Weekend Wrap-Up--The Louboutin Edition, The Monique Show, and...

Ummm? I really don't know where to start? Actually, I'll start here. This will be the last weekend that I'm calling Monday's post 'The Weekend Wrap-Up', because... never mind, I won't read, I'll behave for once.

So Friday work was all hype in preparation for the Christian Louboutin personal appearance. There wasn't much else going on, everyone was waiting to come in on Saturday to see the King (queen). After work I headed up to Mazza to meet Normie for a little shopping excursion. I thought about going out, but I couldn't see it. I needed to get rest for the event the next day.

On Saturday I rose early and accessorized properly for the long day ahead. When I arrived at work, everything was in place. Louboutin's staff held a private morning meeting for us employees. We discussed product knowledge and Louboutin's inspirations for the current collection. Any man that designs shoes so sexy and delicious is a queen after my own heart--I was in heaven. I had no clue what I was in store for later in the day...

This was the scene in the store at 10:15. We open at 10. There were cunts waiting at the door when we opened, all in Louboutins of course. It was literally the "red sea". Christian (I can call him that now), was slated to start the P.A. at 1, but he arrived early to speak to press.

Everyone was excited to see the man who designs the ultimate "fuck me shoe". The stores energy was like no other. Some people stood in line for 4 hours in Louboutins to see Louboutin!

He personalized shoes, and sat down with each and every woman who came. He was so nice, that he even stayed 2 hours past the event time to accommodate late comers.

While the craziness was happening upstairs, I was having lunch downstairs...

There she is, (in Lil Wayne voice) Ms. Nikki Baaaabby! She was lucky enough to get one of the limited edition Louboutin champagne sets that there are only 150 of in the U.S.

After my lunch with Nikki and Tamara, my bestie Normie came to visit. The event was over, and most of the customers had left the store. I had to run up to the executive offices to get a shoe that Louboutin signed after the event. I was called into the office by Christian's assistant Michael (he got in), and there he was the man himself. He looked exhausted, but was still personable. We all chatted like teenage girls. Michael asked for my number, and wanted to know some spots to hang out. He said that he would text me later, and he did...

Next thing you know, I was having THE absolute gayest night of my life. Christian is soooo over, he wanted to see "go-go boys", so SECRETS it was. There's a drag performance downstairs, and all nude go-go boys upstairs. Mind you guys that we have a gaggle of straight men with us as well. It wade for a very interesting evening. One of the dancers in particular was very talented. He put one leg on the wall, and shook his ass for filth. I've been practicing, look out J!

After the club, Louboutin and his assistants hit it back to the Hay Adams where they were staying. I sent a text yesterday saying thank you, and that we enjoyed ourselves. The response back was that Louboutin had a great time, and thought we were "fabulous". Take that!

4:15 a.m. we were all hungry as hell. Steak and Eggs it was! We went to a seedy greasy spoon in couture and ate for filth! This is my sister Natalie in Louis Vuitton runway...

Who the fuck else can smile with their eyes like that? She's such a queen! She was telling Louboutin that she wanted to be a drag performer. He told her to "blot out her eyebrows, and draw them in hight"! He got life from her, as everyone always does!

What a weekend! Don't be mad that you didn't hang out with Christian Louboutin in a shady gay strip club! And the hater award goes too...

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Monday October 26, 2009

Dear Monique,

I was just writing this letter to tell you that I absolutely loath you and your show. Even though I had doubts, I wanted to give you a chance so I watched your first episode. Your fat ass screamed for the whole hour. I've never seen such Tom Foolery! You personally set the "black movement" back at least 100 years. I am ashamed and deeply saddened that you haven't already been cancelled. I know that you are on BET, and all they play is repeats of 'Baby Boy', but I'd gladly watch 'Baby Boy' over and over again to avoid your ridiculous show.

I'm actually in the process of forming a petition to get your show off air. If that doesn't work, I will go to Congress. I will not rest until your black chubby face is off my television.

P.S. I loved you in 'Queens of Comedy'.

Regards,

Quincy Jones

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I was minding my own business (as I always do) the other day, and saw this! An 8 ball jacket? Did he have to take a time machine back to 92? I used to have one, I was the baddest bitch in my school. Everyone was all over my man ovaries because I was the first to have it! After all the bammas in school started to slowly get them, I found the nearest bonfire and threw mine into it! Hmmm, bonfire. I wan't some marshmallows....

Happy Monday!

Weekend Wrap-Up, Ed Hard-On, Sneak Peek, and Why Isn't Your Name On The List?

I'm hoping everyone had a spectacular weekend, mine was quiet for a change. I was meaning to attend some of the events for DC Hip Hop Theatre week, but I kept having sex with BF #1. I mean allllllllll week. I didn't catch one event. There's always next year. Anyways, work was dreadful as usual on Saturday. I had made plans to attend one of my co-workers art parties. I was excited to go, and had no plans (BF #1 was hanging with "the boys" for the weekend). Even though I was absolutely exhausted for some reason on Saturday night I still peeled myself out of bed and managed to piece together a sort of "gay Indian boy" (feather, not red dot) look. I even wore a Stella McCartney shrug, and ankle moccasins and things. Somehow plans went south, and so did my mojo to go out. I made it 5 blocks and turned around and went home. Oh, not before I went to 7-eleven and slayed the snack aisle.

Yesterday, work was pretty painless and went by fairly quick. Thank God my sister Yaneek was working. We kept each other company all day. Throughout my day, at least three people commented on how disturbing then new Bruno movie was. That's enough bait for me to see it! I rushed to the theatre after work in hopes of catching the 7 pm show, but the bitch was sold out. I bought my ticket for 8pm, and went to grab a drink at the bar in Clyde's. I needed a date with myself, I haven't had chance to do that lately. I headed back to the theatre to claim my seat. I ended up sitting in the handicapped seats in the middle. It was either that, or sit next to a fat sweaty man, and his wife who was wearing a Chicoesque outfit. Handicapped seats it was!

The movie had hardly starting, and I was offended! I loved every minute. It was great how he poked fun at Americans, and how ridiculous we can be at times (ok, all the time). I will definitely see it a second time. I missed a lot of the jokes due to extended laughter. Oh my God, I have a grey hair on my hand? I just saw it while I was typing. That is so gross! Hold on. Oh my God, I'm back. I had to get rid of that fucker! I don't believe in that "3 more come to it's funeral bullshit". Damn, I'm almost 40 minus 9. When did that happen?

Anyways, Bruno was funny ass hell! If you need a laugh, and are not easily grossed out or offended, go see it.

(Deep exhale)

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I was doing a bit of food shopping at Whole Foods the other day, and came across this! Ed Hardy wine? I had no clue, did you guys? If you drink it, will you instantly become really garish and tacky. Or perhaps maybe become covered in crystals? I'm sure it taste like a hairy sweaty euro trash man. We will see, because I bought a bottle. I haven't had the courage to actually open it. I feel like it's gonna be like Pandora's box. I may get more than I bargained for.

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Ok, can everyone just shut up about MY president glancing at this girl's but? He is a man, they are supposed to look at women's butts and scratch their balls and things!

God I do love him, but President Clinton got his dick sucked in the Oval Office, and Obama can't glance at a butt? May we please not forget that Obama is a black man, he don't give a FUCK! I just wanted the next frame of pictures to be Obama extending his hands out waist high to the sides, looking straight at the camera with a "what" look on his face. That should learn 'em Obama!

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I know that we are on to Cruise and Spring Summer, but let's stop and partake in all of the Fall Christian Louboutin glory. I swear this man is planning to take over the world! All of these are pre-orders, and your name should be on some type of list if you ever think about getting your size.

Who but a nasty gay faggy designs a boot like this?

...and this

...and these

How could one EVER lose wearing these? If I were the cunt, I would wear these while I urinated in public. I would burn down schools and things, and blame it on the bad ass shoes!

There's even a shoe for the dikes!

Enjoy!

What Is This I Hear About...?

What is this I hear about me going to KFC/Taco Bell last night between bar hops and getting way too much entertainment while I was there.  First of all the cunt that took my order was the worst.  She had a fresh weave and a beat face, and couldn't see moving at a normal pace.  I think I waited 20 minutes for my order, but I wasn't even mad.  I was about to call the damn Guinness book of World Records so someone could come induct her name for smacking lips and eye rolling the most times in ten minutes.  She got her own...

Then, what is this I hear about these trade fighting over a chicken breast.  It was near closing, and they only had one.  The trade in the orange couldn't see eating dark meat.  They argued for at least ten of my 20 minute wait for my food.  You know you don't fuck with a black man's chicken...

Speaking of chicken...Get into Bow Wow and Soulja Boy gettin' their bird chest on son!  Do you think they have?  I'd watch...

What the fuck is this I hear about Lil' Ms. Keri Hilson trying to come for Mrs. Carter?  Keri's 'Turnin' Me On Remix' has a few choice words for B.  Lyrics in the song say how B should "go and have kids", and other smart shit.  Keri who (read starting now...)?  Her motherfuckin' cd didn't even go silicone, much less platinum.  Don't think you're cute sweetie because you got Wayne to spit on one of your tracks.  HE SPITS ON EVERYONE'S TRACK!  You're not that hot Keri, someone needs to pop you back into the microwave.  

I haven't seen you dance in 4 inch pumps and sing straight out for two hours, have I?  Keri Hilson trying to come for Beyonce, HOW DREADFUL...(read ending now)!

What is this I hear about Christian Louboutin for Spring?  

Only a nasty fag would design a shoe like this, and only a nasty fag would wear it...Natalie?