Week Wrap-Up--The Housewives Edition, Let's Turn This House Into A Home, Caught By Q...

Happy fucking Monday morning! I woke up today to a scratchy throat, and I can't have that. My throat feels like I've been...never mind (is it too early for the oral sex jokes?) No sir re Bob! I don't do sick. My tried and true remedy is vodka and orange juice. I'm talking gallons of O.J. (not the white Bronco kind), mixed with vodka. In the midst of getting housed, I forget all about being sick. After the hangover is gone, POOF, your not sick anymore. Try it, it works.

So the weekend started on Thursday night after I received an invite to attend the Ted Gibson party at the Hela Spa in Chevy Chase. Me and BF#1 (there's only 1...Hi J) arrived to the front door of the party, gave our names and were handed 4 page release forms? The girls at the front door said that they were filming upstairs, for what we didn't know, but we were sure to find out...

'The Real Housewives of DC' were taping at the party, and it was crazy. I don't know any of these cunts, but I guess they were "important" enough to be chosen. They don't look over enough to be a 'Housewife' though. I have cunts in my crew that could slay them off the daily wear. Can I get an Amen?

So, the party was cool, I networked a bit and got tipsy, and then headed off to meet Normie at Napolean in Adam's Morgan for din din. Dinner was great, but I had missed 'Housewives of Atlanta', so I had to rush home and fire up the DVR. Nene is giving me waaaaay too much this season. Someone told her that she was the main character or something, and she has taken it and is gone nuts! I couldn't see Nene getting in my face--she wears wack handbags. Besides wearing wack handbags, the short wig isn't all THAT cute (anything was better than the weave with the full closure). Get it together Mrs. Leakes!

I worked on Friday, it wasn't as dreadful as it has been, so it breezed by pretty quickly. On the commute home though I was attacked be hundreds of black men in bad suits. It was Congressional Black Caucus weekend here in DC. Why must there be so many buttons on your coat, and also why must your pant legs be so wide? Last question: Why must your shoe toes be so square? I can't take it! I rushed home and locked my door to avoid being attacked anymore. I woke up on Saturday feeling rested. I had a full day ahead of me--work, Marymount Homecoming dinner, club...

My alma mater Marymount University's Homecoming was this past weekend. The only even I attend was the dinner at The Ritz Carlton in Tyson's Corner. It was so good to see my peeps and reminisce like Mary J. Everyone looked great (well all of my friends, not anyone else), and we had a blast.

My girls even took a fake ass "Housewives" picture in the hotel. Cute!

I was trying to conjure Clark Kent meets Tom Ford....and look at J would ya, so handsome! After the dinner we drive into the city. Fly Lounge it was! We partied until our old ass couldn't take it anymore. My geriatric behind definitely felt the burn yesterday at work. I honestly believe I feel asleep standing up. It was over! I fleeced home, took a shower, and hopped into to bed. I was out like Lance Bass at Gay Pride. Before my head hit the pillow, I was gone! Now I'm blogging and uber late for work. Peace! Excuse the typos, I'm rushing...don't shoot me!

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Well, well, well, what do we have here? It looks like Kim isn't the star of the Kardashian family anymore. Khloe and Lamar Odom have officially tied the knot. They were married yesterday at a private ceremony with family and close friends.

Good on Khloe for finally clubbing a man over the head and drugging him into marrying her. Hats off to the newlywed couple.

By show of hands, how many people think this WON'T last a year? (all hands raise)

Kourtney: "Kim, bible that I don't look fat in this dress."

Kim: "Oh my God Kourtney, shut up you are so fucking jealous of me. I hate you!"

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I saw this girl yesterday at KFC (don't judge me, I was starving). She was on the phone, and I couldn't help but overhear her conversation--she was loud as HELL. She had the nerve to call someone else ghetto? I'm sorry, but I almost gave her a reality check. What a nerve she has. Every other word was "mah fuckin", or either "bitch". If she doesn't see herself as ghetto, I need the mirrors that she has in her house. Besides, she looks like her crotch smells like SPAM (the processed meat in the can, not the email)!

I spotted him on the train last week. I really like the look he has going on here. No Homo!

