You Know What TIme It Is? It's Dynasty Wednesday!

Yeeeeeessssssss!!!!! Get into this fight between Alexis and her trade at the time Dex. Dex read her down and called her a "slut with the morals of a dog in perpetual heat..." He read her like a cunt! Catch the :46 sec mark when that bitch Alexis gets life after she realized she scratched the shit out of Dex's carter! Standing ovation to Alexis Carrington for being one of the original "5 star bitches"! Happy Thanksgiving sluts!

And My Weekend Went A Lil Sumthin' Like This..., Awwwww, Lawd Oprah!, Sexy Can I?, and Caught by Q...

I hope everyone is starving themselves in preparation for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. When I say "everyone", I mean everyone but myself. You guys don't need to put on any extra weight, I've been meaning to tell you all that you've been looking a little thick around the hind parts lately.

Anyways, my weekend was pretty mild in comparison to the rest. I kicked it off on Thursday by attending a "meet and greet" social for an upcoming event I'm doing. The social was cute, and the turnout was amazing being that we had a monsoon here in D.C. that night. It was raining like it was summer time. I'm talking about thunder and lightning, like it was on some August shit! Around 11:30 J and I had to leave to catch the midnight showing of 'New Moon'. Upon arrival at the theater we ran into two of my besties. Hi girls! The movie theatre was packed.

You know my greedy ass wanted some popcorn! It took us almost a half hour! The movie was good. It definitely kept my attention. Maybe it was that lil wolf boy that kept coming on screen with no damn shirt on? Whatever it was, I didn't feel the need to fall asleep once. We left the movies around 2:15, and headed home. I had to be up at 6:30 for work, I was not in the best mood when I got there. People were saying "good morning" to my ass, and I acted as if I didn't even hear those motherfuckers! Take note: Quincy is not a morning person...

Thank God the day went by quickly. I rushed home to eat, shower, and get into bed. No going out for me!

The next morning I woke up feeling rested for work. I had a pretty good day there, and I even got a visit from my favorite B.D. (you figure out what that means)! Thanks for stopping by B and E!

After work I rushed home to change. I was meeting up with Normie, Nikki, and Jonathan. Lauriol Plaza it was! We had a great dinner--correction: They had a great dinner! I only had a salad. Who gon check my waistline boo? After dinner we went to see 'Precious' AGAIN!!!! Nikki and Jon had never seen it before. The white fag hated it, but he's not a good gauge of things really. I think he hates everything besides Dolce and loose diamonds.

Yesterday I worked. It was wack! I came home to prepare myself for more "wackness"! Wackness=The American Music Awards

If you didn't see it, your ass didn't miss a damn thing. That was one of the worst Awards show I have EVER seen (next to anything BET has ever produced). It was boring, and most all of the performance were lackluster. Rihanna looked amazing as always, but sounded like somebody kicked her in her throat before she walked out on stage.

I'm not even gonna comment on Whitney's performance, because I don't wanna disrespect that woman like that (tapping foot, trying to hold my peace). Awwww, fuck it! That bitch sounded horrible! All of that damn crack has ruined her voice! Instead of singing, I think the audience would have just preferred her to drop the mic and do a line of cocaine live on television. That would have been a tad more entertaining that what the fuck she did. Sorry Auntie Whitney (shrugging shoulders)?

Thank goodness for Lady Gaga! This bitch is crazy as hell, but at least she knows how to put on a performance. She looks great, she sings live, and she breaks bottles and shit. That's what I call a performance.

Ummm, no comment! I have the right to remain silent. The fifth amendment protects me from being forced to self incriminate myself...

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(rolling on floor crying) Awwwwwwww Laaawwwwwdd, somebody say it ain't so! (throwing plates and glasses against the wall) Opraaaaahhhh Noooooooo!!!! It seems that Auntie Oprah is calling it quits. Ms. Winfrey if you're nasty, is slated to end her show in September 2011. She's had a good run. The bitch has more money than ALLLL of Dubai! She has more Louboutins than Louboutin has himself, and what the fuck else can that bitch talk about? That's a whole lotta damn talking. 25 years, I say goddamn!

I have a feeling that she's gonna go Michael Jordan on our asses and comeback after a couple of years. I'm sure the show will be a tad different, but we haven't seen the last of Oprah's big ass on our television.

