Oh My God..., and Oh Reggie!

Why didn't I go to Arizona State?  These mother-fuckers  are the ruler, and their bulges serve.  I get so much life!  Somebody get me a cocktail!  

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Speaking of over bulges, my husband Reggie Bush was spotted out with that ova cunt Kim K.  They were celebrating Khloe Kardashian's B-day in Vegas.  Where do they make trade that look like that?  Please let my ass know!  I like football too Reggie... I can do everything that Kim does, or at least I'll try?  I saw that lil' video with her and Ray-J, and it didn't look like Ray-J was getting that much life from her ussypehays!  I would serve him boot!  

photo:  ybf

Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday, Jensen, and ?...

So Omar's Birthday was spectacular.  Everything was great, and the placed looked amazing if I shall say so myself.  Thanks to my sisters for all your help, and especially Suzie, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.  Check out the before and after pics below.  What a transformation!  To view more pics from the party visit my online gallery.  Go to Q's Gallery!

Get into Me and Normie's shorts.  Sister says that we looked like Barker babes...Sister is over!

Doesn't this look like a gay murder mystery scene?  Who did it?  Was it the socialite art collector, the government official, or the real estate tycoon?  Well I will say this, whoever did it payed someone to do it.  Blood makes way for an extremely stubborn stain.  No matter how vengeful these 3 look, they would NEVER, EVER soil the couture! 

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Remember Lil' Ms. Jensen Atwood who played Wade on 'Noah's Arc'?  Right...Get into his new 16 month calendar that is available now.  It's the perfect gift for bat Mitzvah's, baby showers, retirement parties.  Jensen is over, the girls definitely let him walk.  

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"Ah, Pharell... Do you think any of these people know I just stuck my finger up your butt-hole in the bathroom?"  

They are giving my lady boot.  Y'all know I live for Pharell and Ms. Kanyeshia, but this is too much.  The trade may cross their legs, but with both hands over the knee?  What the fuck?  His ass looks like he's at his cotillion.  All he needs is lace gloves and a parasol.  I don't think I want none!  

photos: ybf.com

Hope you guys had a great weekend!  See you tomorrow....

Crush Of The Week: Don Imus...?

Nationally syndicated talk show host Don Imus is the ruler.  This old ugly gray fucker is so over, I live for anyone who can make repeated inadvertent racial slurs.  First the basketball girls were "nappy headed ho's", and now he says that his "color" comment was "sarcastic".  Oh ok, Don?  Just change the set-up of your talk show to a whole morning call in hate theme.  It could be an open forum where bigots and racist can call in daily and call African Americans "niggers" and "porch monkeys".  I would live!  I would listen daily and not even be mad.  

BET Awards Wrap-up, and... Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz...

Sorry guys, just couldn't deal with much yesterday.  I'm back, and I feel rejuvenated and fresh.  So that means I have the energy to be bitchy about those tired ass BET Awards on Tuesday night.  For starters, let me just give it up to BET for stepping their game up.  Over all, it was a much better production than in years past, but the performances lacked.  Hello Usher what the fuck was that?  I'm sorry that the baby may be keeping you up at night, but that doesn't give you room to pull an Ashlee Simpson.  What reputable R&B singer lip syncs?  It has nothing to do with the dancing either, because Ms. Beyonce sings for two hours while dancing in an over pump!  NEXT!  

Alicia Keys' performance was adorable!  She sang her new single 'Teenage Love Affair".  Keys also did a tribute to her favorite girl groups of all time.  SWV joined her onstage looking homely as shit to sing my jam "Weak", and they all still look like men.  My girls EnVogue turned it out with "Hold On", and TLC...well TC ended Keys' set with "Waterfalls".  Nothing has changed with T-Boz, she still has that same old hair style.  I mean, the bitch couldn't sing back in the 90's, but on Tuesday her voice sounded like some shit.  Kinda like Della Reese if she smoked 8 packs of Newports, was sick with a cold, and somebody hit her in the throat with a sock full of hot nickels?  NEXT!  

Mr. Jezzy and Ms. Kanyeshia performed.  On the real though, Kanye has been rapping like he has a new passion for the game.  Can't wait for his next cd, I'm sure it will be hot.  Al Green received an honorary award.  His performance was among the best of the night.  The whole house rocked out to "Lets Stay Together".  It was cute off the nostalgia.  

My tree monkey husband Lil' Wayne also performed.  He did "Got Money" with T-Pain, and "Lollipop".  Even though Wayne was drunk off that syrup, I can't say anything bad about my platinum selling hubby  (Quincy Carter sounds cute).  Oh, and speaking of Lil's.  Did anybody see Lil' Kim looking like she got more plastic surgery in the limo on the way there?  I love that cunt, but she needs to stop, and  so does Ms. Chris Brown.  She needs to stop all that gyrating before I take him down.  His performance with Ciara was smoking.  They danced like they were broke and rent was due.  They twirled!  Overall, if I had to rate the awards, I'd give them a solid B.  They have definitely come a long way, but have some way to go to reach MTV status.  

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Ok, so yesterday I was chatting with my girl Suzie in the morning before her class.  She stopped at Starbuck's for a cup of joe.  She, like myself was enraged when she saw how disgusting people were, and how they don't clean up after themselves.  If you spill coffee on the prepping station, clean it up!  I told her that those are the same MF's that shit all over the toilet in public bathrooms, and don't clean it up.  First of all, did your ass just explode?  Why is there fecal matter all over the fucking stool.  Did you just hover above the toilet blind folded and hoped it made it in?  Secondly, if you did do it, be respectful of the next patron in the restroom and clean it up.  So fucking gross.  Sorry if any of you are at lunch reading this.  I'll stop now.  

Just One Of Dem Days...

Mama's busy, she 's taking the day off from blogging.  Tomorrow we will chat about the BET Awards and public restrooms.  Don't ask...

Raz Queen B...

I know as a gay man sometimes your inner teenage girl swims to the shore, but damn?  Did I honestly wait in a line to see Raz-B?  Granite the fact, it was many years ago as you can see from the ponytail and lack of couture, but shit...Raz-B?  Chris Stokes probably just had him so viciously right before this signing. You can tell his butt cheeks hurt by the way he's holding that pen.  Even though I'm ashamed of such a display, there is something quite innocent about this picture.  No cares in the world I seem to have.  Think back to a time in your lives when owning a home and 401K's were so far away from reality and worrying about passing your mid-terms and getting wasted were.  Oh, and you bitches don't ever want to come for my wave pattern.  Get into that...Happy Tuesday!  

Oh, and don't forget about the BET Awards tonight live from the Shrine Auditorium in L.A.  8pm.  I'm sure there will be lots to discuss tomorrow...

Summer, Summer, Summertime...and Aww Skeet Skeet The Conclusion

This weekend marked the official start of Summer.  This means that white girls everywhere are dusting off those flip flops and cut off jean shorts.  Actually, I don't ever think they put them away, but you know what I mean.  Black girls are running from any sight of the sun and heat so they won't sweat out their edges. We are only a couple of days into Summer, and trust that I have already seen a couple of fierce "kitchens".  Have a great summer!

Kitchen= Normally referring to the nape of the neck.  Particularly an area where extreme nappiness could occur especially during hot summer months.  

Well guys, my Fashion Mother Carlton and I had a talk about the whole public sex thing.  His thought...Mexicans!  I'm not sure if it's mainly Mexicans or the whole Hispanic population.  He says that they have sex in their cars and things.  It kinda makes since being that they don't really have that much privacy in their own homes, being that 14 people live in a studio.  Good thing I don't frequent Columbia Heights, I'd probably have them sticking to the soles of my shoe.  I'm so glad we got to the bottom of this undesirable phenomenon.  So, I guess this means until Hispanics get their own apartments we will see random condoms left all over the city?  I knew that if anyone knew it would be my Fashion Mother Carlton.  By the way go visit him at Barney's and shop down... Thanks mom!

Random Thought...Why is Pharell so fucking sexy?  I would let him take his...(never mind).

Happy 30th B-day Tamika...

Happy Birthday to an amazing friend...in great shoes last night if I may add!  Jay said that 30 is the new 20 so I'll catch you in a decade...

Visit my online gallery to view all pics from the party  www.gallery.mac.com/qjones#100013

Crush Of The Week: Lil Wayne...

This porch monkey flying gargoyle tree inhabitant looking mother fucker is on his grind. And besides all of those prior adjectives to describe him, he could still get it. His new cd The Carter III has sold 1.5 million units in its first week. He didn't even need all of the media hype that 50 and Kanye created. The whole cd is "fiyah". Check out Weezy's new single with T-pain "Got Money". Trust that it will be a club banger! Oh hell no...Hold up! Why am I blogging on the train, and this man all dressed in business attire is picking his nose so viciously and violently. Get out your hand sanitizer people. Ummm...

So What Are You Wearing...?

Ok, so remember the married man from last weekend?  He's back!  He's been calling, and I haven't answered because, why should I?  I know what he wants, and it's not happening.  For some reason last night, I answered...  "Why haven't you been answering my calls", he says?  I gave him the "I've been busy with work" excuse.  Can I just also add that his voice could make a nun curse, so sexy.  Before I knew it, somewhere after hello the only thing I had on was my Kinoki detox foot pads and a smile.  I've never been into the whole phone sex thing, but it was hot.  I guess when there is hope of a relationship, you don't fully let your guards down. He might think I'm a freak, and guys don't marry the freaks, they only fuck them...Right?  I could give a good fuck about this man and his freaky married ass, and last night it showed.  I was saying shit that I thought I'd never hear come out of my mouth.  I'm not gonna be able to look my mother straight in the eyes for a good two...try 3 months.  Thank God and Verizon for free nights and weekends, because it lasted for  163 minutes and 3 seconds.  Maybe it's the allure of a married man, or I'm exploring a new part of my sexuality?  Who knows, but 30 isn't looking so bad anymore...

You Write The Story...

Alternative club scene staple Bernard Klubb in Dupont Park with friends on Sunday celebrating Pride.  Klubb sported red pumps, torn fishnets, cardigan, hot pants, a parasol, and handcuffs.  He said that the look he was going for was Lindsay Lohan escapes prison.  You write the story, I'm late for work.  Post your comments...

Awww Skeet Skeet Muthafucka...Part Cinq, and "Dutty Wine in The Park"

Right...So this time it wasn't out on the streets where I found this condom wrapper--It was on my bedroom floor.  Give me second to explain--hold on I need to take a sip of water for this one...(GULP, GULP, GULP...I said GULP).  Better...Ok, See what had happened was I had went to the club on Friday (big up to my boys at LIV, go support).  It was cute, all of the girls decided to come out and twirl.  My dookie Norman, Tamika, Hadi, Carlton (mother), Kenny, Elias, and Ray just to name a few.  For those of you who caught me out the other night, I was wearing some particularly extremely pornographic skinny jeans.  "How'd you get into those", says the trade.  I replied, "Getting into them wasn't the problem, getting out of them will be a task".  "I'm good at taking off pants, my own or anyone else's", he says.  "I'm sure you are, but in the meantime could you buy me a vodka tonic", as I lift my sunglasses to get a better look at him.  Next thing you know, you would think he was Usher and I was that bitch in the video, cause we was makin' some love in the club.  I checked my phone to see what time it was (you have to make sure you leave before the lights come on, or else you look "thirsty").  "I gotta go", I say as I beckon for my friends.  "Is that it, we not gon' chill?"  I told him that if chill meant fuck, that I couldn't see it.  I made that absolutely clear!  Next thing you know he's at my house and he has his finger in my butt.  I said no fucking, I never said he couldn't stick his finger in my ass.  After some pretty hot frottage we fell asleep.  Shortly after, I was awakened by some rustling around.  I thought he was reaching for his cell phone or something?  Nope, this motherfucker was getting a condom out of his wallet, and proceeded to put it on.  Didn't I say I couldn't see that earlier?  Needless to say I sent him home to his wife pitching the biggest tent ever.  Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you that he was married.  I swear to God!  What a waste of a condom.!  Happy Monday, Oh and sorry about the finger in the butt talk.  I'll do better, I know we've talked about this before.    

