Thursday, May 20, 2010

It's Lil' Kim Day!, and "Housecunt" Thursday...

Lil Kim Day!

Today I'm starting to tailgate for the Lil' Kim concert I'm going to on June 5th. You guys are lucky I didn't start a full month ahead of time. You have no clue how this woman changed my life? Her raunchy sexually charged lyrics taught me how to tap into my inner freak. Not only did she teach me about fellatio and butt fucking, she also threw gasoline on my flame of being addicted to designer labels. When I heard Lil Kim rapping about Chanel and Dolce, it glorified high fashion in a garish ghetto way that both excited and annoyed me--I can't explain it.

When I was just a young fag in college, I would play Lil' Kim's 'Hardcore' cd to death. It was the cd of choice to get ready to when going out on the town. Something about the opening lyrics on "Big Mama Thang" sent chills down my spine...

"I used to be scared of the dick
Now I throw lips to the shit, handle it like a real bitch
Heather Hunter, Janet Jack-me
take it in the butt. Yah, Jazz whah
I got land in the Switzerland, even got sand in the Marylands
Bahamas in the spring, baby, it's a big momma thing
can't you tell by the diamonds in my rings
that's how many times I wanna cum, twenty-one
and another one, and another one, and another one
24 carot nigga, that's when I'm fuckin wit' the average nigga
word to Shaft, brothers be battin' me and oh
don'tya like the way I roll, and play wit' my pussy
tell me what's on your mind when your tongues in the pussy
Is it marriage? Damn, this bitch is bad.
baby carrriage? Damn, I love that ass.
shit no, on a dime shit is mine, got to keep em comin all the time

Fucking classic!

You may not agree with her "fashion" choices, or her stint with plastic surgery, but you must admit that Lil' Kim is legendary.

(steps onto podium) Hear ye, hear ye! By the power vested in me, hereby makes Thursday May 20, 2010 Lil' Kim day! So in honor of this day, put on a fur bikini, a blonde wig, and fuck a fat greasy Black man rapper. Do it now! All across America I wanna see women (and men if you want) in pasties and Versace denim! Thank you! (steps off podium)


"Housecunt" Thursday featuring Ms. "Urka" (Erika)

Hey everyone, it's Erika aka Mrs. Taylor Lautner. I don't have much going on in my life, its such a "snooze fest" right now. So, I thought I'd share a little about what I do. Yes, I know it's a surprise but I do really have a job. How do you think I pay for all of the "Housecunt" dinners and shit? What did u think I sit around all day posting Taylor Lautner and Johnny Depp pics on my Facebook?
Anyway, some of u don't know that I'm a government worker, or as some people like to say "guvament worker". I've been working for 10yrs at my job and most days its very rewarding dealing w/ the people on "WELFARE". I hate when my customer's use that word it's so outdated !!! And another thing I don't know why we have to call them our Customer's because they ain't buying shit they sit on their asses (some of them) and do nothing then when the 1st of the month ( Que Bone Thugs and Harmomy)...

comes around, and if their shit ain't on the card they have a fit! They call you cussing and calling you all types of bitches, tricks , hoes, sluts, marks and mark ass tricks! I do get a bit of life from the tongue lashings
What I don't understand is how the same chicks can have babies by the same person but yet he's not doing anything to help you take care of those babies. If he didn't help with the 1st one, then why have baby #2, 3,4 , 5 with his ass? Stupid ass Tricks ! Then They lie to us to protect the deadbeat daddies, but yet he's sitting in the WELFARE office w/ the new baby momma "LaCreatia" that lives in ur same projects? Just busting nuts in every crevice and hole that he can find with no hope or chance of responsibility! Where dey do dat at? U see all types of shit on my job.
They also train us in Civil Rights and Diversity. Let me tell you, the training is much needed. We deal with an array of gays, lesbians, transgenders (we share make-up tips), transexuals mexicans, africans, drug addicts, alcoholics and child abusers (phew taking a deep breathe), one-legged midgets, blind car jackers, bearded women, and that ain't the half of it! If anyone thought WELFARE was just for Blacks, well not anymore. Due to this bitch of a recession, I see an assortment of Colors and "Clear People" too w/ their hand out needing help. I'm not saying they don't deserve it, but don't fraud or abuse the system it's intended for people who are on their last pack of oatmeal and kool aid! Remember Good Times? Florida's Black ass made that same sticky oatmeal every morning, but they still made it out of the Jungle! So remember Keep Ur head above the water, making a way we can... Temporary lay offs! Good Times! Easy Credit Rip offs! Good Times...

Ain't we Lucky we Got Them ( break it down ) Goood Timessss Yeeaaahhhh MMMMMMMM
(hanging my arm above my head like the man in the painting ).

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