What do you guys wanna bet that after George Bush kissed Oprah he went to the bathroom, scrapped his tongue, and screamed "NIGGERS" to the top of his lungs?

We'll miss you Oprah...

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I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day about her new found infatuation with sex toys. It started me to thinking about myself and if I'd ever be interested in using them? First of all, I have too many shoes. Where do you store these things?

This apparatus is used to keep your partners butt in the air while you guys are... Do I really need to pay $59.99 for that? Oh, by the way sorry about the gay butt sex shot so early in the morning...

These are add ons. With your purchase you might like these Astroglide shooters. They are individual packages of lube. These actually may come in handy (dialing 800 number to order).

Speaking of lube, this is a lube applicator. The website said that it's used when you need a more "localized distribution of lube". That silver thing looks like the oil can that the tin man in 'The Wizard of Oz' used to grease hiself down with. I don't think I want any parts of that. It looks like a mechanics tool.

Ummmm, again I have the right to remain silent. The fifth amendment protects me from being forced to self incriminate myself...

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What in the 'Sarah Plain and Tall'? These nice young ladies were standing on my corner when I left out for work on Friday morning. Now the usual street bum, or even a dog walker are permanent staples on my block, but this? Where were they going, and why were they in the middle of the city looking lost? Their skirts are over though, very Hussein Chalayan.

What in the Proposition 8 is going on here? They were being pretty affectionate on the train, and these conservatives who were standing on the train watching couldn't take it. I was just waiting for something to pop off so I could defend them. Even though we're in a big city, it's still conservative DC. Let those gays hold hands if they want! I have to see fucking breeders do it everyday! Even though the couple was wearing bad shoes, and even worse jeans, I let them walk (meaning I gave them the stamp of approval). Homos are taking over the earth!

Get into my reflection taking the picture through the glass.

What in the "before" shot in a Pantene commercial is going on here? She needs some conditioner bad! No bullshit I was gonna dial 911, that's an emergency! Her whole head of hair looks like pubes! She either needs to shave her shit and go "Amber Rose", or get a DEEP DEEP DEEP conditioner. I'm talking "so deep I put her butt to sleep" deep. Obviously she doesn't have a gay friend to help her. I wanted to give her my card with a frowny face that I drew myself on the back, but thought it'd be mean. Just pray for her you guys!

Who caught the Ice Cube reference?

Happy Monday Suckas!

It's Dynasty Wednesday!!!

Sammy Jo always seemed to be fighting over trade. I couldn't see fighting over a man. If I absolutely had to though trust that there would be a vicious venomous tongue fight before I beat that ass.

In this scene Sammy Jo has words with Claudia over Steven. When Sammy Jo just wouldn't leave Claudia's mans name out of her mouth, Claudia slaps the shit out of Sammy Jo, and by dammit if it wasn't a back hand! It doesn't stop there, they had a slappin' good time. I swear one day I'm gonna put on a sweater with huge shoulder pads and just walk up to a random bitch and slap her for no good reason. Again, I must be wear huuuuuggggeeee shoulder pads or it simply won't hold as much weight. (thinking to myself) I wish a bitch would back hand slap me, I would....Ummm, ummm, ummm. Anyways, enjoy the clip, and if you can slap at least one random person today. Do it for me? Pleeeeaaassssseeee?

Tip Drill Tuesday...

So, I'm guessing my ex husband Nelly (go ahead Kenny he's yours now, I have a man) had his birthday party last week at an ATL strip club. Trey Songz and Jermaine Dupri were on hand to help Nelly celebrate his big day.

Fun times. I ain't mad at these girls, they are gettin' their motherfuckin' money! Look at all that cash. I could put a down payment on Madoff's yacht that's going to auction with all that dough. You know how many butt injections and Indian remy hair extensions those stripers are gonna buy with all that stash?

Hmmm, kinda looks like a ghetto Massengil commercial to me.

ghetto stripper's line in commercial: "When I'm on stage dancin' and shit, I like to make sure my mahfuckin' coochie smell right. That's why I be usin' mahfuckin' Massengil bitch, It's ovah! And also look out for the new dollar bill scented douche, it be makin' yo shit smell like a crisp mahfuckin' dolla bill..."

Can't you see it? I can...

