I Don't Want None...

For the most part, don't ya'll think I mind my business.  I don't bother people, but it seems that evil tries to lurk it's way into my life.  Like this forest fire crotch ass mother fucker on the train this morning.  I was originally sitting next to him, but I ended up moving because his ass was coughing without covering his mouth.  He made me want to put a mask on like a Korean tourist.  He could have that damn Swine Flu for all I know, and I don't want none.  It's already killed a toddler, and I'll be damned if I will be next.  Didn't his mother teach him to cover his mouth when he coughed.  He wont have me sick.  He be don' gave me some airborne shit that I cant get rid of.  Nasty bitch...

Speaking of nasty bitches, here is Mama Cole pictured at a recent party.  She don't have no damn business popping her old wrinkled coochy like that.  I've never seen my mother twerk anything, and that's the way it should be.  I swear I've told ya'll before that this woman claims to not do drugs anymore.  If she doesn't, that is the beatest trip from some crack her ass did in the 80's. It's like the high that never ends.  There is no explanation for an old ass woman like her to be acting like that besides her smoking crack.   She on that stuff ya'll, and I don't want none...

This urban ass bitch was in the CVS the other day.  She and her section 8 ass friend rushed to get in front of me in line.  Green sweat pants looked at me, and saw that I only had one item, and proceeded to pay me (ignore me).  They used the baby stroller as a make shift cart, and talked about going uptown to their girlfriend's house to eat crabs.  Get into her hair wrap.  Sweetie, you can't wrap course hair.  What is it going to look like when you take it down, nothing besides a bushy ass mess.  She needed to head over to aisle 5, and should have gotten into a 'Dark and Lovely' perm.  Fuck that, just go Britney Spears, and shave that shit off.  Start over again.  I don't want none...

Weekend Wrap-Up, R.I.P. Beatrice, and and...?

Glad to see everyone returned from the weekend, and that no one died from the swine flu.  I didn't have the swine flu, but I did have a bout with my allergies.  I felt like I wanted to scratch my damn eyes out yesterday.  If you know me,  this is my least favorite time of the year. I hate my allergies, and I hate warm weather.  This is my time to hibernate, at least until the sun goes down, and the pollen is gone.  

Anyways, this weekend was good.  Don't expect any crazy stories, because I took the weekend off from going out.  On Friday, Normie and I 

went to see 'Obsessed'.  We went to the 12:30 movie in Chinatown.  There were so many queens in there, I thought it was the club.  I was smart to get there early because the movie was completely sold out.  Get this, movie management actually made the executive decision to 

put chairs down in the aisle?  Have you guys ever seen folding chairs being put down in a movie theatre?  That is the most over fire hazard of all.  Well, actually the most over fire hazard was the queens sitting on the steps.  They were pressed.  

What I actually heard of the movie, it wasn't that bad.

The only thing I'm mad at is that lace front on Beyonce's head that someone glued on.  Whoever did that to her, needs to be thrown in prison.  I'm not kidding.  She did grace the girls with Louboutins in the movie, so I was entertained nonetheless.  We didn't leave that bitch until damn near 3:00 a.m.  Needless to say, I was exhausted at work the next day.  After work I decided to try out POTENZA.  It's a new Italian restaurant that's part of the Stir Group.  If you're in DC, the Stir Group brought us Zola.  

The food was amazing, and the service was impeccable.  Norman had pizza...

...I didn't get any.  We sat at the "hot bar", so we were facing the kitchen where all the action happens.  I thought that I was sitting in on an episode of Top Chef.  It was over to see the head chef yelling at his assistants for blood.  I got life.  I'm going back immediately, if not sooner.  After Potenza I went to meet my sister Hadi at Bebar.  I just wanted to see her, I didn't even have a cocktail.  After about 10 minutes I hit it home and passed out.  

Yesterday at work was a blower, but that's ok.  My sweet child Brandon was in town, and stopped by my job to surprise me.  

