Monday, March 30, 2009

Weekend Wrap-Up, Blood On The Dance floor, Community Service, and I'm Not A Stalker, Really...


What's good peeps, I'm hoping that everyone had a horrible weekend (kidding).  Anyways, Friday I worked early and hit it home to catch a disco nap.  I had made plans to go to a D.C. Police "Happy Hour" party (don't ask).  The party was at some place that looked like Mel's Diner downstairs and my uncles basement upstairs.  In order for me to stay, I had to drink heavily, so Patron it was.  

That's Lucy and Tamika, don't they look like they're talking about somebody?  So after the police party, I told my brother Borzou that I would meet up with them at Jimmy Valentine's.  Jimmy's is a seedy dive bar in the hood.  So add goth night to seedy dive bar in the hood.  I personally love creepy dive bars.  I like dirty boys with tattoos, and that's where they normally frequent.  By the time we left Jimmy's, we were all pretty done (besides Norman).  It was all cute until I remembered that I had to work in the morning, and that it was already morning.  Needless to say, my ass was late as hell.  I didn't miss much at all.  I was a walking zombie all day.  I even passed out on the couch in the employee lounge for an hour like the town drunk.  When I finally got off, I rushed home to sleep.  I woke up at 12:00 a.m., ordered a pizza and devoured it.  I fell back off to sleep without missing a beat.  I felt like a new woman when I woke up on Sunday.  
Yesterday at work was a show.  I nailed myself to my floor and literally wouldn't leave until I sold something.  I ended up having a pretty good day, and made it home to rest my barking dogs.  Now I'm lying in bed blogging, full off of 2 Chik-fil-A sandwiches waiting for my face to start falling off from the chemical peel I just had.  Happy Monday fuckers!
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These are some pictures that I found online.  They were taken at a club in D.C. on U St.  Ummm, somebody break out the Valtrex.  Doesn't this just look like a hot steamy funky ass mess.  I mean her feet are nowhere near touching the ground.  Is this really dancing, or is it a fuck simulation?  Don't get me wrong, I've been known to back it up on a couple of trade in my day, but not like this.  The girls might as well cut holes in the crotches of their jeans and just go all the way.  Now they wanna give Morning After Pills to teens without a prescription?  These girls are gonna be poppin' them like skittles with their fast ass asses.  And then they wanna get mad when a dude calls them a ho?  

It's not very lady-like, now is it..?  I bet their private parts smell like brillo pads and corn chips.  They need to douche with liquid Draino.  How dreadful!

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The other day I was walking around downtown doing errands and caught out this beat ass trade doing his community service.  I wanted to tell him to call me when he got off (I'm kidding again--kinda).  Anyways, what do you think he did?  I'm thinking his girlfriend Keyoshanda came out of her mouth with something smart, and he Chris Browned her ass.  It was his first domestic violence charge (in D.C.), so they gave him a big fine, and community service.  

The beatest community service conjure was Naomi Campbell.  That fem dike queen faggy showed up everyday in a different pump, and had the nerve to leave her last day in a Dolce runway gown.  How homosexual is she?  I live!

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Have you guys heard about 'Dancing With The Stars' Shawn Johnson's stalker.  A 34 year old Florida man was arrested after climbing a fence where the Olympic Gold medalist was taping the show.  Apparently, police seized a loaded shotgun and handgun, duct tape, maps, and love letter addressed to Johnson.  
Have you all stalked before?  Don't lie.  I'm not afraid to say that I have.  When you get that good shit, It will make you loose your mind, have you searching for niggas in the day with a flashlight.  The police would have found worse than that in my car.  They would have found drag for days (tennis shoes, sunglasses, belts), 3 boxes of Colgate toothpaste, a half empty bottle of Love in Black, a couple of broken PEZ dispensers, a scratched Noah's Arc DVD, a slingshot, some EK glasses, loose Milk Duds, transcripts from the Oprah show, a coupon for Picadilly, potting soil, mulch, azalea bushes, Preperation H, a notepad, a warm Fanta soda, and a plastic bracelet from the club.  How sad...

5 comments:

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

creeepy dive bars

Dusty Boot said...

Potting soil, mulch, and azalea? LOL....

Joey said...

Don't you just live for the dirty trade...


And, ummmm...I'm so over you for that last section and that list of shit. I laughed so hard, they may fire me before they have the change to lay me off...no shade! LOL

JB

Sapphire Blu said...

i'm sitting here dying laughing at your car inventory.

Curious said...

Now if you are going stalking people I can see the toothpaste and the sunglasses, but potting soil and warm soda, I don't get.