Weekend Wrap-Up--'The September Issue' Edition, OMG the VMA's!

OMG, everybody be quiet! We have lots to discuss. I hope everyone's Monday morning got off to a HORRIBLE start. I'm talkin' about flat tires Starbuck's was outta coffee run in the stockings just broke the heel off my new Louboutin fender bender traffic morning--just real fucked up! LOL... Anyways, the weekend as pretty mild. It started off on Friday with everyone meeting up to pre-game for 'The September Issue'. Thanks to good 'ol faithful Ruth's Chris (big up Steven), we were right where we needed to be when we arrived at the theatre--TIPSY! We pounded 2 rounds like a real "G" should!

This is us at the concessions. Who dresses up in pieces to go to Chinatown theatre? WE DO! Nik, I like your caption to our pic, but my theme of the night was inspired by Rick Ross' 'Money Makes Me Cum'. (clears throat to recite)

"She a real bitch, so she gotta stunt. She get her weave done at lest 5 times a month. She don't call 'em purses, Bitch call 'em bags. I don't know the names, I know they cost some stacks..." Fuck with it! Anyways, I swear I saw a cunt in Parasuco's and Reebok high tops looking at us like we were crazy, but fuck it! I'm going to the movies next week in a full Lady Gaga costume.

The movie from what I remember was great (blame it on the...). There were some amazing shots of the clothes. It was also great to see Anna get into her staff's ass a couple of times. One of the standout moments in the movie was that over-sized queen Andre Leon Talley playing tennis in FULL Louis Vuitton drag--don't forget his LV trunks as well! For tennis? I die! After the movie it was a whirlwind. We went from Policy, to FLY, to Current. My club passport is full of fucking stamps.

After we finished our "Club Tour 2009", we went to Manny and Olga's for some greasy pizza. That shit is good as hell when you're tipsy. Tipsy equals drunk. These were some of the conjures in line in front of us at the pizza joint. The cunt with the orange glasses gives me 'Karma Chameleon' Culture Club teas! She is so over, and so is her balding trade (sorry).

In the midst of me dancing like there was no tomorrow, I forgot that I had to work the next morning. FUCK! I woke up at around 8 am with my Blood Alcohol Level way over the legal driving limit. Good thing I was taking the train. Was it? The Fucking Tea Party protesters were in town on Saturday! I stumbled my way through the "Obama Haters", and found a seat at the platform next to him...

...this motherfucker doesn't need to be protesting shit! His greasy 'Biggest Loser' ass needs to be at home or somebody's gym. I wouldn't be talking about him like that if I didn't over hear (I was eavesdropping) him bashing Obama with the couple next to him. His ass couldn't even face them, he was talking to the sideways because he couldn't even turn around. Lose weight you "Obama Hater", and tell me what your dick looks like. I'm sure you haven't seen it in YEARS!

Once I got to work, things were alright. I had clients come in, which made my day go by pretty fast. Afterwork, I had a mega craving for Chik-fil-A! I made my way over to Ballston mall (I took a time machine back to the early 90's to go there), and SLAYED 2 sandwiches, a waffle fry, and a lemonade in about 8 minutes flat. I don't play around with Chik-fil-A, that's my shit. When I got home, I had a full stomach (so I had "the itis"). I took the "Shower of Life", and went to slumberville.

Yesterday work was work. I rushed home to prepare myself for the VMA's. And they went a lil sumthin' like...

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So the MTV Video Music Awards were broadcast live last night from Radio City Music Hall. I don't think I have EVER missed an MTV Award show. They usually never disappoint me (unlike another music video channel that caters to African American viewers***coughs***BET).

For the most part everyone looked great, and the show was amazing.

Diddy showed up with his group 'Dirty Money'. They looked great, but am I they only one that sees a "half a hit wonder" here? Damn, after Biggie, Diddy can't get an act to stick. They will normally give you one good single, and then disappear off the face of the earth. By the way, where is Cherri Dennis?

Solange's dress was FIYAH, but she looked horrible in it! I'm sorry she needs to borrow one of Beyonce's many lace fronts and get it poppin'! She looks like Florida Evan's young rich niece. She does not have a face for short hair. Why everybody gotta be Amber Rose? Amber Rose isn't even Amber Rose!

Beyonce looked amazing, and she rocked her 'Single Ladies' performance. Did anyone get into her groovin' while her man was performing? I bet Jay slayed that ass last night!

Oh, I wish she would have changed into another dress after her performance though. 90 percent of your fan base are "the gays". Give them what they want and change next time B! If I could, I would change like 8 times a day for no reason at all, but at work though! I'm talking full outfit changes with shoes and all! No other reason but pure "faggotry"!