While being attacked by black men in bad suits on Friday in Chinatown, I saw this. This cunt was beating her face when I went into Urban Outfitter's. No lie, I was inside for at least 8-10 minutes, and when I came out she was still beating her face. If you have to do all of that--STAY HOME! Then too it's not the best lighting outside of the Chinatown metro station, so I'm sure she looked like a clown in normal lighting. LESS IS MORE unless you're Lady Gaga, a drag queen, and Rihanna. I believe that is the new trinity--they are three in one!

Amerie 'Heard Em All'

I haven't really gotten into Amerie since "It's Just One Thing", but she slightly turned this video. I'm not even gonna hate on her. It may have helped that super video producer behind 'Disturbia', and 'Run This Town' Anthony Mandler laced it as well (Everybody has to be a Rihanna biter). Anyways, the video is hot, and I slightly like the song. I mean I like it today, who knows what the fuck I'll think tomorrow? Look out for lots of studio retouching on Amerie's new project 'In Love and War' due out on November 3rd. Did anyone catch the read? lol...

Week Wrap-Up--The Wednesday Edition, STELLLLLLLLAAAAAA, Don't Drop The Soap and Caught By Q...

Happy Wednesday fuckers! I'm back at it today. Yesterday I felt like I was Robin Givens back in the late 80's, and Mike punched me square in my head! I had the migraine of life. I pretty much had a lazy day all day. I rose when the sun went down (you guys know I'm a vampire), and got something to eat. You know what it was--Popeye's son! The nice urban girl who took my order interrupted me and said, "Oh my God, your hair is so fuckin' pretty!" She turned to the other cunt who worked there for affirmation, but she wasn't really using me. She gave, "I know I be seein' him in here all the time.", while shoveling fried chicken for blood! After my Ebonics 101 crash course, needless to say my headache was worse. I stopped by 7-11 for a Slurpee and headed home. After watching bad reality television until 1:00 a.m., I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I counted a whole lot of fuckin' sheep last night, and nothing! I watched the sun rise, and cursed for having to be at work at 9. Thank God I'm off tomorrow.

I am looking forward to my weekend. I have my college Homecoming. We are having a dinner/reception at The Ritz Carlton. It will be great to see friends that I haven't seen in a while. As for now I'm at work and cranky, so fuck off...

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Why did that nasty butt fucking faggot Rihanna wear those thigh high perforated Stella McCartney boots walking around in New York yesterday? She is the most over hag EVER! I live for her, and no one--I repeat, NO ONE can touch her swag. She has the swag flu! The bitch is so sick!

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Speaking of butt fucking (blank stare), Chris Brown started his community service last week. He definitely looked good while he did it. He can serve my community any day--No Homo! I applaud Chris for admitting to doing wrong, and for paying his debt to society. I swear I should go down to Tappahanock where he is performing his service, and bring him a hot meal and a cold drink. I would wipe his brow with a cold towel, and... Anyways, hats off to Chris.

While Chris Brown escaped jail, someone else didn't...

Plaxico "Pretty Ricky" Buress has to serve approximately 20 months in jail. All I know is, he better stop "smizing" (smiling with his eyes) before he heads off to jail. With those bedroom eyes, and...

...these cakes, he may need a doughnut to sit on when he's finally released. Tip to Plaxico: Don't even use bar soap, something in a squirt dispenser would be best for you! I know that he was released from his team, and hopes to return after he serves his sentence, but I say fuck it! Shouldn't he just join the Coco Dorm boys and make us all happy? I would buy a subscription then--totally homo!

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I was in the liquor store last night, and couldn't believe how many cakes this white man had. Perhaps it was his skinny pants? I don't know, but he was trying to battle me and I didn't care for it myself. Wait until I hit that Kanye workout plan, he won't want any. Fuck wit it!

Why was this queen reading his (her) book so gay? What do you think he (she) was reading? I'm gonna say it was something be Danielle Steel? Don't you guys think? Get into his (her) Birkenstock's though. Was he gay, or a lesbian?

