Kinda Homo?, Whitney "Hugeton", Drunken Doughnuts?, Housewife Sex, and It's 'Housecunt' Thursday...

Bop your head to my "homo crush" Soulja Boy's 'Pretty Boy Swag' while you read the blog today...You're welcome!

Gucci Mane - "Pretty Boy Swag (Remix)" by BrotasticMusic

Speaking of boys...Catch the youngins in the video below. I'll let you guys decide how you feel about it, but as for me, I'm quite disturbed. Why are they shaking their asses better than the most booked video hoes? They are way too young for all of that, but if they could teach ME how to do it, I'd be forever indebted. If I could do that, I'd rule the world!

What do you guys think? Isn't it a little too (Wendy Williams voice) "How you doin"? Anyways, what do I know?

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Whitney "Hugeton"

I know I shouldn't be talking about Auntie Whitney like this, but I'm gonna go ahead and apologize in advance. What the hell has this bitch been eating? Better yet, whatever it is, I don't want any.

The picture above is her at a recent concert with fans. Look at how her breast are about to attack those poor people. Whitney has NEVER had boobs that big, besides when she got those floatation device looking breast implants years ago, but they still weren't even a handful. Maybe she ate Bobbi Kristina? I haven't seen her in a while? Perhaps her addiction has just shifted away from drugs and alcohol to food. When you have an addictive personality, you have to O.D. on something, and looks like Whitney has been fucking up some greasy fried chicken. I'm not hatin' Whitney, just don't get any bigger. Shit.

(Whitney voice--pre drugs--around the time of 'The Bodyguard') And IIIIIIIIIIII E IIIIIIIII, will always love you...

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Drunken Doughnuts

Seahawks rookie Golden Tate says that he's "embarrassed" after Police in Seattle gave him a warning for trespassing into a doughnut shop last weekend. The shop is apparently in the lobby of a building he lives in. Tate along with a drunken friend entered the shop at around 3 am, and started to help themselves to doughnuts. Tate says that the doughnuts are "irresistible".

Let my ass break into a doughnut shop at 3 in the morning, I would be in the "big house" braiding Big Poppa's hair! A bullshit rookie gets caught, and is issued a warning? Can we at least get some Chris Brown Community Service or something? This is the first I've heard of a damn Golden Tate. He needs to go to Rikers! Off with his head!

Kinda cute though, eh? Anyways, off to Rikers!

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Housewife Sex

So, I'm sure you've heard (holding hand over mouth) about Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub (dry heaving over toilet) and her sex tape by now. The sex tape is set to be distributed by Hustler very soon. I don't know about you guys, but I sure as hell don't wanna see her cougar pussy on my television screen! And to make it even more uncomfortable, it's been reported that she has piercings in "weird" places as well. This is some gross shit man! I guess the sales will be supported by horny college boys who thinks she a milf. As for me, I'm saving this link here... for a rainy day. If I ever start rapid weight gain (which will be never), I'll click that link to instantly lose my lunch. Did I say this was gross? Ok, I thought I did--just checkin...

(runs to barf again)

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It's 'Housecunt' Thursday...

On behalf of 'The Housecunts of DC', we'd like to say thank you. Thank you all so much for your kind words, emails, and comments on the blog. Along with all of the local notoriety we've been getting, of course there comes backlash. I mean if I were you, I'd hate us too.

What's that saying again? It says something about "keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer?" I guess some people don't have much to do? It's quite sad when your only entertainment is watching what we do. If "one" dislikes something so much, why would "they" continue to read about/want to be around it? Grab a pen and take notes. For example, I hate tofu. Now if I hate tofu so much, why would I have it for dinner every night? Get my drift? And as far as all of the talking behind MY back, lying, conspiring, backstabbing, gossiping, and "school girl" antics, Are you serious? I graduated high school while Clinton was in office, I'm too old for that shit! I guess birds of a feather really do flock together. Reminder to readers: Beware of fake bitches (and dudes that ACT like bitches)! Some people are more fake than a Chanel bag on Canal St. You know, my mother told me that when people talk behind your back, they're speaking into your asshole (scans room with eyes)...

Anyways, enough about that. Join us as we do some "revamping" to 'The Housecunts of DC'. (enter suspense music here) Stay tuned for Season 2. You can't catch us, we're too far away...

(looks around my house) Has anyone seen my iPhone? (shrugs)

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., (Insert Music From 'Jaws' Here), Caught by Q, and Oooop!