What a perfect ending to my stressful day at work yesterday.  I joined Howard and friends in Dupont Circle park for wine.  The weather and company was amazing--thanks guys!  Stay tuned for some snapshots that I took, and all who were there know what I'm talking about..

Crush of the Week: Michelle Obama

This cunt is over!  Her style is being compared to the likeness of jackie O.  Thank Goodness we have a little bit of class and style headed to the white house.  Tell me you all got life when Michelle gave her man that good pound!  It's amazing to see a strong black woman support her man, and all the while doing it in heels.  I bet Obama is tearin' that ass up... Work!

Nobody Knowles The Troubles I've Seen...

As cute as Solange has been looking these days, why the fuck does she think she can have a successful singing career?  Did you guys listen to that?  I thought about posting two of them, but feared hate emails.  If big sister wasn't making enough money, she's definitely fine now that brother-in-law Jay is in place.  Why doesn't she just sit back, chill, raise her son, and make an occasional photo-op?  She sounds like Mya on meth and valium. By the way, where is Mya?  Cute dress though Solange!  

Awww Skeet Skeet Muthafucka...Part Quatre and Oh David!

Lord knows where the condom is this time, but someone "licked the wrapper"...  I was walking through the park in Dupont Circle and stumbled upon this lovely sight.  You know some nasty fags "made the sex" in the park after getting shit-faced at JR's.  If I wore a hat, I would take it off to whoever fucked outside in this heat...Real troopers they are.  

When Did David Banner get so sexy...? It seems like only months ago he had a big ol' belly and wore bad denim with patches on them and things.  What a difference today makes.  

photos: YBF

Lil wayne-Lollipop Remix (Kanye West)

Why is Kanye murdering this track....?  This queen is rapping like it's the last song he'll ever record.  Also check  him out on the 'Everybody Nose' remix with Pharell and Pusha T.  Major!

Scratch and Sniff...Part Un

Add the stinch of seafood, stagnant water, obesity, and body odor into a large mixing bowl.  Bake at near 100 degree weather, and you get the most disgusting scent I think I've smell since Old Spice.  Yesterday, at the Wharf on the waterfront in Southwest, 100's of niggers were out in rare form.  They were walking around eating crab legs and watermelon as if it were fast food, blasting music from their newly stolen cars, and using child support money to purchase scallops. 

 I would love to dunk this lovely couple pictured in a vat of bleach.  They look like they smell like spoiled bologna, ear wax, curdled milk, a bag of sweaty jock straps, and a piece of toast with shit smeared on it.  Luckily, for you today I've partnered with the people over there at Apple to bring new scratch and sniff technology to your computer screen.  Try it!  Tell me what you think they smell like...  Happy Monday!

R.I.P. Y.S.L., and Serena on Ebony

It's been such a busy week I didn't even get a chance to show grace to Yves Saint Laurent. He died on Sunday night at the age of 71 at his home in Paris.  This is the man who in the 70's made pants acceptable and fashionable for women to wear.  What the fuck would Hillary Clinton and power lesbians around the world wear if Yves Saint Laurent wouldn't have opened the doors?  Wouldn't be over if Hillary twirled her campaign in floor-length prarie dresses.  That would punish!  

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Why is Serena looking like a Jet "Model of the Week" on the cover of Essence?  She slightly looks cute though.  What I would do for those cakes.  The trade would loose it!

