And My Holiday Went A Little Something Like This, Dead Birds--Angry Birds, Playboy: The Cougar Edition, and Happy New Year From Coco T

03 Start it Up (feat. Kanye West, Fabolous, Ryan Leslie) by SELEKTA SUPA

Hey fuckers. Happy holidays, yadda yadda yadda. I took a brief blogging vacation during the holidays. I've also been on my work flow. Besides, it's so hectic blogging while drinking, and you try typing on a computer while making out under mistletoe. It's not easy, let me tell you. I hope everyone got exactly what they wanted for Christmas. I also hope you all took just bit of time to reflect and think about just how blessed we all are. I'm so grateful for my life, even though it may seem soooooo bad at times! I'm just being a baby. No bitchassness from me in 2011. We'll see how long this lasts?

Before I start off today, I'd like to wish my Kappas a Happy Founder's Day. The organization has been around for 100 years.

Wow, that's awesome. Many groups find it hard to stay together for a full calendar year. And while I never was interested in Greek life or was a Kappa myself, I definitely have had many different fraternities in me. Oh, I also used to watch 'A Different World', so that counts for something.

Anywho. On New Years Eve I was invited to my brother's uncle's restaurant for a surprise engagement soiree.

There's the happy couple Borzou and Nikki. My brother proposed on New Year's Eve at an intimate dinner, and then surprised her with family and friends shortly after. What a great way to bring in the New Year--happy and newly engaged. Congrats Brother, I love you!

There's my boo J at the party. I'm believing new Year's Eve is the only holiday where cardboard accessories are acceptable.

There's my bestie boo Normie and my brother Robert behind him throwing up gang signs.

So while we were having an intimate dinner on NYE, just across town my husband Chris Brown was doing the dougie at club LOVE. Check him out here...

Wow, I think I would let him beat me like he did Rihanna, no bullshit! So cute! I'm sure it's worth it.

On the other side of the country in Vegas, my other husband Kanye was partying it up with Jay Z, Beyonce, Gwenyth Paltrow, Rihanna and friends...

On New Years Day I chilled around the house and prepared to have some friends over. It was going to be a girls night. My sisters Yaneek, Darleata, Meta, Tamika, and Ky'Leigh all came over to taste my special sangria recipe. By the time we had to leave the house we had a cute little buzz. It was my girl Claudia's bday, so we had to make our way to The W.

There's Claudia posing beside Yaneek's ass. If that's not T&A, I don't know what is...

Happy Bday Claudy Doddy!

Here's the fellas at the party trying to act cool...

After Claudia's party, we hit it to the trap. It was time to see some D&A (dick and ass).

There's Darleata and I. She has her cash in hand, all ready to make it rain. After the strip club I went home to put an ice pack on my stiffy and passed out.

The next day I slept all day long. It was definitely a lazy Sunday. J and I went to the movies to see 'Meet The Fockers' later on that night. While he was getting tickets, I was grabbing a couple sweet crepes from the vendor outside.

I had to smuggle them into the theatre. Let's just say that I could definitely get drugs and weapons pass a security checkpoint. The movie was cute--a little too slapstick for my taste, but cute. I don't remember much of the movie though because I was sitting there racking my brain as to why Bravo wasn't airing ATL Housewives for the second week. I just couldn't concentrate on a movie when there were issues much bigger than me at hand. I'm starting to pre-game now for Sunday's episode. So excited!

I'm also excited about finally seeing the Tom Ford SS '11 fashion show video. Of course we've seen still shots from the show, but it do the collection justice. Anything that man does gives me a semi. Beyonce needed to do something with that mane though. No shade.

Happy New year peeps. Oh, and I didn't win the 330 million last night btw. Ugh. Back to the drawing board...

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Did you guys hear about the thousands of dead birds that fell from the sky on New Years Eve? I'm not quite sure what they have going on in Arkansas, but it's not cute. It sounds like some Apocalypse shit. Some people were actually hit in the head by dead birds while taking a stroll. Lord, I would shit in my bloomers if I were EVER to be hit in the head by a dead bird. Not just one, but thousands falling at a time? It would have been a heart attack wrap for me.

