Week Wrap-Up--The Housewives Edition, Let's Turn This House Into A Home, Caught By Q...

Happy fucking Monday morning! I woke up today to a scratchy throat, and I can't have that. My throat feels like I've been...never mind (is it too early for the oral sex jokes?) No sir re Bob! I don't do sick. My tried and true remedy is vodka and orange juice. I'm talking gallons of O.J. (not the white Bronco kind), mixed with vodka. In the midst of getting housed, I forget all about being sick. After the hangover is gone, POOF, your not sick anymore. Try it, it works.

So the weekend started on Thursday night after I received an invite to attend the Ted Gibson party at the Hela Spa in Chevy Chase. Me and BF#1 (there's only 1...Hi J) arrived to the front door of the party, gave our names and were handed 4 page release forms? The girls at the front door said that they were filming upstairs, for what we didn't know, but we were sure to find out...

'The Real Housewives of DC' were taping at the party, and it was crazy. I don't know any of these cunts, but I guess they were "important" enough to be chosen. They don't look over enough to be a 'Housewife' though. I have cunts in my crew that could slay them off the daily wear. Can I get an Amen?

So, the party was cool, I networked a bit and got tipsy, and then headed off to meet Normie at Napolean in Adam's Morgan for din din. Dinner was great, but I had missed 'Housewives of Atlanta', so I had to rush home and fire up the DVR. Nene is giving me waaaaay too much this season. Someone told her that she was the main character or something, and she has taken it and is gone nuts! I couldn't see Nene getting in my face--she wears wack handbags. Besides wearing wack handbags, the short wig isn't all THAT cute (anything was better than the weave with the full closure). Get it together Mrs. Leakes!

I worked on Friday, it wasn't as dreadful as it has been, so it breezed by pretty quickly. On the commute home though I was attacked be hundreds of black men in bad suits. It was Congressional Black Caucus weekend here in DC. Why must there be so many buttons on your coat, and also why must your pant legs be so wide? Last question: Why must your shoe toes be so square? I can't take it! I rushed home and locked my door to avoid being attacked anymore. I woke up on Saturday feeling rested. I had a full day ahead of me--work, Marymount Homecoming dinner, club...

My alma mater Marymount University's Homecoming was this past weekend. The only even I attend was the dinner at The Ritz Carlton in Tyson's Corner. It was so good to see my peeps and reminisce like Mary J. Everyone looked great (well all of my friends, not anyone else), and we had a blast.

My girls even took a fake ass "Housewives" picture in the hotel. Cute!

I was trying to conjure Clark Kent meets Tom Ford....and look at J would ya, so handsome! After the dinner we drive into the city. Fly Lounge it was! We partied until our old ass couldn't take it anymore. My geriatric behind definitely felt the burn yesterday at work. I honestly believe I feel asleep standing up. It was over! I fleeced home, took a shower, and hopped into to bed. I was out like Lance Bass at Gay Pride. Before my head hit the pillow, I was gone! Now I'm blogging and uber late for work. Peace! Excuse the typos, I'm rushing...don't shoot me!

_________________________________________________

Well, well, well, what do we have here? It looks like Kim isn't the star of the Kardashian family anymore. Khloe and Lamar Odom have officially tied the knot. They were married yesterday at a private ceremony with family and close friends.

Good on Khloe for finally clubbing a man over the head and drugging him into marrying her. Hats off to the newlywed couple.

By show of hands, how many people think this WON'T last a year? (all hands raise)

Kourtney: "Kim, bible that I don't look fat in this dress."

Kim: "Oh my God Kourtney, shut up you are so fucking jealous of me. I hate you!"

______________________________________________

I saw this girl yesterday at KFC (don't judge me, I was starving). She was on the phone, and I couldn't help but overhear her conversation--she was loud as HELL. She had the nerve to call someone else ghetto? I'm sorry, but I almost gave her a reality check. What a nerve she has. Every other word was "mah fuckin", or either "bitch". If she doesn't see herself as ghetto, I need the mirrors that she has in her house. Besides, she looks like her crotch smells like SPAM (the processed meat in the can, not the email)!

I spotted him on the train last week. I really like the look he has going on here. No Homo!

While being attacked by black men in bad suits on Friday in Chinatown, I saw this. This cunt was beating her face when I went into Urban Outfitter's. No lie, I was inside for at least 8-10 minutes, and when I came out she was still beating her face. If you have to do all of that--STAY HOME! Then too it's not the best lighting outside of the Chinatown metro station, so I'm sure she looked like a clown in normal lighting. LESS IS MORE unless you're Lady Gaga, a drag queen, and Rihanna. I believe that is the new trinity--they are three in one!