Things I hate today...June 5, 2008

I hate tapioca, I hate how Tyra Banks gives me too much. I hate that Britney Spears can't get it together still.  I hate Dina Lohan and her many references to Lindsay on her wack ass reality show.  I hate how hot it will be today.  I hate people who don't clean up after themselves.  I hate people who cough without covering their mouths.  I hate bad kissers.  I hate boring cocktail parties.  I hate that no one claims to know who killed Tupac and Biggie.  I hate Soulja Boy.  I hate black girls with old stinky weaves.   I hate that Chik-fil-A is not a five star restaurant yet.   I hate parents who don't correct their bad ass children.   I hate Pentagon City Mall.   I hate when people invade my personal space.   I hate espresso.   I hate that R. Kelly still won't admit that he pissed on that girl.   I hate cold pizza.   I hate that there is always a line at Georgetown Cupcake.   I hate that I continue to eat Georgetown Cupcakes even though they give me extreme runs.    I hate that Hillary wants to run for Vice.   I'm finally going on record to say that I hate that Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown song 'No Air'.   I hate that "venti", "grande" shit at Starbucks, when did it stop being small, medium, and large?  I hate that Ashanti just won't give up.  I hate how girls wear fake bags like they're real.  I hate how the ailment "yeast infection" sounds.  I hate people who got made fun of in high school, but now make money so they think they instantly became cool?  I hate cinnamon gum, Ms. Al Reynolds, cheddar Harvest Chips, and Sinceer from 'Flavor of Love's' forehead.

Awww Skeet Skeet Muthafucka...Part Trois

Here we go again...  Just when I thought it was safe to walk the streets freely again.  With the last installment of "Aww Skeet Skeet", my theory was that horny cougar single mothers were getting it on in parked cars because they couldn't bring their dates home.  Now I'm thinking the demographic of those participating in public sex could be a little younger.  Im quite sure who ever fucked in this park near 9th and New York Avenue also consumed this Reeses Cup.  It's probably a horny twenty-something who got drunk in Chinatown at some really bad bar, but lives in a studio with a roommate.  What do you do?  Stop by CVS, get some condoms, and a snack, and fuck to your heart's delight in the park for all to see.  Buy a white girl some chewy sprees and a glass of chardonnay...5 minutes tops you can be spankin' that ass in a park.  Tell me something, have you ever seen any bitches from the hood on 'Girls Gone Wild'?  Happy Wednesday!

Business Bear...

I saw this guy on the train headed to Vienna the other day.  I just had visions of him being at 'The Eagle' the night before.  His fetish for wearing anal beads to work has really affected his performance on the job.  The partners at the firm all wondered why he had to interrupt the presentation for 3 consecutive bathroom trips? At home his wife, finds receipts for the 'Crew Club' in his wallet.  He says it's a gym, and he's actually starting to lose those extra pounds.  How many more red flags does she need?  The only way he lets her perform oral on him is through the aid of the glory hole he built in their living room.  They tell company it's a chic new partition, that's all the rage.   "Daddy is away for a couple of days, he's at Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend..."  Do you think a 8 year old really understands what that means? 

Crush of the Week: Castro a.k.a. Supreme

Im Sorry...I know it's monday morning, and I really shouldn't be talking about porn stars, but here goes.  I'm really not into the whole porn thing, but this man really does special things to me. Castro a.k.a Supreme is the fucking ruler of the nation.   Castro is what I guess you could call well-rounded in his craft.  He does straight porn, but gay is his niche (It's also because the gay porn coin punishes...).  He has gone on record to say that he is primarily straight, whatever the fuck that means?  This little piece of trade is mainly a pitcher, but he has bitten a couple of pillows in his day on camera (I guess to mix it up...)  If your boss allows you to look at porn at work, check out Supreme in his extremely popular "Love of the Dick" series, you guys can see that there are no socks stuffed in those blue speedos in that pic to the left.  Do you guys think my mom will be pissed if I marry a porn star?  

Again, sorry for the whole monday morning porn thing...lol