Steak inside the Four Season's Georgetown. After lunch, it was off for a little light shopping (I emphasize on "light", because I'm broke). I made it home without doing too much damage, and then called it an early night.

I worked on Saturday, it was horrible. Afterwork I decided to take myself on a date. I hadn't taken myself out for a while. I took myself out for tapas and sangria. After my dinner with myself, I was headed home to make out with myself (after all I did pay, and I'm a cheap date). While walking up my block, I saw fire trucks. I saw my neighbors, and she told me that there was a fire on the 9th floor. Great! Did they know I had to make out with myself quickly, and then get ready for a party? Fuck! It was kinda fun sitting in the lobby with my neighbors waiting to get upstairs. It was kinda like a little mixer without alcohol of course, but I was still buzzed from dinner so it was ok.

Get into one of the women in my building. She couldn't see taking her curlers out.

And also get into the woman sitting in the chair by the window. I believe she lives on the 4th floor of my building. She always gets life from me because I compliment her on her vintage Chanel bags.

After what seemed like an eterenity, we were let upstairs. I had missed my party, and I was blown, so I laid on the couch, and called it a night. Besides, I had an early day the next day.

On Sunday, I woke up fairly early. Normie and I were going down to my Dad's new church in Triangle, Va. You guys didn't know I was the son of a preacher man, did you? We left at around 11. Service was great, and it was good seeing my family and the new church.

After church we stopped through Georgetown to visit my boo who was with his roommate Tim, and bestie Shane (hi guys). We walked around G-town, it was gorgeous. Of course we made the visitation rounds. We stopped to see Dionne at Intermix, Carlton at Barney's, and Dwayne at Hu's Wear. Before we knew it, it was 5:30, and time to meet up with the rest of the cast members from 'The Real Housecunts of DC'.

Lauriol Plaza was the scene of the crime. When Norman, Dwayne, and I got there Nikki, Jonathan, Erika, and Yasmine were sitting outside. We had to move inside to a bigger table, and thank God we did...

...not before a quick photo op. Yes, I wore that to church. I wore it in honor of Oscar day. God loves fashion too...

We ate and drank until we couldn't anymore.

Amidst out gluttony, we seemed to notice an argument at he next table. The woman had the thickest country accent ever with a coif to match. She gave me Paula Dean Tammy Faye Susan Boyle Charlene Sugarbaker tea. It was so over for her. She was with two men, and she called one of them a "faggot". She then proceeded to yell "fuck that" repeatedly. I guess she worked herself up, and then she started to hyperventilate. She emptied her handbag on the table, and began to breathe into it.

I have video of the drunken trainwreck, but it wouldn't upload to Blogger. If were friends on Facebook, check my page for the video. If not, you're shit outta luck.

After all the excitement, the bill came.

This was all we had. A crisp 20, a pair of LV Evidence sunglasses, an LV scarf, a Hello Kitty ring, and numerous store discount cards. She took it, and we left.

...not before Yasmine tagged our table with a crayon. It read 'DC Housecunts was here'. I won't count you on grammar Yas, we were drunk.

After dinner we took editorial pictures outside (those coming soon). We went from American Vogue to V magazine, to Vogue Italia, to Sears catalog. The mark of a good model is versatility. After the photo shoot, we scattered like roaches. Stay tuned for the next installment of 'The Real Housecunts of DC'...(wink)

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So, I missed most of the Oscars because I was out conjuring, but I did see the recap, and all of the red carpet coverage. Here is a bit of my commentary.

You guys should know how I feel about her. Why is she even at the Oscars? The dress is pretty, but not on her. It's just not age appropriate. It makes her look way too old. Besides, she doesn't even know how to stand in it. Her posture is horrible. Someone needs to pretend that she's Jesus, and nail her to a cross. That should make her stand up staright!

Sarah Jessica Parker wore Chanel. It was beautiful. She can wear most anything and look great. What the fuck is going on with her old lady hands though? No one can concentrate on those fabulous diamonds when your hands look like those of the Crypt keeper!

Nicole looked so chic! Such a far cry from the days when she would wear bad boot cut jeans and all those "George Clinton" colorful extensions. I guess that had style classes at the rehab facility she attended? Hmmm...?

Mariah looked like she fell into a Cache sale bin. I just can't stress enough how fucking tacky she is. She needs a major change. She needs someone to perform a "fashion exorcism" on her closet. It seems that demonic fashion spirits have entered her life. She should really look into getting rid of that. So sad.