Did someone say lesbian? She was the beatest dyke EVER! Doesn't she look like she has a piece? I swear I saw a dick print. She would have probably fucked me better than any trade I could ever imagine. Her bound breast, and pleated work pants are the ruler! I get life, and I'm not kidding!

Early morning? Did this mother fucker even put a comb to his head? It looked like he partied all night long, went to a kegger, had a circle jerk, went to IHop, and put on his suit for work--no shower. I die!

Train trade playing video games. I got life from him. He was bopping his head to my Jay-Z. Obviously, it was so loud that he could hear it. He was mouthing the words and gave me the "head nod" when he got off the train. Gotta love it!

www.quincyjones66.blogspot.com

Auntie Whitney, Where Did Everyone Go?, Walk For Me, and Daaaaaaammmnnnn!

So, the highly anticipated part 2 of the Oprah/Whitney interview aired yesterday. It gave me everything I needed. Whitney looked amazing. Her dress was appropriate, and her legs were glossed for the Gods! Auntie Whitney spilled tea like no other, and Oprah was there with a roll of Bounty soaking it up! Oprah asked Whitney at one point if Bobby had ever hit her. Whitney said, "I was raised with two boys and I’ll fight you back. He slapped me once but I hit him over the head three times.” Don't fuck with Auntie Whitney, she don't play. She even said that she fucked him up one time. Oprah asked if there was blood. In her raspy voice she responded, "Yes". My other standout in the interview was when Oprah acted as if she couldn't get how Auntie Whit was getting high. Whitney told Oprah to "Stay with her", and said,"You put your marijuana, you lace it, you roll it up and you smoke it,”! Whaaaaaaaaatttttt? I damn near lost it. The only thing I was waiting for was Oprah to pull out some weed and cocaine, and ask her to demonstrate exactly how she did it. Now that's "Must see TV"! At the end of yesterday's interview Oprah asked if she was scared what Bobby would think, and Whitney gave Oprah the Sheree (ATL Housewives) "Who gon check me boo" face. I live!

Can ya'll tell me one thing though? Why did Oprah have to sit like that with her foot strategically placed so we could see her fresh red bottoms the WHOLE interview? We know you have Louboutin's for days Oprah, but you didn't have to slay us like that. At the end of the show, Whitney sang...(crickets)

Anyways, I hear Whitney's CD is good, but I couldn't see buying it--I'm broke. I would find coins somewhere to buy the 'Being Bobby Brown' DVD though. Now that's entertainment. (singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', and dancing around like Taylor Swift)...

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From Rihanna to Lady Gaga, it seems that it's chic to not see. Rihanna was pictured last week at the Guisseppe store in NY with these studded glasses on. I know the bitch couldn't see shit.

On Sunday, Lady Gaga accepted her speech in this lace number. She needed help onstage. Before she finished her acceptance she had to rip the lace from her face. Is it the rage to impair your vision in the name of fashion (scrambling to find studded glasses and lace)? I get life from ANYONE who needs help walking because their fashions won't allow them to either see or move freely. I would LOVE to wear the beatest outfit, and have someone roll me around on a hospital gurney! I die! Big ups (i'm bringing that saying back from earlier in the decade) to Rihanna and Lady Gaga for expressing themselves through fashion. If I had the beat coin, they would never want to see me though. I would battle them for BLOOD! I would wear crotchless pants with swarvorski encrusted Pringle's cans to cover my penis, no shirt with a chinchilla bow tie, a Van Cleef and Arpel's noose around my neck, and Cartier LOVE bracelets around my ankles. Fuck with it!

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Fuck with this as well...My sweet child Brandon Parker (FORD Models) walking for blood in the Tahari show in NY for Fashion week. I'm so proud of him. I told you Brando that we are gonna party DOWN when you get your first billboard in Times Square. I feel it coming!

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I was strolling into my building the other day, and look what I saw. The policeman were patrolling, and their horses stopped to take a HUGE shit right in front of my house. This motherfucker needed some Immodium or what's the pink stuff? It smelled like shit (because it was shit), and it was right in the middle of the road, so cars kept rolling over it. Someone get this horse to a bidet!

Happy Wednesday!

Weekend Wrap-Up--'The September Issue' Edition, OMG the VMA's!

