"Goo-Goo Gaga", Lady Gaga, Louis Smith, and "Housecunt" Thursday--The "How You Doin" Edition...

"Goo-Goo Gaga"

Wow, Sandra Bullock has had a roller coaster year. First she wins an Academy Award, then she finds out that her husband was cheating on her with this...

...and now Sandra has revealed that she's a mother. Sandra and Mayor of "Doucheville", Jesse James, both adopted an African American baby boy back in January. The couple wanted to keep it a secret until after the Academy awards, but soon after, word of James' infidelity hit the fan.

Bullock is now in the process of filing for divorce, and also planning on asking for sole custody of little Louis (named after Louis Armstrong).

I'm so happy for Sandra, and I hope that everything works out for her. At least she has a baby to take care of to keep her mind off of the divorce madness.

Could I just say one thing about the PEOPLE magazine cover shot before I go? Sandra looks amazing, and the baby is adorable, but why did they have to drape those damn African beads around the baby's neck? The baby isn't African, that little pooper was born in New Orleans! I can see if they put Mardi Gras beads on him, but African? I don't know how I feel about that?

Anyways, kudos for Sandra for adopting here in the states. Lord knows why we go to Malawi to adopt when we have hundreds of thousands of kids here in America without homes? No offense Madonna and Angelina.

__________________________________________________

Gaga

Check out the Esquire article written by Lady Gaga's friend Brendan Sullivan. Sullivan is a DJ who has been by Gaga's side ever since '96. He writes about her very interesting rise to fame. This chick was destined to be a star!

Read the entire article here...

_________________________________________________

Louis Smith

Normally I'm not with that gay gymnast shit son, but Louis Smith is waaaaay to hot to trot. Smith recently took home the silver at the at the European Artistic Gymnastics Championships. Back in Beijing (the country, not the hair dye) 2008, the hottie was the first to became Britain's first individual Olympic medalist in 100 years and only the second black male gymnast to win an Olympic medal.

Oh, and then he has a body like this...

"Shorty sent a twit pic, said come and get this..."

Wow.

Nice form.

Excuse me, I'll be back (runs to take cold shower).

Congrats, Louis!

__________________________________________

"Housecunt" Thursday: The "How You Doin" Edition...

You all know my ace Nikki by now, she needs no introduction. As I type, she's in New York prepping to see the 'Wendy Williams Show'. Well, I'll just let her tell you...

It's me bitches! Darling Nikki aka Mean Girl aka "Miss I still have

my feet on the ground, I just rock Louboutins!" So did you miss me?

Of course you did! It's not polite to stare... Yes this lipstick is

ORANGE, and no I'm not wearing a bra!

I ran my ass out the house at 3:40

this morning to jump in the car with Erika to catch a 4 am train, and

didn't realize I had titties jumpin' everywhere! Oh well, these two monkies

won't stop my show!

So I'm on Amtrak headed to NYC...

jay z - Empire State Of Mind f.Alicia Keys by soundscreen

...to catch a taping of the Wendy Williams show with

fellow House Cunt Erika!

Talk about waking up with the chickens... I

thought I was gonna have to go postal on Erika for texting me 593,746

times before 3am, which is the reason I forgot my bra. But look at her ass, she sure does have on one. Those breast are stacked Son!

Speaking of House

Cunts, LuAnn (the whore of the NY Housewives) will be today's guest

along with Holly Robinson Peete. I wonder if "countless" LuAnn will

finally write a tell all about her sexcapades. Speaking of reality

shows let me go ahead and give you that southern Nikki G. tea!

Brandy and Ray J

Brandy & Ray J's show is only interesting because we can't figure out

how in the hell is Brandy one of the stars of the show, but her "best

friends" hair game is tighter than hers! Can someone please confiscate

all lace front wigs from that child? Her edges look like pubic

hairs! Beyonce should be the only person in the world allowed to wear

them. PERIOD.

Basketball Wives

Basketball "Wanna Be" Wives is just a train wreck that I love

watching! From staring at "Jabba Jaws" fuck up those ribs in Phillipe

Chow with those God awful dentures, to his insecure "Chanel bag"

carrying wife wearing them damn grey contacts!

Now I've worn a few contacts in my day, but I'll be damned if I sport those bitches on national

television. Where is a good friend when you need one? They need to bring

Rashidah Ali around more often to keep the bitches on their toes.

You never know what's gonna come out that broads mouth!

