Ok, so add Comcast Cable company to the list of people that are trying to kill me! If it's not enough that I pay cable fees every month that could feed a village of children in a third world country for a year, now my internet isn't working. Don't they know I have to blog? I didn't have the patience to deal with them today. Actually, I didn't have the time. If you call them, just plan on canceling out your WHOLE entire day, and I wasn't about to give them that power. In order to preserve my sexy, and maintain my blood pressure, I sashayed my narrow ass down to Starbucks. I forget that it was a "government holiday", so this fucker is packed! All I ever wanna do is blog in peace, is that too much to ask? (Kanye shrug)
On Friday after work, I came home and caught a quick nappy nap. I had a million places to go and people to meet up with, but wasn't sure what to do. My nap gave me clarity, unfortunately my ass napped for way too long, and missed mostly all of my events.
When I rose from the dead (very Easter, if I may add), I answered the many text messages and phone calls that I had missed. I quickly hopped into the shower, and when I got out got dressed even quicker. I'm not even sure it what I had on matched. I really didn't care if it didn't.
I went to meet Dwayne at that really disgusting bar that I hate. You know the one that I told you guys has jizz on everything. It doesn't really, but it looks like it does. It's so gross, but they can make the fuck out of a drink--and boy is it cheap (just like many of the patrons).
While at the really bad bar, we received a call from our girlfriend Aureta. She came to meet us there. everyone was staring at her Chanel, so we had to go.
We went to meet my sweet lamb friend Ky'Leigh, and my boy Mike at Kushi. Click the link to check out the menu, and if you're in D.C., you must go. The pork belly is AMAZING!
After Kushi we wanted one more drink (It's always just one more), so we headed over to The Passenger.
Those are the boys chopping it up. The girls were at the other end of the table damn near in the rapid eye movement stage of sleep. It WAS damn near 3:30 in the morning for Christ sake. After The Passenger, it was a wrap for me.
Tenth floor please...
The next day at work, I felt like I was gang banged the night before. I was so tired. Luckily for me, the time went by fairly quickly. Well, time goes by quick I guess when you're almost 3 hours late to work? Whatever.
After work I had a total pregnant moment, I was craving Chick-fil-A...
I scarfed down a sandwich, waffle fries, and lemonade like I was a hostage and it was my first bite of food in weeks. I also bought two other sandwiches for later. Don't judge me! Besides, you can eat ALL the Chick-fil-A you want, because the owners are Christian--those sandwiches are blessed and endorsed by God! Thank you Jesus!
After Chick-fil-A, it was off to the Degrees Bar at the Ritz Carlton Georgetown for drink and more food. Yes, I had just eaten Chick-fil-A, what's it to you?
The Degrees Bar has a French 75 that'll make you pimp out your mother on a ho stroll. It's so good. After about 36 of them, we left, and then it was on to the next one...
What do you guys think we did?
Yep, we went to eat and have more drinks at Masa 14. By the time we arrived, their late night menu was in effect. There's only about 6 items on it, but out of the six they had chicken wings. We're Black, so that's what we ordered. At one point, there was 4 orders of wings on the table. I was tempted to ask the waiter for their finest watermelon, but decided against it. He wouldn't have caught the joke.
After partie de dîner trois, Norman, Dwayne, and I stopped through EFN for their monthly "Remix" party. We literally stayed for all of 30 minutes. It's not that the party was bad, what bothers me is that EVERYONE tries to look the same in D.C in the gay community. No one has their own identity. You would think that this would be where you would find people who aren't afraid to be creative and break the mold, but WRONG! Every queens walks around pretending to be a fake ass thug! As soon as they get home, they go play in their sister's closets and watch RuPaul's Drag Race. It's so gross how much of a facade especially African American gays put on. All you fake ass Gucci Mane's with the fitted hats, fake diamond chains, and your jeans hanging off your ass are so wack.com!
After the party, I headed home to rest. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow good. I woke up yesterday feeling rested. I decided to not go home to visit my parents, I needed a day to myself. In celebration of Jesus dying for our sins, I stayed home and "man-scaped". It takes hours to wax, shave, tweeze, exfoliate, and moisturize. The things us "boys" have to do. After my hair removal ceremony, I met "The Housecunts of DC" at home base--Lauriol Plaza.
The girls were running a tad late, so I had time for a photo shoot in the bathroom.
Hi Tamara! I can't wait for your commentary on "Housecunt Thursday" this week.
Ummm, and there goes Nikki! She's a mess. Team Nikki on deck son!
...and my friend Christon made a guest appearance. It was his birthday. This is him right before blowing out the candle in that nasty ass flan they bring out when it's somebody's birthday. Ewwww....
After our marathon dinner at Lauriol, we went over to the party at Eye Bar. It was pretty cool. The music was cute, and most of the people were ugly. Especially this Egor looking motherfucker who tried to come for me at the bar. Get a load of this: So I go to close my tab at the bar, and this nice man let's me move in so that I can sign my receipt. This fat sloppy tired weak ass queen taps me on my shoulder and says, "How are you gonna just move in like that, I've been standing here for 15 minutes?" First of all, who stands at a bar waiting to be served for 15 minutes. After a minute, I get antsy and leave. I told him that the nice man let me move in to pay my tab, and that it wasn't that big of a deal and that I'd buy his "sex on the beach", or "cock in the ass", whatever those gays are drinking these days. He told me that I was being "passive aggressive", and told me to go ahead and do what I came to the bar to do. I quickly took off my boarding school outfit, and got real hood with his ass. Don't get me twisted because I'm wearing Purple Label, I'll still whoop that ass! After more words were exchanged, I paid my tab and walked away. As I turned, he called me a "ho". I quickly retorted with a loud "BITCH", and a stare down. I had to leave, or else I would have sunk his ship!
After saying goodbyes, it was time to go. Norman took me home. We got in the car and traveled about 6 blocks before...
No it's not the tunnel into the afterlife, it's police lights. Some bull dyke lady cop stopped our ass. Norman didn't have his lights on, it was a rental. She asked if he'd been drinking, and he replied dryly, "I don't drink. I know I'm like the only one." Norman being sober paid off last night, and Officer Ellen DeGeneres let us off with a verbal warning. Before we drove off I wanted to yell, "Why are you so mad, you can get married in D.C. now!", but I feared being arrested.
Okay, I have no clue who this McNabb person is or what him being traded to D.C. means, but everyone is talking about it, so I didn't wanna be left out. So there you go. Go google it for yourselves or something, I don't know...
Shawn Todd, a D.C. Metro bus driver was arrested the other day for soliciting sex from an undercover officer that he thought was a prostitute. It hasn't been reported yet if there were riders on the bus. This is the second arrest of a D.C. bus driver this week. The first arrest being Dwayne Adamson. He allegedly flashed a knife at another driver in the middle of rush hour traffic. (record scratches)
I take public transportation, and I know how crazy these fuckers can be. If they're not talking to their "Baby Mama's" on their cell phone while driving, they're rolling up a joint, or in some cases smoking it! If I'm not mistaken, Metro Bus recruits from the D.C. prisons, so they really can't complain when something weird happens...lol. Wow!