You Don't Want Any, Not Again, Hell No T.O. and Hola Senorita Cosa!

You know what? You people can't take MY president! You can't take MY president, because Obama will read a mother fucker with the quickness. When asked about Dr. Gates' arrest, he responded and said that the Cambridge police "acted stupidly". Why are the people going off saying that he doesn't know the facts. What facts are there? Dr. Gates encountered a jammed door at his own home. He used force and broke in. The police didn't arrive until after he was already in his home chillin'. You mean to tell me that Dr. Gate's couldn't have provided the proper identification/documents to prove that was his home? Chile, those police tried it, and they know it! Don't get mad because MY president read you. Get over it! Then MY President even went there and said that our country has a history or racial profiling. It's ok if you can't take it! Oh, and shut up Matt Lauer! I couldn't see ANYONE trying to come for Obama!

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Nooooooo Lawwwd! First Farah, then Michael, now... How is the god damn Taco Bell dog gonna die? What the hell? I better write out a damn will my damn self. Everybody is kicking the bucket. Maybe the dog was asking for prescription drugs too? The bitch had a stroke and died! I guess I'll make a sweet potato pie or something for the repass. Awwwwwww Laawwwwwd (holding hankerchief over my mouth, and crying DOWN)...

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It's no secret that T.O. makes me wanna J.O., but his show is quite bad. I only watched it with hopes of his towel slipping or something. If you caught it, let me know what you think?

The T.O. show which airs on Monday nights at 10 p.m. follows him around while he does nothing. His two publicist (who have EXTREME crushes on him), and his bodyguard/friend shoot shit while being taped. I'd be more entertained if someone poured honey on him while he was shirtless for the hour. Maybe next week?

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So, I made reference to this song in my last post. It was the soundtrack for my day on Sunday. Junior Vasquez made this track back in '96 after Madonna was a no show at one of his gigs at The Tunnel. It was an actual message that he twirked into a beat 90's club song. It still pumps today. You have no clue how many people I made out with while this song was playing at the old TRACKS here in DC? I was 18, don't judge me!

Weekend Wrap-Up, Ed Hard-On, Sneak Peek, and Why Isn't Your Name On The List?

I'm hoping everyone had a spectacular weekend, mine was quiet for a change. I was meaning to attend some of the events for DC Hip Hop Theatre week, but I kept having sex with BF #1. I mean allllllllll week. I didn't catch one event. There's always next year. Anyways, work was dreadful as usual on Saturday. I had made plans to attend one of my co-workers art parties. I was excited to go, and had no plans (BF #1 was hanging with "the boys" for the weekend). Even though I was absolutely exhausted for some reason on Saturday night I still peeled myself out of bed and managed to piece together a sort of "gay Indian boy" (feather, not red dot) look. I even wore a Stella McCartney shrug, and ankle moccasins and things. Somehow plans went south, and so did my mojo to go out. I made it 5 blocks and turned around and went home. Oh, not before I went to 7-eleven and slayed the snack aisle.

Yesterday, work was pretty painless and went by fairly quick. Thank God my sister Yaneek was working. We kept each other company all day. Throughout my day, at least three people commented on how disturbing then new Bruno movie was. That's enough bait for me to see it! I rushed to the theatre after work in hopes of catching the 7 pm show, but the bitch was sold out. I bought my ticket for 8pm, and went to grab a drink at the bar in Clyde's. I needed a date with myself, I haven't had chance to do that lately. I headed back to the theatre to claim my seat. I ended up sitting in the handicapped seats in the middle. It was either that, or sit next to a fat sweaty man, and his wife who was wearing a Chicoesque outfit. Handicapped seats it was!

The movie had hardly starting, and I was offended! I loved every minute. It was great how he poked fun at Americans, and how ridiculous we can be at times (ok, all the time). I will definitely see it a second time. I missed a lot of the jokes due to extended laughter. Oh my God, I have a grey hair on my hand? I just saw it while I was typing. That is so gross! Hold on. Oh my God, I'm back. I had to get rid of that fucker! I don't believe in that "3 more come to it's funeral bullshit". Damn, I'm almost 40 minus 9. When did that happen?

Anyways, Bruno was funny ass hell! If you need a laugh, and are not easily grossed out or offended, go see it.

(Deep exhale)

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I was doing a bit of food shopping at Whole Foods the other day, and came across this! Ed Hardy wine? I had no clue, did you guys? If you drink it, will you instantly become really garish and tacky. Or perhaps maybe become covered in crystals? I'm sure it taste like a hairy sweaty euro trash man. We will see, because I bought a bottle. I haven't had the courage to actually open it. I feel like it's gonna be like Pandora's box. I may get more than I bargained for.

