Oh My Damn, and Ring Master...

Oh my Damn!  This is the first pic from the new Sean John underwear ad campaigns.  Nelly has been signed on to be the new face (abs) of Sean John.  Look at him standing there looking like he ate a whole tray of raw meat sprinkled with creatine.  I wouldn't even think twice about droppin' down and gettin' my eagle on.   Thank God that Diddy is a queen, and he lives for a shirtless trade just as much as the next girl.  Eh Nelly, ditch that tired cunt Ashanti and call a bitch.  My girl Mary J. said it best, "I can love you better than she can".  Oh, and back up Kenneth!

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Well, well, well...It's about damn time we act like a normal married person.  Finally Jay-Z was spotted out wearing his wedding band.  One down, one to go.  Come on Bey, flash that rock for the girls.  And a rock I'm sure it is...On this solid rock I stand.  We're waiting...

Mya vs. Maya Angelou: Battle It Out...

Focus Marie Harrison, better known to us as Mya, was born right here in Washington, D.C. in 1979.  As a young child she loved dance, and studied right along with greats such as Savion Glover.  Mya's collaboration with rapper Pras, "Ghetto Superstar", on which she sang the hook was definitely a stand out in her career.  The single landed her many awards and put her on the map as an established artist.  Mya is also known for her bed-hopping and dick sucking.  The ho has been linked to NBA star Gilbert Arenas, rapper 50 cent, my husband The Game, and countless c-list actors.  

Marguerite Annie Johnson a.k.a. Maya Angelou has always had a love for poetry and writing.  Angelou has countless honorary degrees from Universities all of the United States.  She has been congratulated for being the first African American to have the longest running record (2 years) on the paper back New York Times Non-Fiction Best Sellers List for 'Why The Caged Bird Sings'.  Angelou has written for Oprah Winfrey's 'Brewster Place', and has also starred in Alex Haley's 'Roots'.  She is fluent in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and West-African Fanti.  Her works are studied and recited all over the world, and she will definitely go down in history as being one of the greatest writers of all time.

Lord knows if Mya is even fluent in English.  The closest she has ever gotten to starring in anything close to 'Roots' was that movie 'Hairshow', and I  don't even think she was in that?  Even though she hasn't acquired many of the accolades that Angelou has, Mya still holds her own.  I'm not gonna lie, I used to rock out to her jams.  I mean she can't sing, but her lyrics were cute.  Let the ladies battle it out! 

In 'Best of Me' Mya said...

Conversation ain't what? 
Big thighs got you stuck 
Feelings starting to show 
Should I stay, should I go? 
I don't know 
You're driving me crazy 
I wanna be your lady 
But I got a man at home 

Even though I wanna see 
How you put that thang on me 
I can't let you get the best of me 
Even though I wanna see 
How you put that thang on me 
I can't let you get the best of me 

That was kinda cute, but Maya Angelou came for her in 'Virtous Woman'...

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Ok, Maya!  Mya don't want none...

Ohh, but Mya wasn't trying to let Maya walk when she hit her with these lyrics from 'It's All About Me', her collaboration with Ms. Sisqo'.

Up jumps my butt nigga what nigga what 

U know I caught yo eye checkin out my thigh 

Now swing my body right to left 

Left to right, You know this ish looks tight 

Now just look at my body body uh huh 

And just hold me like a man should (Sisqo:like a nigga should) But baby you gotta see 

Tonight baby, it's all about me (Sisqo Baby)

Don't try to come for Maya, you know she's friends with Oprah, and you'll mess around and be on a missing cunts list.  

Maya sits there quietly and removes a piece of wrinkled paper from her even more wrinkled bosom.  The words on the paper read...

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs? 

Mya tries to quickly rebound by crooning...

When will you come through
'Cause I'll be waitin' up right here
Can you bring some Belvedere
So we can pop the cork and cheers

Please have no fear Yeah
I just wanna love you right
I hope you have an appetite
So tell baby, will you come and spend the night?

My love is like...wo
My kiss is like...wo
My touch is like...wo
My sex is like...wo
My ass is like...wo
My body's like...wo
And you're kissin' it
So what you think of it

In a commanding voice Maya says...

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone. 

