And My Week Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Cheaters, Bigger Is Better, Speed Demon, and "Remember Now"...

OMG Remix Usher Feat. Will.I.Am by MrRapperGuy

(Diddy voice) Let's go people! Let's go! (singing) Baby, lemme love you doooowwwnnn. There's so many ways to love ya...

Talk about OMG, I can't get that fuckin' song outta my head. At this point my only options are a lobotomy, or either shock therapy to rid my life of this song. I have literally played that song well over a hundred times. I'm sure my ipod is pissed at me, but who cares?

Happy Monday fuckers, hope you guys had a great weekend, cause I did. It was quiet, but cool. You know I like to have my fun during the week before all of the "bridge and tunnel" fuckers come into the city on the weekends.

So let's get right to it, I'm not fuckin' with yall all morning. I have online shopping and man-scaping to do.

On Wednesday night my sweet friend Meridith and I attended an art event at the Corcoran. The affair was held by DC Scores, and sponsored by DC mag. Meridith's husband Drew is an amazing artist, who donated a painting to the event. It was sold during a silent auction at the event for big bucks! Check out some of Drew's work here... He's about to blow up!

There's Mer and I taking a gay bathroom mirror shot before we left for the event. She had never taken a gay mirror shot before. I explained to her that if she was going to be one of my fag hags that she must start to fill her iPhone photo album with them IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. We'll check in with her to see how that's going.

After the event, we jetted over to Buddha Bar for some bits and libations. We met up with Joey, Dwayne, and Justin. After a while Meridith turned into a pumpkin, and had to return to "Mommyland". Us gays were just lacing up our party shoes, so it was off to Steve's Bar Room for us!

There's Steve pouring us shots. He always knows how to start a party!

See Meridith, this is how you take gay mirror pics...

After Steve's it was off to Suite for a birthday party. After Suite it was The Spot where my man Sebastian of Shy Magazine hosts the party. After The Spot it was time to devour a burger. After the "burger devouring", it was waaaaaay past my bedtime. I totally forget that I have to work like normal people when I'm out during the week throwing back shots of Patron like apple juice.

Needless to say, on Friday I was off to a slow start. I couldn't get my ass in gear (no homo). After showering, shitting, and shaving I felt much better. It was time to tackle my day.

On Friday I was off. I had a photo shoot with my peeps to promo some upcoming events. We shot outside all day. Needless to say, it was as hot as a fat girl's crotch outside! I was totally and completely drained when I got home. It's amazing what a shower can do though, because after that, I got my second wind.

My boo and I met up with Norman, Dwayne, and Justin for some sushi at Kushi.

If you haven't been yet, you must go. The sushi is to die for. They didn't have the salmon for my ace Dwayne, but he managed to live.

"So what you're telling me is, you DON'T have the salmon?"

There's Norman throwing up "chopstick deuces".

After dinner we headed home. While on our way, we watched a tranny prostitute pull up her (his) dress to show a group of men her (his) crotch. She (he) yelled, "Do you see a motherfuckin' dick you bitch?". Such a fuckin' lady!

Speakin of being a fuckin' lady...

"You catch my girl's legs open, betta smash that! Don't be surprised if she ask where da cash at!"

Here's Nikki on Saturday night at SEI. We went for sushi and our signature Asian Pear Sangrias. She was getting her B-girl swag on.

Here we are outside. We were two "Housecunts" down, but we'll reunite this week for the 'Sex and the City' premiere. I can't wait! I'm so anxious I could just pee on myself (no R. Kelly).

I'll see you at the movies with my bottle of Vueve in hand bitches!

_____________________________________________________

CHEATERS

You guys already knew you were gonna get a 'Cheaters' clip today. You already know the equation here country ass cheating husband+fat ass big tittied angry wife+busted ass mistress with a bad weave (or wig)=pure entertainment.

In this clip the guy cheats on his girl with her own cousin. Now that's some foul shit. His girl is a self-proclaimed "christian" who at one point during the clip shouts, "Ya'll motherfuckers need to be baptized!" Now call me crazy, but I don't recall ever reading that in the Bible. Maybe it's in the Naomi Campbell edition? Yeah, that's that new shit. Enjoy...

____________________________________________________

BIGGER IS BETTER...

So last week D.C. approved a budget to fund a program for high schoolers and college students to get "bigger" condoms. According to surveys and questionnaires, DC school aged males say that don't use them because they're "too small". Obviously they're toting more than a heavy backpack to school.

