Monday, March 01, 2010

And My Weekend Went A Lil' Somethin' Like This..., (Insert Music From 'Jaws' Here), Caught by Q, and Oooop!

(in country operator voice) Press (1) if you're Black. Press (2) if you're White. Press (3) if you're Asian. Press (4) if you're Persian. Press (5) if you're Hispanic. Press (6) if you're Slovakian. If you're mixed Black and White, please hold down keys (1) and (2) at the same time. If you're gay, press (7). Press (8) if you're straight. If you're bisexual, please press keys (7) and (8) at the same time. If you enjoy fisting, press the (#) key. If you're neither of the afore mentioned, please press (0), and hold for the next representative. Someone will be with you momentarily...(insert bad hold music)

Hi bitches. It's Monday. Aren't you happy to see me? It was a man down situation for me for most of the weekend. I was sick. My trusty vodka/orange juice and Nyquil concoction NEVER fails me. I feel like a new man today!
I started to feel icky earlier in the week. It started with a headache. Little did I know, it was sinus pressure. I took some Advil and kept it moving. As the week went on, I developed a cough. I hate people who go around yacking on everything. I was one of those people.
Luckily I was off Friday, and I got to sleep in. My sweetheart asked me out to lunch, so I threw on the first pair of skinny jeans I could find, and went to meet him. We went to Luna Cafe in Dupont. It was good for what it's worth. The only thing that wasn't good was the fake ass 'Gossip Girls' episode that was going on at the next table...

"Yeah, totally! So she was all, and then I was all!" Those bitches were so damn loud and annoying. I really didn't wanna hear their conversation about Hunter boots and the Land's End sale online! Uggghhhh! Annoying bitches! Luckily for them, I was having a cocktail, so it soothed my nerves.
After lunch with my boo, I headed to Georgetown to meet up with Dwayne (big ups Hu's Wear DC). I did a tad of light shopping, and headed home to get dressed for the ReadySetDC DC Blogger Event.

The event was held at District in Adam's Morgan. I don't normally go to Adam's Morgan on a Friday or Saturday, but I made an exception. It WAS before 8 p.m., so it was ok. I have no time for that part of the city on Friday or Saturday between the hours of 9:30 p.m.-4:00 a.m. I don't have the patience to walk through the gauntlet of puking girls in "going out" tops. I just can't!

The event also featured a local artist work. These are a couple of pieces by Brandon Hill. He does some dope shit. Check it out here...

After Adam's Morgan, it was off to SEI for dinner. I had to meet some of my cast members from 'The Real Housecunts of DC'.

We were on gay double dates. This pic is pretty fetch.
"You can't sit with us!"

This was our bill. I don't even think we ate or drank anything. It's fashion week season. Anyways, we tried to pay with "alternative" methods of payment, but they weren't having it. I think, the Panera Bread discount card went through though...

After dinner, I got hit by a bus (side eye), and Susan Boyle was there. I'll explain some other time. Anyways, knowing that I was feeling sick, I pressed on. Nothing can hold me down! I'm a beast!
It was off to The W Hotel. After a quick walk through, we left. Why are there so many Blacks there now? Uggghhhh! The only Blacks allowed at The W DC are me and my friends. No guys in baggy pants and caps. Well, a couple of them were cute though...(tilts head to side and looks up trying to remember)

On to the next one...We left and hopped a cab to the next place.
Dwayne and I needed another drink, so The Fireplace it was.
The Fireplace is the seediest most disgusting bar that I think I've EVER been in, but the drinks are great.

This was a sign on the wall as you walk up the stairs. Ummm hmmm, I bet the stairs are slick. It's probably jizz. That bar is so gross. I hate it. I saw chipped paint on the wall, I'm going for a lead testing. I'm so not kidding.
After being exposed to lead and asbestos at The Fireplace, Dwayne and I fleeced. I walked him to the train, and I hoped into a cab.
Not before I had a warm late night Krispy Kreme doughnut. If there weren't enough exposed holes from the doughnuts at Krispy Kreme, there were lots of homosexuals there...