Ladies!  Ladies!  Alright, that's enough...We have reach a unanimous decision.  The judges say that based on what they've heard here (drum rolls)...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Singer Mya takes the title.  The judges say that even though she's slightly a bamma,  her baby hair is over, and her shape punishes.  Sorry Maya, you almost had it!  Perhaps next time? 

Number One "Around The Way Girl" Of All Time: Sheneneh Jenkins...

I will definitely spring to say that Sheneneh Jenkins is THE number one "Around The Way Girl" of all time.  The weave, the nails, the fork tongue all add to her ghetto mystique.  It's been well over 10 years since the last episode of 'Martin' has aired, but thank God for my personal 'Martin' dvd collection and sites like AOL video and YouTube who keep her spirit alive today. As uppity as we all may try to act sometime, we definitely either have a friend or cousin that conjures the T of Sheneneh, so don't even front!  I even at times find myself channeling her, and have to bring myself back to earth.  There is no denying that Sheneneh is the mother-fucking ruler.  Get into many of her famous quotes (below), and watch a couple of her clips from the show (above).  It's officially "Sheneneh Jenkins Day", so go tell off your boss or something... Sheneneh Jenkins: Age: 26 Occupation: Weave Technician Status: Single and loves to mingle Sheneneh says, she's very much a lady, and likes a Brother that's down. If he disrespects her though, she'll beat him like he stole something.

With a Disrespectful Date (Chris Rock) I told you you could super-size it! I told you!... I'm a lady, and you don't disrespect no lady! You better watch your back! Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with five dollars! You can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face! With a Casting Director I guess no other Ladies showed up. Oh they showed up, but they was toe up, from the flo' up, almost made me throw up! Sheneneh, what's your secret? I like to stay cute in the face, and thin in the waist Have you studied martial arts? I don't know Karate, but I damn sure know crazy! After getting the part -- Oh my goodness!, oh my goodness!, I've got to call Loquita!

With a White Girl Do you work here? "Do I look like I work here?" No!, but you look like you' 'bout to get yo' ass kicked!

Gina's Wedding Emergency It's Gina's Wedding day and she's messed up her hair. Every place in town is closed. Gina and Pam turn to Sheneneh. She agrees to help, but she gives Pam an attitude. Pam: "Look Sheneneh, just do Gina's hair, and do my nails, and don't mess up!"Don't be threatenin' me! 'Cause can't nobody mess you up! 'Cause mother nature already done did that! Wait a minute! Don't you think you're over stepping your bounds? Don't get dropped! You'll be at your wedding with noneof these, None of these! [teeth]

Sheneneh Jenkins vs. Tommy Strong Sheneneh drives a '78 Mercedes. Tommy accidently dents Sheneneh's fender. She's furious!Sorry didn't do it Tommy! You're the one who put a dent in my Benz-o, with your 18 inch Lorenzos! Sheneneh decides to take legal action. She's sueing Tommy for 1.7 million. She hires a Dream Team to prosecute. Sheneneh shows up in court with crutches and a neck brace. He didn't have to hit me! He used that vehicle as a weapon! And you don't do that! Pam is called to testify. A vicious argument erupts between her and Sheneneh. Judge: Order! Order! Order in this court! Oh, I don't even know why I let her work on my nerves, 'cause she aint even on my level! OK? Pam: "I can't stoop that low!" You aint gonna have to stoop that low, 'cause you gonna have to get up, 'cause I'm 'bout to straighten out your crooked teeth! Now get up! Sheneneh lunges at Pam. Finally, Sheneneh takes the stand. The fact is... the fact is! Tommy hit me! And I'm just lucky to be here to be alive to tell my story! (Heavy sobbing and sniveling) Tommy, acting as his own defense, approaches the stand. He grills Sheneneh for a couple minutes, then shouts "Now you tell these people the truth! Tell The Truth!!" Oh my God! Look at him! I need the witness protection program! Sheneneh Jumps up, throws her crutches into the aisle, and bolts out of the courtroom with lightning speed. The next day the Judge announces "The court rules for the plaintiff, Miss Sheneneh Jenkins." Oh my goodness! Oh my gooness! We Won! The court orders Tommy Strong to pay 170 Dollars. In Sidebar: But your Honor! What about my bodily injuries? Judge: "M'am, yesterday you sailed out of here like Gail Devers!" Sheneneh ends up having to pay off her Dream Team. The Women's League Sheneneh and her friend Loquita crash an upper-class, mostly White, women's league meeting. Sheneneh shoves the speaker off the podium, then gives a speech on how all the hair styles and nails in the room need help. After about five minutes, a lady takes back the podium, gently nudging Sheneneh away. "Thank you, we've heard enough Miss Jenkins." Oh, OK, well don't push OK? You might not wanna push. I can set it off up in here, alright? Pow! Don't front and lose a tooth up in here while you tryin' to front in fronta' all ya' friends! Pow! Sheneneh and Loquita, to Pam and Gina's dismay, are gracefully accepted into the League after doing the ladies' hair and nails for free.