They say that they birds were possibly struck by lighting or above cloud hail.

This actually isn't the only case of dead birds falling from the sky. Louisianna also had cases. Dead fish have also been floating to sea in Haiti, Sydney, Wales, and Brazil.

Let me see one dead bird fall, and I'm outta here son. That's my word.

You know it would be a genius marketing tool if this were all promo for my favorite iPhone game Angry Birds. If I were in advertising, I would do some sick shit like that.

Me: Hey guys, no this could work. Let's drop thousands of dead birds all over Arkansas as prom for our new game. What do you guys think? I love it myself.

Ad execs: Quincy you are genius! We'll let's get out there and start killing some birds!

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If one more washed up cougar tries to pose for Playboy, I'm gonna lose it. Who wants to see Toni Braxton's beaver in print. I sho as hell don't. I guess she has to do something to get out of the 50 million dollars of debt that she's supposedly in. I know you're desperate Toni, but no Playboy ok? My eyes just can't take it. We saw enough of your cooch back when you wore those high split gown back in the 90's. Here's what you do. Go get a tin can and sit on the side of Interstate 15 in LA with a sign that reads, "Un-break my Debt". Girl, you'll make at least a million dollars a day. Much better idea that doing a spread. (singing) "Puh-na na, what's my name? Puh-na na, what's my name?"

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Hey guys, grab your bibles and douche bottles filled with holy water, it's Coco T time! Coco T is definitely one of our favorites here at quincyjones66.blogspot. As skanky as she is, we love her just the same. Here is Coco T with some New Years words of wisdom...

Coco T: "Guy advice for a happy 2011!U can stand 2 lose a few 2!Brush your teeth,clean your balls.Tell your women u luv her or trade up.Now your set!"

Coco T: "Ladies,for a happy 2011.Do squats,lunges, crunches.Buy some booty shorts & stripper heels. Tell your man u love um or trade up. Now your set!"

Coco T: "My advice for 2011 Don't hold back on anything u do, go full force!Stop lolly gaging!Were only here on this earth for a second."

Coco T: "I just got roses from my honey.So sweet!I'll give him a full body rub down in return...People U got to keep the relationship juicy..."

Wow, thanks for all the great advice Coco T! What would the state of America be without you? Thanks for being a great sport, and also for single-handedly making the profits for topical STD medications sore through the roof in 2010. A bust of your bust should be erected in your honor. We love you! (crowd chants: Coco T! Coco T! Coco T! Coco T!)

Built "Tom Ford" Tough, The Queen of Soul, This Is The Worst Christmas Ever!, and Dora The Explorer?

Built "Tom Ford" Tough

Recently Tom Ford went on record to say that he thought that fat women looked better nude. He says, "Fat women almost always look better without the constraint and lumpy pinching of clothes, all the straps and elastic squeezing and sucking. We are the only animal that wears clothes, and that can't just be because dogs can't do up buttons."

I don't know if I agree with my birthday friend Tom Ford on this one. I'm quite sure I don't wanna see a herd of naked fat women roaming the streets, but I will say that waistline challenged people definitely SHOULD NOT be wearing his clothes. All of the lumps and fat pockets distract from the beautiful lines of the clothing. We should be clothes hangers for these beautiful pieces of art! You could probably place that statement under the "Weightism" (Prejudice or discrimination against people based on weight) umbrella, but sorry. God invented moo moos for a reason.

Tom does no wrong in my eyes. He was chosen to curate this month's edition of French Vogue. If you haven't seen the spread, it's amazing. he always inspires. Did I mention that he's super fucking hot?

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The Queen Of Soul

I know you guys were probably expecting a cruel segue from the fat story to Aretha, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The Queen has the "Big C" for heaven's sake. Pancreatic Cancer was the killer that took the lives of Patrick Swayze and Michael Landon, but hopefully the queen survives.

It has been reported that she underwent a very successful surgery. Her spirits are high, and has made a statement saying that "God is still in control".

I know I'll be praying for Ms. Franklin's speedy recovery. Get well soon!