This fucking cougar Demi is not to be played with! She looked gorgeous. She is my best dressed pick of the night. The color was beautiful, and her hair and makeup complimented it. It looks as if bouncing on Ashton's young dick has really done her some good. He must have some youth serum in his semen. She hasn't aged a bit. (picks up phone to call Ashton)

Congratulations to Monique for winning Best Supporting Actress for 'Precious'--I guess. I'm not sure if she deserved to win it, but that's ok. Her character really wasn't far from how she acts in real life. The bitch is ghetto. Would anyone like to give me an Oscar for shopping and going out to dinner every night? That's what I do. It's not a stretch.

She looked like a stuffed whale in that dress. If you have that many rolls, you shouldn't wear a dress with ruching. Ummm, and what the fuck was up with the flower? Did Neicy Nash style her? She looked like a fat flamenco dancer.

I know there's a place for me in hell, there's no need to tell me...

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Can someone tell me why D'Angelo was arrested for soliciting oral sex from an undercover cop this past weekend in N.Y.? I need answers and I need them now. (waiting)

If he still looked like he looked in this picture, he wouldn't have any problem gettin that "Becky"! Hell, I would have pitched a tent and waited in line for a taste of that.

Now his ass is all fucked up fat, and I couldn't see it. I guess that's why he was trying to pay 4o dollars for some head. Poor D.

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I was on the train the other day, and saw this guy rocking THE absolute worse shoes ever. I can forgive most things, but bad shoes is not one of them. They were cheap and so not the right style for his big ass foot. Aldo shouldn't be your go to for kicks! You can skimp on clothes, but shoes not so much!

On Saturday I saw this guy on the train roll up the fattest blunt. There it is in his hand.

(Video soon to come)

I was in Urban Outfitter's the other day and say this junior gay sporting a pretty crazy get up. You can't really knock him for NOT having a look, he just needs to refine it. I get it, he's going for a whole hipster vibe, but something got lost in translation.

I was in the bookstore yesterday, and spotted famous abolitionist Frederick Douglas. What the fuck?

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If you haven't seen the video of fine ass Ocho Cinco running naked through the woods yet, here you go. I'm guessing it's for an upcoming commercial. If anyone finds the uncensored video without the blur, I swear I'll give you a hundred dollars. Why didn't God make me a bird in that forest that day? I wonder if they had fluffers on set? Now that's a job!

Crazy Campbell, Exhale, and It's Dynasty Wednesday--The Finale...

O.K., so if we didn't know already Naomi Campbell just doesn't give a fuck. She will continue to go around hitting random people despite her many run ins with the law. Reportedly, the other day Naomi hit her driver in the back of the head when things weren't "going her way".

I'm not too mad at her though. Sometimes a mother fucker needs a good pimp hand to the head. Words don't hold as much weight sometimes. You know how when the television used to "snow up" on your favorite program? What did you do? You hit that bitch, and it went back to normal. Apparently, this is the Naomi philosophy.

I will go on record to say that us here at quincyjones66.blogspot.com DO NOT condone violence of any kind, but sometimes you must conjure your inner Ike Turner and slap a bitch. Not only does it make you feel better, it also ups your "street cred" and let's other fuckers know that you're not to be messed with.

Go head Naomi! You looked great at McQueen's funeral by the way...

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There's no real point to these pictures, I just wanted you to have your daily dose of eye candy...

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I know that body conscious clothes are definitely all the rage, but somewhere we must draw a line. Jill Scott definitely looks as if she possibly maybe kinda sorta has lost maybe an ounce or two, but still she still looks stuffed. Her hair and makeup are flawless, but it looks like it took all of the kings horses and all the kings men to put get her ass in this dress.

Items needed by her stylist to get her into this outfit:

1. Fishing wire

2. Crisco

3. Gary Coleman

4. A steak knife

5. Scissors

6. A car jack

7. A Ford F-150

8. Faith the size of a mustard seed

9. Prayer

10. A four leaf clover

11. Double sided tape

12. Duct tape

13. Masking tape

14. A mouse trap

15. A Yankee candle (it must be lit for serenity)

16. oxygen tank

17. 4 packs of Spanx and 1 full compression garment

Oh, and Mariah...

Ya'll already know how I feel about this hot mess. Let me not even get my pressure up today.

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So, we've had a great run. Make sure you enjoy the last installment of "Dynasty Wednesday". I thought it would be proper to end the series with the absolute first scene of Krystle and Alexis. Get into Krystle when she says that a piece of their furniture is "on loan by the museum".

