Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Ms. J. vs. L.L. Cool J: Who Gets Our Grace?


Ms. J.,  Alexander Jenkins was born in South Bronx.  He took a liking to fashion at an early age, and cites his mother for introducing him to “couture”.  J. met the President of Elite Model Management Monique Pillard  while dressed in drag as a teenager.  Pillard was impressed by his look?  She signed him immediately, and he walked for designers such as Gaultier and McQueen.  After his brief stint with model, he (and when I use the pronoun he, I’m using it very loosely) began to coach models how to walk.  Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, and Kimora Lee all became “queen-itized” and he helped them pin-point their signature walks.  Now you know why they walk like house kids.  Ms. J is most famously known for his role as runway coach and judge on America’s Next Top Model.

James Todd Smith a.k.a. L.L. Cool J. was born on January 14, 1968 in the BX.  L.L. was an only child, and spent his days singing in the church choir, 
delivering papers, and participating in the boy scouts.  During his early years ( he was fine as hell) he took a liking to music and started to rap.  He hustled to get his music to the masses, and in 1985 released his first album to much acclaim.  He has been kicking out albums ever since and calls himself the G.O.A.T, ‘Greatest of All Time’ (he could definitely do something “Great” to me all of the time). 

Don't get me wrong Ms. J. is fierce, but she looks like Flavor Flav in drag.  She definitely gets my grace for showing the girls how to walk and "fag" out, but you would think she would get a better perm--One word, three syllables Mi-za-ni...
Now Ms. Cool J on the other hand is Over!  She has always served the girls with body and raw sexuality.  Since 1986 I have personally seen him lick his lips 2,356, 987 times, and I'm not tired yet.  He has also spit some of the most beautiful lyrics through those even more beautiful lips...Get in!  Let the trade and the cunt battle it out!

 On Big 'ol butt Cool J says... 

TINA got a big ole butt
I know I told you I'd be true
But TINA got a big ole butt
So I'm leavin' you
TINA got a big ole butt
I know I told you I'd be true
But TINA got a big ole butt
So I'm leavin' you


That was cute Cool J, but Ms. J. told us on America's Next Top Model that...

"Bitch you betta' walk like you broke and the rent is due...!"


That queen slightly serves, and she is never afraid to "put me up in pumps", anyone that has personally coached that over bitch Naomi can get my snaps any day.  Don't hurt 'em Ms. J.



L.L. Cool J. needed a little help from mami Jennifer Lopez on this one, and tried to come for Ms. J...

I'm L, nice to meet ya (Uh-oh!)
I could feel my body yearning
The room just started turning
Didn't want to go out on the floor
But this girl was so determined
My brain began to sizzle
I'm sweatin' just a little
On the dance floor in the middle
She turned around and giggled
She said...


Ms. J. Fiercely replies...
"You betta walk like you're walking through hell and somebody doused you with gasoline...!"


Cool J. grabs his crotch as no one else can and violently recites...

Don't u call this a regular jam
I'm gonna rock this land
I'm gonna take this itty bitty world by storm
And I'm just gettin warm
Just like Muhummad Ali they called him Cassius
Watch me bash this beat like a skull


Ms. J. angrily screams,
"Honey, you betta walk like you're partin' the Red Sea!

Ok gentlemen, that's enough, well one gentleman, and one...(shrugs)?  Anyways, the results are in.  Winning by a landslide, the winner is...
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L.L. Cool J.  Any man with abs and pectorals like that have to be made by God, and I always want to strive to be closer to him, so...  Sorry Ms. J., better luck next time.  The girls still show you grace, and you can definitely walk the category for "Old tired Flavor Flav lookin' kitten heeled-mule wearin' drag ass nappy headed ho international fashion runway diva realness"?  I just couldn't see not letting you walk.  

3 comments:

Joey Bahamas said...

LOL...Q you don't have any sense at oilz!!

We do have to drinks! Email is definitely the best way to get at me, jgaskinsjr@gmail.com. And, I'm going to the Denim Bar on Friday. I'm getting those teal ksubi's! We need to talk about you possibly styling me...luvvvssss!

JB

Q said...

Joey, I know, I'm not well at all... I will e-mail you soon, and sweetie you don't need styling. You are already way too fierce!

One Man’s Opinion said...

Interesting couple to compare. It was cute. Funny as hell that you put a number to the times you have seen him lick his lips. Too funny.