In The Hall With Gina & Pam Gina & Pam are at the door with boxes. Huh!, it looks like Martin finally done kicked you to the curb Gina! "I am not movin' out, I'm movin' in!" What? You don't have my permission to move in here! Pam: "Permission? Please girl, we aint gotta' explain nothin' to you!" I was not even talkin' to you Cujo! I'm gonna' call Keylolo, and when she gets a hold of this mess, somebody's gonna' get hurt! I happen to be the 3rd floor Captain in this building! "3rd floor Captain? What's that mean?" That means, number one, no loud music after ten, unless it's Jodeci or Patti Labelle. Number two, no arguing, fussin' or fightin' unless it's Martin kickin' and scratchin' and beatin' and throwin' yo' ass down! -- You aint heard the last of me!Sheneneh turns and storms back into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

In The Hall With Tommy and Cole Tommy and Cole are at Martin's door. Tommy drops his b'ball. It rolls into Sheneneh's door.Sheneneh emerges with the ball: What's up! Cole: What's up Sheneneh? Hey Cole, how you doin'? Tommy: Cole! Don't get her started. Now Tommy? I know you aint trippin' with your little bald headed self. It takes more than a bald head to be like Michael Jordan anyway! Tommy: Sheneneh? Now look, I don't want any trouble. All I want is for you to give me the ball (Tommy grabs for it). No Tommy. Gimme the ball! No Tommy! Sheneneh! Give me the ball!No Tommy!! Tommy: Oh Sheneneh... sweetheart.. I am trying awfully hard to be patient with your little tired ass! Now give me the ball! (Tommy lunges for it). Tired? Since I'm so tired, take the ball Tommy! Tommy: What! Since I'm so tired, then take the ball from me Tommy!Tommy: What are you talkin' about! (Sheneneh starts to dance and dribble the ball, butting her rear up against Tommy) I'll show you what I'm talkin' about! (Sheneneh dances around Tommy) Take the ball from me! Cole: Tommy, take the ball! Tommy: I'll take it! I'll take it! (Tommy makes his best effort, but Sheneneh eludes him) I'll take it! Take it! Come on! I'll show you what a girl can do! Look at me ride Tommy! Look at you Tommy! Who said Black girls can't jump! Tommy stops, panting: I could get that ball anytime I want! Well I was goin' to work out anyway. Why don't we take this down to the courts? So Sheneneh, Tommy, and Cole head down to the basketball courts to settle the incident.

The Very First Episode Gina & Pam are at Martin's door. Sheneneh steps out into the hall. Well, well... look at the little business girls. I heard Martin insulting women on the radio today. I know you're goin' in there to dump him. So why don't you just send him over to my crib? Cause I know how to tame that man, alright?Pam: Girl, mind your ugly business and get back in your apartment! Let me tell you somethin' alright? You do not know me! OK? You do not know me, I will bust your ass, OK? Pam: Will let the bustin' begin! Pam takes off her shoe for a weapon. Gina restrains her. Sheneneh starts to dance and box at the air. Let her go! Let her go!! Gina: Sheneneh? You better go back in your apartment. Pam? Put your shoe back on! She is not worth it! Not worth it huh? Girl, you aint heard the last of me. I could bust you in your ear right now! Pam:That did it! Pam lunges toward Sheneneh. Sheneneh retreats into her apartment and slams the door. Some Random Quotes Keylolo? Yo' momma musta' been Trippin' when she gave you that name! "Sheneneh!, what's wrong?" Don't try to act like you care about me, 'cause I damn sure don't care about y'all! Well looky, looky! if it aint Stanky and the Little Rascal! Let me tell you somethin' you little low budget Salt n Peppa! quote credits: google

Weekend Wrap-Up...