Cassie looked beat as hell, but I must say I am over the shaved head. She let that queen Diddy talk her into shaving the side of her head, and now what the fuck is she gonna do? Shave the whole shit off, or grow it out? Whatever you're gonna do Cassie, do it quick! We're over it!

Lady Gaga's performance last night was...ummm? The performance was definitely different, but I loved it! If you're not a creative, artistic person, you probably didn't get it. She definitely pushes buttons, and is not afraid to take risk. Her ass changed 3 times, and slayed each time! Her costume/couture game is sick! I love how she thanked "God and the gays". You can't make it in the music industry with either one!

I can't even say how happy I was for Janet and the Michael tribute. She rocked it! I love 'Scream', it's one of my favorites. I can't wait to see the MJ movie though. Does it creep anyone else out that the tour was called 'This is It'? Is that a freaky foreshadowing or what? I've told you guys before when I die--no memorial! I want a fashion show with key pieces from year 1978 up until the year I die (which will be 3000 never--I found the key to eternal life). I swear if you people don't comply with my wishes, my ghost will haunt each and every one of you mother fuckers reading this. Have you ever been haunted by a queen's ghost? I don't think you ever wanna experience that! Fuck with it!

(Look at the camel toe on Amber Rose! Geez!) Well, I'm sure you all saw Kanye's display of queenliness last night at the awards. I'm sorry, but I live for Ms. Kanye. She doesn't give a fuck! It's kind of liberating. Who else can get up on stage and grab the mic from a little white girl, and say that Beyonce was robbed! Furthermore what trade admits to living for the 'Single Ladies' video? All you fucking hypocrites that say you're not gonna listen to her music anymore are liars! Wait until Kanye pumps out another sick track. Your ass will be in motion right along with mine! This is definitely not Kanye's first outburst, and definitely won't be his last. My favorite would be "George Bush doesn't care about Black People"! I live! If you forgot, refresh you memory below. Happy Monday fuckers!

Weekend Wrap-Up, Now Does Anyone Believe Me?, Sorry Syd, and My First Family...

Are you guys ready for my weekend wrap-up...?  This weekend I worked, and it sucked!  Oh no, that's it...

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If you guys haven't heard about Ms. Kanyesha's newest.  She was reported to have said that she was interested in doing porn.  She said that she would be interested in doing "bisexual scenes with another man and a women, or two women and myself" (drop the wine glass).  

Now she has gone too far.  Last week she wanted to pose nude, now she wants to do porn.  She is feeling real sexy these days.  I would get major life if I caught her out in a porn with a blonde hair piece on like Kim's from Atlanta Housewives, and a pair of Nike dunks.  His "co-star" would be Double R, and we all know what that would give (If you're not a gay man, this is where you google gay porn Double R).  Double R would have Kanye taking dick bent over a bicycle with a banana in his mouth.  I honestly don't think we're too far from seeing it.  Stay tuned...

 

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Sorry Syd, but I had to do it... 6' 11"?  Gold medalist?  Dwight Howard is the ruler.  I was reminded how much of the ruler he was after coming across this random pic of him online.  Not only does he look like someone covered him in extra virgin olive oil and stuck him out in the sun to bake, but his smile is killer.  Again Syd, I hope there is no bad blood for me doing this, but that's the way love goes...lol.

If I found out that this cunt loved him long time, I will fuck her up...

What did India Arie say, "Maybe you're from Mississippi or and Island..?"  She ain't never lied!

Oooop...!

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These are random pics from Inauguration released from the White House this weekend.  Look at my President about to leave the house to attend the balls.  He is the ultimate family man.  You can just tell that those girls love him.  One of my favorite images from the actual Inauguration was Sasha giving her dad the thumbs up.  It's so cute, I can't stand it.  I hate kids though...(I'm kidding, not really.  I like them though, and my nephew Jaden, and Brad and Angelina's twin that was born first.  I also like Pebbles from the Flinstone's, her ponytail was ovah...that's it though).

Did you guys know that MY president was Black?

Harder? Faster? Stronger?

Have you guys heard yet about Ms. Kanyesha's latest?  In the February edition of VIBE magazine Ms. Kanye says that she wants to pose nude?  Is she kidding me?  She says that he wants to "break stereotypes".  I'm all about stereotype breaking, but that sounds like some faggy ass shit to me.  I wouldn't even say any mess like that, and god forbid a trade.  Can you imagine?  The trade doesn't even like to get naked first of all.  I dated a guy once, and I don't ever think I saw him completely naked, even during sex.  The trade can't see entirely disrobing.  Ms. Kanye also says that within the next couple of years after she works out and gets her body right, it will be a go.  Can't you just see the cover now?  It's gonna look just like the infamous Rolling Stone cover with Janet.  Who is going to cover Ms. Kanyesha's breast though?

