Monday, December 28, 2009

And My Weekend Went A Lil Somethin' Like This..., You're The Bomb!, and ?

Ho, ho, ho...(you know that has nothing to do with Santa Claus)!
I'm hoping everyone had a great Christamas, and I'm sure if you have kids you are calling to re up on your "happy pill" prescriptions. I could tell everyone that has kids, because their asses were sending me Merry Christmas text messages at damn 5 am.
I went home to visit the family on Thursday night after work. My mom always tries to stuff my butt full of food during my short visits there. As soon as I walked in the door, she started force feeding me turkey breast and stuffing.
On Christmas day I woke up to the smell of breakfast. I'm not used to that anymore, normally I wake up to the smell of the takeout container I left on my bedside table from the night before. After I fucked up some eggs and bacon, I exchanged gifts with my parents (in Kim Zolciak voice: Thank you Big Poppa!) Counting all that cash made me tired, so I decided to go BACK to bed even though I had only been up for an hour or so. Don't judge me!
After I woke up (for the second time), I got ready for the rest of my family to come over. I have a big family, so you could sneak someone into my house for dinner and I don't think anyone would notice. All Blacks look alike anyways, don't they?

After dinner we exchanged gifts and played board games. Jenga and Trouble topped the list. I sat out for the board game portion. Board games have the right name, it's just spelled wrong--Bored games. I don't really have any interest in that. I was trying to convince us to all shop online with my Dad's credit card, but I was shot down. Well, we didn't do it as a family, I just shopped online by myself (of course with my Dad's credit card--what the fuck I look like spending my own money?)

My grand nephew Aiden stopped through. I told him that I liked his "Here Comes Trouble" t shirt. I told him though that I wouldn't have done dark denim, but a mid wash distressed. This is the look he gave me... Do you think he was saying "Shut up bitch" in his head?

This is my mother's angel. She pulls it out every Christmas. The angel looks pretty good for as old as she is. She has to have had work done, because that bitch is old as shit. My mother bought her when I was in grade school, and I ain't no spring chicken. I'm not putting it pass my mother to get plastic surgery done on the decorative angel. I live!
After more eating and more gift exchanging, I headed back into the city. My ass had to work first thing in the morning.
I knew that it would be busy, but I didn't expect a mad house when I got to work on Saturday. As soon as I walked in I got gang banged by a family. One wanted a repair on a bag, the husband wanted to return, another wanted to exchange, and then the others just wanted to worry the hell outta me.
After them I needed Starbuck's. Get into the line that was wrapped around...

All for some fuckin coffee? My ass cut in front of this woman. I acted like I was looking at the pastries and just decided to stay there. I couldn't see her saying anything to me, I had the "Bitch, I will fuck you up if you say anything to me for cutting in the Starbuck's line" look on my face. I got my Caramel Apple Spice, and headed back to the glory hole that I call a job.
I left work on Saturday at 5. There was so much traffic surrounding the malls that it was in grid lock. I said fuck it, and took a $40 cab home.
We were having a party later on that night for Jonathan, Dionne, and Rheanna's birthday. I had shit to do.
The party was held at a venue right around the corner from my house. It was cute. There is Dionne looking like she's posing in an alcohol ad. Happy birthday D!

Lucky for us, 3 doors down this was going on...

Lord knows how trouble always finds us. That is Jonathan getting a lap dance, or throat fucked? I have no clue what was happening...

Part of the cast of 'The Real Housecunts of DC"

Oh yeah, and more of this...

...and a little bit of that. Happy Birthday you white devil, I mean Jonathan.

Back to business as usual, so brunch it was at Creme yesterday.

Here are the guys getting into their magazines. No one told us to bring periodicals, I would have brought Hustler or something.

They're on acid, washed jeans that is...
After brunch we went to Masa 14, and I ate again. I'm so not kidding. Everyone else had drinks, but my ass had the nerve to order two small plates. I have to eat to keep my metabolism going. Wouldn't it be over if I blew up, and next year this time I was the size of 'Precious'?
After Brunch part deux, we went to the movies to see 'Sherlock Holmes'. The movie was alright, I just had "the itis" like shit! No wonder I didn't break my neck from my head bobbing up in down (no homo). I felt like I was narcoleptic.
After the movie, I went straight home and got in bed. After I talked to my boo, I took a nap and woke up to watch 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'. I missed it at 10, so I taped it at midnite. Which brings me here now. I have soooo much shit to do today that it's not even funny, but my ass is still in bed fuckin' with ya'll. Does anyone wanna go to the Verizon store for me, the grocery store, and pick up my dry cleaning? I'll do everything else. Thanks...


Thank goodness that homeboy plan to blow up the plane the other day went awry. How did they not catch the signs though? He paid for his ticket in cash, and he didn't check any bags. He was also probably holding a sign that said "I'm bout to blow this mother fucker up" as well. I have no idea how he got pass security, and they pretty much fingered my butt hole at security before boarding my flight to Punta Cana. They say that security will be increased now. First the Salahi's crash the White House, and now they're letting mother fuckers on board with bombs and shit? Son, come on? And they made me throw out my BLISS body oil spray before I got onto the plane, chile please.


Get into this fake ass tranny Wendy Williams wannabe bash this girl on You Tube. Why is she smoking a cigarette the whole time? My favorite part is when she says, "You don't mes with my hair or my money". But one question, who gets a remy lace front for $250? And why does she keep saying divas like it's 1996? I got life from this video, don't ask me how I stumbled upon it, just watch!

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