Well, I guess I'll go ahead and get up now. I've been trying to sleep in ALL morning, but no one will let me. At 7:30 a.m., I was woken up by a cacophony of construction and city sounds outside my window. I grabbed my earplugs, and in no time I was back to sleep. Just a tad over a half hour, my mother calls me at 8:03 a.m. She really didn't want anything. I remembered her asking me to help her find a Casadei pump online? After mom, I thought the coast was clear. I put my ear plugs back in, and snuggled under the covers. At around 9:30 a.m., I heard a faint knock, I thought the knock was on my neighbors door (things don't sound the same with earplugs in). Next thing I know, there's a key in the door, and someone is coming through. It was maintenance from my building. I jumped up and screamed, "Nooooo!!!!" Mind you, I was bucking naked, and still half asleep. After apologizing, and leaving the house while squinting through one eye, he mumbled something about blinds and that he'd be back later. Ugggghhhh! I tried to go back to sleep, but feared that the Girl Scouts, an Avon rep, and the Jehovah's Witnesses may come through as well. I'm done.
So on Wednesday, some of "the crew" went out for St. Patty's day. We thought what best way to celebrate other than listening to drunk fuckers do karaoke?
So "Kostume Karaoke" at Little Miss Whiskey's it was. While you sing, you dress up in funny outfits. If singing in front of strangers isn't weird enough, trust that this ups the weird factor. When we walked in, there was a guy singing a Whitney Houston song in a kimono style dress. I told you it was weird.
After all that singing, we were muy hambre. We went to The Diner to grab some breakfast. Here's Horace and Dionne. Whatever Horace is saying, Dionne's not buying it...
We had PLENTY of time to talk, because it seems like it took at least an hour for our food to come. I know they were busy, but DAMN! All I ordered was eggs, and they only take minutes to cook. I was seconds away from losing it, and right at my breaking point, the nice lady placed my plate in front of me. Good thing she moved her hand quickly, because if not, she may have lost it. I was hungry.
On Thursday, it was meetings and drinks with 'The Real Housecunts of DC'. In the previous post, you got a sneek peek of our service at the restaurant. She tried it, but we still had a great time. After OYA, we walked over to Ruth's Chris and got another cocktail. We could only get one, because Nikki had to make it home to see her show at 10.
While waiting for the cars from valet, we ran into some gays that we saw at Lauriol Plaza the weekend before.
There's Nikki chattin' it up with them. She has a crush on one of them--figures. I can imagine her chasing the only gay around in pre-school trying to plant a kiss on his cheek! I love the hags!
'The Real Housecunts of DC' Season 1...
When I got home from drinks with the rest of my cast members, I had to deal with some bullshit. This stalker bitch-ass faggy mother fucker who got in his feelings wanted to act cute on FB.
To the stalker bitch-ass faggy mother fucker,
I'm sure you're reading this because you're obsessed with me. If you hate me, there is noooo reason why you should following my blog. So If you respond and say something, it only makes you look like a stalker asshole. You told me to "keep my name out of your mouth"? Why would I talk about you? You're so irrelevant. I have more important things to do like, shop online, go out for dinner, and do more shopping online. I'm sure you're a really nice person, deep down? No fuck that! You're disgusting and sleazy and you're a liar and you have knocked knees. I'm done.
P.S. (giggles) "Keep my name outta your mouth"...funny
On to the next one. So, on Friday I worked early. It was a good thing, because I got to get home at a reasonable time. On my way home, I was contemplating what to do later, but the monstrous headache I had clouded my thoughts. I thought that stopping for a drink at Happy Hour would help, but it didn't. After taking one of EVERYTHING in my medicine cabinet, and napping my headache was gone.
Later that night, my BF came over and we went to meet my love Yaneek and her fiance Mike at Fire and Sage. We had a couple of drinks there, and went to meet up with Dwayne at that cum bucket bar The Fireplace. There's something so sleazy, yet quaint about that place. I just can't put my finger on it. An hour tops is all I can normally stand there before I become nauseous. We left a half hour later.
On Saturday night it was Lauriol Plaza (again). This time with my friend Viva from college who is visiting the States briefly. She know lives in London, and is getting married this October in Greece.
I'm starting to campaign now for donations toward my plane ticket. (pointing to the top right corner of the blog) You see that? That's my link to Paypal. No one has left me any contributions in a while. This shit isn't free entertainment, you better dig in them pockets son! I'll be waiting, and I'm so not kidding...
Later on India and friends came to meet up with us. She was wearing the LV bumbag with the fox tail from SS runway with the new lace up color blocked Louboutins. It's nice to get all decked out and eat sloppy Mexican food.