OMG, everybody be quiet! We have lots to discuss. I hope everyone's Monday morning got off to a HORRIBLE start. I'm talkin' about flat tires Starbuck's was outta coffee run in the stockings just broke the heel off my new Louboutin fender bender traffic morning--just real fucked up! LOL... Anyways, the weekend as pretty mild. It started off on Friday with everyone meeting up to pre-game for 'The September Issue'. Thanks to good 'ol faithful Ruth's Chris (big up Steven), we were right where we needed to be when we arrived at the theatre--TIPSY! We pounded 2 rounds like a real "G" should!

This is us at the concessions. Who dresses up in pieces to go to Chinatown theatre? WE DO! Nik, I like your caption to our pic, but my theme of the night was inspired by Rick Ross' 'Money Makes Me Cum'. (clears throat to recite)

"She a real bitch, so she gotta stunt. She get her weave done at lest 5 times a month. She don't call 'em purses, Bitch call 'em bags. I don't know the names, I know they cost some stacks..." Fuck with it! Anyways, I swear I saw a cunt in Parasuco's and Reebok high tops looking at us like we were crazy, but fuck it! I'm going to the movies next week in a full Lady Gaga costume.

The movie from what I remember was great (blame it on the...). There were some amazing shots of the clothes. It was also great to see Anna get into her staff's ass a couple of times. One of the standout moments in the movie was that over-sized queen Andre Leon Talley playing tennis in FULL Louis Vuitton drag--don't forget his LV trunks as well! For tennis? I die! After the movie it was a whirlwind. We went from Policy, to FLY, to Current. My club passport is full of fucking stamps.

After we finished our "Club Tour 2009", we went to Manny and Olga's for some greasy pizza. That shit is good as hell when you're tipsy. Tipsy equals drunk. These were some of the conjures in line in front of us at the pizza joint. The cunt with the orange glasses gives me 'Karma Chameleon' Culture Club teas! She is so over, and so is her balding trade (sorry).

In the midst of me dancing like there was no tomorrow, I forgot that I had to work the next morning. FUCK! I woke up at around 8 am with my Blood Alcohol Level way over the legal driving limit. Good thing I was taking the train. Was it? The Fucking Tea Party protesters were in town on Saturday! I stumbled my way through the "Obama Haters", and found a seat at the platform next to him...

...this motherfucker doesn't need to be protesting shit! His greasy 'Biggest Loser' ass needs to be at home or somebody's gym. I wouldn't be talking about him like that if I didn't over hear (I was eavesdropping) him bashing Obama with the couple next to him. His ass couldn't even face them, he was talking to the sideways because he couldn't even turn around. Lose weight you "Obama Hater", and tell me what your dick looks like. I'm sure you haven't seen it in YEARS!

Once I got to work, things were alright. I had clients come in, which made my day go by pretty fast. Afterwork, I had a mega craving for Chik-fil-A! I made my way over to Ballston mall (I took a time machine back to the early 90's to go there), and SLAYED 2 sandwiches, a waffle fry, and a lemonade in about 8 minutes flat. I don't play around with Chik-fil-A, that's my shit. When I got home, I had a full stomach (so I had "the itis"). I took the "Shower of Life", and went to slumberville.

Yesterday work was work. I rushed home to prepare myself for the VMA's. And they went a lil sumthin' like...

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So the MTV Video Music Awards were broadcast live last night from Radio City Music Hall. I don't think I have EVER missed an MTV Award show. They usually never disappoint me (unlike another music video channel that caters to African American viewers***coughs***BET).

For the most part everyone looked great, and the show was amazing.

Diddy showed up with his group 'Dirty Money'. They looked great, but am I they only one that sees a "half a hit wonder" here? Damn, after Biggie, Diddy can't get an act to stick. They will normally give you one good single, and then disappear off the face of the earth. By the way, where is Cherri Dennis?

Solange's dress was FIYAH, but she looked horrible in it! I'm sorry she needs to borrow one of Beyonce's many lace fronts and get it poppin'! She looks like Florida Evan's young rich niece. She does not have a face for short hair. Why everybody gotta be Amber Rose? Amber Rose isn't even Amber Rose!