Who loans a museum furniture? That is soooo beat!

Alright, that's enough crying. Put your damn hankerchiefs down and watch the fucking clip. I'll return next week with something even better. (wink)

'I'm Sorry 2004' remix by Tiger Woods, Caught by Q, and "Ryhmes with Duck" You Fridays!

So, I'm totally watching Kathy Lee and Hoda right now when I should be getting ready for work. They're talking about Tiger Woods and how he is starting his "apology" tour. I myself don't want to hear an apology from him. What is he apologizing for? It's none of our business if he wants to cheat on his wife with a gaggle of loose white women. If you're in the "public" eye in America, there is no line between your private and public life.

Does him fucking every chick in sight have anything to do with him swinging a golf club? Not really (actually it might)... I just wish when Tiger gets up to the podium for his apology that he channels Ike Turner and goes flip mode.

Tiger Woods: (steps up to podium) Ummmm yeah, I'm supposed to be apologizing today, but fuck that shit! I fucked all those bitches, and I'll do it again! Ya'll mind ya'lls mutherfuckin' business. You know how I'm good at swinging a golf club, well I'm good at swingin' dick too! Don't hate! (looks at crowd intensely) WHAT? Anyways, let me get the hell outta here. (beckons to wife as he walks off stage) I'm hungry as shit bitch, make me a turkey sandwich when I get home...

Now that's the Tiger Woods I wanna see!

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Look at this queen who was high stepping it down 11th Street the other morning. She tried to battle me with a Tumi messenger bag. It's ok, I let her walk, but only because he answered his cell phone by saying, "Hi Bitch". That was his saving grace!

How dare you call me racist, I talk to Black people on the train!

I had no clue that Patti LaBelle had a line of home furnishings. Obviously she isn't designing them herself. If she were, they would be the gayest comforters of all time! They would have shoes (Louboutins of course) printed on them, and the bed skirt would be made of weave! I said "Somebody loves you baby!"

So I was in Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday. It was waaaay more "Beyond" than the the Bed or Bath part. There were so many strange characters there. Then again, I was in Chinatown.

This women had long nails reminiscent of "Coco" from the 90's girl group SWV. She kept coughing like she just smoked 8 packs of cigarettes back to back, and then drank an anthrax shake.

Get into her looking a mop like she had never seen one in her life.

I liked her fake Gucci bag though...(blank stare)

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Today is the first installment of "Fuck You Fridays" (thanks Melissa/wifey). I just wanna start out the series with a big ol astounding "Fuck You" to Mariah Carey.

Chick, you are not 20 anymore. Could you perhaps dress a little more age appropriate? You always look so trashy, and I can't take it. I've held my silence long enough. Your knee socks and 'MTV Cribs' closet full of spandex mini dresses must be burned immediately!

I respect your music, but you could possibly be in the top five list of worst dressed celebrities. It just all went down hill after your denim shorts and white shirt period! Ugggghhhhh!

Get it together Mimi!

I wanna know what annoyed you guys this week. Release your stress on "Fuck You Fridays!" See, I feel better already...(exhale)

Mariah Scary, Whoa Nelly, SJP?, and Jail Bait...!

At the recent Teen Choice Awards Mariah Carey had the nerve to wear this?  She has to be one of the tackiest dressers in Hollywood.  She looks like she fell into a Forever 21 sale bin and was styled by Stevie Wonder.  Isn't she like 50 now?  Even though she's married to a teenager, doesn't men that she can dress like one.  She has more than enough doe to call up Rachel Zoe.  Hell Mariah, call me, I can hook you up.  You'll be on 'Best Dressed List' in no time.

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Oh My Jesus!  My first glimpse of Nelly's album artwork for 'Brass Knuckles' set to be released in September.  He says he named his new cd 'Brass Knuckles' because it was going to hit you so hard.  That's just too easy of a joke...

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Sarah Jessica Porkher...?  That is a show.  Can she sue for that?  Sex in her shitty is a little funny though.  

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I don't ever want Will Smith's pubescent teenage son Trey to ever look like that.  He is going to be a cutie on duty.  I don't ever want him to be born in 1992?  Mafia boss John Gotti was convicted and sentenced to life in 1992, I don't even think Trey knows who Junior Mafia is much less John Gotti? Get In!  Anyways Trey, call me in 24 months. 

 **Sidebar**  Get into Trey's bone structure.  If we beat his face, he would look like Jade from America's Next Top Model.