Right, welcome back!  So Friday I worked until around 9.  My dear sweet brother called while I was on the way home and asked if I wanted to join him for dinner.  In true trade fashion, he had no idea where he wanted to eat, he asked me to pick and text him the address. I honestly wasn't too hungry, but I definitely needed a cocktail.  If any of you guys have been to Lauriol Plaza, you know that a couple of frozen margaritas will get you right where you need to be.  

So Lauriol it was.  Normie and I met Borzou, Sohale, and friends there.  We ate and conjured, not necessarily in that order.  The "straights" went to L2, I was headed home because I had to lead a 9:00 a.m. meeting.  On the way a voice inside me told me that I needed one quick cocktail, and that I would be in bed by 12;30.  Three cocktails at The Fireplace, three hours, and a conjure with Hadi and Howard left me with only a couple hours of sleep.  Somehow, I made it through the day and passed out when i got home.  

Yesterday work was the usual blower.  I ate and passed out.  I rose from the dead at around 11.  I showered, put on my couture, and hit it.  I arrived at R&R just wanting a couple of cocktails, but got extras.  It was crowded boot, and the hip-hop room smelled like pre-mature ejaculation, desperation, H&M, sweat mixed with Axe Body Spray.  I couldn't take all of those smells together, so I went to the house floor.  Christon and I posted up by the bar, we left a little  before closing, and stood outside for "the let-out".  Howard says that there was a make shift after-party at the Chinese restaurant the 

next block up--they serve alcohol until 8 in the morning.  We went.  It started out with around 8 of us, but the number swelled to well over 20.  I couldn't see ordering anything at that table with all of those conjuring queens present.  They would have ordered, ate, and left for the bathroom a.k.a stuck us with the tab.  I discreetly went and 

ordered at the bar, and Christon and I fleeced.  I sent the proper people at text message good-bye. 

Which brings me to know...I have exactly a month of youth left.  I turn 30 soon.  

For my birthday I want to go see this really cool burlesque show at The Palace of Wonders, very Betty Page, Dita Von Teese. The troupe is called The Hell Cat Girls out of Philly.  That should be cute right?  A nice dinner, and some classy burlesque.  What am I gonna wear? I'm thinking something with lots of feathers and crystals--I'm kidding.

Crush of the Week: Wendy Williams...

Wack ass Omarosa went on Wendy William's new day time talk show earlier this week. Wendy's show which for now, is only airing in major markets such as New York, L.A., and Chicago has opened to huge numbers. Immediately, from the gate Oma"gross"a started in on my girl Wendy. I guess she needed her "airtime" . She fights so hard to keep this bad girl/villaness image. I'm sure she goes home and cries herself to sleep. Anyways, Omarosa first suggest that Wendy is "fake", then goes on to insist that Wendy had a nose job. What did she do that for? The claws came out. I couldn't ever see Omarosa coming for Wendy. Wendy is a big ol' drag queen. She has always been a faggy. Bottom line is Omarosa is wack, and her weave gives me synthetic all day long. Wendy girl, call me if you need me. I live for any queen that wears pink boas and platform acrylic heels, but acts as if she's draped in McQueen. See the clips yourself on YouTube. I tried to post them, but there were technical difficulties.

See today's second post below.

Hey Miley Can I Borrow $20...?, and Oooh Dwayne!

Is Miley Cyrus kidding me?  

Why is she so rich?  This mini-cunt is jumping all over the Today Show's stage this morning screaming to the top of her lungs (off key mind you).  Which again proves my point that you need zero talent to be successful in the music industry.  Ashanti? Oh, never mind, I said successful.    

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        Oooh Dwayne...I live for your new bald doo.  I like basketball?  I mean, I have ESPN.  I would hand wash the shit out of your jerseys.  all of the other trade in the locker room would give, "What's that smell?" It would be giving fabric softener boot.  Look at him sitting there looking like a praying mantis dipped in chocolate.  Quincy Wade kinda has a ring to it, don't you think?

photo:  theybf

Star-Studded Event...

After a long stressful day at work, I decided to take a little walk around Chinatown for some site seeing and window shopping.  To my utmost surprise, there were celebrities (not the real things) all around.  Seventh street was poppin' yesterday. I'm ill, and someone should really stop me know...

Kathy Griffin-esque was there.  I shouted to her that i loved her show on Bravo, but no response.  Im sure she's busy moving to the "C" list from "D".  

Beenie (Hang)-Man came through.  It was crazy.  I asked him if he could show me how to "Dutty Wine", but again no response.  

This trade was no celebrity, he was just fine as shit.  He could definitely walk for Plaid short white tee hat to the side dunk wearing dreaded giving face and slight body B-Boy realness.  That's a Ball the girls would attend.

It sure as hell ain't the first of the month, but a member of Bone Thugs was spotted walking down 7th St. yesterday with her butch queen body guard.

Oooh Girl, Take a Bow... Rihano-no was in D.C. yesterday.  I know it's kinda warm outside, but there is no excuse for frizz like that.  Thank God for the "Indian in my family", but if I didn't, I would definitely get into a pressing comb scene. Hell, give me Sade' tee and slick her back...

 

This isn't anyone in particular.  She just looked like she wanted to murder me.  Wouldn't it be over if she would have stabbed me and I kept taking pictures.  I would get life...

Micheal...?  I loved when you and Janet did Scream.  Oooh...This lady was shopping in Urban Outfitter yesterday.  I couldn't take her face.  Actually, I couldn't take many things about this cunt.  She had more plastic in her head than a pack of Tupperware containers.  She actually looked as if she had just stepped foot off of an operating table.  She still had trauma bruise marks on her cheeks, but she needed shoes damn it!  Nothing was going to get in her way, not even an I.V. or a doctor's request for a week of bed rest.  I'm slightly grossed out, but at the same time I get life from her.  She punishes... 

I Hate When They Make Me Read...!

Why is this gentleman reading so violently? Get into his tightly
pursed lip and stern browline, looking like James Evans in Brooks
Brothers. Has reading a book ever made u that angry? When he sat
down, he viciously opened the book to the page and slammed the book
mark down beside him. First of all, any brother who uses bookmarks
shouldn't be so mad. Secondly, isn't reading fundamental? That
little queen from Reading Rainbow would be ever so upset. Perhaps the
book is about slavery, and his white boss demoted him to housekeeping
from being a contributing partner? Or maybe he's reading Tori
Spelling's new "tell all"? That would make any joyous man enraged.
Whatever it is, he's mad and I don't want none...

What's The Opposite of "Deelishis"...?

Winner of 'Flavor of Love 2' Deelishis done lost her damn mind.  Actually, I'm not quite sure if she had good sense in the first place.  No one I know would go on 'Flavor of Love' and tongue down that black ass walking turd they call Flavor Flav.  Do you guys see what she's wearing?  There was no beach or sand in site, she was photographed at a "celebrity" (and the word celebrity is used so damn loosely) bowling event.  Then too, it's not so much what she's wearing, but how she looks in it.  Please click on the pic to enlarge it so you can get into those atrocious stretch marks on her stomach.  I'm sure the view from the back was just as worse--looking like she's smuggling watermelons under her skirt.  (Repeatedly shoving my pointer finger down my throat)  I know you can't afford to have a stylist, but you're bound to have one of the following things: a friend,  a mirror, a conscience, a mother, an inkling of dignity, self-respect, faith in the Lord, wisdom, hope, or a number to a psychic hot line.  Oooh Deelishis, you need to stop!  Girl, we gonna pray for you... 

photo: ybf.com

Somebody Stop Me...

And... Action!  Ok, so it all started on Thursday night when Howard and I decided to go out for cocktails.  Very soon after, my brother Borzou called with plans as well.  It was supposed to be a night of early cocktails, yeah right!  

Howard and I started out at The Fireplace at around 8.  It was tired as usual, and smelled how it always does, like throw up and moonshine.  It was 8:30, and most of the patrons were already drunk, so that was fun to watch.  I saw Terry (one of my Mr. Big's), and had a civilized conversation.  We hadn't talked in months, because I felt like I had to finish my "Terry Detox".  I'm good now, and Terry I hope you're reading this...lol.  

