And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This, "Damn, Damn, Damn...", Yucky Kandi, and "Bitch Buy"

Rihanna - Only Girl (In This World) by Zoone

Hey guys, again you can quit it with the hate mail--I'm back. Can a bitch take a break? I guess not.

Actually, I've been working on a few projects that have been consuming me. This means less time to blog. As Sheree from RHWOA says, "I'm a big girl with real big girl bills!"

Nah mean? (Brooklyn accent)

Anyway, so I'm sure you ALL are on the edge of your seats waiting for the results of my pregnancy test that I took a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to wait until the right time to share the news with my readers. (deep breath) So here goes! The results of my pregnancy test are....

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...negative. I guess I'll just have to keep trying over and over and over again. I was hoping for a cute little baby like Phaedra and Apollo's. You know, I could put it in a carrier, and stroll around the mall all day--with my two nannies of course.

So since I'm not pregnant I've been diving into work. Last week I had a photo shoot with my photographer Michael Kirby (email my for details to book him, he's amazing). These are a couple of proofs, you guys will see the finished project soon.

I'm trying to be the next Kim Kardashian, except I never sucked Ray J's dick. Did I?

Talk about killer photo shoot? My fellow DC Housecunt Bahareh is featured in this month's Black Men's magazine on stands now. Go pick it up if you can. Her 6 page spread is so hot that you may need an oven mit to touch it.

Last week friend gathered at SEI to celebrate her spread.

There's Nikki, you guys know her. That's my main cunt aka "Big Meech".

We had a blast! Congratulations Bahareh!

I continued celebrating on Saturday. This time it was my niece Rayven's birthday.

What a beautiful young lady she's grown into. Happy 19th bday Ravy!

After all of that cake and ice cream at the party on Saturday, I needed some meat to wash it down with...

Yep! We went to Secret's. My roomie and I went and had an amazing time. I ran into my old college buddy there who was in town for a conference. We caught up as much as we could, but when there's 12 naked men in a room dancing, I don't believe I was paying much attention.

The next day was the Sabbath, so I asked forgiveness for staring at dicks the night before. After repenting, I met clients and worked for most of the day.

On my train ride home, I sat next to the nastiest breeders. They were making out and nuzzling. She was whispering at his ear at one point, so I'm sure the reason he has his hands over his crotch is to mask a woody. I could only take it for two stops, and then I got up and moved. At this point it was about 5:30 and I hadn't eaten much at all, so I didn't wanna risk throwing up bile.

After the straight make out festival, I met my friend Rashad at Kushi. We caught up sans swinging dicks, and had an amazing dinner. Dwayne and J also joined us later on.

After dinner J took me to see 'Black Swan'. All I can say is that is was breathtaking. It gave me everything I needed. I was truly pleased.

After the movie, I went straight and thawed out. It was freezing out, and of course I couldn't see wearing socks! It's supposed to hit single digit temps later in the week. When the temp drops like this, all I can think about is those poor tranny prostitutes, and how this must really hurt their business? Poor girls...

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I'm sure you guys have seen Mechad "I only date white women, but I'm fine as hell" Brooks in the new State Farm commercials. If you haven't, google it dammit cause I couldn't see posting it. These still shots of him shirtless will do me just fine. I tried to crop Selita Ebanks out of the picture, but couldn't. I'm kidding (not really). That is the perfect body. He's not too big, not too small--juuuuusssttt right. Yum. I'm drooling on my Mac, so I should stop now. Enjoy the pics.

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Kandi from 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' has a new single called 'Haven't Loved Right'. The video above is Kandi singing her new single. The video below is sheep being herded. I honestly can't tell which one is which? Can you? Her voice make me wanna drive pencils through my earlobes. I think I'd rather hear Kim sing, at least I know she'll wear labels and have on beat diamonds. Good luck with going Platinum Kandi (belly laughs).

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You guys check this queen out. She works at Best Buy, and was supposed to be demonstrating how to use the WII dancing game. The fag spirits took him over, and he lost control. His ass thought he was at a ball of something. God has a special place in heaven for the gays I'm sure. Wow.