Now I've seen my share of dicks in my lifetime ( I said "SEEN"), and from my personal observation, D.C. does rank high among those who hang low! I think it's all of the pollutants in the Anacostia river that makes dicks grow to freakish proportions. They should rename D.C. the "Dick-trict of Columbia". I think it has a ring to it. It wouldn't bother me?

Let's just see what the rate of pregnancy and HIV does after they hand out the "big condoms". It'd be interesting to see.

Oh, and sorry about all of the "big dick" talk this early on a Monday morning. Please forgive me, I have absolutely no amour-propre!

_______________________________________________________

SPEED DEMON

This looks like a nice old lady right? Doesn't she look like she bakes the best bundt cakes ever? Well chile, this old 72 year old fossil wasn't baking last week, she was being arrested for reckless driving. She was driving 102 mph, which is well over the 45 mph limit. When the cops stopped her, she said that she was late for her hair appointment.

Now if I were the cop, I would have let her go. Actually, I would have called for back-up, and had her escorted to the hair salon. That is so fucking over! This old bitty is the ruler of the earth! She couldn't see missing her hair appointment. Don't you girls know how long you sit in the salon? She had to get her weave rotated, and make it back home to cook dinner.

Anyways, they let the petrified piece of rock go after keeping her in jail for 12 hours. Her doctors are saying that her actions were possibly a result of a kidney infection that the woman had. Chile please, granny was just trying to get that coif done. Nice try though...

______________________________________________________

'Remember Now' and Chanel Cruise 2011

Chanel Cruise '11

Chanel Cruise '11

Chanel Cruise '11

I fucking love Cruise collections! It just screams luxe. The collection serves no other purpose than outfitting cunts who sail the high seas in yachts bigger than most of our homes. Lots of gingham, seersucker, oversized totes, chiffon, and easy separates will ready you for that spontaneous trip to St. Bart's!

This year that old queen Karl Lagerfeld showed Cruse 2011 in St. Tropez. The showing was kicked off with a 17 minute movie (below) which was written and directed by Karl himself. The movie features his fuck boy Baptiste Giabiconi, and is a visually impeccable.

The short film makes me wanna ride mopeds in St, Tropez, dance until dawn in a shady discothèque, smoke 7 packs of cigarettes a day, make out with dirty french boys, and snort cocaine like an anteater. Get into the end of the film when Karl Lagerfeld slays us in all white! Enjoy...

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., (Insert Music From 'Jaws' Here), Caught by Q, and Oooop!

(in country operator voice) Press (1) if you're Black. Press (2) if you're White. Press (3) if you're Asian. Press (4) if you're Persian. Press (5) if you're Hispanic. Press (6) if you're Slovakian. If you're mixed Black and White, please hold down keys (1) and (2) at the same time. If you're gay, press (7). Press (8) if you're straight. If you're bisexual, please press keys (7) and (8) at the same time. If you enjoy fisting, press the (#) key. If you're neither of the afore mentioned, please press (0), and hold for the next quincyjones66.blogspot.com representative. Someone will be with you momentarily...(insert bad hold music)

Hi bitches. It's Monday. Aren't you happy to see me? It was a man down situation for me for most of the weekend. I was sick. My trusty vodka/orange juice and Nyquil concoction NEVER fails me. I feel like a new man today!

I started to feel icky earlier in the week. It started with a headache. Little did I know, it was sinus pressure. I took some Advil and kept it moving. As the week went on, I developed a cough. I hate people who go around yacking on everything. I was one of those people.

Luckily I was off Friday, and I got to sleep in. My sweetheart asked me out to lunch, so I threw on the first pair of skinny jeans I could find, and went to meet him. We went to Luna Cafe in Dupont. It was good for what it's worth. The only thing that wasn't good was the fake ass 'Gossip Girls' episode that was going on at the next table...

"Yeah, totally! So she was all, and then I was all!" Those bitches were so damn loud and annoying. I really didn't wanna hear their conversation about Hunter boots and the Land's End sale online! Uggghhhh! Annoying bitches! Luckily for them, I was having a cocktail, so it soothed my nerves.

After lunch with my boo, I headed to Georgetown to meet up with Dwayne (big ups Hu's Wear DC). I did a tad of light shopping, and headed home to get dressed for the ReadySetDC DC Blogger Event.

