Wednesday, February 23, 2011

God vs. Iyanla: Part Deux, Queen of Soul, Prince of Pop, Jenny From The Block, and He Gotta Dunk!


I hoped you guys liked Auntie Whitney singing 'I Love The Lord' today. I needed some religion in my life. Every single time I try to do good, evil finds it's way in. I will not let the devil prevail, I'm a conqueror (shouts).

Speaking of religion, God, I mean Oprah is having part 2 of her conversation with Iyanla "ghetto hot ass mess I thought I had a deal with Barbara Walters, but se ruined my life and now I'm broke as shit" Vanzant. Part 1 was pretty steamy. Oprah read Iyanla, and told her many times that she wouldn't "accept" what Iyanla was saying, which in the streets means, "bitch please". I swear If I could be a fly on the wall when her and Gayle are having intimate pillow talk.

Oprah: Girl, why did I interview Iyanla today? First of all she had the nerve to come on my show with some crazy ass looking green run over boots. Then she tried to lie to me talking about, "I didn't think you wanted me, I thought you wanted the work!"

Gayle: Girl, no she didn't! And what was her hair lookin' like?

Oprah: Chile, her head looked crazy ass usual. If she would have stayed with me, she could have bought all the lace fronts that her heart desired.

Gayle: Girl, who you tellin? Don't act like I don't know. I told that bitch to stay.

Oprah: Dumb bitch. Makes for good tv on my last season though. Closure shit, I just want the final ratings.

Gayle: Hmmm, I know that's right. (silence) So ummm, what do you wanna do know?

Oprah: We 'bout to fuck. Now bring that ass over here! Tell Stedman to make me a peanut butter sandwich while he waits.

OMG. lol...I'm kidding, I'm kidding...






If Oprah's last Season couldn't get any gayer, Friday's show is Diana Ross! Miss "I'm coming out myself". Every time I here a song by Diana Ross, I just wanna have aggressive butt sex. She single handedly was responsible for leather men and butt-less chaps you know?

I'm guessing her and Oprah will dish dirt on her drinking problem, Berry Gordy, and how growing old is a mother fucker...

Damn.

If she's coming out, I'm going back in. I'm kidding (a little). Diana is still beautiful at 66! She could use a little work though.
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WENDY AND ARETHA

On Monday Wendy announced that she landed the first interview with Aretha Franklin since she'd been sick. What was Aretha thinking not giving her story to Oprah? Her last season? I love Wendy and all, but Oprah would have slayed her with beater accommodations and parting gifts. All she'll get from Wendy is a train ticket, and a night at the Motel 4, not even 6.

Did she NOT want that ponytail to match at all? Anyway, Aretha will be on Wendy next week to spill the tea. I'm hoping that she's feeling better. All hail the Drag Queen of Soul!

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GIMME THAT!

Chris "I'm fine as hell, but I'll whoop that ass" Brown was in court with his lawyer, and received an amendment to his restraining order against Rihanna. It seems that they can be in contact with each other now. Rihanna's camp had to ok the decision from the court. Ummmmm hmmmm, I'm sure we'll see them canoodling together soon. You can't run from good dick, it ALWAYS seems to find you. Ughhhhh!


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JENNY FROM THE BLOCK


Jennifer Aniston got a haircut! (cickets) Hey, maybe you didn't hear me? I said that Jennifer Aniston got a haircut! (crickets get louder)

Who gives a fuck about Jennifer's new cut? It's all over the news like she's Gadhafi or some shit? All it is is a remix of her old Rachel hairstyle from the 90's...




Tell me it's not! A little bleach and a flat iron, and there you have it! Can she go away already?
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HE GOTTA DUNK!

I don't know much about Blake Griffin. All I know is that he plays (french accent) How do you say? Zee Bahztkitbull? and this past weekend at the dunk contest he gave me a stiffy by dunking over a car. If you missed it, here it is...



I missed my calling as a locker room towel boy...

So dreamy. Fin!

1 comment:

↺ІТЅ "МІЅЅ ЯЄЄЅЄ" ТΘ УΘU↻ said...

ewwww that blake griffin is not a cute child..i believe ima have to revoke your TASTE card! HAND IT HERE PLEASE!

Secondly, stop putting wendy down! she is doing very good with her show and I am happy because not everyone is an oprah fan. I love how fun wendy is and how she interacts with her crowd and guests. We need fresh personalities like that. I am glad aretha decided on wendy. After all, you cant keep it real on oprah any more. Youve got to glam and glitz it up with Abc SOFT LIGHTING...thats not fun.