Friday, March 19, 2010

Rhymes with "Duck" You Friday, Tig 'Ol Bitty, and Damn Tiger!

Ummm, so last evening myself and friends went out for some drinks. We were having a working Happy Hour, there was business to discuss (by the way congratulations to Tamara for officially being inducted into the 'Real Housecunts of DC'). I won't tell you where we went, but if you take the "G" off of GOYA, there you have it!
Our waitress was the absolute worst. She had no sense of humor, and wasn't engaging at all. When my friend told her that she should smile more, she responded, "It's not nice to keep telling me that I should smile!" After making her snide remark, she dryly asked if we needed anything else. At that point, we had all decided that she wasn't getting a damn tip. When the bill arrived, the chick had the nerve to include a "service charge". Upon talking it over with the manager, he corrected the "problem" by giving us all separate checks. We got a little creative as to what we wrote in the space where the her tip should have been...

Here's $20 plus "not shit". No matter how bad at math you are, you should only come up with $20 in this equation!

Oh, and thank you Jonathan for the $40 plus "Tryna do me?" Again, you don't have be a math wiz.

I have no clue what her problem was, but you work in the service industry. I do shit ALL day long that I don't necessarily like to do, but if it makes my client happy, so be it! Besides, we were at Happy Hour for christ sake. I mean it says it in the word, "Happy"? It's not "Sad Hour", or "Bitchy Hour", or "Let Me Be A Complete Cunt To This Table Hour"?
Perhaps she should give up at waiting tables, and consider changing her career path. Perhaps, the post office, a meter maid, or working the door at a club would better suit her. You can be as bitchy as you want there.
Again, thanks to the manager for smoothing things over, but the bitchy waitress with the dumpy ass gets a big 'ol...(I don't even have to say it at this point). I'll be back for the lamb chops though...


So I was thumbing through the City Paper this morning, and saw this ad for a new lingerie shop. After flipping the page, I flipped back because I knew I didn't see that they carried cup sizes up to an N cup! Lawd Jesus that's a big titty! Now I know where Aretha Franklin buys her over-sized jug holders. I would hate to see anyone with an N cup, that's just scary. A bitch with breast that big could hold a folding chair, 2 cell phones, a laptop, a flashlight, a change of shoes, mace, an emergency can of peas with can opener, a bottle of water, and a flare all between her cleavage with no problem. I'm scared! Big ups to all my big breast broads though! lol...

So just as Tiger is making his slow return into the spotlight, his ex piece Joslyn is putting him on blast. She launched a complete website with all of his racy text messages to her, and trust and believe they are not fit for Sunday school! This horny golfer goes into detail about him wanting to "put his cock in her ass" and then wanting to "shove it down her throat"? First of all, I don't want him saying "cock"! That's the white blood in him. Black guys don't say "cock", I know this first hand (side eye and long pause). Anyways, get into some of the "sexting" below.

Ooooohhhh, you so nasty Tiger!

Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard

Tiger:Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009:
Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls

Tiger:Sent: 03:41 PM 08/29/2009:
You didnt answer the question

Tiger:Sent: 03:43 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust

Tiger:Sent: 04″02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Can I stick my thumb in your ass? I swear it'll feel good!

1 comment:

borzou said...

Hmmmm, Colleen at Oya huh?  I'm definitely gonna have to pay this cunt a visit.