Friday, February 19, 2010

'I'm Sorry 2004' remix by Tiger Woods, Caught by Q, and "Ryhmes with Duck" You Fridays!

So, I'm totally watching Kathy Lee and Hoda right now when I should be getting ready for work. They're talking about Tiger Woods and how he is starting his "apology" tour. I myself don't want to hear an apology from him. What is he apologizing for? It's none of our business if he wants to cheat on his wife with a gaggle of loose white women. If you're in the "public" eye in America, there is no line between your private and public life.
Does him fucking every chick in sight have anything to do with him swinging a golf club? Not really (actually it might)... I just wish when Tiger gets up to the podium for his apology that he channels Ike Turner and goes flip mode.

Tiger Woods: (steps up to podium) Ummmm yeah, I'm supposed to be apologizing today, but fuck that shit! I fucked all those bitches, and I'll do it again! Ya'll mind ya'lls mutherfuckin' business. You know how I'm good at swinging a golf club, well I'm good at swingin' dick too! Don't hate! (looks at crowd intensely) WHAT? Anyways, let me get the hell outta here. (beckons to wife as he walks off stage) I'm hungry as shit bitch, make me a turkey sandwich when I get home...

Now that's the Tiger Woods I wanna see!


Look at this queen who was high stepping it down 11th Street the other morning. She tried to battle me with a Tumi messenger bag. It's ok, I let her walk, but only because he answered his cell phone by saying, "Hi Bitch". That was his saving grace!

How dare you call me racist, I talk to Black people on the train!

I had no clue that Patti LaBelle had a line of home furnishings. Obviously she isn't designing them herself. If she were, they would be the gayest comforters of all time! They would have shoes (Louboutins of course) printed on them, and the bed skirt would be made of weave! I said "Somebody loves you baby!"

So I was in Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday. It was waaaay more "Beyond" than the the Bed or Bath part. There were so many strange characters there. Then again, I was in Chinatown.
This women had long nails reminiscent of "Coco" from the 90's girl group SWV. She kept coughing like she just smoked 8 packs of cigarettes back to back, and then drank an anthrax shake.

Get into her looking a mop like she had never seen one in her life.
I liked her fake Gucci bag though...(blank stare)


Today is the first installment of "Fuck You Fridays" (thanks Melissa/wifey). I just wanna start out the series with a big ol astounding "Fuck You" to Mariah Carey.

Chick, you are not 20 anymore. Could you perhaps dress a little more age appropriate? You always look so trashy, and I can't take it. I've held my silence long enough. Your knee socks and 'MTV Cribs' closet full of spandex mini dresses must be burned immediately!
I respect your music, but you could possibly be in the top five list of worst dressed celebrities. It just all went down hill after your denim shorts and white shirt period! Ugggghhhhh!
Get it together Mimi!

I wanna know what annoyed you guys this week. Release your stress on "Fuck You Fridays!" See, I feel better already...(exhale)


Keisha Kornbread said...

This post gives me EVERYTHING I need!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you boo boo! Muah!

Icy said...

LOL @ The queen on 11th street.. you had me dying... This new series "Fuck you fridays" is gonna be hot. Glad you started the 1st installment of with a bang.

Anonymous said...

ThanK you Icy! You're the best!

Bradley said...

Awesome blog. Do that thing. The queen on 11th street was funny as well as the old biddy in Bed Bath and Beyond

Mike Fourth said...

I was hoping that Tiger was going to say the same thing.

Majarni N said...

Loving the "Fuck you Fridays" and along with everyone else the queen on 11th gave me a second breath. Im still praying Tiger recants that damn apology and goes with a FUCK YALL, I like PUSSY SO WHAT statement. As always reading your blog gets me through MOnday and Tuesday mornings.