The event was held at District in Adam's Morgan. I don't normally go to Adam's Morgan on a Friday or Saturday, but I made an exception. It WAS before 8 p.m., so it was ok. I have no time for that part of the city on Friday or Saturday between the hours of 9:30 p.m.-4:00 a.m. I don't have the patience to walk through the gauntlet of puking girls in "going out" tops. I just can't!

The event also featured a local artist work. These are a couple of pieces by Brandon Hill. He does some dope shit. Check it out here...

After Adam's Morgan, it was off to SEI for dinner. I had to meet some of my cast members from 'The Real Housecunts of DC'.

We were on gay double dates. This pic is pretty fetch.

"You can't sit with us!"

This was our bill. I don't even think we ate or drank anything. It's fashion week season. Anyways, we tried to pay with "alternative" methods of payment, but they weren't having it. I think, the Panera Bread discount card went through though...

After dinner, I got hit by a bus (side eye), and Susan Boyle was there. I'll explain some other time. Anyways, knowing that I was feeling sick, I pressed on. Nothing can hold me down! I'm a beast!

It was off to The W Hotel. After a quick walk through, we left. Why are there so many Blacks there now? Uggghhhh! The only Blacks allowed at The W DC are me and my friends. No guys in baggy pants and caps. Well, a couple of them were cute though...(tilts head to side and looks up trying to remember)

On to the next one...We left and hopped a cab to the next place.

Dwayne and I needed another drink, so The Fireplace it was.

The Fireplace is the seediest most disgusting bar that I think I've EVER been in, but the drinks are great.

This was a sign on the wall as you walk up the stairs. Ummm hmmm, I bet the stairs are slick. It's probably jizz. That bar is so gross. I hate it. I saw chipped paint on the wall, I'm going for a lead testing. I'm so not kidding.

After being exposed to lead and asbestos at The Fireplace, Dwayne and I fleeced. I walked him to the train, and I hoped into a cab.

Not before I had a warm late night Krispy Kreme doughnut. If there weren't enough exposed holes from the doughnuts at Krispy Kreme, there were lots of homosexuals there...

(blank stare)

I went to bed all ready to pop up for work the next morning.

OMG, I woke up feeling like Precious had sat on my face all night. I had THE worst sinus headache ever. My throat felt like I deep throated golf clubs for a living, and I had no voice at all. I immediately called into work, and went over to CVS. The girl who normally rings me up there said, "Are you alright?" If she could see me roll my eyes through my dark sunglasses, she would have known that I was annoyed. I somehow shrieked out an, "I'm sick!" How was she gonna ask me if I was alright, when she looks like a 'Rupaul's Next Drag Superstar' reject? I really must have looked bad?

I went home and nearly did a Heath Ledger. I took one of every drug I had on deck, and washed it down with a shot of Nyquil. I slept for the better pat of the day, and only woke up to eat and get more drugs.

Yesterday, I still felt like crap, but I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed and go to work. I survived. I came back home, ate and rested more. This morning I feel like a new bitch. I have a lingering cough, but I'm gonna kick it's ass by the end of the day. Send me gifts (monetary only, please no flowers), that would make me feel better. Thanks. The PayPal button is up top, don't act like you ain't see it! (wink)

________________________________________________

The 40 year old trainer who was killed by the whale at Sea World last week is scheduled to have a memorial service next week. It's so sad. This was her dream job, she wanted to be a trainer ever since she was 9 years old.

Apparently, the whale has killed 2 OTHER people. in 1991, that bitch drowned another trainer at a park in Brittish Columbia. Also, in 1999 a man's body was found floating in the pool where "Tilikum" lived. I guess it's no secret that he's killing folk like this, he is a fuckin "killer whale". I'm just sayin' though. He gets off after killing 3 people, but my man got caught uptown with a bag of weed and he gets 2 years in jail?

I don't know if that shit is right? Fucking killer whale. (Kanye shrug)

___________________________________

Caught by Q

This guy was on the elevator with me in my building. He worked out in our gym downstairs. While I took this picture, I was holding my nose. He stunk so damn bad. I could work out non stop for a year with no deodorant and not smell like that. Uggghhh! He smelled like sweaty gym socks soaked in licorice and piss. Just nasty.

All I wanted to do is get some cash for a cab the other day, but this bitch needed an ATM training. Every time I thought she was done, SHE WASN'T! At one point she just stood there and stared at it, like she was trying to read it's palm or something. I sighed extremely loud, and she finally sped it up. I could have done my damn taxes, all the time this bitch took!