Back to the "Big Apple" for you Brando.  You need to make your big sis some money.  Izza tied ah bein broke!  lol...  Yesterday after work I came home and dropped my belongings.  I had a taste for greasy gross hormone injected nasty ass fried chicken from Popeye's.  While I was walking, this trade was sitting on his stoop.  He jumped up when I walked past, and ask me if he could talk to me.  He was cute, but so young looking ( I already have one, or two of those).  He walked with me for about a block after he realized it wasn't happening.  Ummm, ummm, ummm, watch out girls!  You have no idea, these trade are vicious.  I'm sure he had a baby's mama.  Help 'em Lawd....

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(Holding tissue over my nose)  Awww Lawd!!!!!!  (Beating my fist on the table, and crying uncontrollably)  Ain't nobody even called me or nothing.  Y'all knew that Bea Arthur died, and ain't nobody even stopped by here and dropped off a sweet potato pie or nothing.  Y'all know I loved me some Bea Arthur.  I've been following Bea ever since she played Maude in the 70's.  Don't even talk about her Emmy Award winning role as Dorothy Zbornak on 'Golden Girls'.  Bea was the beatest heterosexual butch dike that ever graced a television screen.  And yes Norman, she taught me how to be a man as well.  

Sometime today I'm going to get dressed in pant suit with exaggerated shoulder pads, and remember the woman who always had a come back!  You could never come for Dorothy!

Blanche: "What does one wear to a sperm bank?"
Dorothy: "Something attractive in rubber."
Blanche: "I have that."

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

to Rose and Blanche)

"I could have been living in a swinging condo instead of with...I better not say anything till I've had my coffee...a slut and a moron! I'm sorry, it must be decaf."

Sophia: I need the money for my old age.
Dorothy: Old age? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.

Blanche: What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?
Sophia: It's too tight, it's too short, and it shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.
Dorothy: Yes, Blanche. It's you.

Awwwwwww Lawwwwwd!!!!!

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Why didn't I know about Alexyss K. Tylor?  Why did my hag Lynn have to tell me about her over lunch yesterday?  I stayed up until almost 4 in the morning watching her videos.  She is so over!  I live for her.  She talks dirty just like me.  WARNING:  This video is not safe for work, so don't play it unless you have an office door to close.  Get your life...

Happy Birthday Ms. Bahareh, if you're nasty...

So this is going to be  the quickest post ever being that I should have been in the shower for work 15 minutes ago, but that's o.k.  Last night was my girl Betsey's birthday party at The Shadowroom.  

She looked so beautiful.  Betsey, you look like somebody fucked you with a Midas (gold) dick.  My girl was bronzed for the Gods.  Get into her killer gold dress and murderous YSL tribute 6 inch sandal.  I live!  I told her that the only way I was coming to her party was if she wore a really gay shoe.  Mission Accomplished!

The birthday girl feeding my brother Kenny some birthday cake.  

Does anyone see Norman?

  Happy Birthday B, enjoy the Bahamas! 

 That's all you get fuckers!  Happy Friday...

The Lipton...

Thank you to my sister Joey (www.joeybahamas.blogspot.com) for throwing a fabulous party last night.  I danced on the stripper pole like a nasty jezebel.  Now I’m off to work like the respectable lady I am.  I can’t party like this anymore, I’m 30 you know…

Anyways, did anyone hear about Ms. Chingy and her supposed tranny escapades.  It seems that the transsexual who alleged to have had repeated “affairs” with Chingy knew quite a bit about him.  The transexual whose name is FOXXJAZELL, (her mama didn’t name her that) says that she wouldn’t have put his business out there like that if he didn’t try to play her.  You don’t ever want to mess with a queen. Ms. FOXX also went on to say that Ms. Chingy was the bottom in the relationship.  She took dick from a tranny?  That is the beatest tea since Hugh Grant.  I live.  I could see it though. She looks a dick taking power bottom.  I’m not hating on you Chingy, WORK!

Speaking of suspect queens, look at this picture here.  Doesn’t it look like Jim Jones should be saying, “Boy, if you don’t stop…(while twirling ringlets of his hair with his finger)”  What’s up with the coy slightly concaved shoulder?  I live!  I’m sure Diddy made Dame and Jim massage his butt while he sipped on a Ciroc and lemonade. 

Thank goodness the "Craigslist Killer" was caught, and is now in custody.  Today's tea is that when they searched his house, they found a rack of women's panties.  They are believing that there are more victims.  How sad.  I don't know what the segue is between being a med student, and using human body parts to season a pot of greens?  What's scary is that he didn't even look like a deranged murderer.  You know he wasn't foaming at the mouth with an unkept beard wearing a dirty plaid shirt, trucker cap, and holding a bloody axe?  Whatever happened to those type of serial killers?  Nothing is sacred these days! 

Why does Star Jones look crazy as shit in this picture?  That's what Oprah should have ask Star on her recent appearance on her show, "Star, why do you be dressing so crazy?  Girl, you look like shit..."  I would get eternal life if Oprah read her like that.  Those tights, Those trash bags full of water that you call breast, and that Lion King weave has got to go.  It seems that she was more beat when she was bigger.  I know what it was, she had that queen of a husband to dress her back then.  Now Ms. Al has flown the coop.  Pull it together Star!

I was getting so much life from this trade on the connector the other night.  He was talking to his cunt on phone.  He didn't think I was listening, but I got in so fiercely.  He was talking in code saying shit like "When you want me give you this?(aka when you want me to bring you this dick)", and "Why you runnin' from it".  I'm sure homegirl on the other end gave...(dressed in Victoria Secret pink sweat pants, a wife beater, and hair in a scarf) "Boy, I ain't runnin' from no dick.  You can bring that shit over here whenever.  I ain't neva' scared"  

I bet they had some ghetto section 8 WIC government assistance sex that night.  You can't do anything else but get life.

Weekend Wrap-Up, B and Kanyizzle, and But He Said He'd Pull Out!

Good Monday morning!  This picture has shit to do with anything, I just love it.  Leave it up to Phelps and his followers to spread the word of hate, and to dress innocent kids in t-shirts that say "God Hates Fags. Com" (blank stare *tapping pen on table*)  Anyways, once again my weekend started on Thursday at Lauriol Plaza.  It has started to become a weekly family gathering.  This Thursday coming up is Betsey's birthday at Shadow Room, so we may have to skip this week.  I'm sure all of the alcohol that was consumed by us this weekend there will still be in our system by the time we go back.  On Thursday it was a rack of us.  We had to push three tables together.  It was giving the last supper, only if Jesus served chips, salsa, and margaritas?  I'm quite sure they put something in those things.  I have never craved anything like that before (I'm lying).  Besides, they always get you right where you need to be.  That point where you're tipsy, but when you close your eyes you're not spinning yet.  Or it will get you here...   

Pissing on the streets of DC.  Sorry brother, I had to do it.   So after Lauriol, we all decided to go to Bebar.  It's my sister Joey's party there.  I'm so glad that the party is catching on, it's quite cute now.  We always say that we will only stay for 20 minutes.  Next thing you know you're dancing like an 'America's Best Dance Crew' reject, watching strippers, and doing shots of Patron.  Speaking of strippers, get into Anaconda... 

Just by show of hands, could anyone tell me why they call him that?  Ummm, yeah!  Damn...(fanning myself with a church fan).  Anyways, after BeBar we decided to go grab a bite to eat in Adam's Morgan.  At 3 in the morning when you're tipsy someone could deep fry shit and it would taste so good.  Basically, that's what we ate.  We got big jumbo pizza slices.  It was so greasy, my stomach still hurts.  At the moment though, nobody couldn't have told me that it wasn't a petit filet from Ruth's Chris.  

Friday morning i was due to work at 9.  I arrived at 11 looking like I had been a victim of police brutality.  It was not a good look.  Friday night I came home and crashed!  Saturday I woke up feeling refreshed.  I worked until 7, and was excited to see my friend Naleli for her birthday gathering.  I headed over to Adam's Morgan, and had the best time.  Happy birthday Pony friend.

I was leaving to go home to get some rest, (my allergies were kicking my ass) when "the fag" aka Jonathan sent a text: "The girls are at Lauriol, where are you?  One swirl I tell myself, and then I will go home.  I can do that right?

WRONG!  This is Nikki at around 3:30 a.m.  Get into her doing her "Candy Girls" pose.  After a brief stop at Indulg, and finishing off at PURE, the night was a conjure!  Nikki had on the most over Guissepe's of all, while Abena donned an over poufy skirt with a side ponytail.

Oh no!  I live!  You just can't win when everyone in the group is a conjure.  Happy Monday!

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That cunt Beyonce has released her US tour dates.  She will open at Madison Square Garden on June 21st, and will be here in chocolate city on June 24th.  Tickets go on sale today for Beyonce fan club members.  Thank you Christon for staying on top of that.  I will have my face in the place.  Thierry Mugler turned the costuming.  Who has Thierry Mugler do their costumes for their tour?  Beyonce is such a faggy, I get life...  What I don't think I'll get life from is 'Obsessed'.  The movie will be in theaters this weekend.  From what I see in the previews Beyonce's acting is horrible.  I know one thing, for 10$ they better should Idris Elba's ass or something.  That will balance out Beyonce's lack of acting ability.  She is determined to get this acting thing down.  She'll get it someday (crickets).

Get into Ms. Kanye's new pictures for her LV tennis shoe line.  She "hired" her new boyfriend Amber Rose to pose with her.  Why is Kanye smiling with her eyes.  That queen is the ruler!

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Remember this?  It was my first blog post.  I've been blogging for a year now, wish me a Happy Anniversary...NOW!

Ladies and queens, don't fall for it!  First, they say they just wanna come up and talk.  Once you let them in, next thing you know you're making out.  You say to yourself, "I'm not gonna do this again..."  Damn he got you!  Then he whispers in your ear, "Can I  just put the head in?"  No mother fucker in the HISTORY of mother fuckers has ever kept true to that promise.  You either run for the door, or lay there. If  you lay there, it's a wrap!  Next thing you know you're calling on God, and your ass ain't been to church in years.  All you wanted was the never ending salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden, and this nigga done bussed nuts all up in your ass.  Nine months later you're at the ghetto Giant Food on O Street swiping a food stamp card.  

It's ugly isn't it...?  You think he regrets lying about pulling out?  No!  He did that same bull shit to two of your homegirls.  Fuck, does anybody have the number to Maury Povich?

Diddy Butt (Bop), Beyonce+Balmain, and Train wrecked...

Ummm, umm, ummm, ya'll don't tell me anything.  Why am I just finding out that Diddy loves to have his butt massaged?  He says, "Most people get foot massages, but I like to have my butt massaged..."  That is the ruler!  I'm wonderig if it's just the cheeks, or if it's a little more localized?  I'm not hating, I'm just saying.  I wish that more men would be honest about their behind closed door habits.  Ladies (I mean the real biological ones), I'm sure your men love a little butt action, but are too ashamed to admit it.  I'm not surprised if your dude has made you sign confidentiality agreements and some more shit before you could get anywhere near his hole.  "Don't be tellin' your girlfriends this shit, you hear?" It doesn't make you gay, it just means you like a little finger in your butt.  Kudos to Diddy for standing up and being comfortable with his sexuality.  

Call me Diddy if you need any help with that.  He got a DONK!

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OK, right after I give Beyonce some grace, she has to go and pull this?  Why did she shame this $12,000 Balmain jacket?  Those are no where near what kind of denim she should be wearing.  She should be wearing a lighter colored more distressed denim with an embellished jacket like that.  Also, her bag and shoes were all wrong (right Dwayne?).  She should have popped some color with a sick over sized clutch in maybe coral or red? First those goofy Nintendo commercials, and now you're shaming Balmain?  I love you girl, but get those tired queens you call stylist together!  Rihanna would have walked for days in that jacket and slayed!  Get it together!

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Train wrecked...

This trade speaks for himself.  I wish I could have gotten a front view picture of him.  His eyes were so dreamy.  He knew that I was staring at him, and at one point even gave me the "brother man head nod what's up".  I live!  I wanna adopt Malawian babies with him...

What in the High School Musical?  He was getting down to whatever he was listening to on his Ipod.  He was shaking his head viciously and mouthing lyrics.  What do you think he was listening to?  I'm gonna spring to say Nine Inch Nails?  Work Zac Efron!

Oh no, that's not a man.  This is the beatest dyke I've seen in a while.  No shade, I love my lesbians, but she was more man that I'll EVER be.  She (he) pimped onto the trade and sat down with her (his) legs spread like the trade.  She (he) looked like he was packing a vicious piece.  I'm scared...

The only reason I'm putting this cunt on blast is because she walked pass me and hit me with that tired ass vinyl bag of hers.  She looked at me, and realized that she knocked the shit out of my head, and didn't say excuse me.  Begin Read:  Her fake ass Dawn from Danity Kane ass had on the cheapest pumps I've seen since Wild Pair closed.  Her weave was jacked like shit, and she wore bad Victoria Secret body spritz.  Her Wet and Wild eyeshadow matched her flammable Forever 21 shirt, and she didn't even have any lip gloss on those dry ass lips.  End Read:  I'm done now...

Weekend Wrap-Up, and Pimps Up, Hoes Down...

Good Morning my lovelies, forgive me for not posting on Friday.  It was a busy weekend for me.  I'm sure you all have been busy as well laying eggs, and getting suited into your bunny costumes.  I'm hoping that everyone had an amazing Easter.  So, I'll cut right to it.  Actually, this is part of the reason why I didn't post on Friday...

Those damn margarita swirls at Lauriol Plaza.  If you're not from D.C., when you come to visit you must try it.  They are addictive, and it only takes about 3 glasses to get you right where you need to be.  You know that place right between well over the legal limit to drive, but not sloppy drunk--just right.  After Lauriol Plaza, I went with friends over to my sister Joey's party at BeBar.  It was cute!  At the end of night I conjured the runway sprits of Claudia, Naomi, Heidi, Tyra, and Kristen.  I walked for blood then I left.  I couldn't see staying after that.  

The next morning my black ass had to be up for work.  I bet I wasn't conjuring any runway spirits then.  My ass was dragging.  I was way pass Red Bull status.  Do they have Purple Bull?  Anyways, I made it through the day with some prayer and many a bottle of water.  I came home after work and packed for my weekend at home with the folks.  

It was nice to go home to my church to see everyone.  I hadn't been in a while (a while=last Easter).  I especially was excited for my mother to go to church and wear her new pump.  My mother is the first lady, so of course she has to wear a nasty filthy church stiletto to make the girls know it.

...they're Casadei.  She couldn't see not buying them in the black as well. I get it from my Momma!  After church I took the nap of life.  My ass was up at 5:30 to get ready for 7 am sunrise.  What time did Jesus rise from the dead?  Was it that early?  After my nap I got up and cleaned up for dinner.  All of my brothers and sisters came over, and we ate down!  I'm bringing leftovers for lunch today.  On my way home my brother Kenneth conjured me to go out.  I wanted to go with him to Eye Bar, but I told an acquaintance that throws a party at Josephine that I would definitely be there.  I rushed home, splashed some water on my ass, and threw on some drag.  Yaneek, Darleata, and Tamika met me there.  I went to one of the first parties that he threw, and it was too much for me.  It has definitely evolved, kinda hood, but I think I like it.  My sister Betsey also came to meet, but couldn't take the hoodness.  She went over to Park.  How was it by the way? 

Those are the girls last night.  Darleata is a conjure.  Only a blazon faggy would wear a headpiece like that.  I live.  

That's Leata and I acting a fool.  We had a blast.  Everything was going alright until we saw this...

The cunt in the knee highs?  What the fuck was she thinking?  The only explanation I will take for her wearing that to the club is if someone drugged her and forced her to wear it.  That's it!  Get into their tired queen friend beside them as well.  Womp, womp, womp...  Better luck next time, try again!

There were some cute trade there though.  He was definitely one of them.  The only thing that was wrong is that he had on dress shoes with white sweat ankle socks.  What the fuck?  Was he going to church or jogging?  Pick one!  

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You guys have to get into this pimp!  I saw him the other day on Connecticut Ave., and had to snap a pic.  His ass looked like he just got out of a time machine.  This mother fucker took the beatest trip back to the 70's, bought that suit, and then he stopped in the 80's for the glasses.  I LIVE!  I seriously wanted to go up to him and ask if he would slap me and ask me where his money was.  If I were a ho, I would choose him as my pimp.  If I were a ho (singing like Beyonce), even just for a day...  Stop me!

Happy Monday Bitches, I'm late for work!

Blow My Back Out, Blow Out Obama, Blows My Mind, and Isn't It A Lovely Day (remember this)...?

Mr. Harry Aikenes Aryeetey is my new obsession.  This 21 year old piece of chocolate from Ghana is an English sprint athlete.  Everything about him screams "mandingo fantasy", and by the looks of the picture below it looks as if he could fulfill.

Ok, you can stop looking at his package now.  

Mother fuckers like this will make your ass start to sing old negro spirituals and rock and forth on a porch somewhere.  Damn!

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So yesterday here in D.C. the wax figure of First Lady Michelle Obama was unveiled at Madame Tussaud's.  Even her wax figure has on those damn tired flats.  I know that she's a tall woman, and she doesn't want to tower my President, but damn!  Perhaps at an event where she flies solo, she can bust out a 4 incher on us.  I will get so much life.  What's the point of having a young first lady if she can't wear nasty pumps?  

I'm mad that the wax figure's blow out looks more beat than Michelle's.  

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That nasty filthy faggy ass cunt Beyonce better walk in those YSL 6 inch pumps.  Anyone that can walk in those and look unbothered, I will take my lace front off to them.  She looks amazing.  She has really come into her own.  Now if she would just get rid of the bad hosiery, then we will be alright...

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For those of you that have been following me from the beginning, remember this...?

This photo was taken yesterday at around 7:15 p.m., as I strolled through the park at McPherson Square.  Just a little piece I'd like to call "Niggers enjoy Nature".  How peaceful they all look perched on that park bench, enjoying the lovely Spring weather.  I was both moved and inspired by this photo.  How liberating would it be, to sit in the park, enjoy the elements, and drink alcoholic beverages from a styrofoam cup?  I charge you all to take some time out to enjoy the weather, relax, and decompress from your stressful day.  Stop by the corner store and grab a 40 ounce, kick off your ferragamo loafers, and get shit-faced in your local park.  Who cares if the police come?  Live in the moment, and seize the day.  Hopefully "Niggers enjoy Nature" purged some type of emotion in you all, as it did for me.  (I'm gonna to hell by the way...lol.  Don't you all know I'm not mentally well?) 

Weekend Wrap-Up, Ray of Light, Ray of Hope...?, and Train-wrecked...

Well, looky looky.  Happy Monday all, this weekend was cute.  I had so much going on all in the same night, but I seemed to manage it somehow. Friday night Normie came out to Tyson's Corner for a conjure at Ralph Lauren.  I worked until 9, so we decided o grab a bite to eat.  El Pollo Rico was the spot, it's the greasy spoon of Peruvian style chicken. I ordered a half chicken, rice and french fries.  Norman thought that i ordered a whole o tke some to work the next day, but my ass devoured it.  I made love to that chicken.  It was good as hell.  I went home showered, and hit the sack.  Saturday at work was a waste of my dear time.  Not only until I was about to leave did it get busy, but I couldn't stay.  I had to rush home and change to attend my good good friend's birthday dinner.

Yeeeeeessssss, there he is.  Mr Christon Pender is his name.  The birthday dinner was at 701 restaurant downtown.  It was an amazing time.  All if Chris' friends and family came to show love and support.  We even got up and spoke about how an amazing person he is.  Happy Birthday Chris!  I have watched you evolve into an amazing refined young man.  Keep up the good work!  MUAH!  After that dinner, I went to Ruth's Chris to help another friend celebrate a promotion.  You go Nik, don't hurt em!  We were in Ruth's Chris acting a fool.  We were taking ghetto pictures, pretending like we were in front of a back drop with Moet bottles on it.  The beatest pictures of all are when you have your back to the camera, and you look back.  If you want to make it even classier, bend over and place your hands on your thighs.  When I get the pictures, I will be sure to post them.  