Tiny and Toya

Tiny & Toya is another must see show. It makes me like Tiny even more.

My tear ducts got a little moist when she sang with her father (even

though I stared at her lips the whole scene).

I'll tell you what, If her dad don't remember shit else, he has those songs stored in long term

memory! Y'all can say what you like about Tiny but she has the man and

the money. Fools even had me thinking "you can have whatever you

like" when I used my man's credit cards on SAKS.com (and I was later

cut off after he received the bill... still rocking my ish though)!

Housewives of New York

What about Bethenny snubbing Jill? That's what

that Fire Crotch gets! Bringin' her red headed step child ass

outside of M2 rocking that runway brown Herve Leger dress! Bethenny paid

her ass no mind! Who appointed Jill president of the wives? I

can already tell that I'm gonna love Sonja... She's a little cougar

(waving at Erika)!

And to close this shit out... Did y'all hear about Usher getting ol'

girl Grace Miguel knocked up? Ain't that bout a bitch? That negro

gives all women who want to date him hope! Usher loves

older women. I bet they keep a few bottles of KY Jelly in the night stand! Or maybe not, Grace might have that wet wet?

Follow me on Twitter everyday for more rude shit talking @hellonikki2010. Also, watch Wendy Williams today. You might just see? I'll be the one with the fresh roller set, and the vernis Alma. FUCK WIT IT!

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Reality Sundays, and Caught By Q...

I should probably get up and clean my room before someone writes in to the show 'Hoarders' to nominate me to be on. There are literally clothes, sunglasses, belts and shoes EVERYWHERE! With a little motivation and prayer, I should be able to clean it up fairly quickly.

While it's a jungle in here, it's equally as crazy outside my apartment. The Nuclear Summit is being held literally feet away from my apartment. All of the streets within a 2 block radius of my house are closed off. I have to show my I.D. to be able to enter and exit my block. The upside of it all is there are a gaggle of cute cops walking around with their shirts tightly trolled around their biceps (no homo). Right now I'm looking out of my window, and I see all of the protesters. I can't make out what's on the signs, but hopefully they're protesting against Brandy's lace front wigs (more on that later).

Anyways, my week started off pretty crazy, but quickly fizzled. On Wednesday I was asked to assist in the production of Fashion District, a fashion event thrown by my friends over at ReadySetDc. The event was held on the rooftop of View 14, which are luxury condos in Columbia Heights. The view was amazing, and the show was amazing as well (If I could say so myself).

What an amazing night! In addition to there being a fashion show, there was also an art exhibit and pop up shops featuring all of the boutiques included in the show.

There I am in my signature summer short shorts. I have more where those came from--trust me.

photos: BYT

After the event, the crew and I headed over to Marvin for a quick bite. Maybe I was hungry, but it seemed as if the Lord himself was in the kitchen cooking those scallops. They were so good. After our quick bite, we headed over to 18th St area. Here is us confused on what to do next...

Here is Billy smoking a jack. He looks like he just beat a woman with that white Hanes V-neck. Ummm, ummm, umm...

After all of the commotion from Wednesday, I didn't rise until 2 p.m. on Thursday. After I woke up, I readied myself for a meeting I had later on that day. Fun things happening, I'll share later on.

So, this is the lobby where I had to meet my friend for our meeting. The plan was to meet here, and go grab a couple of cocktails. After waiting for a couple of minutes, a gentleman walked over to ask if I were part of the "private memorial service". I quickly said no! He then asked if I could step outside. I was minding my own business just sitting in a corner. I'm sorry that whoever is dead and all, but I didn't kill them. Besides, it was about to rain, and I feared that my spray tan in a bottle would streak on my legs.

I respectfully acquiesced to his wishes. I didn't want to start a scene. I'm sure the deceased wouldn't have minded me bringing a little spice to their dry boring ass memorial service. You could hear a rat piss on cotton. I've told you guys before, if I EVER die (I'm planning on finding a cure for death) I don't want a boring memorial. I want a live band, a fashion show, and Joan Rivers reporting live from the red carpet (she'll be like 230 by then).

On Friday it was bidness as usual. After work I came straight home and collapsed. I had high hopes of possibly doing something fun, but my legs didn't work. There was no way I was getting out of bed.

On Saturday work was crazy busy. People came in hideously dressed droves to the mall. After work I decided to hit up The W for my favorite burger and a cocktail.

That was some good mad cow! Oh, and try the champagne cocktail at The W, it's my fav! While eating my burger, the most annoying group of girls were sitting next to me.

