Thursday, June 04, 2009

Guess Who's Back, Not Again?, and Don't Be Mad Once You See That He Want It...


Que Pasa mother fuckers, a bitch is back.  I'm sure you missed me.  I definitely missed you guys.  No more funning in the sun for me, back to reality.  I had the time of my life.  Punta Cana is gorgeous, I'm not talking about the land either.  All of the men are FUEGO!  I arrived to the Melia Caribe Tropical Resorts on last Thursday at around 1:30 p.m.  After checking in, I was escorted to my villa.

It's cute right?  I had a private balcony as well with an amazing view.  I immediately got changed and headed down to the beach.  The white sand beaches are amazing.  The water is crystal clear. I decided to walk to some of the gift shops that were along the beach.  On top of being gorgeous, the men there are so fresh--calling me "mami" and shit.  I was like, "Boy stop or whateva..."  
Soon after my gift shop adventures, I met up with my friends who were there.  Add a wedding, countless shots of Mama Juana's Rum, other conjures on the resort, 13 personal outfit changes, these bold ass peacocks, 


...me parasailing, 

and my beat ass tan, it only equals trouble.  What happens in Punta Cana, stays in Punta Cana...

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This damn queen is back with a part two of that damn video.  I couldn't even muster the strength to post it.  "Sexy Spectacular" addresses the "haters", and says that it wasn't for men to watch.  I mean to his defense, he did say that it was only for the ladies.  Also, with him getting so much slack for wearing those pink panties in the first video, he switched it up to black boxer briefs.  He is gyrating and moving around like a stripper who is having a seizure.  
Could you guys all join me in prayer? 

Lord, please guide "Sexy Spectacular".  Let him know that all of this grinding and gyrating isn't work of the trade (unless you're a stripper).  Lord, please let him know that he is a laughing stock, and that his new single "Tipsy In The Club", isn't that hot.  Also Lord, I have no idea why he would want to be in a group with a grown man who calls himself "Lingerie".  Please God let him know that this is some gay ass shit (excuse my language).  In your name I pray.  Amen (shouting while being fanned with a church fan).

Help him Lord!
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So last night I went on a "whatever" with this man I met about last year this time.  He isn't from here, I met him while walking down the street talking to Normie on the phone.  He booked me, and asked me to go to dinner.  After he left town, my woman's intuition kicked in.  I knew that he was married.  I knew the company that he worked for, and his full name, so I googled his ass.  What do you know?  He's been married for over 20 years, and has two kids.  Not to mention his profile on Forbe's gave me his salary for 2008, and son is PAAAAAAIIIIIDDDD!  
Anyways, I kept my secret that I knew of his nuptials.  Every time he comes into town he's good for a meal, and a coin.  Last night we went to Ruth's Chris and had a wonderful meal.  After dinner he asked if he could come up and chat for a few.  I told him that there wouldn't be any "funny business" going on, cause I'm a laaaady (in the Sheneneh voice).  We were talking and watching television, his hands start to wander place where they shouldn't have--I told him to stop.  About ten minutes later this mother fucker got octopus on my ass, It was like he had 8 arms.  I had on baggy shorts, and this fucker tried to go under them and slide his finger in my "peach".  Right when he thought he had found the pot of gold I said, "So does your wife know that you like to play with men's butt holes?"  He looked like he had just seen a ghost.  It was the beatest expression ever.  He gave me a nervous chuckle and went back to his side of the couch.  After about 10 more minutes of awkwardness, I told him that it was getting late (It was only midnite), and that I should be going to bed.  He asked me if I needed anything (I shook my head "no"), and told me to call him if I did.  I just may be enough of a bitch to black mail his ass.  Let me sleep on it.

15 comments:

YBandDL has got Chris Brown's back said...

So much to say...WOW...yes Punta Cuna looks beautiful...glad you had a great time. For some reason I think you and the "bold ass peacocks," have much in common...lol

Yes, I'm not sure if he really does know that he is a laughing stock. I mean this is a guy whose legal given name is Spectacular, so he may not see the insanity of what he does.
Yes he switched it, but does boxer briefs really make him straight now?
I didn't know the new guy's name was lingerie, are you serious?

I actually like Pretty Ricky,I think that have some talent, its just hidden behind the dumb ass clothes and the stupid things they do...damn...likeSexy Spec's brother, Diamond Blue( his also real name) dedicated the second Spectacular strip tease video out to Ryan Seacrest. They are just fools!

Now lastly....exhales...Q, you know I love you like a fat kid loves cake, right?

Why didn't you give married do a little something something. I guess I'm just a dirty hoe, because we could have done something. He wouldn't got no where near my uh..."peach"... but it could have popped off something.

Now, that right there is why DL men shouldn't mess with non Dl men. He got you ready to blackmail him, now...uh uh uh

I'm confused after your reveal, y'all didn't even talk about it, or anything, just quite silentness, damn

Anonymous said...

I just dont know why you are always in a conjure.

NB

Ian a.k.a. Darktomahawk said...

Loved the Prayer for Spectacular! I'll say it every day until he knows the TRUTH, LOL.

Dusty Boot said...

lol. Glad you had fun in Punta Cana. The peacocks are lovely...

Sapphire Blu said...

welcome back hooka!! i've missed you and i'm feeling a tad neglected. anyfukkingway, happy you had a fab time on vacation!! the villa looks amazing *if those walls could talk what would they say???*

LMAO @ the prayer! that dude is all sorts of disgusting *disgusting is the only word i could think of*

oh my! that dirty old man wanting to touch your "peach" with his super dirty secret. he needs his arse whipped and since you aren't going to whip him physically i say you whip those pockets *i'm turning into a bad girl LOL* doesn't he know you can find any and everything, to include and especially PEOPLE, on google. if you aren't going to use his coins please provide his digits: mama needs a new pair of SHOES!!!

kofi said...

You are the best thing on the net! I must say about your married forbes man, get your life. If he is a fly in date, let it be. There is no need to go ruffling feathers and messing up a fab time, especially if you don't plan to e a step-mother. Be Selfish! He is.And trust if he is that paid the wife already knows, if she doesn'e then you have nothing to worry about. Keep it cute.

Q, Truly said...

bitch u look SICKNING in dat water...u even smilin wit ya eyes

& dat beat ass peacock? i LIVE

Q said...

I missed you guys too! They love me, they really love me!

Anonymous said...

lmfaooooooooo! you the craziest fag i know'don't know! but whatevs! "TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!"

Corey Keith said...

I am glad you enjoyed Punta Cuna. Parker and I are leaving in the morning for Puerto Rico. Hopefully we will enjoy it as much... he needs a beat assed tan...

I am glad you got this dude to "turn a coin" at Ruth's Chris. Don't black mail him, though. I feel for him. Honestly...

Q said...

Have fun in Puerto Rico Corey. I won't serve the married man because you say so...(wamp wamp)

Troy N. said...

we gotta have a meeting about you and married men...it's getting rather serious..*sniff*

M.D. Rice said...

Glad you gave life!!! I know its no fun being the other "lady" and that shit gets tiring real quick. You gotta let that go

Anonymous said...

Wassup: Sis
I missssss You.... Im glad to hear you had a wonderful time. Now! About the married MAN, We are in a recession & you know how I ROLE.. It’s ALL about the Euro.
"BlackMail"his ASS ..CLEAR His fucking ACCOUNT!!! Well, Leave enough money for the wife and the kids... But Bitch, You take the rest.

Love O
XOXO

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