Monday, January 25, 2010

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Spring/Summer 2010's Hottest Accessory, Gimme Yo Numba Bitch, and Caught by Q

OMG, why was EVERYONE on earth watching football last night? I find it a little rude and disrespectful that people weren't pre-gaming for 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'. I mean it was an hour show? Hello?
I was forced to watch some of the game while I was waiting for my carryout dinner last night. While at the bar, I observed a girl who came by herself to the restaurant to try and score a date...

During the commercials she would try and chat it up with the two guys to her left. I think they were queens though, because they weren't paying her much attention. Besides, the one closest to her complimented me on my shoes. I don't even think they knew there was a game on, they just came for the sliders and onion straws.

So glad I'm off today, I can finally relax and recoup. I had a pretty busy week...

On Wednesday I had an early meeting. After my meeting, I did some light shopping. I rushed back home to change, because I was meeting my love and Joey for happy hour at...

I swear they have one of the best happy hour's. All of the appetizers and drink are half price. The food is delicious, and the waiter is a queen. What more could you ask for?
After happy hour J and I headed back home. I wanted to relax a bit before meeting my friend who wanted my input on a business venture. By the time I got home and relaxed a bit (relaxed=had sex), it was time to head out again.
I met my friend at Gibson for drinks and business talk

I love how there is no signage on the outside, it feels like a secret clubhouse. After downing 2 French 75's, it was time to meet my girl Aureta at Eighteenth Street Lounge. Thievery Corporation took over the city last week by performing at the 9:30 club to sold out audiences. I knew that ESL would be a good look, and it was. Aureta brought the crew, I brought my crew, and there you have the Eighteenth Street Lounge takeover. We even stole someone's table, and said that it was ours. I think it was the girl's birthday, but who cares--she'll have another one next year.
After ESL, we dipped over to The Spot for the weekly Shy Magazine party. It was fun, I needed to hear some hip hop. It's always good to be well rounded. After shots, a bottle of Vueve, and great company it was already freakin' 2 am. I couldn't go home with an empty stomach, so greasy gross pizza it was...

Here is Aureta posing in the pizza dump. Any background looks like the South of France while you're wearing those YSL booties! So editorial!

This girl was doing a bit of drunk pizza ordering. She unfortunately WAS NOT wearing YSL booties, so you caption this picture.

There is Mr. Bradshaw and my cotton muffin Ky'Leigh.

I believe I got home a little after 3 am, which was not good because my alarm for work goes off at 6:30! Let me tell you, it wasn't a pretty sight the next morning. I think I used eye drops, mouthwash, Preperation H, tape, hammer and nails, bleach, putty, and a shot of Absinthe all to make myself look like a normal person--and it still didn't work!
By lunch time, I was semi back to normal and excited to go to a dinner party that Aureta was hosting later that night. It was the only thing I had to live for, because I felt like I was
After work, I rushed home to change and to meet up with J so that we could head into VA for din din. We went to Peking Gourmet in Falls Church. It's a D.C. landmark that has been open for over 30 years. We sat at the Presidential table where George Bush likes to sit! Get into this nice woman carving that damn duck.

I can go on record to say that it's the best fucking duck I've EVER had! We also had fish, shrimp, lamb, lettuce wraps, spring rolls, and all the drinks we could siphon down. Needless to say I was stuffed!

I was sitting directly across the table from Mike, and he was soooo far away. We had to send text messages to communicate to each other!
After dinner we headed to Lima. It was not a good look. It was a Euro-trash Jersey Shore hybrid party. The guys were wearing way to much cologne, and the girls looked like they owned stock in BEBE! We couldn't do it, so we left. We went to Napolean in Adam's Morgan. There was a cute party there downstairs. After more drinks, and chatting it up with owner Omar Popal, we jetted off to Steve's Bar Room.
Steve's is always a good look. I love the energy there. it was slower than usual, but we still had a blast.

There's Mike behind the bar. How'd he get back there? Once again, it was 2 am, and my black ass had to work the next morning.
Again, the only thing that kept my hope alive was dinner. This time not with Aureta, but with my brother Borzou.

It's a family tradition for us to go to Outback at least once a month. This time we were joined by Robert and Jamar--such a special treat!

I fucked that food up--no lie!