I was so over their Tory Burch clutches, and ill-fitting Paige denim that I wanted to completely blow chunks. I had landed right in the midst of a soccer mom convention. They were talking about day care, and their husbands. At one point they were even passing around pictures of their kids! It made me wish my friends were there. We would have been talking about didlos, group fistings, and Louboutins! If I EVER have kids, I don't ever wanna be that mom/dad. It's so annoying. There's a time and place for that shit, and it sure ain't at The W!

Lucky for me, I did meet some other nice girls at the bar who were in town from B-more. They were cute. They asked me where they could find "cute boys"! I pulled out my map of D.C. with red dots placed over all spots where there are normally "cute boys". Hopefully they got lucky!

I paid my bill and hit it. I stopped at CVS by my house and had a shopping spree. Whatever I bought came to 73 dollars? I bought those socks that make your feet soft, you know like the Borghese ones? Along with a shit load of candy, and some cleaning supplies (which I haven't used yet). After talking to my boo, I feel asleep while watching 'The Sarah Silverman' show on dvr ( I wanted to dream funny dreams).

I woke up on Sunday feeling quite rested, but my day quickly went down hill. I don't even wanna revisit the day I had at work. Let's just say I maybe working at the Players Club soon. I'd rather twirl down a poll. I'd just have to learn how to shake one butt cheek at a time though. Are there classes for that?

After my day from hell.com, I ordered Thai, and prepared for my date with reality tv!

____________________________________________

Did someone say "Reality TV"? Its seems that Vh-1 is trying to get it on on Sunday nights with their programming. Last night was the premiere for 3 new shows. The first being 'Ray J and Brandy: A Family Business.

If I didn't know how huge Ray-J's penis was from viewing the sex tape, I would have voted him off the island light years ago. He is sooo wack with a capital DUMB! What's up with that zig zag side part in his head? Uggghhh? On the show last night, he said that he makes a million a year by doing club appearances. Who actually pays Ray-J to come to a party? Is he really a draw? That would be a deal breaker for me!

Friend: Oh, you know Ray-J is supposed to be at the club tonight?

Me: Ray-J? Brandy's brother? Awwww, fuck that son. I'm stayin' in!

Moving on to Brandy....

I absolutely adore that girl. In my opinion, she has one of the most beautiful voices in the industry, but she's killing me with those lace front wigs with the baby hair attached to it. For my non-Black girls reading today just google "lace front wig" to get a better understanding. She's starting to look like Tyra back in the day.

...but in this picture, she's giving me sumo wrestler cunt. I don't know what the problem is, but get it together. We need new music from you! Correction: We need new GOOD music from you. That's not a read, I'm just being real.

The second show in the line up was 'Basketball Wives'. It looks like we may have a bit of drama on the show, but I'm not loving the girls they picked. Shaunie is the best one, but on the show she looks dry. Maybe she needs a weave or something, but her look isn't doing it for me. Sorry.

Shaq posted a video on Ustream last night is response to the show. It was a vid of him singing 'Fire and Desire' by Rick James. He donned a greasy wig and all. It was pretty much an "F.U." to Shaunie and the show.

Check another video of Shaq below. Look out for around :16 seconds in. I'm sure that's what he wants to tell Shaunie to kiss.

Nice ass Shaq, you should consider being a bottom. Anyways, Shaunie could give a good fuck. All she wants are those coins that you're about to come up off!

The third show was 'What Chilli Wants', a dating show featuring Chilli from girl group TLC. She is so pretty, and her skin is flawless. The show last night wasn't that entertaining, but I'll watch anyways. I like her baby hair.

Anyways, you guys know what I'll be doing on Sunday nights from 9-11. If you call me between those hours, I'm sending you to voicemail with the quickness!

___________________________________________

Caught By Q

I was sitting right by this woman on the train yesterday. I damn near choke on the hair spray fumes that were seeping from her scalp. What in the Aqua Net? Lay off on the hairspray lady!

I stepped over this empty Magnum condom box the other day while running errands in the city. Did you guys know that most men who buy Magnum condoms don't need too?

Ladies (and bottoms), have you been there before? The guy pulls out a Magnum and tears away at the packaging with his teeth. He rolls it on, and it looks like a loose sock around a skinny ankle? Save yourself the embarrassment guys. Who are you trying to impress, the check out girl at Duane Reade? Just buy the regular ones. It's ok.

Happy Monday...