(in country operator voice) Press (1) if you're Black. Press (2) if you're White. Press (3) if you're Asian. Press (4) if you're Persian. Press (5) if you're Hispanic. Press (6) if you're Slovakian. If you're mixed Black and White, please hold down keys (1) and (2) at the same time. If you're gay, press (7). Press (8) if you're straight. If you're bisexual, please press keys (7) and (8) at the same time. If you enjoy fisting, press the (#) key. If you're neither of the afore mentioned, please press (0), and hold for the next quincyjones66.blogspot.com representative. Someone will be with you momentarily...(insert bad hold music)

Hi bitches. It's Monday. Aren't you happy to see me? It was a man down situation for me for most of the weekend. I was sick. My trusty vodka/orange juice and Nyquil concoction NEVER fails me. I feel like a new man today!

I started to feel icky earlier in the week. It started with a headache. Little did I know, it was sinus pressure. I took some Advil and kept it moving. As the week went on, I developed a cough. I hate people who go around yacking on everything. I was one of those people.

Luckily I was off Friday, and I got to sleep in. My sweetheart asked me out to lunch, so I threw on the first pair of skinny jeans I could find, and went to meet him. We went to Luna Cafe in Dupont. It was good for what it's worth. The only thing that wasn't good was the fake ass 'Gossip Girls' episode that was going on at the next table...

"Yeah, totally! So she was all, and then I was all!" Those bitches were so damn loud and annoying. I really didn't wanna hear their conversation about Hunter boots and the Land's End sale online! Uggghhhh! Annoying bitches! Luckily for them, I was having a cocktail, so it soothed my nerves.

After lunch with my boo, I headed to Georgetown to meet up with Dwayne (big ups Hu's Wear DC). I did a tad of light shopping, and headed home to get dressed for the ReadySetDC DC Blogger Event.

The event was held at District in Adam's Morgan. I don't normally go to Adam's Morgan on a Friday or Saturday, but I made an exception. It WAS before 8 p.m., so it was ok. I have no time for that part of the city on Friday or Saturday between the hours of 9:30 p.m.-4:00 a.m. I don't have the patience to walk through the gauntlet of puking girls in "going out" tops. I just can't!

The event also featured a local artist work. These are a couple of pieces by Brandon Hill. He does some dope shit. Check it out here...

After Adam's Morgan, it was off to SEI for dinner. I had to meet some of my cast members from 'The Real Housecunts of DC'.

We were on gay double dates. This pic is pretty fetch.

"You can't sit with us!"

This was our bill. I don't even think we ate or drank anything. It's fashion week season. Anyways, we tried to pay with "alternative" methods of payment, but they weren't having it. I think, the Panera Bread discount card went through though...

After dinner, I got hit by a bus (side eye), and Susan Boyle was there. I'll explain some other time. Anyways, knowing that I was feeling sick, I pressed on. Nothing can hold me down! I'm a beast!

It was off to The W Hotel. After a quick walk through, we left. Why are there so many Blacks there now? Uggghhhh! The only Blacks allowed at The W DC are me and my friends. No guys in baggy pants and caps. Well, a couple of them were cute though...(tilts head to side and looks up trying to remember)

On to the next one...We left and hopped a cab to the next place.

Dwayne and I needed another drink, so The Fireplace it was.

The Fireplace is the seediest most disgusting bar that I think I've EVER been in, but the drinks are great.

This was a sign on the wall as you walk up the stairs. Ummm hmmm, I bet the stairs are slick. It's probably jizz. That bar is so gross. I hate it. I saw chipped paint on the wall, I'm going for a lead testing. I'm so not kidding.

After being exposed to lead and asbestos at The Fireplace, Dwayne and I fleeced. I walked him to the train, and I hoped into a cab.

Not before I had a warm late night Krispy Kreme doughnut. If there weren't enough exposed holes from the doughnuts at Krispy Kreme, there were lots of homosexuals there...

(blank stare)

I went to bed all ready to pop up for work the next morning.

OMG, I woke up feeling like Precious had sat on my face all night. I had THE worst sinus headache ever. My throat felt like I deep throated golf clubs for a living, and I had no voice at all. I immediately called into work, and went over to CVS. The girl who normally rings me up there said, "Are you alright?" If she could see me roll my eyes through my dark sunglasses, she would have known that I was annoyed. I somehow shrieked out an, "I'm sick!" How was she gonna ask me if I was alright, when she looks like a 'Rupaul's Next Drag Superstar' reject? I really must have looked bad?

I went home and nearly did a Heath Ledger. I took one of every drug I had on deck, and washed it down with a shot of Nyquil. I slept for the better pat of the day, and only woke up to eat and get more drugs.

Yesterday, I still felt like crap, but I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed and go to work. I survived. I came back home, ate and rested more. This morning I feel like a new bitch. I have a lingering cough, but I'm gonna kick it's ass by the end of the day. Send me gifts (monetary only, please no flowers), that would make me feel better. Thanks. The PayPal button is up top, don't act like you ain't see it! (wink)

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The 40 year old trainer who was killed by the whale at Sea World last week is scheduled to have a memorial service next week. It's so sad. This was her dream job, she wanted to be a trainer ever since she was 9 years old.