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Ok, can everyone just shut up about MY president glancing at this girl's but? He is a man, they are supposed to look at women's butts and scratch their balls and things!

God I do love him, but President Clinton got his dick sucked in the Oval Office, and Obama can't glance at a butt? May we please not forget that Obama is a black man, he don't give a FUCK! I just wanted the next frame of pictures to be Obama extending his hands out waist high to the sides, looking straight at the camera with a "what" look on his face. That should learn 'em Obama!

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I know that we are on to Cruise and Spring Summer, but let's stop and partake in all of the Fall Christian Louboutin glory. I swear this man is planning to take over the world! All of these are pre-orders, and your name should be on some type of list if you ever think about getting your size.

Who but a nasty gay faggy designs a boot like this?

...and this

...and these

How could one EVER lose wearing these? If I were the cunt, I would wear these while I urinated in public. I would burn down schools and things, and blame it on the bad ass shoes!

There's even a shoe for the dikes!

Enjoy!

I Have Many Questions That Need Answers...

Who told Katie Couric to ask Lil' Wayne about him drinking Syrup?  In addition, why was Lil' Wayne calling Katie "Miss Katie" like he was on a plantation? (Grammy Special that aired last night)

Why doesn't somebody get Whitney a stylist, or a faggy friend who will tell her not to wear those damn Tori Burch boots anymore?  I swear this is the second year I've seen her wear them.  She doesn't even discriminate against seasons either, she will pull those bitches out in the summer.  ...And when is she coming back with a cd?  All the time she spends walking around in those funky Tory boots, her ass could be in a studio recording a run.  And I...

What is Erykah Badu on, and why did she name her new baby Mars?  You know what the next reality show needs to be, Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill.  We need to get a huge house and put them and all of their kids in it, and let the good times roll.

Who told Ray J that he could have a show, and why is he sooooooo wack?  First of all, he's like 5 feet tall, and wears over-sized white mink bombers.  Yeah his penis is the fucking ruler but I'm gonna have to vote NO on this one.  YES I CAN!

Are people really mad at this photo of Miley Cyrus and her friends?  The bitch is 16 years old, that's what she's supposed to do.  I could see if there wasn't an Asian kid sitting right beside her?  I'm 3o years old, and myself and my friends of other ethnicities can poke fun at each other.  I'm just waiting for the picture of Miley and her black friend to surface.  I'm sure everyone but the black friend will be eating fried chicken and watermelon.  I'd frame it, I'm not kidding... 

Leave the boy alone, how many of you guys have a fucking Gold medal?

Why do I feel like every time Neicey Nash speaks, she sets the Black Movement back 20 years.  Her performance in 'Not Easily Broken' single-handedly cancelled out the Inauguration of our First African American President.  Oh, can somebody tell her about the flowers in her weave?

Why is my President Black and on the cover of Vanity Fair's March edition looking BEAT! 

I LIVE!

Why, Oooooh why...

Weekend Wrap-Up, Now Does Anyone Believe Me?, Sorry Syd, and My First Family...

Are you guys ready for my weekend wrap-up...?  This weekend I worked, and it sucked!  Oh no, that's it...

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If you guys haven't heard about Ms. Kanyesha's newest.  She was reported to have said that she was interested in doing porn.  She said that she would be interested in doing "bisexual scenes with another man and a women, or two women and myself" (drop the wine glass).  

Now she has gone too far.  Last week she wanted to pose nude, now she wants to do porn.  She is feeling real sexy these days.  I would get major life if I caught her out in a porn with a blonde hair piece on like Kim's from Atlanta Housewives, and a pair of Nike dunks.  His "co-star" would be Double R, and we all know what that would give (If you're not a gay man, this is where you google gay porn Double R).  Double R would have Kanye taking dick bent over a bicycle with a banana in his mouth.  I honestly don't think we're too far from seeing it.  Stay tuned...

 

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Sorry Syd, but I had to do it... 6' 11"?  Gold medalist?  Dwight Howard is the ruler.  I was reminded how much of the ruler he was after coming across this random pic of him online.  Not only does he look like someone covered him in extra virgin olive oil and stuck him out in the sun to bake, but his smile is killer.  Again Syd, I hope there is no bad blood for me doing this, but that's the way love goes...lol.

If I found out that this cunt loved him long time, I will fuck her up...

What did India Arie say, "Maybe you're from Mississippi or and Island..?"  She ain't never lied!

Oooop...!

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These are random pics from Inauguration released from the White House this weekend.  Look at my President about to leave the house to attend the balls.  He is the ultimate family man.  You can just tell that those girls love him.  One of my favorite images from the actual Inauguration was Sasha giving her dad the thumbs up.  It's so cute, I can't stand it.  I hate kids though...(I'm kidding, not really.  I like them though, and my nephew Jaden, and Brad and Angelina's twin that was born first.  I also like Pebbles from the Flinstone's, her ponytail was ovah...that's it though).

