Vendredi Noir...

Hey, it's Black Friday, why aren't you out buy a nose trimmer or a dvr on sale or something?  Get out there...  Go!  See you guys in Monday...

Barrack Trip Card, The Next Big Thing, The Yucky Twins, DC Event...

Is D.C. over or what?  Chocolate City will soon release special edition Smartrip cards with my fine President elect Barrack Obama's likeness on them.  I couldn't see not getting one.  Ain't he fine ya'll?  That's my sweet President, better nobody say a cross word about him...

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My sweet baby child recently shot with renown photographer Tarrice Love (pic above).  He is in New York pursuing his dream to be a model.  You heard it here first, he IS the next big thing.  I feel a national campaign ad coming soon.   Look at him, he even tries to give face while watching television.  I'm smiling with my eyes...now I'm not smiling with my eyes.

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O.K., so if Tila Tequila didn't make you barf enough, next week MTV is premiering 'Double Shot of Love' starring The Ikki twins?  I have no clue where they pull these J list celebrities from.  I guess these girls are bisexual sisters who have posed in Playboy.  I know I say I'm not gonna tune in, but who can pass up watching a train wreck happen right before your eyes?  

What in the Brooke Hogan?  What in the 'No Sex in the Champagne Room?  What in the Spitzer scandal?  Are they wearing clear heels in the pic below?  I need sit down (holding head)...

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The American Cancer Society is holding a benefit tonight at The Cardinal's Nest.  The benefit marks a night of jazz and comedy, and should be a great time.  Comedian Chris Thomas will perform as well a couple of d.c.'s own talented artist.  For more information please visit www.mrbriggsmanagement.com.

Weekend Wrap-Up, My Christmas List Part Un, and Damn Luda...

So this weekend I worked!  Right, that's it...I worked and fleeced home as fast as I could.  I had a 12 hour day on Friday, and yesterday marked my 6th day in a row.  The old boy is tired.  It's so weird.  I'm not saying that I'm old by any means, but I can definitely feel the difference from working a long week at 20, and working a long week at 30.  A decade ago I would have probably partied and drank through it all, instead I was knocked out an hour after I got home.  Wow, I'm 30.  When did that happen? Fuck!

Anyways, last night I watched the American Music Awards.  It was as dry as Malik Youba's lips.  The performances were weak, and most everyone looked wack.  

First and foremost, who the fuck let the New Kids on the Block in?  Their performance was painful to watch.  Where they kidding?  I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out in the trucker hat of life and scream, "You just got PUNKED!"  They looked so stiff and rehearsed.  Don't get me wrong I used to live for NKOTB back in the day.  I screamed and cried just like every other teenage girl at the site of them in their hey day, but now...?  Let it go guys.  

Even though it was so over for you having the largest spread in the all black issue of Italian Vogue, last night you looked (Can we say it all together)...Tired!  Why would she wear that?  Tocarra knew she didn't have any damn business in polka dots with her big ass.  She looked like somebody's mama (not mine by the way, cause my mom would have twirled the pump of life).  

Who the fuck is that tired old queen standing next to that tired queen?  No seriously, who is that?  Why is that she wearing a mesh fish netted vest with a "feels like satin to the touch" button down collared shirt.  No read or shade though, his face is beat better than Omarosa's.  Get it girl (I mean the queen, not Omarosa)...

Hi Kanye...(teeth clinched).  I'm glad she won something, cause you know how she goes off if she doesn't.

I don't even have anything to say about this...

O.K., I lied.  Yes I do.  What the fuck was Alicia Keys doing?  What in the Bollywood Hare Krishna hot ass mess?  I know she loves Stevie Wonder, but why would she let him style her for the night.  That's just bad and I don't want none.  I'm too blessed to stress over the devil's mess honey!  No way...

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So with the Christmas season all ready in gear, I thought I'd start to post my Christmas list.  It's only a few things, and this is Part One.