"ATM For Dummies..."

Even though I was sick and weak on Saturday morning, I had the strength to snap this shot while going down on the elevator as I was headed to CVS. It was 8 a.m., and she was obviously doing the "walk of shame". She had on last night's "going out" clothes, and smelled like the guy that was walking her down.

"So are you gonna call me again, or...?

Train Trade: For all of you who were with me from the beginning, I'm bringing that series back. Stay tuned...

This nasty Gyne-lotrimin Monistat yeast infection pant wearing cunt was seen at Nordstrom trying to retrieve cash from the ATM. I hope she was getting money out for her OB/GYN co pay? Those tight ass pants is doing nothing good for her "secret". She needs to conjure Toni Braxton, and let her vagina "Breathe Again"! I'm sure that poor thing is stuffed in those tight pants gasping for air! Poor va jay jay...(shakes head)

____________________________________________

You know I don't wanna say anything bad about Auntie Whitney, but this bitch is trippin'. All of those years smoking weed laced with cocaine has fucked up her voice. She used to captivate audiences, now she's clearing out stadiums. It's so sad. How about Whitney just do us all a favor and not sing at her concerts. I would gladly pay a hundred dollars to go to an arena and watch 3 hours of 'Being Bobby Brown'. That would be soooo much more fulfilling. (singing) "I look to yoooooouu oohhh, I loook to you! Bobby Christina!"

Weekend Wrap-Up, and "I Got One Thing To Say..."

Hi kids, if you're here in the district, we have a snow day.  It's not much snow at all, just about 6 inches (6 inches of anything has never made me budge**biting nails**), but it's enough to shut this pussy ass city of D.C. down for the day.

Anyways, this weekend was low-key.  Friday night we had family dinner.  Normie, Joey, Borzou, Nik, Sohale, and myself went to SEI.  It was great!  I went with Normie last Sunday and couldn't stop thinking about the white pear sangria all week.  

After dinner we went to Panache.  There I got down with Persian roots I never knew I had.  Tamika and Veronica met us there and we left shortly after to go to Andalu.  We wanted to hear hip-hop and at least have the possibility of a stabbing at the end of the night.  No stabbing occurred (dammit), but we did get our hip to the hop on.  I didn't plan to stay out that late being that my ass had to work the next day, but it was all good.  I was only an hour (and 35 minutes) late to work.  The time flew by, and I was headed home before I knew it.  I was exhausted and wanted to pass out when I got home immediately if not sooner, but I was hungry as shit.  I stopped by Posh on my way home to grab a bite to eat.  Posh is a supper club of sorts.  I walked in and sat at the bar, and saw this fucker of all mother's!

This man sings at Ruth Chris on random nights, and I guess do to the recession his ass has picked up other gigs as well.  All I wanted was a quiet dinner, but I didn't get that.  He shouted me out at least twice.  If the Kid Capri shout out's weren't embarrassing enough, he came and sat down at the bar next to me and sang.  I wanted to take one of those vodka bottles from behind the bar and knock him over the dome with it.  My ass ate fast as shit, and I fleeced  home.  I swear when I got home I blacked out from exhaustion, because I don't remember much after that.  I worked yesterday and rushed home to watch "Celebrity Apprentice" (more on that later...

How was your weekend?

________________________________________________

Ok, if you guys haven't seen 'Rupaul's Drag Race' yet, then you must get in.  It's sort of like 'America's Next Top Model' meets 'Project Runway', but for drag queens.  Rupaul is the host, and says the most outrageous shit.  Each week they have queens that are in the "bottom two" (yes, I said bottom).  Rupaul makes them lip synch their way back into the competition by saying "Now it's time to lip synch for your life...".  

Rupaul is the ruler, and the original most beat drag queen.  Way before Tyra Banks even thought about glueing a lace front to that big ass forehead, Ru had already done it.  

Tyra could never come for RuPaul.  He gives face for weeks, and couldn't see her out walking him.  When announcing his new show he told reporters, "Tell Tyra that the queen has returned, and while you're at it have Heidi clear the runway."  They don't want any--really, they don't...

Tyra can only aspire to be a drag queen, but Ru is...

YES WE CAN!  There is no excuse for any cunt to not have a beat face.  If a MAN can contour and shade an eye like that, the cunt better learn--and QUICK!

peace...