Apparently, the whale has killed 2 OTHER people. in 1991, that bitch drowned another trainer at a park in Brittish Columbia. Also, in 1999 a man's body was found floating in the pool where "Tilikum" lived. I guess it's no secret that he's killing folk like this, he is a fuckin "killer whale". I'm just sayin' though. He gets off after killing 3 people, but my man got caught uptown with a bag of weed and he gets 2 years in jail?

I don't know if that shit is right? Fucking killer whale. (Kanye shrug)

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Caught by Q

This guy was on the elevator with me in my building. He worked out in our gym downstairs. While I took this picture, I was holding my nose. He stunk so damn bad. I could work out non stop for a year with no deodorant and not smell like that. Uggghhh! He smelled like sweaty gym socks soaked in licorice and piss. Just nasty.

All I wanted to do is get some cash for a cab the other day, but this bitch needed an ATM training. Every time I thought she was done, SHE WASN'T! At one point she just stood there and stared at it, like she was trying to read it's palm or something. I sighed extremely loud, and she finally sped it up. I could have done my damn taxes, all the time this bitch took!

"ATM For Dummies..."

Even though I was sick and weak on Saturday morning, I had the strength to snap this shot while going down on the elevator as I was headed to CVS. It was 8 a.m., and she was obviously doing the "walk of shame". She had on last night's "going out" clothes, and smelled like the guy that was walking her down.

"So are you gonna call me again, or...?

Train Trade: For all of you who were with me from the beginning, I'm bringing that series back. Stay tuned...

This nasty Gyne-lotrimin Monistat yeast infection pant wearing cunt was seen at Nordstrom trying to retrieve cash from the ATM. I hope she was getting money out for her OB/GYN co pay? Those tight ass pants is doing nothing good for her "secret". She needs to conjure Toni Braxton, and let her vagina "Breathe Again"! I'm sure that poor thing is stuffed in those tight pants gasping for air! Poor va jay jay...(shakes head)

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You know I don't wanna say anything bad about Auntie Whitney, but this bitch is trippin'. All of those years smoking weed laced with cocaine has fucked up her voice. She used to captivate audiences, now she's clearing out stadiums. It's so sad. How about Whitney just do us all a favor and not sing at her concerts. I would gladly pay a hundred dollars to go to an arena and watch 3 hours of 'Being Bobby Brown'. That would be soooo much more fulfilling. (singing) "I look to yoooooouu oohhh, I loook to you! Bobby Christina!"

Auntie Whitney, Where Did Everyone Go?, Walk For Me, and Daaaaaaammmnnnn!

So, the highly anticipated part 2 of the Oprah/Whitney interview aired yesterday. It gave me everything I needed. Whitney looked amazing. Her dress was appropriate, and her legs were glossed for the Gods! Auntie Whitney spilled tea like no other, and Oprah was there with a roll of Bounty soaking it up! Oprah asked Whitney at one point if Bobby had ever hit her. Whitney said, "I was raised with two boys and I’ll fight you back. He slapped me once but I hit him over the head three times.” Don't fuck with Auntie Whitney, she don't play. She even said that she fucked him up one time. Oprah asked if there was blood. In her raspy voice she responded, "Yes". My other standout in the interview was when Oprah acted as if she couldn't get how Auntie Whit was getting high. Whitney told Oprah to "Stay with her", and said,"You put your marijuana, you lace it, you roll it up and you smoke it,”! Whaaaaaaaaatttttt? I damn near lost it. The only thing I was waiting for was Oprah to pull out some weed and cocaine, and ask her to demonstrate exactly how she did it. Now that's "Must see TV"! At the end of yesterday's interview Oprah asked if she was scared what Bobby would think, and Whitney gave Oprah the Sheree (ATL Housewives) "Who gon check me boo" face. I live!

Can ya'll tell me one thing though? Why did Oprah have to sit like that with her foot strategically placed so we could see her fresh red bottoms the WHOLE interview? We know you have Louboutin's for days Oprah, but you didn't have to slay us like that. At the end of the show, Whitney sang...(crickets)

Anyways, I hear Whitney's CD is good, but I couldn't see buying it--I'm broke. I would find coins somewhere to buy the 'Being Bobby Brown' DVD though. Now that's entertainment. (singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', and dancing around like Taylor Swift)...

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From Rihanna to Lady Gaga, it seems that it's chic to not see. Rihanna was pictured last week at the Guisseppe store in NY with these studded glasses on. I know the bitch couldn't see shit.