After The Fireplace Howard and I went to an IT networking event at Local 16.  It was on the rooftop, lots of dockers and button-ups.  We met Borzou and Sohale there.  Hopefully brother you made some lucrative business contacts.  Big ups Falcon Printing!  Sohale had some friends meet up with us there, and we all headed over to Napolean.  We all were starving and the kitchen was closed so we went to get a big slice on 18th.

Boys like pizza and blow-jobs.  Anyways, we went back to Napolean for a bit before we sent the "straights" back into the suburbs.  After Napolean Howard and I decided to go to Fab Lounge where a couple of our friends throw a weekly party.  It was cute.  Hello Mr. Briggs.  After that Howard insisted on a night cap back at our Regal Begal, The Fireplace.  It still smelled like throw up and moonshine, but damn the vodka tonic was off the hook.  My early night had quickly turned into me stumbling home at 2 a.m.  I had to work the next day.

Which brings me to Friday.  Work was a blower as usual.  An Arab couple monopolized my time for an hour and ended up spending only 545 dollars with a tax exemption of course.  I needed a drink.  After work I went home to take a disco nap.  I met Hadi at LIV, and made plans to see "the Trade" later on that night.  I arrived at LIV at around 12:45 am with the Szubi skinny jeans off life on.  It took me at least 10 minutes and a prayer to get them on.  LIV gave me the usual crowd, cute with no extras.  "The Trade"sent me a text about an hour after I arrived at the club and asked me where I was.  Coincidentally, he was at a bar two blocks down, and asked me to join him.  We talked and conjured, and asked if he could come over and chill a.k.a. stick his tongue in my ass.  I declined.  He's cute though, maybe next time.  

After all that conjuring, I was starving.  I met up with Bernard and his new "wifey" to grab a bite at Ohhs and Ahhs.  India was there selling catfish dinners in a Marni wedge and the Chanel "Lindsay Lohan ankle bracelet".  She twirls so viciously.  She left in a hurry saying that she had to deliver dinners to some rappers at the Hotel Monaco.  Ummm... Again, I had to work the next day, and was tired as shit.  

Worked.  I hurried home to twirl an outfit change to meet "the girls" at the party.  I decided to give Knight Rider cunt (dressed in all black with the gat in the lap).  The party was on the rooftop of Yaneek's mans condo.  It was gorgeous!  Everyone had an amazing time.  Get into her cake.  Yaneek says that the woman who baked it, does pastries for the White House.  

Yaneek you were working that dress.  Marc Jacobs didn't mean for you to look that cute in it.  And, is that the cutest picture of Yaneek and her beau, I mean come on?

Claudia and her man were there.  She is so over.  I get so much life from her.  No read or shade, but weren't they looking like they just got back from Diddy's White Party in The Hampton's?

Tamika was there "twirling".  She was getting her speed dating on with the eligible bachelors there.  Janina, Angela, and Yaneek worked the paparazzi all night long.

Holly wasn't wearing Apple Bottom jeans, or boots with fur, but shawty sure as hell got low.  Sister says she looks like she was giving birth standing up.

Thomas twirled with "the girls" as well.  He said that he had a blast.  He also said that he will be getting into a "black scene" more often, and that he needs to find a black "daddy bear" to take care of him.  I have enough black queens swimming in my dating pool Thomas, Back up...lol!

Oh yeah, I had to work yesterday as well.  Again, I was exhausted.  Sister came out to Tysons all dressed in white and Navy Louis Vuitton.  She looked like she stepped off of "The Love Boat".  We drove back into the city and spent 23 dollars at Popeye's just for the two off us.  I punished my food and layed down for a nap.  My nap turned into me waking up at 2:15 a.m. to 4 missed calls and 5 missed text messages.  My plans of going out last night were crushed by fatigue.  There was some party at The Space and of course my usual Sunday night at R&R.  

Now I'm left with my room looking like Hurricane Katrina swept through her.  Couture is thrown all around.  How was your weekend?  What did you do?

To see all pics from Yannek's B-day bash visit my online gallery 

http://gallery.me.com/qjones66#100029

Jesse Jackson slams Obama, No More Bitchassness!