Did you guys know that MY president was Black?

Weekend Wrap-Up, Oooh Mama Look At Obama, and Monday Wake-Up!

I know I've been gone for a while, but this Holiday season has been a conjure.  Work, work, work...I'm so exhausted when i get home that I can barely finish my nightcap.  Friday night I worked until 10, it was dreadful.  There was no one there shopping besides me.  One of my ridiculously crazy clients drove up from Bumfuck, Va to see me.  Whenever she comes, it's always a show.  At least she bought something, so I entertained her antics.  After I sent her packing Lucy called and asked if I wanted to eat at 

The Palm, I acquiesced.  I was looking forward to a nice meal and some much needed conversation.  As we were walking into the restaurant, we see a man jump head first out of a moving SUV near the valet stand.  I of course called 911 being that there was blood gushing from the front of his head.  He appeared to be a little inebriated--Aww, fuck that, this mother fucker was wasted.  Apparently, he was arguing with his wife who was driving and felt the need to self-eject himself from the car?  Lord help me.  After those antics, we went in to a nice meal and went home.

Saturday I worked early.  We had a pot-luck Christmas party.  I bought pasta from Maggiano's, and a cake from Corner Bakery.  I couldn't see cooking for anyone at work.  Besides I wasn't going to eat that much of anyone else's cooking anyways--you know people aren't clean...  They won't have me sick in the hospital, wondering what's wrong--Oh hell naw! 

I almost forgot that my sweet child Joey, his boyfriend "String Bean", and his gay mother ca,me to visit me during my busy day.  They gave me exactly what I needed in the middle of my day!  Afterwork I went home and relaxed.  I talked to the trade on the phone until the wee hours and finally turned in at around 4 a.m.

Yesterday work was alright, I fleeced at 6.  I went home to order my favorite Thai food and relaxed.  Normie had gone to New York for the weekend, and would be returning to D.C. around 4:30 a.m.  There was no point of my sweet child going to M.D. and coming right back for work, so he stayed here.  Around 6 a.m., I heard weird noises coming from my roommates room.  I knew that he was having company, so I thought that they were having.  Upon closer observation, it appeared that he was having a diabetic/whatever the fuck attack.  I went to get him juice and his "friend" who spoke not a lick of English by the way got him to drink it.  The "friend" at one point asked my for a "tay-wuhl"?  I asked this motherfucker at least 3 times what he said before he started to do sherades with my ass.  Come to find out, he was asking for a towel.  I'm calling immigration.  

Now which brings us to the Monday before Christmas and I must do a bit of shopping.  I only need to get my niece something, and other little odds and ends.  Wish me luck!

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Did you guys get into these pictures of Obama taken by a photographer in the 70's?  Why is our president a pimp?  I live!  I'll be your Monica Barrack, just let me know.  I wouldn't even do any crazy shit like keeping a crusty dress either.  I would dry clean it immediately, I couldn't see possibly ruining any of my fashions because you "super soaked dat ho"... I know I'm crazy, sorry...

This pic explains why Mr. President's lips are that lovely shade of aubergine.  I don't condone the smoking of cigarettes, but damn can i get a drag?

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It's Monday, and I know some of you are just as tired as I am.  I'm sure you need a little Monday wake-up...

Gerald Washington is just a baby, but as Whitney said, he's all the man that I'd ever need.  Washington stands at a towering 6' 6", and is well over 260 pounds.  He plays football for USC. 

Ya'll know Vernon Davis, he's over... 

Essence Ain't Slick..., and Plaxico, Plaxico, Plaxico...

So right around the time of Inauguration, look out for dual covers from Essence.  The two covers will feature Barrack on one, and Michelle on the other.  Good thinking Essence!  Way to jump on the "How can WE make money off the Inauguration" tip.  You know that every black person on both sides of the Mississippi is gonna run out and buy them both. They are calling them "Special Collector's Editions".  Essence twirled that, I'm not even mad though. 

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31 year old New York Giant Plaxico Buress was shot in the right thigh this past Saturday night.  Oh no, no one else shot him...he shot himself.  Yeah, he was partying it up at a New York City nightclub, and a gun that he had concealed in his waistband discharged.  He is now facing criminal charges, and could face 3 1/2 years in prison.  You would think that at 6' 5" and 235, he would have at least a normal person's sized brain.  

What in the Coco Dorm?  He all chocolatey--smiling with his eyes and shit!  With those pretty eyes and cheekbones, Plaxico may not wanna go to jail.  He may end up the resident "hair-braider", if you guys know what I mean?  

In Jail...

Big Bubba:  "Aye Plax, get the fuck in here n*gg@ and braid my hair.

