Friday, May 14, 2010

Clifford and Larry, Brand New, Single Young Ladies, and It's "Housecunt" Thursday--The Friday Edition

Hopefully you guys caught T.I.'s interview on Larry King last night. It was one of his first interviews since his release from the halfway house two months ago. Clifford a.k.a T.I. talked about the usual, how he was sorry for what he did, and how he can now move forward and help others to not make the same bad choices he did...blah blah blah! What would have really made the interview interesting is him talking about his "love me long time" chick Tiny, and how she must have that "good good". Despite her looking like she was hit in the face with a bag of hot nickels, T.I. keeps lacing this chick with amazing gifts.

Did you guys catch Tiny and Toya the other night when she received ALL of those things from her man? Either she has that bomb ass Dyson vacuum cleaner suction cup Karrine Stefans no gag reflex deep throat head game, or she has that slip and slide pussy. It's either one of the two, or maybe it's both. That would expalin it. Something has to give, please tell us your secrets Tiny! I want some stuff too, shit!


Brand New

Comedian Russell Brand shares his interesting life in this month's edition of Playboy magazine. Brand talks about his engagement with singer Katy Perry, as well as his sex addiction. Also, apparently when Russell was only 16 years old, his father bought him a prostitute. Brand says that he's had "a strange attraction to prostitutes ever since."
I don't know about you guys, but when I was 16, my father bought me a car, I can't ever recall him buying me a prostitute though (looking up at sky thinking).

Anyways, if you thought he couldn't get much weirder, get into him shoving a Barbie doll up his anus. Yeah, you heard me. He says that it was a "protest against consumerism", and that he chose a Barbie because of the shape. He goes on to say that [the shape of the doll] "it goes in easier, if you know what I mean." Okay? If you wanna be confused and freaked out any further, check out the whole article here...


Single Young Ladies

During a recent dance competition, these little girls slayed Beyonce's "Single Ladies". For a second I had to catch myself, because it looked like someone was taking video in a gay nightclub. These girls are total F.I.T's (Fags In Training). Their choreographer has to be a flamer because they are losing it! With all that hair flipping, gyrating, and runway walking, they all must have a gay uncle or brother. You can tell when women are exposed to gay, they just can't hide it. Take a look at the next generation of fag hags. It brings tears to my eyes (grabbing for a tissue).


It's "Housecunt" Thursday--The Friday Edition

Hi guys, sorry that Housecunt Thursday is a day late. This week it's was Nikki's turn, but she missed deadline yesterday because she was painting her nails, and dog-earring pages of Bazaar. She's readying herself for Fall and doing research on accessories. I mean, that understandable right?

Last weekend Nikki was lucky enough to jet away to Miami for a quick bit of R&R and 'Jersey Shore' fist pumping. Let's see what happened...Oh, and don't forget to vote for your favorite "Housecunt" (voting box top right corner of blog)!

Hi guys, it's me NIkki! First, I would like to say that I've never been so damn exhausted in my whole life! It's so draining jetting away to Miami, and lounging on yachts you know? My weekend was one big movie, and Ebert and Roeper would have given it 5 stars! Me being the self proclaimed diva that i am, I always fly out to Miami to get extensions and this time was no different.

Saturday I got up at the crack of dawn to pack and catch my 9am flight. The flight was quick, and before I could say "Louboutin", my Black ass was in the M.I. Right when I stepped off the plane, the humidity slapped me in the face. I wasn't about to have an afro, so I rushed to the salon as fast as my freshly pedicured feet would carry me. When I got to the salon, I had no idea that I was going to have an argument with Ada (a fiesty Dominican), about me NOT needing a relaxer.
Ada: Nikki, your hair is not nappy!

Nikki: Bitch, if you don't give me that creamy crack, we gonna have some issues!

She saw the fury in my eyes, so needless to say I got my relaxer. I'm still with the long and luscious (even though she took a few inches off my shit)! After the salon episode, I then jumped in a cab heading to SOBE to meet Kitchie and the girls for some taning on the beach. Talk about a perfect 10? Why were chicks are on the beach in thong bikinis! I had my black ass in a regular bikini because shit ain't sitting the way it use to! That's alright though, we gonna work on that. There ain't nothing that a little plastic surgery can't fix. I'll be damned if I'm gonna sweat these locks out in the gym!

We then went shopping in the FOUR HUNDRED company truck.

Yeah, you're reading it right. It says "Fo Huneed" bitches!

While shopping I somewhat tried to NOT buy everything I saw. I just kept repeating "practice self-control" over and over in my head like a mantra, but that shit didn't work! Just wait until you guys see my "new new". After our shopping excursion, we broke for hair and makeup. We needed to look pretty for our amazing dinner at Prime 112. The food is to die for!

Since we were with "Ms 400" herself, Simply Jess , we headed over to Cameo to "Oh Let's Do It" until 4am. Sunday morning morning we were up at 9am bright eyed and bushy tailed! We took an afternoon boat ride to a location about a half hr away from South Beach on the sand
bars. It was close to the house where they filmed the movie 'Scarface' ("What I try to tell you? This country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women!")

While I tapped into my inner Tony Montana, we tanned, played in the water and drank "piss in a cup" (grey goose and red bull). After we docked, we had a light dinner at Sushi Samba and shopped on Lincoln Rd. If youre ever in Miami on a Sunday night LIV is the place to be so it was only right that we graced the place with
our face! We "Diddy bopped" until 4:30 in the morning. I ran back to the condo to grab my things, and off to the airport I went! I Ieft a pair of my Louboutins in Miami, and I'm waiting on my prince to return them along with a few more pairs! We'll keep you guys updated on that (wink). What else can I say..."my life is your entertainment!"

You can applaud now.

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