Ooooop Guuuuuurl!

Weekend Wrap-Up, My Christmas List Part Un, and Damn Luda...

So this weekend I worked!  Right, that's it...I worked and fleeced home as fast as I could.  I had a 12 hour day on Friday, and yesterday marked my 6th day in a row.  The old boy is tired.  It's so weird.  I'm not saying that I'm old by any means, but I can definitely feel the difference from working a long week at 20, and working a long week at 30.  A decade ago I would have probably partied and drank through it all, instead I was knocked out an hour after I got home.  Wow, I'm 30.  When did that happen? Fuck!

Anyways, last night I watched the American Music Awards.  It was as dry as Malik Youba's lips.  The performances were weak, and most everyone looked wack.  

First and foremost, who the fuck let the New Kids on the Block in?  Their performance was painful to watch.  Where they kidding?  I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out in the trucker hat of life and scream, "You just got PUNKED!"  They looked so stiff and rehearsed.  Don't get me wrong I used to live for NKOTB back in the day.  I screamed and cried just like every other teenage girl at the site of them in their hey day, but now...?  Let it go guys.  

Even though it was so over for you having the largest spread in the all black issue of Italian Vogue, last night you looked (Can we say it all together)...Tired!  Why would she wear that?  Tocarra knew she didn't have any damn business in polka dots with her big ass.  She looked like somebody's mama (not mine by the way, cause my mom would have twirled the pump of life).  

Who the fuck is that tired old queen standing next to that tired queen?  No seriously, who is that?  Why is that she wearing a mesh fish netted vest with a "feels like satin to the touch" button down collared shirt.  No read or shade though, his face is beat better than Omarosa's.  Get it girl (I mean the queen, not Omarosa)...

Hi Kanye...(teeth clinched).  I'm glad she won something, cause you know how she goes off if she doesn't.

I don't even have anything to say about this...

O.K., I lied.  Yes I do.  What the fuck was Alicia Keys doing?  What in the Bollywood Hare Krishna hot ass mess?  I know she loves Stevie Wonder, but why would she let him style her for the night.  That's just bad and I don't want none.  I'm too blessed to stress over the devil's mess honey!  No way...

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So with the Christmas season all ready in gear, I thought I'd start to post my Christmas list.  It's only a few things, and this is Part One.

1.  Sanity

2.  A washable suede jacket from HSN (I'm not gonna wear it, it's just over to ask for one)

3.  Him pictured below

4.  Those Gucci boots from last week's post

5.  Gift cards to Ruth Chris, Outback, and Chick-Fil-A (preferably over $500 each)

6.  Those Alexander McQueen mens pants pictured below.  They are from Spring 2004, so somebody has some work to do.

7.  A Connect Four game

8.  A bag of cotton balls

9.  A bag of cotton candy

10.  Taylor Dayne's 2nd studio album "Can't Fight Fate" (in it's original packaging please)

Oh My God, you guys only have like a month left and this is only part one...Hurry!

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Why is Ludacris rapping like this is his last track?  Check out 'Undisputed' featuring Ms. Mayweather (50 cent's BFF/cutty buddy).  Watch out Lil Wayne...

Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday, Jensen, and ?...

So Omar's Birthday was spectacular.  Everything was great, and the placed looked amazing if I shall say so myself.  Thanks to my sisters for all your help, and especially Suzie, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.  Check out the before and after pics below.  What a transformation!  To view more pics from the party visit my online gallery.  Go to Q's Gallery!

Get into Me and Normie's shorts.  Sister says that we looked like Barker babes...Sister is over!

Doesn't this look like a gay murder mystery scene?  Who did it?  Was it the socialite art collector, the government official, or the real estate tycoon?  Well I will say this, whoever did it payed someone to do it.  Blood makes way for an extremely stubborn stain.  No matter how vengeful these 3 look, they would NEVER, EVER soil the couture! 

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Remember Lil' Ms. Jensen Atwood who played Wade on 'Noah's Arc'?  Right...Get into his new 16 month calendar that is available now.  It's the perfect gift for bat Mitzvah's, baby showers, retirement parties.  Jensen is over, the girls definitely let him walk.  

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"Ah, Pharell... Do you think any of these people know I just stuck my finger up your butt-hole in the bathroom?"  

They are giving my lady boot.  Y'all know I live for Pharell and Ms. Kanyeshia, but this is too much.  The trade may cross their legs, but with both hands over the knee?  What the fuck?  His ass looks like he's at his cotillion.  All he needs is lace gloves and a parasol.  I don't think I want none!  

photos: ybf.com

Hope you guys had a great weekend!  See you tomorrow....