Thursday, October 14, 2010

House Hunter, Don't Jump!, Raz-Behave, Ride My Face?

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been blogging like I'm "supposed" to but I've been frantically looking for a place to live. I'm believing I'm over the whole apartment thing, and want a house. I need space to spread my shoes out! I'm also looking for a cool neighborhood. Something kind of edgy with street thugs on the corner, but I want my neighbors to have Range Rovers and wear Tori Burch flats.

Yesterday I had an appointment for what appeared to be an amaaaazingly renovated row house on N st. in NW. I arrived early and surveyed the neighborhood. Even though it looked a tad urban, I saw yuppies jogging down the street, so I knew it was in the process of being gentrified. I checked out the place, and it was gorgeous. There were beautiful hardwood floors, and so many bathrooms that I could shit in a different one everyday of the week and not repeat. They only thing wrong was the back yard. The whole back area of the homes on that block shared a long patch of unkept mangy weed ridden trash filled grass. It totally looked like rape woods. You know in the movies when the innocent white girl (me) is jogging down the street listening to Justin Beiber on her iPod, and a ferocious salivating latino man with fangs jumps out of the woods to rape her?

Oh hell naw, it wasn't gonna be me! I quickly shook the brokers hand and left out faster than Eddie Long at a Pride Festival.

My second nightmare yesterday was a building in a prime location! Right in the "heart of Logan Circle" the ad boasted. As I walked down the street I saw a building at the end of the block. It was sunny yesterday, but oddly enough this particular building had a cloud over it. I rolled my eyes when I realized the address matched. The broker was sweaty and fat. He looked like he stopped to buy a blow job on the way. He extended his hand for me to shake it, but I smiled really big at him in lieu of a hand shake. He took me into the building, and the first thing I saw down the stairs was a rape laundry room.

You know the kind of laundry room when the again innocent white girl (me) is washing her clothes in booty shorts and a tank top with her nipples erect, and from out of nowhere a cyclops Black man jumps out of the dryer and and pulls her in and rapes her! Oh hell naw. It wasn't about to be me. I don't do public laundromats anyway. Besides the fear of being raped, I don't wanna get bed bugs or crabs from washing my clothes in a communal washer. So gross! Wish me luck house hunting!


So I'm guessing T.I. talked a man down from a roof who was threatening to jump in ATL this week? T.I. supposedly recorded a heartfelt video for the man which police officers played to cajole the man down.

Not to jump straight there, but the guy clearly was gay. I mean, hellooooo it's ATL, and secondly if I'm a grown ass man I couldn't see being talked down by another dude. That's some sweet talking homo shit son! If I'm straight, give me a woman. Lord knows what T.I. promised this mystery man. You know Clifford is trying to portray himself in a more positive light after his possession arrest so he's pulling out all the stops. You know what I'd request from T.I. in exchange for not jumping...? (clears throat)


Raz B was back this week accusing people of butt raping him while he was a member of Coco Dorm, I mean B2K. He obviously has issues, because he just WON'T let it go. In the video below, he goes on Marques Houston for allegedly butt raping him, and also for Omarion saying that he "has bipolar".
I'm totally not making a joke of his situation, but with lips like that can you blame Marques Houston for wanting to test that shit out? Whitney said it best when she said, "It's not right, but it's ok!" Some things you just have to let slide...


Just when you thought urban Blacks were locked up and the key had been thrown away, they appear with the most outlandish shit EVER! Some idiot actually sat down with a pen and pad and wrote a song called, 'Ride My Face'. In this video we see a young gentleman actually demonstrating the dance on a couple of respectful females. These girls appear to be sunday school teachers, librarians, or crossing guards (side eye). I'm sorry I just can't do it! What's wrong with Blacks?

Ummm, if anyone know the shirtless one though tell him to call me. Did you see that tongue action? (so homo)

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