Yesterday, my sister Natalie stopped by The Galleria to pick up a few things from Versace.
She couldn't live without those shoes. The just scream "TRANNY"! The other pair she got was even sicker than those. Before leaving the boutique she told the salesman to call her when anything really "tranny looking" came in. He was a queen, so he got life.
After shopping, you know what time it was. It was time for some Lauriol Plaza! We wear that damn place out!
There is Carlton (Fashion Mother), and my sister both wearing my sunglasses. Sister Natalie is holding a book that I just got from Urban Outfitter's. It has hundreds of curse word combinations in it. Her favorite was "cum waffle". I'll have to admit, that's a good one.
When the bill came, we paid in euros...
Before leaving the restaurant, I had to tinkle. I opened the door, and ALL of the waiters and busboys were in there changing. I left my phone at the table, so I had to run all the way back to get it. By the time I got back, it was only him left. Not only 2 minutes earlier it looked like Cocodorm in that bitch. Google Cocodorm if you're not familiar, and buy a subscription so I can see!
Happy Monday fuckers!
I know it just turned Spring, but we should all be thinking about our Fall looks. I'll be starting to post more of my favorite looks from FW '10. Here are some of my top picks from Haider Ackermann's Fall/Winter 2010 collection. Watch, take it all in, get inspired. No one says you have to buy ALL designer. It's all about recreating your own look. While reviewing the collections, I often play in my head how I can incorporate the trends from the runway into my daily life. It's called throwing kindling on your fashion flame! Burn!
It's so beautifully architectural.
I loved how he mixed the hard edged jacket with a very soft flowing skirt. I die!
Last week a teenager picked up a courtesy phone in a NJ Walmart, and said, "All black people, leave the store now." The boy has been charged with bias and intimidation and is being held in a juvenile detention center. The teenager could have probably gotten away with it, but he started bragging about his prank on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. The police department tracked him down from the social networking sites, and arrested him.
I mean, I'm Black and I don't see a problem with it. Maybe there were way too many Blacks in the store for him? At times I've been out shopping, and wished for a bull horn to tell all Blacks to clear the area. It's just not Blacks. I don't like too many of the same people in one place. So if it were too many Whites, then I'm sorry someone has to go. Too many Asians? Someone has to pick straws, or play paper, rock, scissors because I can't have too many of one race in such a small square footage.
If I were shopping in that Walmart on the day of the incident, I would have quietly put all of my items back and left the store without a peep. It's so 60's, I love it! lol...
This has nothing to do with anything, just shut up and look. Straight guys close your eyes and scroll down...
I say goddamn!
There's more where this came from, click here...
Did you really think I wanted to see you two gross fuckers making out on the train platform? Let me answer that for you...Ummm no? First of all, the guy was wearing Crocs, a striped shirt, and plaid shorts. He didn't know if he was coming or going! Her outfit isn't much better. He looks like he has the smallest penis ever, but the biggest balls on earth. All potatoes and no meat! He's obviously doing something to keep her around, it sure ain't his fashion sense. He must have that hurricane tongue? So gross, I can't even take it!
After throwing up on the platform from seeing those breeders make out, I boarded the train. I saw Nikki Minaj's cousin--Nikki Ménage à trois. I saw what she was going for with the blonde streaks in the hair, but somehow she missed the mark. It's ok girl, I'm not judging anyone. You should see me right know. If I were to leave my house, people would probably put money in my hand. I look homeless. Trust that I can pull it together if need be though. I'm just sayin'...
While out the other night, I witnessed this atrocity. It looks like a Guess bag, a Bebe bag, a monogram Louis Vuitton, and a Goyard tote all had group sex and this came nine months later. What the fuck is it? Where does one buy something like this? Again, I'm sorry I can't!
I was walking back from a lunch the other day and caught this chick on the corner of 9th and New York Avenue. I couldn't get a shot from the front, but she looked like a low budget Karine Steffans. That says alot, because Karrine Steffans is a low budget Karrine Steffans. Her cheap shoes, and skirt with way too much lycra brought a single tear to my eye. Where the fuck was I? I hope she didn't wear that shit to work. Then again, it all depends on where that ho works. Can I add something? Thanks. Her blouse was completely see through from the front. There were kids out for Christ sake! lol...
I don't know, you guys watch the video and tell me. Maybe it's just the way he waddles, I mean walks, but damn. Oh, and can he get the pants that are stuck in his ass out? Maybe he got fisted on his lunch break? Yeah, I'm gonna go with that one...