Plaxico:  "Man, you must got me twisted.  I ain't braiding your mutha-fuckin hair.

Big Bubba: (slowly moves closer, stares Plaxico in his eyes--licks lips) "Oh you not?"

Plaxico: (snaps and places right hand on the arch of his back)  "Boy, I was just playin'.  What you want straight back, or a swirl design?  You know I can also give you two strand twist?  It's givin' whatever you want."

Ba-You rrak My World..., and DC Events...

Our fine President elect Barrack Obama covers this month's edition of GQ magazine.  Did I mention he was fine?  Why is he so over? I shouldn't be having thoughts about my president like that.  He is so charismatic and has this electrifying gravitational pull of energy.  I haven't lived for someone this much since...well last week, but I live for him nonetheless.  Ya'll know he's fine right?

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So last night I attended a very cute event at Jin on 14th St.  The party was a video premiere for a local artist.  The video featured one of my friend's clients.  My friend, Mr. Delonte Briggs has recently started a management company, and represents artist, models, etc.  Definitely look out for more from Mr. Briggs.  Just from talking to him last night, there is lots more in the works.  For upcoming events please visit www.mrbriggsmanagement.com.

Holla...   

Random Fashion Thoughts, Oooh Obama, and Frankie, Frankie, Frankie...

Why is Naomi the most over supermodel cunt that has ever graced the runway?  Dolce and Gabanna couldn't see not having her be the ONLY female to walk in their Men's Spring/Summer '09 fashion show.  Of course she slayed the walk, and made the people gag.  Why in the hell would Yves Saint Laurent replace her as the face of YSL with Claudia Schiffer.  I couldn't see it myself...

How hot is this look from Alexander McQueen's Spring/Summer '09 show?  It gives the illusion of a one-piece.  There were all types of hot things from McQueen for Spring.  Being that there were no offers for anyone to buy me those boots from the last post...the above pant and shirt will do.

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Why is our President elect Barrack Obama so fine?  Look at him, he's just as cute as he wanna be.  Watch him Michelle.  Make sure none of that Bill Clinton shit goes on in the Oval Office.  Michelle would whip some ass, Do u hear me?  I'm talking about a good 'ol natural ass whippin' down to the white meat.  I don't want none...

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Wow, did anyone see the premiere of Keisha Cole's BET reality show?  That's Frankie Cole, Keisha's real mother (said with hardly parting my lips).

Frankie is Keisha's biological mother who gave Keisha up as a young child due to her drug and alcohol addictions.  The show follows Keisha's family every yell and scream of the way.  There are specific tongues of Ebonics that I've never even heard being used on this freakin show'.  I find myself embarrassed at times wondering whether anyone other than the Black race somehow stumbled upon this buffoonery.  I mean come on, Obama was just elected into office, we were on a high--and now this? 

Quotes from the show...

Frankie Cole:  "I don't want to go to dinner wit' you.  Imma be watchin horror movies and eatin Popeye's chicken all day..."

Frankie Cole:  "I'm her real momma.  I carried her for 9 months!"

Frankie Cole:  "Y'all always be treatin' me like a crackhead!"

Frankie Cole:  " I don't need her help.  I need you, I need Neffie, I need Sam, I need Ellie, I need Robert, I need Lativia, I need Alice, and I need you to not hug me right now!"

She's supposed to be clean from drugs now, so that means she's still trippin' off shit she took back in the 80's and 90's?  Son, that's some powerful shit, and I don't want any!  Crackheads are the fucking ruler, especially crackheads with a millionaire daughter who has a reality show.  Somebody get me an aspirin.  

You Didn't Know I Was A Fuckin' Rock Star?

Congratulations to President elect Barrack Obama.  This is literally history unfolding right before our eyes.  Long after we are gone, our children's children's children will read and learn about this historic event.  I feel so proud and blessed to have witnessed it first hand, not only to witness, but to have taken part in it personally.  I can say years from now that I helped to elect the first African American President into office.  

I feel like I can breathe again, the illusory grip that the last administration had around my neck has been loosed.  As Obama said last night, things will not happen over night.  I'm fine with that.  I just feel better knowing that we have turned the car around, and are finally moving in the right direction.  

Those tag words "Hope" and "Change" stirred emotion inside of so many Americans, and served as an amazing catalyst for newness.  I, for the first time in a while feel empowered myself.  I'm sure millions of other Americans share my sense of empowerment at this time. Hopefully, now Americans who thought that they never could, will persist on and accomplish.  Victory...  

Wow, look at them.  They look like me...

Somebody call the mover to start packing up Bush's draws.  Get his motherfucking ass out of the god damn White House.  I can't wait for Michelle to invite me over for a fork-full of greens and some corn bread, oh I just can't wait...