I'm sorry, I don't mean to spoil the party, but I don't wanna have birthday cake around all those vaginas. Isn't that a little nasty?

Tonight we have a 100 percent chance of scattered showers...Make it Rain!

Sorry, I don't normally blog on Tuesday but this was a must! I'm sooooo trashy, isn't it great?

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Beyoncé (feat. Lady Gaga) - Video Phone [Official Music Video]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(jumping up and down waving finger) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS(rolling on the floor) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(inhale) ooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmgggggggggggggggggggg(another deep breath) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss! Alright, I'm ok.....Hold on a sec. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And My Weekend Went A Lil Sumthin' Like This..., Oprah vs. Sarah, 'Take Me Down', and Gaga vs. B...

I swear you all are so fucking stupid! You all will never amount to ANYTHING! You are all big huge sacks of shit, and will never ever be anything in life! You will (shakes head)... Oh my God, I'm so sorry guys. I guess going to see 'Precious' has affected me in some way? Ever since Thursday night/Friday morning (12:o1 am show), I have been channeling Monique's character. It's fun, you guys should try it! Maybe while the cashier is checking out your groceries at the grocery store get really close into the cashier's face and say, "You worthless piece of shit, you will never be anything but a low class grocery cashier!", and see what happens. Either you'll get your ass kicked or the cashier will get life and invite you out later for a drink. I know I wouldn't be mad.

Anyways, the movie was amazing. If you're any type of an emotional person, you're gonna want to bring some tissues and maybe a Xanax to the theatre. It's a lot to deal with. I have a heart of steal, and I even felt for the main character Precious who was played by new actress Gabourey Sidibe. If anything, I would pay another $10 to see Monique's fat ass run that flight of stairs.

On Friday I was exhausted at work, and I didn't get off until 9. After work I went to meet my friends (aka 'The Real Housecunts of DC') for drinks and a bite to eat at Oceanaire.

It started out really cute and calm at the bar...

...and then a little more rowdy at the table, but still PG-13

...and then it got all sorts of crazy! Somehow myself and Jonathan ended up in the bathroom to participate in our infamous editorial bathroom photoshoot? This is a picture of us throwing up gang signs. The rest of the pictures are not to be published online, because I may want to run for public office one day (blank stare). Long story short, our little photoshoot was put to an end by a really grumpy old man that looked like Santa Claus' cousin. He pushes open the door to the bathroom and says in a stern voice, "Hey, this is not a club! You guys have to pay your bill! Anymore guys in here?" He only saw Jonathan, because Nikki and I were skinny enough to hide behind the door. I couldn't see going back there. We go there all the time! He owes us all separate apologies, gift cards for free meals, a weekend's stay in New York at the Waldorf Astoria, a pair each of those feather Louboutins that Kim from RHOA wore to her birthday party (Hi Kim), something special from Van Cleef, and perhaps something from one of my favorite Milanese goldsmiths Buccellati. I'm not kidding! If all of those demands aren't met, I couldn't see going there again!

After dinner, I wanted to go home. I had to work the next morning at 9, and it was already past midnite. Once again, somehow someway I was conjured into going here...

Yes, again, fuckin' around with that goddamn queen Jonathan. It's all his fault J! We had never taken the girls there so why not? There were a couple of new "dancers", and the girls got their life. At one point, we didn't know which way to go. It's like we were playing dick tennis. Our heads kept swaying from side to side in hopes that we didn't miss anything. After seeing more swinging nuts than I'd ever seen in my life we headed home.

My ass was dead tired at work the next day, but it seemed to go by quickly. I rushed home and snuggled into bed. After a disco nap, I decided that I need some alcohol. Normie and I met Joey at EFN lounge which is right round the corner from my house--how convenient! The club was crowded, but not overly packed. Upon arrival I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a while. I honestly didn't recognize him, because his ass has gained some major weight SON! That motherfucker needs to call 'The Biggest Loser' and see if he can get on. He has never really had a wonderful figure like mine (gag), but he was never borderline obese? I immediately told Norman that if I ever got that big to lethally inject me. I just wanna be dead, I'm not kidding. I've had this waist line ever since my pre-teen years, and by dammit if I ever lose it! I work hard by eating ALL of the wrong foods and never exercising to maintain my 26 inch waist!

After I saw that atrocity, I needed to head to the restroom to freshen up (even though I had just walked in)...