Oooh, Jesse, well actually Ms. Jackson cause you are definitely nasty! You done done it now. In a recent interview on FOX News 3, Jackson made some particularly rude comments about Obama. The Reverend Jesse Jackson is reported to have said that Senator Barrack Obama was "talking down to black people", and referred to blacks as "niggers" when he said Senator Obama was telling them "how to behave". I would like to go on record to say that I for one am over your slip ups Ms. Jackson. It looks to me like you ate a big ol' slice of hater pie, and then washed it down with that new Vitamin Water Hater Juice? Don't hate on Obama's hustle. Ms. Jackson, thank you so much for all you've done for "the movement", but with those comments you made, you actually set us back. Go chill Jesse, smoke a J, and relax. You seem too uptight these days. Listen to Diddy, "No More Bitchassness"!

Have a great weekend...

A.K.Hayyyy, Hayyyy, and Young Who?

I would like to welcome all of the A.K.A's who have traveled to D.C. this week.  They are here to celebrate their 100th anniversary.  Even though my sister "been throwin' up that dynasty sign" (she's a delta for those who missed the Kanye reference), I have much respect for the ladies.  They have been here all week getting their pink and green poppin'.  Congratulations, and here's to the next 100 years!

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Hayyyy...!

Actor Laaman Rucker known from his most recent flick 'Why Did I Get Married', was spotted at Busboys and Poets last night.  He looked like he jumped right of the front of a Duke box, like somebody spilled a whole carton of "sexy nigga" all over his ass.  I don't think it's possible for me to eat at Busboys anymore than I do, but if he's gonna be there, I will try.  The only thing that bothered me was his jeans.  Bad...bad...  Some type of 5 pocket "dad jean" atrocity.  Call me, I will style you, among other things!

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Young Who...?

If you all haven't heard about rapper Young Berg's comments about dark-skinned women, then here goes...  He loosely said that he didn't like what he called "dark butts" or dark-skinned women.  He says that he does the "pool test", if he dunks them in a pool and they look worse than before, then it's a wrap.  Hold on guys, I'm about to go in...  First of all, this motherfucker looks like he got some rare disease like Up's Syndrome or some shit.  His short sawed off  ignorant gremlin lookin' ass can't even rap.  Don't get cute because you had one hit.  Tony Terry had one hit back in the 90's, and I ain't heard from his ass since, get my drift.  I'm not saying that you can't have a preference Young Iceberg, but it's a way that you say things.  Do you even have PR people or a publicist?   You know how many "dark-butt" chicks from the hood probably used child support money to go buy your wack ass CD?  Right...So everyone from now on download his shit, y'all better Limewire like  a bitch!  I couldn't see giving Young Turd any of my coins.  What is he even doing dating, isn't he like 12?

"Step Off Jada" and "Oh, Hell Naw"...

Right...So Monday night Normie and I went to see Hancock.  You know, somebody should really sue those people over at Sony Pictures for the old bait and switch.  The only reason I went to see a movie called Han"cock" is because i was hoping to see some full frontal from Ms. Will.  Nothing.  He wasn't even shirtless.  Despite the nudity disappointment, the movie was cute, and the popcorn was over.  The teenage girls at the concessions got into our fashions, and told me that they liked my "baby hair".  They were the rulers of the earth!  

Back to Will... Can we believe that's the same Will Smith from 'The Fresh Prince"?  You know, the lanky boy with the fucked up hairline.  Money will do some things to your ass, because he is a cutie on duty.  He's not the best actor , but he is uber-charismatic, and I didn't mind staring at his muscles for an hour and a half.  Call me Will!

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"Oh Hell Naw..."

See, this is why I'm not fond of summer.  Bitches be coming outside looking any kind of way.  Let me just tell you that pictures do her justice, because she had so much cellulite on her legs it was ridiculous.  It looked like someone had taken a metal meat tenderizer, and beat the shit out of the back of her legs.  It's a known fact, people have cellulite.  That's not the issue.  The issue is that if you know you have it, don't wear some short ass shorts.  By the way, before she sat down, her butt cheeks must didn't have any lunch, because they were eating the hell out of those shorts.  They were stuck up in places even the Lord would dare go.  Im over it!

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Fuck You Monique...!

