Is it not enough that I have to worry about random acts of violence, now I have to worry about a resurgence of gay bashing? Are we kidding? There have been three cases of violence against members of the gay community within the past month. Two incidents have occurred less than two blocks away from my home. Right, so the other day I purchased a can of pepper spray. I'm also in the market for a very sleek lady-like stun gun, you know, something that goes from day to night and can fit easily into a clutch... Anyways, ever since I purchased this pepper spray I have the urge to use it. I swear I was gonna mase the hell out the barista at Starbucks yesterday--she fucked up my drink order. Wouldn't it be over if I just started masing everyone in site? I'm talking at work, kids at restaurants, and especially those commuter women who change into sneakers after work?
I'm just waiting for the first fucking homophobe to yell "faggot" at me, I swear to you that after the electric shocks piercing his nervous system, and the mase burning and staining his face that he'll think twice. They've pissed off the wrong fag now! Isn't it legal to carry a gun in D.C. now? Hmmm....
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Ladies and gentleman, my boyfriend Larry Johnson. Larry plays for the Kansas City Chiefs. Besides being best buds with "Jiggaman", he is also linked to that ho Julissa, former host of 106 and Park. All I know is she better stay away from my man before I mase her. Get into Larry's broad shoulders, and those dimples that make you wanna whip him up a pancake or two in the morning. He can N-F my L anyday! Call me Larry...
Ooooh, It's the Roc bitch...
Oooh, can you spray that on me like Damon Dash sprayed that video girl in the "Big-Pimpin" video?
Holy shit To-to, I don't believe we're in Kansas anymore?
4 comments:
i need you to know that mace doesn't work on everybody. Oh, but if you do use it......Remember that it gets on the user as well. And it clings to the fingers like a bitch.
Q....we need to get you syndicated. I swear I'm calling my friends at the MetroWeekly to see if I can finagle you some column space! LMAO
JB
i prefer a bat or hammer
You don't want that trade
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