Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm Sorry 2011, Tiffany Pollard aka New York: A Moment In Black History,

I'M SORRY 2011...

Ummm yeah, I'm sorry I've been busy. Between watching the OWN Network, shopping online, yoga class, sucking dick, and singing negro spirituals in honor of Black History Month, I've had no time to blog. I was also away for the weekend. Thanks to my boo for the getaway. (wink) Oh yeah, and weekend before last I was in New York celebrating my stepsister and fellow Housecunt Erika's birthday! Happy bday boo!

On top of EVERYTHING, been trying to get in shape for Summer. That's my new goal. Yesterday I took a noon strength training class at my gym. The instructor is an Army queen pre repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. The class was amazing. Just one small thing slipped my mind before class...I forgot to eat. After the hour long class I felt like I had a long night out with Lindsay Lohan. I was so light headed. The gym is only 4 blocks from my house, so I obviously walked there. I had to take a cab back home. Even in my near unconscious state I couldn't help but to think how amazing I was gonna look if I kept this whole not eating/strength training thing up. I don't even remember paying the cab driver. I stumbled upstairs, and layed on the bed. Next thing I know Oprah was almost on.

I felt much better after my nap. I went to the kitchen and made some mashed potatoes. My stomach couldn't take anything heavy after all of that trauma. So, the point of me telling you all this is that you guys HAVE TO STOP EATING FULL MEALS. I mean fainting is just a small price to pay for a flawless Summer body. Do you wanna be fat and conscious, or skinny and somewhere in a state between consciousness and not so much? I'm gonna go with the later. Summer is mere months away people. Don't say I didn't tell you...(wink)

Anywho, this past Monday was Valentine's Day. I hope all the ladies got fucked like DMX fucked Keisha in BELLY.

If you didn't, here is Chris Brown's performance of 'No Bullshit' from last Saturday's 'Saturday Night Live'. I'm warning you! Ladies (and power bottoms), grab an extra absorbent beach towel to ensure that you don't ruin your seat, cause it's sure to make you wet! It certainly gave me a stiffy.

Why didn't God make me that floor?

Wow, what was wrong with that Rihanna? I mean he didn't beat her that bad. Right? Nothing that a little makeup wouldn't cover! Ugh...


TIFFANY POLLARD: A Moment in Black History...

Tiffany "New York" Pollard was born in Utica, New York in 1982. She was catapulted into "fame" through her role on reality show 'Flavor of Love'.

"New York" is a shrewd loud African American woman who never ceases to promote negative stereotypes. She has opened doors for other loud stereotypical Black women on reality television like Nene Leakes, Tammy from 'Basketball Wives', and the girl who is trying to find Chilli a date on 'What Chilli Wants'.

What better time than now to honor Tiffany "New York" Pollard for all of the great works that she's done in our community.

Even though her "15 minutes" are up, she is still trying to hold on to a thread of the so called fame she had. If that's not determination, I don't know what is.

"New York" has also done her part to improve race relations in this country...

Her synthetic weaves and hair pieces have also blazed trails. Now even White women like Kim Zolciak can wear wigs without feeling less than a woman or insecure.

On this the 16th day of Black History Month, let us all reflect on the good works of Tiffany "New York" Pollard. This has been a moment in Black History brought to you by



Fuck a New York Fashion Week, I know what you ALL have been waiting for...Vivica Fox's Spring Summer wig line! Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyy (jumps up and down clapping)! It's finally here. This old cougar has had more meat in her cooch than a deep freezer, but that has not stopped her from designing her summer line of wigs! Oh goody.

Tell me this doesn't look like the scene from 'Dreamgirls' when Beyonce told the other girls to turn their wigs around? What the fuck?

All she needs is some big sunglasses and a trench coat, and then she'll be ready for the bank robbery.

I think all of that young dick she's getting has finally gone to her head. Someone has to stop her.
This is giving Micheal Jackson Pepsi commercial.
This is giving me Peggy Bundy all day long. I swear if I catch any of you cunts in these wigs, I will pull it off. I'm not kidding. There are amazing wigs out there, and these are not them. What is wrong with Vivica?

No comments: