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I'm on vacation! I'll blog on Monday!

Weekend Wrap-Up, and Caught by Q...

Well, happy fuckin' Monday morning to you too! Hope everyone's day was off to a horrible start (Oh no, that's not a typo). Anyways, my morning has been very productive (more on that later). I had a great weekend. I was off on Saturday for a change, and got to shop like a normal person. Normally I'm at the stores on a random Thursday at lunch time (weird right?). I found some great pieces, including some lovely fitting new jeans--thanks Denim Bar! During shopping intermission, myself and the crew stopped for lunch at Founding Farmers. If you haven't been, you must go. The burger sliders are the the bomb.org, and the damn corn bread will make you give your mama the finger! No bullshit yo!

As you can see, we fucked that up! We had a waiter/waitress that gave 'Boys Don't Cry' T. She was very androgynous, and was kinda sexy in a she "looka lika man" kinda way. No homo though! After more shopping and getting rained on, we had meal number two. I think I was up to cocktail number 5 or 6 at this point, so I wanted to buy EVERYTHING, and I think I did? Later that night I crashed for BLOOD!

Yesterday I worked, and later on went to see...

...you guessed it. The movie was long as hell, my BF fell asleep for at least 30 minutes, but still caught 2 hours of the movie. If you love Tarantino's crazy distorted sick twisted ass, then you'll love the movie. If you don't like gore (not Al Gore), don't go.

Which brings me to this morning...I feel so fucking productive. I have already had sex, gotten up, ironed my baby's clothes for work (i'm a domestic cunt), showered, dropped the Mr. off at work, went to the bank, payed bills, went to the grocery store...

...went to the barber shop, and now I'm blogging. It's not even noon? What the fuck? No bull though, I'm about to take the beatest nap EVER though. Get into that!

Oh, before I go though we all should know that my birthday is on Thursday (get together on Wednesday). On Wednesday NO ONE is to mention my birth, me turning a year older, my conception, what they BELIEVE to be my date of birth, there is to be NO birthday cake or mention there of, and finally no singing of happy birthday. If anyone says, "Happy Birthday", they will be physically restrained and removed from the lounge. Thanks, see you guys on Wednesday...

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Let it snow: This nasty fucker had the worst dandruff. Get into him brushing his shoulders off. That shit don't have anything to do with Jay Z. Wash your hair bitch!

Huh: I asked this attendant in Whole Foods for some assistance, and couldn't understand his ass at all. Hold on, it wasn't the accent. He had a lisp that could battle Mike Tyson's. Everything he said with an "S" in it, I felt the need to run for an umbrella. Say it, don't spray it!

Somebody tell the barber in my shop to cover his nipple before I rub ice on it!

I have no idea how she ate this big ass burger, it was bigger than her head. I know for sure when she got home no one could go into the bathroom for at least 40-45 minutes. Damn!

Apple Bottoms? Sweety, your apples are rotten. There is nothing sexy about that. I'm sure Nelly wouldn't have made them if he knew YOU were going to wear them. Try a loose garment that hangs from the shoulders.

I'm going to hell, see you there...

She-Male, She's Got Legs, and Crack is Cheap!

South Africa's Caster Semenya won the 800 meter yesterday in Berlin during the World Athletics Championship. Now revelations have surfaced that she was undergoing a gender verification test to see if she could compete as a woman. No lie son, she does look a little hard. She kinda reminds me of a trade I used to date, but she's a tad more masculine. Her Juwana Man, Vera Di Milo, Wanda Wayne, Sheneneh, penis tucking, adam's apple hiding, bull dyke ass does look like a man. She's more man than I'll ever be. She's light years pass a make over! In life we have callings, and wearing Louboutins is not hers--it's being a runner.

Now this bitch thinks she's a Q-Dog! Help her Lord! Congrats on the win man...I mean girl!

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Why are the people going off about Michelle's legs? It was the number 1 twittered thing yesterday. It's fuckin' 2009, and she was on vacation with her daughters in 100 degree weather. What the fuck was she gonna wear, a shift dress and pearls? The tea is that her shorts aren't even short, they're "mom shorts". I can get Michelle in some coochie cutters if you want? Wouldn't it be so beat to see her in these...

...but at a press conference, with pearls and her sensible heeled Jimmy Choos? I would get life, and so would Obama. He wouldn't even flinch, he would give "WHAT"? You gotta love the new face of The White House!

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(wiping top lip with handkerchief) So, Whitney Houston has been confirmed as the first guest of Oprah's new season. I would get so much life if Whitney went off on Oprah like she did on Wendy Williams. I swear I would DVR that shit and watch it on loop. They must talk about her drug use, and you know Whitney gets antsy when that happens. All I want out of the show is a full out 80's Dynasty cat fight complete with puffy-sleeved gowns, diamonds, and someone getting shoved in a pool. I DIE!

For those of you who read from Facebook, visit my real blogsite at www.quincyjones66.blogspot.com

Happy Thursday Fuckers!

I'm Baaaaaaccccckkkk Bitches!

Gird your loins fuckers, it's me! I know I've been away for a minute, but I promise to never stay away that long again. I've been busy with work and my new addition--Hi J! I'm also making plans for my 40 minus 9 birthday celebration. For those of you who think you may get an invite stay tuned. Anyways, so much has happened since our last ke-ke. My first order of business is to talk about Ms. Jamie Foxx. If you haven't heard by now he took some very risque pictures of himself. Don't get me wrong his body is sick, but the real tea is that he needs to clean up that dirty ass bathroom. I wonder what trade Jamie was sending those pictures to? Probably some piece that he met at Miami Pride. Fuckin' Conjure! If you do a little detective work online you can find a picture with no blue star, if you know what i mean. That's a big ass star--no shade!

Next! Ms. Bowisha was just signed to the Cash Money Millionaires. Now Baby can have him now. I guess Lil' Wayne has gotten to big (big meaning with fame, cause that short ass mother fucker hasn't grown an inch!) for them to smash. If a picture of Baby and Bow Wow surfaces of them kissing on the lips, I'm gonna lose it! I'm gonna lose it, and them I'm gonna get a lawyer to help me negotiate a sex tape with them. Just for kicks right?

From Hollywood to D.C... Get into these queens on the train. They weren't using each other for some reason. The one in the glasses kept looking at her in the white shirt like she was disgusted. I was waiting for an all out Dynasty cat fight to occur! I mean I wanted wig pulling and for them to fall into a pool. Wouldn't that be over! Anyways, they both got off at the same stop and were never seen again. Can you see the shade on their faces? I'm sure they probably knew each other and there is more tail to that snake (more of a story). Queens!

Random bus stop waiting, DC fitted, no shirt wearing, no job having, trifling ass, beat bodied trade. Get in!

Brooke Hogan?

Soulja Boy?

Last but not least, get all over these pieces from Gucci for Fall. The first bitch I see in this bag/shoe combination I will carry her on my back until she says "STOP". I don't care if it's a mile--I'm not kidding...

Sorry about the lapse in blogging again fuckers!

I Know, I Know...

I swear I'm blogging tomorrow! Don't shoot me...

You Know What Time It Is...It's The Weekend Wrap-Up Bitches!

Son, it's hotter than a stripper's crotch outside. 100 degrees? It's about to be some stinkin' ass motherfuckers out this bitch today. This morning shortly after I left the house, I felt the need to go back for a shower.

Hopefully everyone had a great weekend. Mine was pretty busy. It all started on Thursday with my girl Lil, and her her birthday celebration at Policy. We started with happy hour libations that indeed made my hour very happy.

There's the gorgeous bday gal in the stripes with her galfriend. How cute are they? After Policy I made a pitstop at a horrible horrible bar. I hadn't been there in ages, but decided to go because the drinks are STIFF! I hold my nose to drink them, because the particular bar smells like rabbit piss, stale greens, and old cheese. The things one will do for a good drink.

Get into my pump. It took me from day to night. Thank you Hugo Boss for this one...

When leaving the "bad bar", I saw this girl walking down the street. Knock knock, who's there? Her fuckin' knees were knocked like shit! She should only own below the knee pencil skirts, cause this isn't a good look.

This also is not a good look. Some random girl at the bar at my next stop--the rooftop at The Donovan House. Does she have friends, or own any mirrors? She looks like she just got gang raped minutes before I took this picture. WTF? LOL? ROTFL? SMH? WWJD?

After Donovan House I took my pretty little tush home. I had to be up early for work the next morning.

Friday night was also a full night. I had my sweet lovely Nikki Madi's birthday party at Posh.

We got it in. She looked beautiful, and always gives BODY BOOT! Work Nik! After Posh, we went to the rooftop at the W and had additional libations. My man was falling asleep after an hour there, so I decided to go home and wake him up...

Saturday I had to work, and I was extremely exhausted. The commute home was ridiculous because of single tracking on the orange line. My sweetheart was waiting for me to get home. We hung out for a bit until he had to leave. He had friends in town, and had to entertain. I went to bed so I would look refreshed for the next day--I had a baby shower.

This wasn't just any baby shower, it was my sweet pregger friend Meridith's baby shower.

There she is with her beautiful sister. Get into her pump, it's Dior! You looked amazing Mer, I can't wait to meet my little nephew Cade!

I wore a green suede driver to the shower. It was extremely inappropriate. I think I also dropped the "F" bomb a couple of times too. I don't know which one is worse--the "F" bomb, or the green drivers?

After the shower, I had libations with my sisters at Houston's. I had to make it home to see my man, and to watch America's Best Dance Crew. Did you guys see those queens perform last night? They were over!

I'm blogging at Starbuck's right next to a loud ass lawyer yelling at what seems to be his assistant over the phone. I get life! I'm trying eavesdrop, and you people are distracting me. Peace!

Random Wednesday Shit...

This bitch Beyonce was spotted in NYC yesterday having lunch with her hubby. She looks aiiiiight, but she just doesn't "get it" like my girl Rihanna. Besides, why the fuck does she wear hosiery all the time? You can't see them, but she is wearing nude fishnets. That is some bamma ass shit if you ask me. Her country ass had the nerve to put on those hot ass stockings yesterday. Who wears stockings and shorts? Who wears stockings (unless you're my mother going to church--then it's fine)? I have no clue who styles B, but she needs a new team of faggies. Mama Knowles needs to give it a rest. I just thank God she stopped putting her in those home-made get ups that Destiny Child used to wear. Just hideous!

photo: YBF

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My President's birthday was yesterday. He had a low key celebration at home with the family. I'm sure he probably snuck out to Eyebar later on to get it in with the Kappas that are in town for the week. Can you imagine all the "cut" Obama would get if he went to the club? Chicks (including myself) would be throwing their panties at him. Well, until Michelle shows up at the club with her hair scarf on and her pajamas. You don't mess with a black cunt's man, they will cut your ass. Anywho, Happy Belated Obama. He probably has a hangover like shit this morning...lol

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I thought I caught "the itis", but damn... I was walking back to work from lunch and saw this man knocked the fuck out in his car. He was snoring like an over worked slave, and had no clue that I was even having a full on photo shoot with him. I was telling him to "smile with his eyes", and to "find his angles", but this was all he kept giving me? I guess he wasn't really up for a photoshoot? Maybe next time...

Happy Wednesday!

Weekend Wrap-Up, Hey Kids It's Racist Monday!, Who Gon Check Me Boo?, and Eminem - The Warning

Riiiiigght! It's fucking Monday again, it seems like the time is going by so fast. I just turned fucking 30, how did 330+ plays go by already? FUCK! Anyways, for my birthday I will be accepting PayPal, cash, gift cards, and money orders (for those of you in the ghetto). No personal checks will be accepted. You guys have 24 days, so get with it!

My weekends have turned into major chill time. Things change when you are seeing someone. All you wanna do is lay around, eat, sleep, and fuck! I swear I'm gonna be like 800 pounds. I have no desire to go out whatsoever. Can you imagine what the winter is gonna be like? I'll be cocooned up on the couch from November until that little groundhog sees her shadow!

I did go out for a little bit on Wednesday night. A friend started a new Happy Hour party, and I decided to go. It was cute. After that "the crew" got a bite to eat and headed for another drink.

I was down for the count at around 1:00, but they kept the party going. I just don't have it in me anymore, I think I'm getting old? I mean shit, I was in the club t like 8 partying it up like Drew Barrymore. I'm an old bitch now, I may need to hand over my sash. As for now, Haagen Das "Brown Sugar" ice cream, my new "friend", and Astroglide are all I need to get the party started. Before it used to be 6 vodka tonics, Astroglide, a noisy dance club, a "friend" and HIS "friend", a trip back to CVS for more Astroglide, and another vodka tonic. Oh my God I'm kidding (side eye)...

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I for one don't like to make general inclusive blanket statements about one particular race, but here at QJONES66.BLOGSPOT.COM, there are no rules. You can say and do what ever the fuck you want. Feel free to make nasty comments...

White girls who wear Coach bags like to be gang banged!

Black men who wear pants with pleats beat their wives!

ALL Asians are tourist, even if they have been living in that place their whole life!

God Bless...

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So, I wanted to give you guys a while to chew on the premiere episode of The Atlanta Housewives Season II. Nothing has really changed besides the network giving the chubby wife the boot, and Nene's wig. It's still the same ol' drama. Everyone has turned against Kim. Obviously she has been talking shit about EVERYONE behind their backs. She is kinda OVAH in a shit storm kinda way. She couldn't see not wearing that Versace "heart" runway dress from last season to Niecy Nash's birthday party. Niecy Nash? I would have worn some sweat pants and my durag! She's like an H list.

Anyways, the stand out of the night was the queen party planner who claims to be married with kids who went off on Sheree. If you didn't see it, you must catch the repeat. They have been playing it on loop ever since last Thursday, so I'm sure you can catch it. The new tag phrase is "Who gon check me boo?". Get into that. Also get into Kim wanting to start a wig line. That's like Whoopi Goldberg coming out with a line of beauty products. Get your shit right girl before you pass it onto others (drops mike and exits stage).

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I'm sure you guys have heard Mariah's "Obsessed" track that disses Eminem by now. Well, he fired back kinda hard on "The Warning". I don't even use Eminem, but he came for Mariah. If I were her, I would extend an olive branch and call a truce.

Enjoy! Happy Monday Fuckers!