1.  Sanity

2.  A washable suede jacket from HSN (I'm not gonna wear it, it's just over to ask for one)

3.  Him pictured below

4.  Those Gucci boots from last week's post

5.  Gift cards to Ruth Chris, Outback, and Chick-Fil-A (preferably over $500 each)

6.  Those Alexander McQueen mens pants pictured below.  They are from Spring 2004, so somebody has some work to do.

7.  A Connect Four game

8.  A bag of cotton balls

9.  A bag of cotton candy

10.  Taylor Dayne's 2nd studio album "Can't Fight Fate" (in it's original packaging please)

Oh My God, you guys only have like a month left and this is only part one...Hurry!

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Why is Ludacris rapping like this is his last track?  Check out 'Undisputed' featuring Ms. Mayweather (50 cent's BFF/cutty buddy).  Watch out Lil Wayne...

Ba-You rrak My World..., and DC Events...

Our fine President elect Barrack Obama covers this month's edition of GQ magazine.  Did I mention he was fine?  Why is he so over? I shouldn't be having thoughts about my president like that.  He is so charismatic and has this electrifying gravitational pull of energy.  I haven't lived for someone this much since...well last week, but I live for him nonetheless.  Ya'll know he's fine right?

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So last night I attended a very cute event at Jin on 14th St.  The party was a video premiere for a local artist.  The video featured one of my friend's clients.  My friend, Mr. Delonte Briggs has recently started a management company, and represents artist, models, etc.  Definitely look out for more from Mr. Briggs.  Just from talking to him last night, there is lots more in the works.  For upcoming events please visit www.mrbriggsmanagement.com.

Holla...   

Hello...!!!!!

What do you guys think he's listening to?

I Don't Know About This...?, and Maxwell Review...

So last week Jim Jones debuted an off broadway show about his life in New York.  Off course his right hand man Juelz Santana was there.  Now you know I live for both Juelz and JIm, but something just doesn't sit right with me and this picture.  I'll be damned if my trade is gonna be touching all up on another trade's head.  What in the gay...?  Also, can somebody get into Juelz Santana's expression?  His face is kind of saying, "Oooh Boy stop.  You so crazy."  Right?  All I have to say is this picture looks suspect as hell.  I mean if they did ever have, I would watch boot!  That is one celebrity sex tape that I would buy like 8 copies of.  I need one for the bathroom, one for the kitchen, one for work, one for church (I'm sorry, but it's true.  Me and the Lord have our own personal relationship.  Don't judge!), one to leave at Ruth's Chris, one for the train, one spare, and then one copy to never open as a souvenir.  Wow...  

Jim Jones:  N*gg@ I'm sayin' though, this hat really brings out your eyes...

Juelz Santana:  For real Son?  Well, what do they jeans do for me figure ( as he turns around, looks back at Jim and arches his back).  I mean just like straight man to straight man off the opinion tip.

Jim Jones:  Yo Son, What til' we get home.  I'm bout to tear that...

I swear that's what they probably said...

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So last night was the Maxwell show here in D.C.  We arrived at Constitution Hall at tad late, and just missed Jazmine Sullivan's performance.  I heard she screamed for blood, so it was ok.  We found our seats after walking through a sea of black people.  It looked like all of the women smuggled fried chicken into the the arena.  They all wore really bad synthetic fiber two piece garbs and had roller sets.  The men reeked of weed and cognac, and premiered the finest in squared-toed shoe fashions.  I love my people.  

Anyways, Ms. Maxwell did a great job.  She must have eaten a can of jumping beans, because she was twirling all about that stage.  I didn't know she was gonna do all of those dance moves.  I pictured her standing there singing in a Badgley Mischka gown kinda like a Natalie Cole.   At one point (and I'm not lying) she even started to vogue and did a ball dip (one leg extended out, and the other bent behind her back).  At another point in the show, she had a queen fit and read the security people.  He literally stopped the song, read, and went back into the number.  You tell me that's not a queen!  

Of course Ms. Maxwell performed my favorite "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever".  You know how many times I've had to that song?  If I were a girl, I would have been at planned parent hood giving "I'm sorry it won't happen again" teas.

She did a good job overall.  She just better get back in that studio because she's not gonna be able to sing the extended 45 minute remix of  "This Woman's Work" forever and sell out arenas.   

I'm not fuckin wit yall anymore.  I'm late!  

Weekend Wrap-Up...

So Friday gave blah blah blah...For the most part it rained DOWN!  I came home after work, had a glass of wine and passed out.  

On Saturday work was the blower of all blowers.  After work fag 

Jonathan asked if I wanted to conjure Ruth Chris.  I figured I 

could use  a cocktail after the day I had. When I showed up, Abena was there.  Her breast greeted everyone that walked in.  They were ripe and ready to be picked.  She is the over pot stirrer.  I live! 

I should have known that it was gonna be a conjure.  So dinner turned into after dinner drinks at Posh.  From Posh it gave FLY lounge, after FLY it gave Andalu, and ended up the night with 1223 and SPANK.  I was still wearing my monkey suit from work, giving 9-5 cunt.  I got home at around 3.  I couldn't see going to work the next day.  I woke up to no voice.  I couldn't even speak for the first half hour after I woke up.  It was too much. 

Last night was our official "Girl's Night Out".  My girlfriend Yaneek planned for all of "the girls" to meet at The PARK to watch the game.  The food was amazing, and the company was even better.  I couldn't tell you anything about the game, or the final score though.  I do know that the Redskins lost though.  They are so tired!  

After the game, we stayed for the dancing.  There were a couple of over trade.  Besides the over trade, there were a couple of basketball pieces in the house, and the groupies were out honey. They were live and direct, giving full court PRESSED!  I'm talking they were perched and ready to suck a basketball dick for a flute of champagne and breakfast at the diner.  It was so sad.  These girls looked so thirsty, just foaming at the mouth for a basketball piece.  I couldn't see shopping for basketball trade.  The tea is that if they really wanted you, they would have snatched you up at the last 8 parties they saw you at.  Take you dumb ass home!

So tonight Normie and I are going to see this lady Maxwell.  She is the over R&B lady.  Jazmine Sullivan is opening for her.  The concert should be cute.  Trust me, you guys will know if it's not.  Holler back!  

Go D.J., That's My D.J., and Beyonce Gives Shhhhh...

Are you ready for the name, You may wanna get a piece of paper to jot it down so you can sound it out.  Didier Llunga-Mbenga is 7 feet 255 pounds of NBA chocolate candy.  D.J. as he is called, is Belgian-Congolese, and currently plays for the Lakers and the Belgian Lions.  

I love the handlebar ears, and at 7 feet, I wouldn't even have to kneel to...never mind.  

This one I'm definitely keeping my last name though...

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Ok, so did any of you see Oprah yesterday?  Mrs. Carter graced the stage and came clean about the wedding and her life with Jay-Z...(crickets)  SIKE!  That bitch didn't tell me shit about a wedding.  Hell she could have brought a picture or something.  How about she is so over that she didn't even wear her ring!  I'm slightly over that (approaching and stands on soap box).  I mean, the wedding has come and gone.  I understand you didn't want a circus the day of the wedding, but why is it such a secret now?  Can we at least know what kind of dress she wore?  She might as well not even did an interview.  She should have just served Oprah with a mini-concert.   

Anyways, (stepping off soap box) enough about that.  The cd is great.  You can preview the whole album on Myspace Music. It releases next Tuesday, I will waiting to download it on ITunes at midnight.  Check out this song "Ego" from 'I Am Sasha Fierce'.  I love it, Get into it and have a cute weekend!

Random Fashion Thoughts, Oooh Obama, and Frankie, Frankie, Frankie...

Why is Naomi the most over supermodel cunt that has ever graced the runway?  Dolce and Gabanna couldn't see not having her be the ONLY female to walk in their Men's Spring/Summer '09 fashion show.  Of course she slayed the walk, and made the people gag.  Why in the hell would Yves Saint Laurent replace her as the face of YSL with Claudia Schiffer.  I couldn't see it myself...

How hot is this look from Alexander McQueen's Spring/Summer '09 show?  It gives the illusion of a one-piece.  There were all types of hot things from McQueen for Spring.  Being that there were no offers for anyone to buy me those boots from the last post...the above pant and shirt will do.

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Why is our President elect Barrack Obama so fine?  Look at him, he's just as cute as he wanna be.  Watch him Michelle.  Make sure none of that Bill Clinton shit goes on in the Oval Office.  Michelle would whip some ass, Do u hear me?  I'm talking about a good 'ol natural ass whippin' down to the white meat.  I don't want none...

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Wow, did anyone see the premiere of Keisha Cole's BET reality show?  That's Frankie Cole, Keisha's real mother (said with hardly parting my lips).

Frankie is Keisha's biological mother who gave Keisha up as a young child due to her drug and alcohol addictions.  The show follows Keisha's family every yell and scream of the way.  There are specific tongues of Ebonics that I've never even heard being used on this freakin show'.  I find myself embarrassed at times wondering whether anyone other than the Black race somehow stumbled upon this buffoonery.  I mean come on, Obama was just elected into office, we were on a high--and now this? 

Quotes from the show...

Frankie Cole:  "I don't want to go to dinner wit' you.  Imma be watchin horror movies and eatin Popeye's chicken all day..."

Frankie Cole:  "I'm her real momma.  I carried her for 9 months!"

Frankie Cole:  "Y'all always be treatin' me like a crackhead!"

Frankie Cole:  " I don't need her help.  I need you, I need Neffie, I need Sam, I need Ellie, I need Robert, I need Lativia, I need Alice, and I need you to not hug me right now!"

She's supposed to be clean from drugs now, so that means she's still trippin' off shit she took back in the 80's and 90's?  Son, that's some powerful shit, and I don't want any!  Crackheads are the fucking ruler, especially crackheads with a millionaire daughter who has a reality show.  Somebody get me an aspirin.  

It's Only A Boot, and Weekend Wrap-Up (The Late Edition)

Does anyone wanna buy me these Gucci boots?  Anyone...?  If you give me 1400 dollars, you'll get some change back, it's not like I would spend it all.  Well, let me know.

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Sorry, about not posting the Weekend Wrap-Up yesterday.  I slept in and then realized that I promised a friend to go shopping.  I had gone out the night before, and I looked like n extra from the Thriller video, so I had lots of work to do before I could go out in public.  

Anyways, rewind to Friday.  I worked late.  It seemed to be slow, and It looked like I would be able to fleece a tad early, but clients started coming out if the woodwork.  Norman came out to Tyson's to conjure, and we made dinner plans with my brothers Borzou and Sohale.  Sohale was on a date, and sorry again guys, but we showed up an hour late.  Damn clients.  We met them at Sakura the place where they cook the food in front of you.  I really wasn't up for all of those fancy tricks, I just wanted my damn food.   

The food was actually pretty good, and my family's company was even better.  Sohale's date was nice, I just don't think I could see her being my sister-in-law though.  I just couldn't see it!  

You guys have seen my brother Borzou before.  He conjures..lol.  I wonder how all that saki treated you the next day?  

Saturday I worked as usual.  The day dragged like a queen.  I could have sworn that someone combined two days together, and didn't tell me.  After, the long day I was exhausted.  I had a couple of things to attend, but it ended up being me and my pillow.  I felt like somebody slipped me a mickey--I was exhausted.  

Sunday I went to work feeling rejuvenated.  The day wasn't so bad, I left at 6.  I knew that I wanted to go out and grace the girls.  I decided on Eyebar, and left my house around 12:15 a.m.  I arrived to a packed club.  It was a cute crowd.  It seems like I hadn't seen a lot of the people before.  I had a great time, and even ran into my Fashion Mother (Carlton).  We were partying like Paris and her new BFF hopefuls.  

The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way on Sunday night was...Never mind, I'm not gonna say it.  Ok, I will.  Why did at least 4 people's breathe stink that I spoke to?  I have been in situations where I have been sans mints, but you work it out.  You go to the bar and get some limes ( a tried and true trick), or you just know that you stay your distance out of people's faces.  A couple of the people that I see out from time to time, without fail always have shitty breathe.  When I see them coming I start to hold my breathe.   They are always the ones who wanna grab on you and be up in your face.  I was about to scream, "Get our funky ass breath outta my face", and run out crying.  Instead, I held it together.  Breathe smelling like they snack on shit nuggets--just as nasty.    

This is the let out.  You know the queens don't ever want to go home after the club, they will stand outside and conjure for hours if they were allowed.  When the nightlife scene was poppin' over in S.E., we used to stay outside of the club until 6 or 7 in the morning.  Those were my younger conjuring days.  Now, I couldn't see not being in bed.  What a difference a decade makes.

New Boyfriend, and Ex-Boyfriends...

U.K.'s own Louis Smith brought home a bronze medal at this year's Olympics, but I'd give him the gold.  This 19 year old gymnast is more cut than Beyonce's wedding ring.  It's definitely very cute for him. He could "Pommel" my horse any day.  Call me Louis.

 

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For the most part, ex-boyfriends suck.  They're just like roaches.  I couldn't ever see having roaches, but I have many ex's.  Just when you think you've bombed and sprayed, and they're all gone--there pops up another one, staring you in the face.  Do you spray it (confront them), or do you just ignore that you even saw it, and move out.  My normal way of dealing with an ex is to move out.  I don't even want to acknowledge the fact that we had what ever we had.  On top of that I'd say over half of my ex's I haven't even spoken with since we were dating, meaning if we had a disagreement I just don't answer phone calls until they fell off the face of "my" earth.  So when I see them, it gives "Hi, you know my job sent me to Malaysia around the time when we were breaking up?  Yeah, yeah what a fucking commute.  How have you been though?"  

In every other part of my life, I normally like to deal with issues head on.  Why do I feel so uncomfortable dealing with men and issues, and why am I so damn judgemental?  The first sign of any weakness and insecurity and I'm gone.  We can go to dinner, and if I don't like the way he holds a fork--I'm out.  I'm talking board up the windows, sandbags gone.  

Last night, well actually this morning I did some soul searching.  At least now I know what I do, and now moving forward perhaps I will be more accepting.  On the other hand though, I'm tired of taking on fixer upper projects.  You know how many men I've taken and have made over?  After you make them over, they move on to the next cunt who now has no work to do.  Before you know it, You're reading their wedding announcement in the fucking paper.  Fuck!

As we all are, I'm a work in progress.  It may take a while though, cause I'm a fucking mess...lol

Have a good weekend, see you on Monday.

Troy Pala..Polo da Paula..Never mind!, and Don't Be Surprised If She Ask Where The Cash At...?

His last name may be a tongue twister, but I live nonetheless.  27 year old Safety for the Pittsburgh Steelers Troy Polamalu slays.  This 5' 10" 207 pound Samoan brick house gives face, body, and hair.  I'm not even mad that he helped kicked the Redskins ass on Monday night.  With a face like that, he could do no wrong in my eyes.  I don't even know how to braid hair, but I would learn really quickly.  I'm talking I'd be doing some Allen Iverson type corn row designs in that bitch.  

Polamalu is married, and just recently had his first child.  She will be o.k., she'll get alimony and hella child support. I'd definitely keep my last name though...

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The other day drag queen Tyra Banks did a show on a girl who was "auctioning" off her virginity.  The 22 year old girl was selling "that thang" to pay for college.  The infamous Bunny Ranch in Nevada is hosting the deed.  The girl says that she has undergone two lie detector test and multiple medical exams to prove that she's a virgin.  You won't believe it, but the bidding has jumped to well over 3 million dollars.  3 million dollars?  That's some good ass pussy.  Sorry ladies, I'm sure you all have some good stuff, but 3 million dollars good?  Well, actually I have had some dick in the past that i wanted to bronze and put on my mantle.  It definitely wasn't worth that much though.  Shit...

Anyways, after doing more research, I found that this wasn't the only case of women selling their virginity.  There was also an instance where a lesbian sold her "kitty" to pay for college as well.  Too bad for her, she only got a mere $30,000.  

Why didn't I think about this when I handed my virginity away?  I was 16, and gave my "peach" away for a number 11 extra value meal, and a pack of starburst.  Maybe I can re-virginize myself and sell it.  That would kinda be like Costco charging for the free samples that they have given away over the years.  Wow, what will they think of next... 

You Didn't Know I Was A Fuckin' Rock Star?

Congratulations to President elect Barrack Obama.  This is literally history unfolding right before our eyes.  Long after we are gone, our children's children's children will read and learn about this historic event.  I feel so proud and blessed to have witnessed it first hand, not only to witness, but to have taken part in it personally.  I can say years from now that I helped to elect the first African American President into office.  

I feel like I can breathe again, the illusory grip that the last administration had around my neck has been loosed.  As Obama said last night, things will not happen over night.  I'm fine with that.  I just feel better knowing that we have turned the car around, and are finally moving in the right direction.  

Those tag words "Hope" and "Change" stirred emotion inside of so many Americans, and served as an amazing catalyst for newness.  I, for the first time in a while feel empowered myself.  I'm sure millions of other Americans share my sense of empowerment at this time. Hopefully, now Americans who thought that they never could, will persist on and accomplish.  Victory...  

Wow, look at them.  They look like me...

Somebody call the mover to start packing up Bush's draws.  Get his motherfucking ass out of the god damn White House.  I can't wait for Michelle to invite me over for a fork-full of greens and some corn bread, oh I just can't wait...

Crossing My Fingers...

Vote or else...!

Happy B-Day Howard, and Shut Up and Drive...

So last night was the birthday party of DC's own Mr. Howard Cromwell.  This picture is not from last night, but from Howard's 27th birthday party.  I thought that I'd post a more "youthful" image of you Howard...lol.  You're 30 now, so welcome the old old jokes.

  The party was housed at BeBar and definitely was even more than I expected.  I arrived to a packed venue with great energy and no drama.  All a girl ever wants to do is get a drink and have a two step... 

Not only was I there (lol), other "celebrities" came through to party it up for Mr. Cromwell's B-Day as well.  Isis from ANTM came through to show the girls grace.

The one and only Jensen Atwood also stopped through to party and do a little promo.  He was very cool, and had such a nice and warm demeanor.  Some of the girls got a little too excited to see Jensen though.  Come on, get it together queens, some of y'all were acting like he was gonna snatch one of you up and make you his Noah.  I couldn't ever see pushing my way through  a crowd to get to any man...well? 

This is Howard getting life from my bejeweled tennis shoe.  I wanted to wear metallics for him, because he shines like a star.  

That's my sister, she gives face.  

Again Howard, Happy Birthday!  Lord knows how you party night after night and stay looking fresh and vibrant.  Thank goodness you make a living out of partying now, I couldn't see you doing anything else.  Love!

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Vrooooom, vrooom!  So Congratulations are due to one of my ex-husbands Lewis Hamilton.  The other day, he became the world's youngest Formula One champion.  My alimony checks should increase now.

There is Lewis walking with Pharellisha.  They kinda look like they're talking about sweaty butt sex or something.  

Pharell to Lewis:  "Hey N*gga, you tryna stick your tongue in my butt?  

Lewis To Pharell:  Umm, I guess?  I've never done that before.  You just can't tell anybody o.k., I'm kinda dating Nicole Scherzinger.

Pharell to Lewis:  No doubt Son, you tryna do that now?

Lewis to Pharell:  Yeah, can we get facials first though?

You can't censor fantasies!

Don't forget to vote tomorrow bitches...