After Ruth's Chris, I went to meet Joey at The Fireplace.  I haven't been there in ages.  It still smells like vomit and semen, nothing has changed.  The amazingly strong and cheap drinks are the draw.  After our drinks there, we met my brothers Borzou, Sohale, and Jorge at a spot called Panache.  Anytime that you spend with "family" is valuable.  After Panache, it was Lima.  Lima was cute, but it reeked of smoke.  I felt like my lungs were sticking together, so I had to fleece.  We went next door to Tattoo and listened to bad (good) jukebox music.  White girls were dancing about whilst swinging their blonde tresses to the likes of Bon Jovi.  Joey and I got our life and hit it.  As soon as we walked out of the bar, my friend Jonathan called to see where we were.  I had just left them a couple of hours ago at Ruth's Chris.  Apparently, the went to another bar and drank the night away.  They wanted us to come over to see our girl Abena in her drunken state.  We rushed over to the scene of the crime where we see Jonathan taking "Weekend at Bernie's" pictures with her.  He was propping up her head and forming her fingers into the shape of a peace sign.  She will have no clue until she's tagged in these pictures on Facebook.  

There's Nikki and Jonathan mocking Abena throwing up.  I do have pics of Abena herself vomiting, but they are too graphic...lol. While we waited for Abena to finish throwing up, we called Geico and saved 15% or more on our car insurances, and then we hit it.  Joey and I went to the Chinese conjure spot for some nasty greasy Chinese food.  Needless to say, my ass was tired as hell at work yesterday.  I'm quite sure I fell asleep at least 4 times while standing up.  Last night I rushed home to sleep, which brings me to the present.  I'm blogging from bed on this rainy Monday.  I live!

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Can somebody tell Madonna's ass that she just can't be going around snatching babies up from other countries?  There are rules and regulations Ms. Lady!  Besides, in the 90's she was shoving coke bottles in her vagina, now she's "collecting" children from all over the world? Get it together girl...

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So last week my husband Michael Vick attended bankruptcy court.  I'm guessing that he is super broke from this circus these mother fuckers put him through.  He is scheduled to be working a construction job that pays $10 an hour.  On his first day I'm taking off work, and I'm going to be there with a bottle water, a towel, and some 45 spf sunscreen (he is already chocolate enough).  Hopefully he works shirtless, and jackhammers things in slow motion.  

You fly as hell, swagga right, brown skin poppin'...You turnin' me on!

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This trade was sitting at the platform yesterday waiting for the train when I walked up.  I damn near choked.  I wish you could have seen his eyes, they were so dreamy.  Somebody let him know that my pirrahna bites...

This chick was on the train the other day, and I just had to snap a shot of her tresses.  I hate those kind of highlights!  They look so terrible.  Highlights are supposed to look natural.  She looks like a skunk.

This trade was on the train on Saturday morning.  He was trying to book the cunt in the seat behind him.  She wrote her number on a piece of paper?  What is it 1983?  I can't tell you the last time I wrote my number down for someone.  Don't we just put it into our phones?  Ooooooh, I get it now.  That conversation went a little something like this...

Trade:  Umm, hey shawty can i get your number?

Cunt:  I mean yeah, you are kinda sexy in your all black and shit.  Put my number in your phone.

Trade:  Oh yeah, right (scratching his head)...  Um, my phone just got cut off yesterday.  Imma get that shit turned back on tomorrow though.  Write your number on this piece of paper.

Cunt:  That's cool, ok.  Where you stay at?  

Trade:  I'm about to get my own place in a few months, but right now I'm staying wit my Grandmova'.

Cunt:  Oh ok, cool.  Where you work at?

Trade:  Ummm yeah, see I just lost my job last week (scratching his head again).  This dude my cousin know though told me he 'bout to put me on...

Cunt:  Oh ok, cool.

Trade: I feel like we soul mates and shit.  Can I move in wit you?

Cunt:  Hell mother fucking yeah nigga, we 'bout to get our Bonnie and Clyde thing on.

QUINCY:  Happy Monday!