Aww Lawd! I sure as hell don't wanna see this early in the morning.
Thank Goodness I hadn't had breakfast yet. I'm all for the big girls,
but goddamn, who said she had to wear a spandex mini-dress? You know,
I blame Monique for all of that "love the skin you're in" bull-shit!
It has given big girls all around the world a free pass to just act a
fool. Trust me, if Monique could come down to 4 without looking like
a total assonine hypocrite, she would. Freakum dresses weren't meant
to be made in that size, now they're just fuckin' with the universe,
and I don't want anything to do with that!

"Run A Train On Me", "It's My Party, They Can Fight If They Want To", and...

Oh Hell Naw!  Friday wasn't the best day at work for me, and then I had to face this when I got on the train.  There were hour delays both ways on the Orange line because of a power outage at the Vienna station.  Of course I picked a car in which the air wasn't operating properly.  It was hot as fuck!  See how everybody was holding on to the overhead hand rails with their armpits exposed.  It smelled like sauteed onions, wet newspaper, stale coffee, sweaty ass, chia pets, hot mulch, Axe body spray,  and old milk all blended up together.  I literally had to hold my nose the whole 22 minute ride home.  I felt like going into my bag and passing out baby wipes so mother-fuckers could get to wipin' on that ass.  It was rancid!  And is that former child star Kim Fields right in the middle of the picture?  Girl don't act like you don't know me...lol.

Also while on the train I encountered this!  Look at that white boy's cakes.  Where the hell did he get all of that ass.  Those must be Apple Bottom jeans giving him all of those contours?  Get into the arch in his back!  I was losing it!  Remember when white people didn't have any asses at all?  Now I'm seeing it more often that they are stacked like shit.  I account it to all the steroids and foreign objects in our foods these days, well that and also more white people are being fucked by black men.  What did DMX say...Since I gave you that (what) your ass has gotten fatter.  That shit would make anything grow, its' like fertilizer...

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"It's My Party, They Can Fight If They Want To..."

So Saturday was my dear brother's Birthday party.  We celebrated at his uncle's amazing restaurant Peacock Grand.  The space which is normally just open for dinner, was turned into a club equipped with a d.j. and flowing cocktails.

Creative Recreation and ALIFE topped our shoe selection for the night.  I'm so glad my brother Borzou is wearing high tops now.  He was a little leery about it at first, now he's all over it. 

That's Borzou's cousin above in the all white.  He is so over, I always get life from him.  He is always dancing around to music that I don't hear.  It's like someone implanted a "Now That's What I Call Music edition 3,567" cd chip in his head and put it on repeat.  

Okay, so the party got shut down at around 1:15 am because of a fight.  I don't want anyone saying that us blacks are the only rowdy ones...lol.  My brother was devastated.  There was still a good two hours off ass shaking left?  The party goers spilled out onto K street where there are a many a place to get your drunk dance on.  Lima, K Street, Tattoo, Park Place, and Shadow Room all got Borzou party left-overs.  

Tamika, Norman, and I decided to take the party to Southeast.  Tamika's friend was throwing a party at Pacific Lounge on Pennsylvania Avenue.  The party was cute.  They played 80's and 90's music and showed the accompanying videos.  It brought back memories.  Actually, I realized that we were dressed just like New Edition in the 'Cool it Now' video.  You know that queen Johnny Gill begged the set stylist for the skinny jean so she could show of her contours.  I wonder if she knew Eddie then?  

There were lots of guys with dreads, people wearing dunks, and "Erykah Badu" types there.  I could have sworn I saw India Arie there.  I was about to ask her when she was going to drop another cd.  Umm..I am not my hair!

So after the lounge, I was hungry as shit. It was about 3:15, and I couldn't see going to 'The Diner' in Adam's Morgan.  I just couldn't stomach seeing that many drunken people in such a small square footage.  We decided to go to the little Chinese food spot in Chinatown.  They are open until like always?  They are over, because they sell alcohol well over the legal time to stop.  Sometimes it smells like pepto bismal and roach spray, but the fried rice is good as hell.  

There was the most over tall dreaded jersy wearing "lookin boy" sitting right next to me.  How dare he not ask me to marry him? 

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"Where Dem Dollaz At...?"

I was searching the web last night and came across this picture on whatsthet.com.  This bamma ass stripper from the ATL had the nerve to get paw prints on his stomach. He looks Eve's broke gay cousin.   Don't the paw prints look like they're leading to a bullet hole?  Do you see that?  Not those paw prints...I have a headache!