Beyonce looked amazing, and she rocked her 'Single Ladies' performance. Did anyone get into her groovin' while her man was performing? I bet Jay slayed that ass last night!

Oh, I wish she would have changed into another dress after her performance though. 90 percent of your fan base are "the gays". Give them what they want and change next time B! If I could, I would change like 8 times a day for no reason at all, but at work though! I'm talking full outfit changes with shoes and all! No other reason but pure "faggotry"!

Cassie looked beat as hell, but I must say I am over the shaved head. She let that queen Diddy talk her into shaving the side of her head, and now what the fuck is she gonna do? Shave the whole shit off, or grow it out? Whatever you're gonna do Cassie, do it quick! We're over it!

Lady Gaga's performance last night was...ummm? The performance was definitely different, but I loved it! If you're not a creative, artistic person, you probably didn't get it. She definitely pushes buttons, and is not afraid to take risk. Her ass changed 3 times, and slayed each time! Her costume/couture game is sick! I love how she thanked "God and the gays". You can't make it in the music industry with either one!

I can't even say how happy I was for Janet and the Michael tribute. She rocked it! I love 'Scream', it's one of my favorites. I can't wait to see the MJ movie though. Does it creep anyone else out that the tour was called 'This is It'? Is that a freaky foreshadowing or what? I've told you guys before when I die--no memorial! I want a fashion show with key pieces from year 1978 up until the year I die (which will be 3000 never--I found the key to eternal life). I swear if you people don't comply with my wishes, my ghost will haunt each and every one of you mother fuckers reading this. Have you ever been haunted by a queen's ghost? I don't think you ever wanna experience that! Fuck with it!

(Look at the camel toe on Amber Rose! Geez!) Well, I'm sure you all saw Kanye's display of queenliness last night at the awards. I'm sorry, but I live for Ms. Kanye. She doesn't give a fuck! It's kind of liberating. Who else can get up on stage and grab the mic from a little white girl, and say that Beyonce was robbed! Furthermore what trade admits to living for the 'Single Ladies' video? All you fucking hypocrites that say you're not gonna listen to her music anymore are liars! Wait until Kanye pumps out another sick track. Your ass will be in motion right along with mine! This is definitely not Kanye's first outburst, and definitely won't be his last. My favorite would be "George Bush doesn't care about Black People"! I live! If you forgot, refresh you memory below. Happy Monday fuckers!

NBA, VMA's, S-E-X...

You all know how I feel about Lebron. I don't ever think I've seen him look bad. Here, he was spotted leaving the Letterman Show the other day looking like he stepped off of a Duke box. He is so smooth and dreamy--no homo! If only other NBA players would take heed and start to dress like a true gentleman. Hey Lebron, let me know if you guys need any extra help cleaning in the locker room...

If you guys haven't already seen it, here it is. Janet on the cover of Bazaar. She looks amazing, and inside she spills some tea on the death of her brother. Also, Janet will be opening the Video Music Awards on Sunday. I hear it's gonna be a full out production, and shouldn't be missed. Set your DVR's now. I've lived for Janet ever since she had the hots for JJ on 'Good Times'. I couldn't see missing it!

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So it seems there's a lot more going on at The California State Assembly than we think. California lawmaker Robert Duvall was caught on a "hot mic" yesterday discussing his sexual escapades. This mother fucker is a so called "family values crusader", and he is talking about banging two chicks at the same time? Oh, don't forget the spanking! We have so many hypocrites who are decision makers that it doesn't make any sense. This whole scandal is quite ironic, don't you think? His freaky ass resigned as soon as the tapes hit the web, but investigations are still pending. Read the transcripts below...(smh)

Transcript of Mike Duval's Conversation:

Mike Duvall: (unintelligible) ...She wears little eye-patch underwear, so I can see her eye patches. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday, a lot. And so she'll she's all, I am going up and down the stairs and you're dripping out of me. So messy. (laughing) ...I, I, I, I saw your staffer, and she didn't that night, at the store ...yeah.

(pause) ...So I am getting into spanking her… Yeah, I like it… I like spanking her. She goes, I know you like spanking me, I said yeah, that's 'cause you're such a bad girl. (laughing)

And so her birthday was Monday. So I was 54 on June 14th, so for a month she was 19-years younger than me. I said now you're getting old, I am going have to trade you in, and she goes, she's 36, she is 18 years younger than me. And so I keep teasing her, and she goes I know you French men, you divide your age by 2 and add 7, and if you're older than that, you dump us.

I go were did you get that math? She goes I looked it up. She goes I know all about you French men. So what would that make that, that means, okay, 27 and 7, I go (expletive), you're still okay, you got one more year man. I go, and I go, she goes let's make the best out of it.

Other Person: (unintelligible)

Mike Duvall: Oh, yeah, Sher, Shar, Shar...Oh, she is hot. I talked to her yesterday. She goes, so are we finished? I go, no, we're not finished. I go, you know about the other one, but she doesn't know about you. (laughing)

The Weekend Wrap-Up--Labor Day Edition, 9/11/09, Caught by Q

So the unofficial end of summer is here. Thank goodness, I don’t know about you fuckers, but I’m ready for Fall. Bring on the boots, and the nubby sweaters. Sumer is such a drag, one can never dress properly unless you’re at the beach.

Anyways, I’m hoping that everyone had a great weekend. My weekend started out with a blast on Friday with Brother Mike’s birthday. It was held at Fly’s Happy Hour. I went home to twirl an outfit change after work, and was there by 8.

I was planning on it being an early night, but somehow I ended up getting home at 3 am? It was dreadful being that I had to be up at 6:30 a.m. for work. Needless to say, I was a raging bloody cunt all day due to lack of sleep.

After work Normie came to scoop me and we hit it to Pentagon City (Shitty) Mall for him to drop off his cleaners. Can someone tell me why that Mall always looks like a Gay Pride parade on ANY given day? I can’t take all those tired queen under one roof. Uggghhhh! After the gayfest, we went to Lauriol Plaza to meet up with my sweet child who was home visiting for the weekend from New York. There was a fucking hour and a half wait that I somehow shaved down to 20 minutes through my art of persuasion. In my house growing up, I rarely was told “NO”, I’m have major issues as an adult when I can’t have something I want IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. Damn you, and Thank you Mom at the same time!

So after I worked my set on a table, we had a great meal with my Brando. I’m so proud of him for getting signed to Ford, and making it happen. We’re gonna party like rock stars when you get your first billboard in Times Square! After din din, I was a walking Rob Zombie! I ran home, and hit the sheets like whoa! Before my head hit the pillow, I was ‘Gone Too Soon’ like Mike!

I woke up on Sunday feeling rested, but mad that I had to get ready for work (my 6^th day in a row). The day went by fairly fast, and I was out of there before I knew it. I went home and punished some Popeye’s , took a disco nap, and started to prepare myself for a party later on that night. Jonathan came to pick me up at around midnite for the party, we went to retrieve mother aka Carlton and we were on our way. It was pouring rain outside, but I couldn’t see not going, I had promised friends. Once we got there, the vibe was cute, and so were the guys (Hi J, I only looked from a distance). After about 45 minutes of us being there the Judy came and broke it up—no alcohol license! Damn son, that sucks! The night only went downhill from there. After 2-3 more failed attempts to keep the party going, we decided to go eat and call it a

night. The Diner in Adam’s Morgan was packed with cheap girls in even cheaper pumps, so we decided to hit it to Annie’s on 17^th street. I had a bad steak, and good eggs (side eye).

Yesterday I was quite lazy all day. It was overcast, so it was my kind of weather (you know I’m morbid, I hate the sun). I cleaned and watched t.v. until I decided to get up for cocktails. I met Joey at around 8 on U St. We went to Marvin’s and had small bites and libations! It was just what mama needed. I went home full and crashed. I was up early yesterday morning. Work wasn’t as excruciating as it normally is. My mom and sis came up to shop. My mom slayed and left in a hurry. After work I had Popeye’s (this has to stop). After I devoured a two piece and a biscuit (white meal only), I prepared myself to see my J who has been gone on vacation for waaaaaaaay too long. With the help of sweet child Normie, we were reunited and smashing just like God intended! Right now it’s noon, and I’m just leaving my house. I couldn’t see being on time for work! That glass of wine I had while getting ready kinda slowed me down, but I needed it for my nerves! Hope everyone has a horrible day! Byeeeee (both middle fingers up in air)…

