Bop your head to my "homo crush" Soulja Boy's 'Pretty Boy Swag' while you read the blog today...You're welcome!
Speaking of boys...Catch the youngins in the video below. I'll let you guys decide how you feel about it, but as for me, I'm quite disturbed. Why are they shaking their asses better than the most booked video hoes? They are way too young for all of that, but if they could teach ME how to do it, I'd be forever indebted. If I could do that, I'd rule the world!
What do you guys think? Isn't it a little too (Wendy Williams voice) "How you doin"? Anyways, what do I know?
I know I shouldn't be talking about Auntie Whitney like this, but I'm gonna go ahead and apologize in advance. What the hell has this bitch been eating? Better yet, whatever it is, I don't want any.
The picture above is her at a recent concert with fans. Look at how her breast are about to attack those poor people. Whitney has NEVER had boobs that big, besides when she got those floatation device looking breast implants years ago, but they still weren't even a handful. Maybe she ate Bobbi Kristina? I haven't seen her in a while? Perhaps her addiction has just shifted away from drugs and alcohol to food. When you have an addictive personality, you have to O.D. on something, and looks like Whitney has been fucking up some greasy fried chicken. I'm not hatin' Whitney, just don't get any bigger. Shit.
(Whitney voice--pre drugs--around the time of 'The Bodyguard') And IIIIIIIIIIII E IIIIIIIII, will always love you...
Seahawks rookie Golden Tate says that he's "embarrassed" after Police in Seattle gave him a warning for trespassing into a doughnut shop last weekend. The shop is apparently in the lobby of a building he lives in. Tate along with a drunken friend entered the shop at around 3 am, and started to help themselves to doughnuts. Tate says that the doughnuts are "irresistible".
Let my ass break into a doughnut shop at 3 in the morning, I would be in the "big house" braiding Big Poppa's hair! A bullshit rookie gets caught, and is issued a warning? Can we at least get some Chris Brown Community Service or something? This is the first I've heard of a damn Golden Tate. He needs to go to Rikers! Off with his head!
Kinda cute though, eh? Anyways, off to Rikers!
So, I'm sure you've heard (holding hand over mouth) about Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub (dry heaving over toilet) and her sex tape by now. The sex tape is set to be distributed by Hustler very soon. I don't know about you guys, but I sure as hell don't wanna see her cougar pussy on my television screen! And to make it even more uncomfortable, it's been reported that she has piercings in "weird" places as well. This is some gross shit man! I guess the sales will be supported by horny college boys who thinks she a milf. As for me, I'm saving this link here... for a rainy day. If I ever start rapid weight gain (which will be never), I'll click that link to instantly lose my lunch. Did I say this was gross? Ok, I thought I did--just checkin...
(runs to barf again)
It's 'Housecunt' Thursday...
On behalf of 'The Housecunts of DC', we'd like to say thank you. Thank you all so much for your kind words, emails, and comments on the blog. Along with all of the local notoriety we've been getting, of course there comes backlash. I mean if I were you, I'd hate us too.
What's that saying again? It says something about "keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer?" I guess some people don't have much to do? It's quite sad when your only entertainment is watching what we do. If "one" dislikes something so much, why would "they" continue to read about/want to be around it? Grab a pen and take notes. For example, I hate tofu. Now if I hate tofu so much, why would I have it for dinner every night? Get my drift? And as far as all of the talking behind MY back, lying, conspiring, backstabbing, gossiping, and "school girl" antics, Are you serious? I graduated high school while Clinton was in office, I'm too old for that shit! I guess birds of a feather really do flock together. Reminder to readers: Beware of fake bitches (and dudes that ACT like bitches)! Some people are more fake than a Chanel bag on Canal St. You know, my mother told me that when people talk behind your back, they're speaking into your asshole (scans room with eyes)...
Anyways, enough about that. Join us as we do some "revamping" to 'The Housecunts of DC'. (enter suspense music here) Stay tuned for Season 2. You can't catch us, we're too far away...
(looks around my house) Has anyone seen my iPhone? (shrugs)