Monday, May 24, 2010

And My Week Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., Cheaters, Bigger Is Better, Speed Demon, and "Remember Now"...




(Diddy voice) Let's go people! Let's go! (singing) Baby, lemme love you doooowwwnnn. There's so many ways to love ya...

Talk about OMG, I can't get that fuckin' song outta my head. At this point my only options are a lobotomy, or either shock therapy to rid my life of this song. I have literally played that song well over a hundred times. I'm sure my ipod is pissed at me, but who cares?
Happy Monday fuckers, hope you guys had a great weekend, cause I did. It was quiet, but cool. You know I like to have my fun during the week before all of the "bridge and tunnel" fuckers come into the city on the weekends.
So let's get right to it, I'm not fuckin' with yall all morning. I have online shopping and man-scaping to do.

On Wednesday night my sweet friend Meridith and I attended an art event at the Corcoran. The affair was held by DC Scores, and sponsored by DC mag. Meridith's husband Drew is an amazing artist, who donated a painting to the event. It was sold during a silent auction at the event for big bucks! Check out some of Drew's work here... He's about to blow up!

There's Mer and I taking a gay bathroom mirror shot before we left for the event. She had never taken a gay mirror shot before. I explained to her that if she was going to be one of my fag hags that she must start to fill her iPhone photo album with them IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. We'll check in with her to see how that's going.

After the event, we jetted over to Buddha Bar for some bits and libations. We met up with Joey, Dwayne, and Justin. After a while Meridith turned into a pumpkin, and had to return to "Mommyland". Us gays were just lacing up our party shoes, so it was off to Steve's Bar Room for us!

There's Steve pouring us shots. He always knows how to start a party!

See Meridith, this is how you take gay mirror pics...

After Steve's it was off to Suite for a birthday party. After Suite it was The Spot where my man Sebastian of Shy Magazine hosts the party. After The Spot it was time to devour a burger. After the "burger devouring", it was waaaaaay past my bedtime. I totally forget that I have to work like normal people when I'm out during the week throwing back shots of Patron like apple juice.
Needless to say, on Friday I was off to a slow start. I couldn't get my ass in gear (no homo). After showering, shitting, and shaving I felt much better. It was time to tackle my day.

On Friday I was off. I had a photo shoot with my peeps to promo some upcoming events. We shot outside all day. Needless to say, it was as hot as a fat girl's crotch outside! I was totally and completely drained when I got home. It's amazing what a shower can do though, because after that, I got my second wind.
My boo and I met up with Norman, Dwayne, and Justin for some sushi at Kushi.

If you haven't been yet, you must go. The sushi is to die for. They didn't have the salmon for my ace Dwayne, but he managed to live.

"So what you're telling me is, you DON'T have the salmon?"


There's Norman throwing up "chopstick deuces".

After dinner we headed home. While on our way, we watched a tranny prostitute pull up her (his) dress to show a group of men her (his) crotch. She (he) yelled, "Do you see a motherfuckin' dick you bitch?". Such a fuckin' lady!

Speakin of being a fuckin' lady...


"You catch my girl's legs open, betta smash that! Don't be surprised if she ask where da cash at!"

Here's Nikki on Saturday night at SEI. We went for sushi and our signature Asian Pear Sangrias. She was getting her B-girl swag on.

Here we are outside. We were two "Housecunts" down, but we'll reunite this week for the 'Sex and the City' premiere. I can't wait! I'm so anxious I could just pee on myself (no R. Kelly).

I'll see you at the movies with my bottle of Vueve in hand bitches!
_____________________________________________________


CHEATERS

You guys already knew you were gonna get a 'Cheaters' clip today. You already know the equation here country ass cheating husband+fat ass big tittied angry wife+busted ass mistress with a bad weave (or wig)=pure entertainment.
In this clip the guy cheats on his girl with her own cousin. Now that's some foul shit. His girl is a self-proclaimed "christian" who at one point during the clip shouts, "Ya'll motherfuckers need to be baptized!" Now call me crazy, but I don't recall ever reading that in the Bible. Maybe it's in the Naomi Campbell edition? Yeah, that's that new shit. Enjoy...




____________________________________________________

BIGGER IS BETTER...





So last week D.C. approved a budget to fund a program for high schoolers and college students to get "bigger" condoms. According to surveys and questionnaires, DC school aged males say that don't use them because they're "too small". Obviously they're toting more than a heavy backpack to school.
Now I've seen my share of dicks in my lifetime ( I said "SEEN"), and from my personal observation, D.C. does rank high among those who hang low! I think it's all of the pollutants in the Anacostia river that makes dicks grow to freakish proportions. They should rename D.C. the "Dick-trict of Columbia". I think it has a ring to it. It wouldn't bother me?
Let's just see what the rate of pregnancy and HIV does after they hand out the "big condoms". It'd be interesting to see.

Oh, and sorry about all of the "big dick" talk this early on a Monday morning. Please forgive me, I have absolutely no amour-propre!
_______________________________________________________

SPEED DEMON


This looks like a nice old lady right? Doesn't she look like she bakes the best bundt cakes ever? Well chile, this old 72 year old fossil wasn't baking last week, she was being arrested for reckless driving. She was driving 102 mph, which is well over the 45 mph limit. When the cops stopped her, she said that she was late for her hair appointment.
Now if I were the cop, I would have let her go. Actually, I would have called for back-up, and had her escorted to the hair salon. That is so fucking over! This old bitty is the ruler of the earth! She couldn't see missing her hair appointment. Don't you girls know how long you sit in the salon? She had to get her weave rotated, and make it back home to cook dinner.
Anyways, they let the petrified piece of rock go after keeping her in jail for 12 hours. Her doctors are saying that her actions were possibly a result of a kidney infection that the woman had. Chile please, granny was just trying to get that coif done. Nice try though...

______________________________________________________

'Remember Now' and Chanel Cruise 2011



Chanel Cruise '11

Chanel Cruise '11

Chanel Cruise '11

I fucking love Cruise collections! It just screams luxe. The collection serves no other purpose than outfitting cunts who sail the high seas in yachts bigger than most of our homes. Lots of gingham, seersucker, oversized totes, chiffon, and easy separates will ready you for that spontaneous trip to St. Bart's!
This year that old queen Karl Lagerfeld showed Cruse 2011 in St. Tropez. The showing was kicked off with a 17 minute movie (below) which was written and directed by Karl himself. The movie features his fuck boy Baptiste Giabiconi, and is a visually impeccable.
The short film makes me wanna ride mopeds in St, Tropez, dance until dawn in a shady discothèque, smoke 7 packs of cigarettes a day, make out with dirty french boys, and snort cocaine like an anteater. Get into the end of the film when Karl Lagerfeld slays us in all white! Enjoy...






1 comment:

Norman said...

That's my chopstick pic from Sei, You need to be posting my pic from Kushi too... Always trying to cut corners! I said I'm coming over to fight!