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This Is The Worst Christmas Ever!

It's the Holiday season, so I'm sure you're quite frustrated with crowded shopping malls and rude sales associates (big ups to Neiman Marcus). That frustration could cloud your head and distract you from buying the perfect gift for your loved one. Just make sure you don't end up gifting any of these. They'll have your friends and family shouting, "This is the worst Christmas ever!"

The chamber umbrella. It actually is a great idea. I sure have been in monsoon like rain storms, and standard umbrellas just didn't cut it. This would eliminate wet clothes, but I'm not sure you'd have a friend after you gave this as a Holiday gift. Test your luck if you want?

The Flatulence Blanket. It is supposed to counteract bed farting, and eliminate most of the odor associated with bed farting. Hmmm? Again, another gift I would never want to get from a friend. That's grounds for erasing your number from my mobile.

Handerpants. Underpants for your hands. They really serve no purpose, just underwear looking fingerless gloves. Ummm, don't tell anyone but I bought them.

Shoot me alright? I just wanted to see how they looked.

Kitty paw mops. I don't even have a cat, so I guess I'd have to either borrow one, or buy one of my own to use these? I'm sure the cat would probably make more mess than clean, but it sure as hell looks funny. Still, do no buy these for me though.

Stink Port. It's a chamber that you plug into your usb that emits a stinky scent every time you type a curse word. Don't even bother, because the shit would be empty fucking with me. See it would have gone off just then. Don't ask me how it works, but my house would be a gassy mess. If you're shopping for me this season, nothing says "I love you" more than cash. Oh, or Hermes.

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DORA THE EXPLORER

Don't have me babysit, because this is the version of 'Dora The Explorer' that I'd have your kiddies watching. I'm so not joking. Enjoy.

VMA's, And My Weekend Went A Little Something Like This..., and Tom Ford!

If you guys missed the MTV Music Awards last night, you didn't miss shit. What a big ol ball of boring! The only thing exciting about the show was Lady Gaga and her multiple outfit changes. Congrats to her for cleaning up with 8 wins!

She's so fucking over! She wore McQueen from his last collection. Check out the armadillo shoes. She was escorted by former members of the military. It was a quiet protest to ending 'Don't ask, Don't tell". Of course she had to do something for her gays.

Speaking of gays, she wore an outfit completely made of meat! Meat Packing Couture! She's so Avant Garde that I can't stand it. Whether you agree with her "fashion antics" or not, you have to say that she does grab attention.

In my opinion, EVERYONE looked horrible last night. Ciara had one of the best outfits though in head to toe Givenchy.

Of course Justin Beiber had the best hair, but the worst performance. He lipsynched for blood! Can he just go away?

If Justin Beiber had the best hair, then Rihanna had the worst! What the fuck was she thinking with that red wig? She looked like a hood Raggedy Anne. You guys know how much I ove Rihanna, and she can't do much wrong in my eye, but she deserved another Chris Brown beat down for that damn wig last night. Get it together Ri Ri!

After alllll these years, Cher is still showing her geriatrics cooch to the world. Even though she's like 100 years old, her body does look better than many half her age. Great body Cher, but could you put on a Snuggie or something? Shit!

Lastly, Kanye's performance was dope, but he's always dope so that's not saying much. I'm really not sure what MTV can do next year to make the show more interesting. They've done everything already! All I know is that it was a big ol snoozer! Get it together MTV!

And My Weekend Went A Little Something Like This...

I was feeling lucky on Thursday, so I played Powerball. It was for the Saturday jackpot. Drumroll please....

I didn't win shit! The only good thing about the trip to buy that ticket was the bottle of Berry Ciroc I scored on sale which is already gone by the way.

After my ABC store excursion, I went to meet up with two of the new additions to the Housecunts of DC at Ruth's Chris. We had a birthday party to attend. Happy Birthday Mayo!

There they are. You guys met them on Thursday. We hit up the Donovan House rooftop after Ruth's Chris. It was a great party, and the music was amazing (big ups Adrian Loving), but I was freeeezzziiinnggg. Next Thursday I'm bringing a Snuggie (that's my second "Sunggie" mention today...)