After dinner we headed home. I was exhausted. After my shower, it was lights out Son!
Off to work again on Saturday. The day went by pretty quickly so I had no reason to bitch. After work I was supposed to go to a Haitian Relief Benefit at an Art Gallery literally a block away from my house. After I got home from wo
rk, I was done.
I tried to get up twice to see what I wanted to wear, but my closet tried to eat me! I wasn't mentally stable enough to tackle "ground zero" (my closet). I laid back down and
called it a night.
Yesterday I worked, it was dreadful. I would have rather had a root canal done by Stevie Wonder. Afterwork I picked up carryout and some random snacks

(when is the last time you ate a Mallo Cup?) to pre game for 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'! Now I'm here getting my Carrie Bradshaw on, but my ass needs to get up and run errands, so fuck off until Wednesday!

The winter is definitely almost over, and we are looking onward to Spring Summer '10. It's now time to put together our looks for the next season. What do you think the must have accessory is for this coming Spring Summer? Would it be one shouldered looks, statement belts, or bold patterns? Hell muthafuckin' naw!

It's the camel toe bitches!

Everyone from Coco T to Nikki Minaj has been sporting camel toes on the red carpets. I swear it's only a matter of time until Karl Lagerfeld endorses them. When I see camel toes coming down the Chanel runway, that's when I'd lose it! I can hear Karl now screaming while waving his fan, "Zee camel toe iz zee nhew blaque. Zee camel toe iz zee number one azzezzorhee for zee sezzon!"

They are all the rage.

I've even been known to sport the male version of a camel toe myself...

It's called the "Bro-toe". Isn't it so over!

It's so chic to have your crotch be the main focal point of your outfit! I die!
So everybody hike those pants up and show me your genitalia prints. Mark my word, they will be doing this shit in Milan next season, and then i'll have the last laugh! (wink)


I'm quite sure I've heard it all now. Just recently two men tried to rob a store in Milwaukee. After the robbery, one of the guys tried to hit on the cashier and asked for her number. He said that she looked real good, and wanted to take her out sometime?
If I were her, I would have probably given him my digits. At least I knew he had some cash in his pockets, which is better than I can say for some motherfuckers out here. Don't knock him, he does have ambitions--they're just illegal. On their date he would have probably stopped to rob a liquor store to get coins for dinner. Now that's the kind of man I like...(crickets).
"Yo Bitch Gimme Yo Numba!" Check out the clip here...


Caught by Q

I was in the mall the other day in the food court (don't ask why, I believe food courts are the rectum of America), and I saw this woman at the Cinnabon shop. What in the 80's hair band? She was permed and fried! I had to pretend like I was looking at the menu of Cinnabons in order to snap this shot of her. She probably knew I was fakin', because the fuckin place is called "Cinnabon", that's all they fucking sell! Anywho, her hair slightly scared me. After I snapped the pic, I ran to the restroom to check the mirror to make sure everything was ok. No 80's hair here (wipes brow)!

What the hell was she wearing? She looks like an extra from Warrant's "Cherry Pie" video. So tacky. She is giving me Kelly Bundy teas all day long in this spandex dress and spiral hair! Oh gawd, I hate working in Virginia, I always see shit like this!

Fake bag alert! Fake bag alert! I don't mind other people carrying fakes unless they don't try to pass them off as real. I overheard her say "my Gucci bag", and I almost died! Gucci never made this bag! The pelham bag was never made with red and green stripes and a zip top closure? She should have done her research before buying this one Some African dude in Georgetown lied to her ass and told her that it was official! It's a fake bitch, now that's the gotcha gotcha!

I'm about to fuck with this big ass dyke, I bet her penis is waaaaay bigger than mine. Next!

I was walking downtown the other day and saw this...

...a big ol tub of "brown gel" just sitting at a bus stop. Now for my non-ethnic readers, brown gel is used by ghetto black girls across the nation to gel their hair down. It's the cheapest worse gel ever! It flakes and make your hair feel like plaster, but I'll be damned if it doesn't hold!
Looks like some bitch was gelling her hair down at the bus stop and had to hit it on a moments notice. I die!

Get into these nice men at the bus stop who were getting into me taking the pictures of the gel that was right next to them.

They had no clue what the crazy black man in the fur was doing. The look on his face is priceless!

Kisses fuckers!


Dovie-Lee Lineau said...

that look on his face is a mess!

Elle est funky fresh said...

LMAO at the new look for spring!

Curious said...

Bro-toe: Well you live and your learn I guess.

GagaforA said...

Does your friend Aureta work in fashion too? I saw the link you posted to her blog...too fabulous for words. What does she do and how does she afford such amazing shit?