On Sunday, Lady Gaga accepted her speech in this lace number. She needed help onstage. Before she finished her acceptance she had to rip the lace from her face. Is it the rage to impair your vision in the name of fashion (scrambling to find studded glasses and lace)? I get life from ANYONE who needs help walking because their fashions won't allow them to either see or move freely. I would LOVE to wear the beatest outfit, and have someone roll me around on a hospital gurney! I die! Big ups (i'm bringing that saying back from earlier in the decade) to Rihanna and Lady Gaga for expressing themselves through fashion. If I had the beat coin, they would never want to see me though. I would battle them for BLOOD! I would wear crotchless pants with swarvorski encrusted Pringle's cans to cover my penis, no shirt with a chinchilla bow tie, a Van Cleef and Arpel's noose around my neck, and Cartier LOVE bracelets around my ankles. Fuck with it!

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Fuck with this as well...My sweet child Brandon Parker (FORD Models) walking for blood in the Tahari show in NY for Fashion week. I'm so proud of him. I told you Brando that we are gonna party DOWN when you get your first billboard in Times Square. I feel it coming!

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I was strolling into my building the other day, and look what I saw. The policeman were patrolling, and their horses stopped to take a HUGE shit right in front of my house. This motherfucker needed some Immodium or what's the pink stuff? It smelled like shit (because it was shit), and it was right in the middle of the road, so cars kept rolling over it. Someone get this horse to a bidet!

Happy Wednesday!

She-Male, She's Got Legs, and Crack is Cheap!

South Africa's Caster Semenya won the 800 meter yesterday in Berlin during the World Athletics Championship. Now revelations have surfaced that she was undergoing a gender verification test to see if she could compete as a woman. No lie son, she does look a little hard. She kinda reminds me of a trade I used to date, but she's a tad more masculine. Her Juwana Man, Vera Di Milo, Wanda Wayne, Sheneneh, penis tucking, adam's apple hiding, bull dyke ass does look like a man. She's more man than I'll ever be. She's light years pass a make over! In life we have callings, and wearing Louboutins is not hers--it's being a runner.

Now this bitch thinks she's a Q-Dog! Help her Lord! Congrats on the win man...I mean girl!

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Why are the people going off about Michelle's legs? It was the number 1 twittered thing yesterday. It's fuckin' 2009, and she was on vacation with her daughters in 100 degree weather. What the fuck was she gonna wear, a shift dress and pearls? The tea is that her shorts aren't even short, they're "mom shorts". I can get Michelle in some coochie cutters if you want? Wouldn't it be so beat to see her in these...

...but at a press conference, with pearls and her sensible heeled Jimmy Choos? I would get life, and so would Obama. He wouldn't even flinch, he would give "WHAT"? You gotta love the new face of The White House!

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(wiping top lip with handkerchief) So, Whitney Houston has been confirmed as the first guest of Oprah's new season. I would get so much life if Whitney went off on Oprah like she did on Wendy Williams. I swear I would DVR that shit and watch it on loop. They must talk about her drug use, and you know Whitney gets antsy when that happens. All I want out of the show is a full out 80's Dynasty cat fight complete with puffy-sleeved gowns, diamonds, and someone getting shoved in a pool. I DIE!

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Happy Thursday Fuckers!

I Have Many Questions That Need Answers...

Who told Katie Couric to ask Lil' Wayne about him drinking Syrup?  In addition, why was Lil' Wayne calling Katie "Miss Katie" like he was on a plantation? (Grammy Special that aired last night)

Why doesn't somebody get Whitney a stylist, or a faggy friend who will tell her not to wear those damn Tori Burch boots anymore?  I swear this is the second year I've seen her wear them.  She doesn't even discriminate against seasons either, she will pull those bitches out in the summer.  ...And when is she coming back with a cd?  All the time she spends walking around in those funky Tory boots, her ass could be in a studio recording a run.  And I...

What is Erykah Badu on, and why did she name her new baby Mars?  You know what the next reality show needs to be, Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill.  We need to get a huge house and put them and all of their kids in it, and let the good times roll.

Who told Ray J that he could have a show, and why is he sooooooo wack?  First of all, he's like 5 feet tall, and wears over-sized white mink bombers.  Yeah his penis is the fucking ruler but I'm gonna have to vote NO on this one.  YES I CAN!

Are people really mad at this photo of Miley Cyrus and her friends?  The bitch is 16 years old, that's what she's supposed to do.  I could see if there wasn't an Asian kid sitting right beside her?  I'm 3o years old, and myself and my friends of other ethnicities can poke fun at each other.  I'm just waiting for the picture of Miley and her black friend to surface.  I'm sure everyone but the black friend will be eating fried chicken and watermelon.  I'd frame it, I'm not kidding... 

Leave the boy alone, how many of you guys have a fucking Gold medal?

Why do I feel like every time Neicey Nash speaks, she sets the Black Movement back 20 years.  Her performance in 'Not Easily Broken' single-handedly cancelled out the Inauguration of our First African American President.  Oh, can somebody tell her about the flowers in her weave?

Why is my President Black and on the cover of Vanity Fair's March edition looking BEAT! 

I LIVE!

Why, Oooooh why...