As cold as I was, It didn't break my spirit. I had enough blood pumping through my veins to take gay self photos of myself.

Darleata and Norman also had their own photo shoot. At one point all four us us were snapping shots of ourselves. People were trying to greet us and say hello, but we couldn't see interrupting our picture party!

After Donovan, It was a wrap for me. I had a busy day ahead, so I needed rest. It was Fashion's Night Out in New York, and I hadn't even packed yet.

I woke up around 7 am, and threw some clothes in a bag. I left for NY around 11 am. When I arrived at the hotel, I discovered that I forgot to pack pants! I had about 20 bowties, 8 pairs of sunglasses, 6 belts, but no pants. I would have gone for a "pantless look" back in my 20's, but I couldn't get away with that now. I scurried around SOHO to find pants, and thank goodness I did!

Turned out quit nicely eh?

After I had my pants on, I left the hotel to hit the streets. Norman and I walked around SOHO, to witness the madness that was Fashion's Night Out. Every single store had a party, it was like Fashion Mardi Gras.

This is the scene outside Chanel in SOHO. It was a mad house! The line to get in was wrapped around the block. Karl Lagerfeld was on deck of course...

Damn, I love that man!

After that madness, we shot over to Bond St. to the Bellhaus party. I was invited by my friend Dani.

She looked lovely! I wish I would have gotten a shot of the booties she was wearing--to die for! We sipped champagne and viewed the new collection. We also met the owner Shawn "the most gorgeous man in the whole entire world" Bell.

My girlfriend Aureta came to meet. She was fresh from Barney's where she was personally invited to meet Daphne Guinness! Of course one of the photogs at the party was infatuated with Aureta and started a full out photo shoot in the middle of the boutique! A slight squint of the eye, and shoot!

After all that fashion, I was starving. If you can remember the meal I had the day before, you know why. Besides, Fashion's Night Out was officially over so I could eat. I celebrated with a big ol piece of meat (no homo). It was so good!

After that dinner, I was ready to turn in. We headed back to the hotel to rest up for day 2. Ummm yeah, rest? As soon as I laid my head on the pillow I heard a cacophony of machinery. They put us next to the Utility Closet. We complained, but the hotel was to capacity, it was Fashion's Night Out!

With bags under my eyes, the next morning, I went down to complain again. The attendant behind the desk nodded her head and responded by saying, "Would you like some coffee?" I was pissed, but slightly got life from her ignoring my complaint. If you go to New York anytime soon, please stay at Hotel Indigo. The rooms are cute, and the staff is rude, just like I like it! Don't stay in 1601 though.

While drunk with sleep, I went to meet my old roommate from when I lived in New York. We went to Cluny. It's our favorite brunch spot on West 12th. After breakfast we went back to her apartment. She's a big time copywriter, but in her spare time she takes stripper classes.

This is her stripper shoe collection...

...and this is Drake.

...not the rapper, her cat. Her apartment is all white, and he blends in so perfectly!

After a few twirls on her stripper pole it was off to do some shopping. I was tired that I really couldn't concentrate. I managed to do the whole 5th Avenue thing though.

The windows at Prada are so over! I love NY!

We were gonna stay another day, but I needed my bed. Before we headed back to DC, we opted for a snack at the Sak's Fifth Cafe.

It was probably one of the grossest meals I've ever eaten, but the mojito was good. It tasted like upscale Mel's Diner!

In just a few hours, I was back in DC in my bed. I slept for the better part of the day yesterday, and dreamed of moving back to New York. I'll be back one day Gotham City, you just wait...

Tom Ford

My husband Tom Ford showed his first Women's Collection yesterday to a very small intimate group.

Beyonce and Daphne Guinness were models in the show. From what I hear, the clothes are simply amazing. I can only imagine how sexy they are, being that Tom Ford oozes sexy from his pores. I'm guessing we'll just have to wait and see the first shot from his new collection. I'm literally in pins and needles.

I live for this man. We share the same birthday! I die!