Monday, April 12, 2010

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Reality Sundays, and Caught By Q...

I should probably get up and clean my room before someone writes in to the show 'Hoarders' to nominate me to be on. There are literally clothes, sunglasses, belts and shoes EVERYWHERE! With a little motivation and prayer, I should be able to clean it up fairly quickly.
While it's a jungle in here, it's equally as crazy outside my apartment. The Nuclear Summit is being held literally feet away from my apartment. All of the streets within a 2 block radius of my house are closed off. I have to show my I.D. to be able to enter and exit my block. The upside of it all is there are a gaggle of cute cops walking around with their shirts tightly trolled around their biceps (no homo). Right now I'm looking out of my window, and I see all of the protesters. I can't make out what's on the signs, but hopefully they're protesting against Brandy's lace front wigs (more on that later).

Anyways, my week started off pretty crazy, but quickly fizzled. On Wednesday I was asked to assist in the production of Fashion District, a fashion event thrown by my friends over at ReadySetDc. The event was held on the rooftop of View 14, which are luxury condos in Columbia Heights. The view was amazing, and the show was amazing as well (If I could say so myself).

What an amazing night! In addition to there being a fashion show, there was also an art exhibit and pop up shops featuring all of the boutiques included in the show.

There I am in my signature summer short shorts. I have more where those came from--trust me.

photos: BYT

After the event, the crew and I headed over to Marvin for a quick bite. Maybe I was hungry, but it seemed as if the Lord himself was in the kitchen cooking those scallops. They were so good. After our quick bite, we headed over to 18th St area. Here is us confused on what to do next...

Here is Billy smoking a jack. He looks like he just beat a woman with that white Hanes V-neck. Ummm, ummm, umm...

After all of the commotion from Wednesday, I didn't rise until 2 p.m. on Thursday. After I woke up, I readied myself for a meeting I had later on that day. Fun things happening, I'll share later on.

So, this is the lobby where I had to meet my friend for our meeting. The plan was to meet here, and go grab a couple of cocktails. After waiting for a couple of minutes, a gentleman walked over to ask if I were part of the "private memorial service". I quickly said no! He then asked if I could step outside. I was minding my own business just sitting in a corner. I'm sorry that whoever is dead and all, but I didn't kill them. Besides, it was about to rain, and I feared that my spray tan in a bottle would streak on my legs.
I respectfully acquiesced to his wishes. I didn't want to start a scene. I'm sure the deceased wouldn't have minded me bringing a little spice to their dry boring ass memorial service. You could hear a rat piss on cotton. I've told you guys before, if I EVER die (I'm planning on finding a cure for death) I don't want a boring memorial. I want a live band, a fashion show, and Joan Rivers reporting live from the red carpet (she'll be like 230 by then).
On Friday it was bidness as usual. After work I came straight home and collapsed. I had high hopes of possibly doing something fun, but my legs didn't work. There was no way I was getting out of bed.
On Saturday work was crazy busy. People came in hideously dressed droves to the mall. After work I decided to hit up The W for my favorite burger and a cocktail.

That was some good mad cow! Oh, and try the champagne cocktail at The W, it's my fav! While eating my burger, the most annoying group of girls were sitting next to me.

I was so over their Tory Burch clutches, and ill-fitting Paige denim that I wanted to completely blow chunks. I had landed right in the midst of a soccer mom convention. They were talking about day care, and their husbands. At one point they were even passing around pictures of their kids! It made me wish my friends were there. We would have been talking about didlos, group fistings, and Louboutins! If I EVER have kids, I don't ever wanna be that mom/dad. It's so annoying. There's a time and place for that shit, and it sure ain't at The W!
Lucky for me, I did meet some other nice girls at the bar who were in town from B-more. They were cute. They asked me where they could find "cute boys"! I pulled out my map of D.C. with red dots placed over all spots where there are normally "cute boys". Hopefully they got lucky!
I paid my bill and hit it. I stopped at CVS by my house and had a shopping spree. Whatever I bought came to 73 dollars? I bought those socks that make your feet soft, you know like the Borghese ones? Along with a shit load of candy, and some cleaning supplies (which I haven't used yet). After talking to my boo, I feel asleep while watching 'The Sarah Silverman' show on dvr ( I wanted to dream funny dreams).
I woke up on Sunday feeling quite rested, but my day quickly went down hill. I don't even wanna revisit the day I had at work. Let's just say I maybe working at the Players Club soon. I'd rather twirl down a poll. I'd just have to learn how to shake one butt cheek at a time though. Are there classes for that?
After my day from, I ordered Thai, and prepared for my date with reality tv!


Did someone say "Reality TV"? Its seems that Vh-1 is trying to get it on on Sunday nights with their programming. Last night was the premiere for 3 new shows. The first being 'Ray J and Brandy: A Family Business.

If I didn't know how huge Ray-J's penis was from viewing the sex tape, I would have voted him off the island light years ago. He is sooo wack with a capital DUMB! What's up with that zig zag side part in his head? Uggghhh? On the show last night, he said that he makes a million a year by doing club appearances. Who actually pays Ray-J to come to a party? Is he really a draw? That would be a deal breaker for me!

Friend: Oh, you know Ray-J is supposed to be at the club tonight?

Me: Ray-J? Brandy's brother? Awwww, fuck that son. I'm stayin' in!

Moving on to Brandy....

I absolutely adore that girl. In my opinion, she has one of the most beautiful voices in the industry, but she's killing me with those lace front wigs with the baby hair attached to it. For my non-Black girls reading today just google "lace front wig" to get a better understanding. She's starting to look like Tyra back in the day.

...but in this picture, she's giving me sumo wrestler cunt. I don't know what the problem is, but get it together. We need new music from you! Correction: We need new GOOD music from you. That's not a read, I'm just being real.

The second show in the line up was 'Basketball Wives'. It looks like we may have a bit of drama on the show, but I'm not loving the girls they picked. Shaunie is the best one, but on the show she looks dry. Maybe she needs a weave or something, but her look isn't doing it for me. Sorry.

Shaq posted a video on Ustream last night is response to the show. It was a vid of him singing 'Fire and Desire' by Rick James. He donned a greasy wig and all. It was pretty much an "F.U." to Shaunie and the show.

Check another video of Shaq below. Look out for around :16 seconds in. I'm sure that's what he wants to tell Shaunie to kiss.

Nice ass Shaq, you should consider being a bottom. Anyways, Shaunie could give a good fuck. All she wants are those coins that you're about to come up off!

The third show was 'What Chilli Wants', a dating show featuring Chilli from girl group TLC. She is so pretty, and her skin is flawless. The show last night wasn't that entertaining, but I'll watch anyways. I like her baby hair.

Anyways, you guys know what I'll be doing on Sunday nights from 9-11. If you call me between those hours, I'm sending you to voicemail with the quickness!


Caught By Q

I was sitting right by this woman on the train yesterday. I damn near choke on the hair spray fumes that were seeping from her scalp. What in the Aqua Net? Lay off on the hairspray lady!

I stepped over this empty Magnum condom box the other day while running errands in the city. Did you guys know that most men who buy Magnum condoms don't need too?

Ladies (and bottoms), have you been there before? The guy pulls out a Magnum and tears away at the packaging with his teeth. He rolls it on, and it looks like a loose sock around a skinny ankle? Save yourself the embarrassment guys. Who are you trying to impress, the check out girl at Duane Reade? Just buy the regular ones. It's ok.

Happy Monday...

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