I had a photo shoot of my own in the bathroom. I guess I was in there for a while, because people were pounding on the door. I couldn't see answering it, I was practicing smiling with my eyes, and I was getting into my hair--it looked good on Saturday.

After my bathroom time, I drank a lil bit, danced a lil bit, laughed at late queens a lotta bit, and enjoyed the company of my friends. I looked at the time on my phone and realized that the lights would come up in minutes. I literally ran for the door, I'm not kidding. I couldn't see being in a club when the lights come up, it makes you look so thirsty (thirsty=pressed=lame).

After my quick exit, I hit it home. I got to say good night to my sweet BF, and all was right with the world.

Yesterday work wasn't so dreadful. I mean don't get me wrong I still hate it, and one of you guys out there needs to offer me an amazing position or else I'm gonna start robbing people. I come from a privileged family, have had a Christian upbringing, and I've attended great schools, but I swear I'm about to get hood on all of yall's asses. I'm ready to make some A-Rab money bitches! Now who's in with me? (in Diddy voice) Let's go...

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Oprah vs. Sarah

So, I hope you guys set the DVR to record Oprah today. The interview with Sarah "I have no fucking clue what I'm ever talking about" Palin is on today. I just want Oprah to slay her and call her all types of "dumb bitches". Maybe they will even resort to hair pulling and throw Louboutins at each other (Well, Oprah throw Louboutins at her, and Sarah throwing BCBG girls at her). I have no idea how I will put up with listening to a whole hour of Palin's voice, but I'll try. I'm sure this will probably be a better than the Pacquiao vs. Cotto fight. We all know that Oprah will keep it classy, but I just want her to roll her eyes at least one time and say, "Bitch Please!" I'd die!

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Mr. Chris "I beat the shit out of Rihanna, and now I'm back with a new CD coming out called 'Graffiti'" Brown was on Wendy Williams last week. I'm so sorry, but he looked really good. No bull, I can see why Rihanna kept going back and boxing with Chris Brown. Just merely based on how he looked on Wendy Williams on Friday, I would go a couple of Ultimate Fighting Championship rounds with him.

I'm glad to see he's easing his way back into the media by doing the "chitterling circuit" talk shows like Wendy Williams and Monique before he tackles the big ones like Oprah (even though she won't have him on). He's gauging his audience to see where he fits. Just as long as he realizes what he did, and is remorseful, he's alright with me. We all make mistakes, his were just publicly blasted all over the media. Support my boy Chris, he is still an amazing entertainer...and Fiiiiinnnneee!

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Here are a couple of still shots from those two fags Beyonce and Lady Gaga's new video 'Video Phone' remix. It looks like it'll be pretty hot. I'm sure they will turn it! I'm on pins and needles, but until then I have Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' video to tide me over. Did anyone see here walking for blood in those 10 inch McQueen booties? OMG, call the nurse in because I DIE!!!!!!!

Happy Monday Fuckers!

"Bitch, Why You Slap Me?"

You guys know I live for this cunt Alexyss Taylor. She is basically Atlanta's version of Dr. Ruth. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you've seen clips from her before. This particular clip is her describing how "good dick" will make you slap somebody. That bitch has never lied a day in her life. I'm sure you people have been in situations where you should have left before, but there was ONE thing holding you back. This triflin' fine ass motherfucker ain't have no job, his car was broke down, and he ate up all your food. But baaaaby, when it came down to it, he put in work--I'm talking overtime all over that ass! I'm talking flipped your ass like DMX did that girl in 'Belly', and also like DMX did that white girl in 'Never Die Alone' (damn DMX).
Anyways, get into this clip, and don't play it too loud at work, I don't want any issues. Oh, one more thing. The woman sitting next to her is her mother! Now this is entertainment!

Katt On A Hot Tin Roof, She's A Very Freaky Girl, and It's Dynasty Wednesday...

So Katt Williams was arrested the other day for some bull shit about him breaking into one of is old managers homes. I really don't give a fuck what his ass did, do you see his mug shot? This has to go down in history as one of the absolute best. The only thing I have a problem with is that his ass should have had one of his cunts apply a Just For Me to his edges before this little photo shoot. Pure comedy!

