I'm gonna need you all to bow your heads now for prayer. (bows head) Lord, please heal this wretched headache of mine today. Hopefully, the 4 aspirin that I just took will help, but I'm asking now for divine intervention. Please heal and deliver me from this ailment so that I can go about my day and function as a normal (as normal as I can be) human being. In your name I pray. Amen. (lifts head)
I have sinus pressure right above my right eye that is not to be played with. This headache has come to destroy my life, and it means business. So before my head explodes all over my laptop, let's get to it...
Last Monday was my friend Billy's birthday.
That's him throwing up deuces. His sweet girlfriend Dionne hosted an amazing cookout at her house in celebration of the big day. Everyone came and brought lots of food, and even more alcohol.
We had quite the spread.
There's my boo taking his shift on the grill. I took the shift after him. And yes, I grilled in a bow tie. I'm so not kidding. After the night went on, we started to come up with more way to get drunk than just drinking...
So we injected strawberries with a rum/sugar mix. Now that's some drunk shit son! I'm not even gonna lie, it was good as hell though. After you've been drinking all day, and eating strawberries soaked in liquor, you start doing shit like this...
Wow, check out that curve to the right. Reminds me of a...never mind.
There are the boys being boys. You get enough men together, and ultimately there will be some shit talking going on.
Man 1: Man for real? So you sayin' I won't be able to jump off the top of the house and land on my feet?
Man 2: I'm just sayin', it IS a four story jump. What you soft? You a punk?
Man 1: Naw fuck that, Imma show your ass something hold on.
Next thing you know a 911 call is being put in. Boys! (shaking head)
Happy Birthday Bill.
(picks up remote, and fast forwards to Thursday)
On Thursday The "Housecunts" of DC went to Buddha Bar. The food is great, and the lighting is even better. That lighting might even make that ugly cro magnon ape ass cave man big-toothed disrespectful cheatin' ass Eric Williams look somewhat presentable (and by presentable I mean at least you wouldn't want to throw up).
Naw, fuck that. Even Oprah/RuPaul lighting couldn't help him. Shit!
Anyways, you know how Natalie from 'The Bad Girls Club' runs LA? Well, that's how The 'Housecunts' run Buddha Bar. Who wants to go for a Red Bubble (a drink at Buddha Bar)?
An editorial shot outside Buddha Bar. It always has to include a vernis Alma for some reason. How many of those things do The 'Housecunts" have between them? We'll have to tally that up.
After Buddha Bar we scurried over to Napolean for a flute of champs with my friend Omar at Napolean Bistro. The rest of The 'Housecunts' had to flee, but my ace Ky'Leigh came to meet, and we went to Steve's Bar Room.
When we got to Steve's at around 1 am, the party was proper. I just love the vibe there. We ran into our boys Peter Chang, and amazing artist Brandon Hill there. Check out Brandon's dope kicks.
(picks up remote again, and fast forwards to Saturday)
After work on Saturday I went to see 'Just Wright' with Normie. Thank God I smuggled Chick-fil-A into the movie, because it was a bore! Common was fine as hell, but it was ruined by a...(holds mouth and stomach at same time)...a...(grabs for a barf bucket)...a love scene with Common and Queen Latifah. It just wasn't believable. It's like me doing a love scene with, I don't know? A woman? Queen Latifah was fantasizing the whole time about kitty kat while rolling in the sheets with Common. What a damn shame.
After the movie, I was traumatized. I needed a little retail therapy, and my neighborhood CVS was the only thing open. I picked up some eyes drops, maxi pads, and bleach--you know the usual. While skimming the isles, I saw this...
Why is Keisha Cole on the front of a perm box? I had no clue. This is just ridiculous. I can't take much more. I dropped all of my items, and ran out of CVS in a fit of rage. I ran all the back to my apartment, and locked the door behind me. Someone is trying to kill me by raising my blood pressure. Why on a perm box though?
Yesterday I woke up all ready for brunch. While walking to the brunch spot, we saw Precious--AGAIN! God she gets around!
Marvin was the scene of the brunch crime. Those shrimp and grits are so serious. I died! See how I fucked them up?
After brunch, we went upstairs to the rooftop for a drink. It was like my ex's all called each other, and showed up there. It must have been their weekly "WDIFIUWQ" (Why Did I Fuck It Up With Quincy) meeting. It's an actual support group, you know...
Here's Billy after $3.00 bottomless (no homo) mimosas. He tried his hand at tight rope walking every structure he could find from the restaurant to the car. Damn mimosas!
After Brunch I headed home to change. I had to meet The 'Housecunts' for dinner at home base (Lauriol Plaza).
Nikki and Erika had 'Breastfest 2010' going on yesterday.
Who invited the white girl?
After dinner with The 'Housecunts' I went back to Marvin rooftop. It was dead, so we didn't stay.
Only long enough for me to snap a shot of my gladiator sandals, then it was time to roll like a blunt!
Happy Monday tricks!
You guys know what this is. It's 'Cheaters' bitch! The woman in today's clip is mad as hell, and she has the t shirt to prove it. It says, "Kitty's Not Happy". How classic.
The ho who was cheating gets flung around like a rag doll around the 3:37 sec mark. It will make your day, trust me. Oh, and if you're as ignorant as I am, you'll rewind it repeatedly and belly laugh.
Yesterday I posted one of my favorite video from my girl Alexyss Tylor. Today I thought It'd be fitting to post this one, because I had a recent run in with what Alexyss calls a "Laffy Taffy" bitch. Always in your fucking business, and don't know a damn thing.
I'm guessing the girl who was talking about Alexyss called her a lesbian, or as Alexyss says "lezbon". Alexyss goes on to say, "Bitch, how you know I'm a "lezbon? have you fucked me before? Do you wanna fuck me? I mean did yo get turned on when I had my damn leg up on the uh fireplace and shit? Do you fantasize about eatin' my motherfuckin' ass?"
This bitch is so over. I get so much life from her foul ass mouth. You'll be seeing a lot more of her. I thinks she may be my long lost sister? Check it out....
(puts two middle fingers up) Fuckin' haters!
I woke up in the middle of the night on Friday, and saw this infomercial. It's for "Perfect Fit Button". It's literally a button that you can place on your pants to give you more room. Just another reason to enable "Fat America". That is some fat shit right there. Lose some damn weight if your pants are too tight. You won't catch me using "Perfect Fi
t Button", you'll hear me in the bathroom heaving over a toilet before I have to use that. I refuse!
You guys know that Diddy can do no wrong in my eyes. I'll even forgive his corny ass for wearing gold fronts in his new video for 'Hello, Good Morning'. The track by his group, 'Dirty Money' features Rick Ross, and T.I. Mr. Diddy even gives me a little "Diddy Boppin" at the end. (fans myself) The track is cute. Check it out.