(blank stare)

I went to bed all ready to pop up for work the next morning.

OMG, I woke up feeling like Precious had sat on my face all night. I had THE worst sinus headache ever. My throat felt like I deep throated golf clubs for a living, and I had no voice at all. I immediately called into work, and went over to CVS. The girl who normally rings me up there said, "Are you alright?" If she could see me roll my eyes through my dark sunglasses, she would have known that I was annoyed. I somehow shrieked out an, "I'm sick!" How was she gonna ask me if I was alright, when she looks like a 'Rupaul's Next Drag Superstar' reject? I really must have looked bad?
I went home and nearly did a Heath Ledger. I took one of every drug I had on deck, and washed it down with a shot of Nyquil. I slept for the better pat of the day, and only woke up to eat and get more drugs.
Yesterday, I still felt like crap, but I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed and go to work. I survived. I came back home, ate and rested more. This morning I feel like a new bitch. I have a lingering cough, but I'm gonna kick it's ass by the end of the day. Send me gifts (monetary only, please no flowers), that would make me feel better. Thanks. The PayPal button is up top, don't act like you ain't see it! (wink)


The 40 year old trainer who was killed by the whale at Sea World last week is scheduled to have a memorial service next week. It's so sad. This was her dream job, she wanted to be a trainer ever since she was 9 years old.
Apparently, the whale has killed 2 OTHER people. in 1991, that bitch drowned another trainer at a park in Brittish Columbia. Also, in 1999 a man's body was found floating in the pool where "Tilikum" lived. I guess it's no secret that he's killing folk like this, he is a fuckin "killer whale". I'm just sayin' though. He gets off after killing 3 people, but my man got caught uptown with a bag of weed and he gets 2 years in jail?

I don't know if that shit is right? Fucking killer whale. (Kanye shrug)


Caught by Q

This guy was on the elevator with me in my building. He worked out in our gym downstairs. While I took this picture, I was holding my nose. He stunk so damn bad. I could work out non stop for a year with no deodorant and not smell like that. Uggghhh! He smelled like sweaty gym socks soaked in licorice and piss. Just nasty.

All I wanted to do is get some cash for a cab the other day, but this bitch needed an ATM training. Every time I thought she was done, SHE WASN'T! At one point she just stood there and stared at it, like she was trying to read it's palm or something. I sighed extremely loud, and she finally sped it up. I could have done my damn taxes, all the time this bitch took!
"ATM For Dummies..."

Even though I was sick and weak on Saturday morning, I had the strength to snap this shot while going down on the elevator as I was headed to CVS. It was 8 a.m., and she was obviously doing the "walk of shame". She had on last night's "going out" clothes, and smelled like the guy that was walking her down.
"So are you gonna call me again, or...?

Train Trade: For all of you who were with me from the beginning, I'm bringing that series back. Stay tuned...

This nasty Gyne-lotrimin Monistat yeast infection pant wearing cunt was seen at Nordstrom trying to retrieve cash from the ATM. I hope she was getting money out for her OB/GYN co pay? Those tight ass pants is doing nothing good for her "secret". She needs to conjure Toni Braxton, and let her vagina "Breathe Again"! I'm sure that poor thing is stuffed in those tight pants gasping for air! Poor va jay jay...(shakes head)


You know I don't wanna say anything bad about Auntie Whitney, but this bitch is trippin'. All of those years smoking weed laced with cocaine has fucked up her voice. She used to captivate audiences, now she's clearing out stadiums. It's so sad. How about Whitney just do us all a favor and not sing at her concerts. I would gladly pay a hundred dollars to go to an arena and watch 3 hours of 'Being Bobby Brown'. That would be soooo much more fulfilling. (singing) "I look to yoooooouu oohhh, I loook to you! Bobby Christina!"

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