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So Ms. California Carrie Prejean has admitted to having a sex tape. She says that she was 17 and that she was sending a "love message" to her boyfriend at the time. There was no one else involved in the video, so obviously she was throwing gang signs up in her vagina.

You probably remember this chick from earlier this year when she got a taste of her foot when she said she opposed gay marriage. How is your ass gonna oppose gay marriage and you do pageants? The most over queens have beat her face and done her hair to make her look presentable, and you oppose gay marriage? Chile bye! You owe getting that far to gays. That's why your ass didn't win, you ungrateful ho! Go somewhere and keep making sex tapes you pageant pussy prostitute! (deep breath)

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I found this clip the other day, and instantly got life. I live for Alexis! Her tongue is so truculent and ferocious. Besides wanting to be lethally injected for not owning her fur, I live for when she tells Crystal that she was "almost beginning to find her interesting". I DIE!

And My Weekend Went A Lil Sumthin' Like This..., L.J. to D.C.?, Caught by Q, and Defense?

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Trey Songz For President!

(loosening bowtie) Well, well, well...It seems that Mr. Trey "panty droppa" Songz has released his very anticipated video for "I Invented Sex". I watched it for the first time last night, and expected a lot more sexually explicit activity with the "parental advisory" and all. I mean it definitely isn't Sesame Street, but these hot ass teenagers out here these days are doing worse than what was in the video. I told my sister that in lieu of passing out candy for Halloween, I was gonna hand out dental dams, condoms, morning after pills, lube, Nuva Ring,Yaz, Seasonal, and HIV/Aids and STD literature. I was on the train the other day, and this little hot ass girl who couldn't have been anymore than 15 said to her equally slutty teenage girlfriend, "Girl, you know Devon that be uptown with Kenny and nem? He fine as shit ain't he?". First of all none of her subjects and nouns agree. Secondly, this little bitch was probably pregnant, and didn't even know it, trying to scheme on her next piece! Let me stop. (deep breath)

Anywho, Trey Songz is definitely fine as hell. If I didn't already have a man that was equally as fine, I would empty my bank and write bad checks for Trey. I'm talking rob liquor stores, and steal from the elderly all for one night in his presence. Don't look at the computer screen all crazy, you know you would do it too! Well Ladies (and gays), put a towel in your seat and enjoy the video...

What In The Gay?, Caught by Q, and It's 'Dynasty' Wednesday...

I'm sorry you guys I don't mean to be nasty, but I'm so over the ghetto gay hot mess that is Derek J. He calls himself "fabulous" (I don't use that word), and he is so far from it. He is a Mike and Ike away from exploding out of every pair of jeans he puts on. He needs to take his Bakers pumps and flee. If he really wants to battle a boy in pumps...

...battle Phillipe Blond (pictured here with Teyanna Taylor). Phillipe has more over pumps than most cunts I know. Derek doesn't want a day of him. He would shut him up quieter than a church mouse. Get the fuck outta here Derek, and sit your gay ass down!

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Caught by Q

Number 1: Why was I on the train this morning and this cunt kept swinging her synthetic pony tail? You know how synthetic hair sheds, and I didn't have a lint brush so I moved with the quickness. I don't even know why she was swinging that shit, because it didn't even move. It looked like it was made from recycled tires or old Coca Cola bottles. Come on ladies, there many alternatives these days when it comes to hair weaves. Step your game up, or fly to India and find the beatest 12 year old girl and shave her shit for BLOOD!

Number 2: These are trade from my barber shop. I was sitting there listening and realized that they gossip more than cunts in the beauty salon. They were talking about who fucked who, and who said what. I started to change the channel on the barber shop television from ESPN to Oprah. I think they would have gotten life. They were ke-keing down! Who ever said men don't gossip--BULLSHIT!

Number 3: I was walking around the city the other day, and felt like I was being followed. I WAS, it was my shadow. As I looked down, I realized that my shadow looked a little chunky, maybe it was my nubby cable knit sweater? Now I have a 26 inch waist, what the fuck does some of y'all motherfuckers shadows look like? Goddamn! I'm just playin' (kinda).

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Alexis is the nastiest bitch EVER! I try to channel her at least twice throughout my day. Get into this clip where she throws Blake and Krystle out of their own house! Who does that, and why did she call Krystle's furs "junk"? I get life and then die!

"So take this junk and your blonde tramp, and get out of this house!"