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Ok I swear all you butt sniffers better go see 'The September Issue'! If you don't know what this movie is or about stop reading right now, turn off your computer, and call your doctor for a prescription for Propophol! The movie premieres here in D.C. on Friday, and trust that I will have my face in the place. I couldn't see missing Anna Wintour saying rude things in couture. I just may stand and applaud! Can't wait (squirming in seat)!

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I initially took this picture to bash him for wearing a bad square-toed shoe, but I couldn't after he broke out his Bible and started reading it on the train. It's the God in him (in Mary Mary voice). Can you guys join me in prayer?

Lord, I know you saw fit for someone to invent square toed shoes, but is there any way we can get rid of them? Lord, I'll have to admit that square toes were OVER in the 90's , and I sure as hell had some myself! Lord, it's 2009 now and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE should be wearing them (Unless they are Roger Vivier)! In your name we pray. Amen! (shouting like a deaconess in church)...

...speaking of square toes. Do you guys remember him? He's the man with the enlarged crotch that I caught headin into work. He's back at again showing his crotch off to the world. Why does he have to stand like that? Why cant he just stand like a normal person. Let me just tell you that once again he wasn't wearing the proper undergarments, and things were jiggling baby. hmmmmm?

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Whatever you say about him, you can't knock that he has a look. It may not all "go together", but good on him for trying something different. Fashion is about taking risks, and risky this outfit is... (crickets)

Shit by Sheree, Halle Beeerrrrry, Halle Berry!, Bad Date?, and This Will Flip Your Wig!

Have yo guys heard? Sheree "Who gon check me boo" Whitfield of Atlanta's Housewives is showing her fashion line at this seasons New York Fashion Week (crickets). Hey, did you guys hear me? I SAID that Sheree is showing her beautiful line of homemade fashions at Bryant Park (doors slamming). Let me try this one more time. You guys know Sheree right (angry mob forming), she is finally bringing her upscale couture fashions to to the forefront (angry mob lighting torches). Ruuuuuuuunnnnnnnn!!!!!

Damn, if this bitch has a line, and is showing at Bryant Park I sho can! That crazy ass shit that Sheree and her team of ATL country bumpkins design isn't worthy of a 30 second commercial spot during Dateline. She tried it, and so did whoever allowed that nigger to show her shit there! Woiuldn't it be over if her fashions slayed though, and we ALL started to secretly wear it--ripping out tags and shit? That would be the ruler! I guess we'll see on Sept. 13th. See you at the tents!

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Lord, Halle Berry done let that White man bust up in her again! No bullshit though, their first baby is a knock out! She slays and gives face for days. She could out-smile Tyra's eyes. Apparently, Halle is 3 months preggers. Congrats to Halle and her jizz donor. Jizz donors are over!

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You guys hear about the date that went sour in Detroit last week? Apparently, a woman met a man at a casino and exchanged numbers with who she thought was "Chris". Later in the week they met at a wing joint (classy bitch), and ate DOWN! When the check came the trade said that he left his wallet in the car, and that he needed the keys. After about 15 minutes the Son of a Bitch didn't return. That bastard stole her car and her wallet. The Police did find him from a cell phone picture he sent her (Shorty sent a twit pic, said come and hit this!).

It could have only gotten worse if she gave him some ass. Now that would have been a bad date. Ladies, I'm sure you have some bad date stories--do share!

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OMG, and just in time for this years Grammy's! Kim of the ATL Housewives recorded 'Tardy For The Party' along with Kandi her co-star. The song is OOOOOVVVVEEEERRRR, and I want them to play it at my wedding when I walk down the aisle. I'm not fucking kidding! Listen and get life! Her wig is beat as hell!

Don't forget to watch Chris Brown on Larry King tonight, and ladies try and keep your hands away from your crotches while watching. He looks good as hell!

Happy (looking at calendar) Wednesday!